I can only hazard a guess at what you think your doing here. Maybe you really do want to know what goes on in another persons mind. Maybe you just clicked on a link to see where it would take you. Maybe you accidentally clicked on the wrong thing.
All I know is that you're here. That's what counts most in my mind.
My mind is now open and pragmatism stepped in.
Reality really screws you up sometimes. Just when you think that you are the only one in life with problems (I know, I know self-centered and everything) someone else comes along and shoves even worse problems in your face.
I don't know about that in a rhetorical sense. However, there will always be someone who is worse off than you. Just as there will always be someone who is better than you are, in every sense of the word. No matter what your skill levels are or how important you believe you are, there is always someone who can put you in your place by out performing you or outdoing you.
I do know that despite everything I still have the occasional associated question about things in life. These questions allow me to wonder what it is exactly that I have decided to endure while on this planet. What is it that keeps me coming back for more, when I know that all life does is bring me pain and heartache?
No, that's not right. I cannot say that with a completely clear conscience. There are good things in life. There are many good things in life. To say there is only bad is like throwing out the entire applecart because you found one apple with a small bruise on it.
No. What is more likely is that there is normally a lot of minor good moments bunched up together. It happens all at the same time in the span of days or, if you're lucky, over a few months, and then you live through years of hell because you can remember what that somewhat gratifying emotion felt like. You suffer the hell, if only to feel that brief moment of a so-so happiness inside you just one more time.
Though when you really think about it... to live through one true moment of happiness, it would honestly be worth a lifetime of anything else. The problem is... many people never ever get to feel that one moment of pure happiness. All they have lived through is pure misery. How can you reflect back on your life and say that it was all worth it because of that one moment when you never get to have it?
I do wonder if I'm the only person in the world who has ever felt like downing an entire bottle of pills because I don't see that feeling returning. I don't see the light upcoming. I dwell on the tiny amounts of minor good things I had in the past.
But that can't be right either. I fear that I've told many people I have no regrets. I know that would be a false statement if I did not reflect on the purpose behind my statement. On everything I've done I've learned from it. So, how can I have regrets about that learning experience?
Can you see now that these questions have relevance? They determine, in effect, who we are and what purpose we hold in existence. In this effort to determine mine I have decided to branch out. I've decided to look at the future and determine exactly why I think this way.
I've wondered many times what it would be like to live in another persons mind for just one day. Not to control, but observe. I mean to see the way another person thinks and rationalizes things is the one thing that cannot be accomplished. It cannot be done.
Yet, that is exactly what I am trying to do here. I am trying to open my mind and show others how I think. I'm trying to branch out and show them what it would be like to observe in my mind, not for one day, but for as long as I can.
Maybe within some observation and dedication in the future I'll find an answer. Maybe I'll see the facts behind the world and existence. And maybe, just maybe, I'll get to experience that one true moment of happiness. Then it would, at the very least, allow me to see that all of the pain was worth it...
Then again... maybe not.