Story: The Return Author: Nichole a.k.a. Scoob4u Rating: Strong R for language and sexual situations. Classification: MSR,UST,RST,Angst. Spoilers: Through season 7, up to "DeadAlive" of season 8. Archive: Most certainly, but only if I know where it is at all times. Summary: Mulder returns and Scully must tell him her "situation". What will happen when she does? Feedback: YES please! scoob4u@yahoo.com Disclaimer: I do not own anything pertaining to "The X-files" or it's characters. "The X-files" are owned by Chris Carter and FOX networks, as well as 1013. I mean no harm by the use of these characters, nor do I wish to infringe and copyrights. Part 1 of 8: "I want to see him!" "Scully, I don't think that's a good idea." "Sir, I HAVE to see him." Skinner reluctantly stepped out of my way. "I don't think you're ready for what you're about to see Scully." Skinner yelled after me. I knew it was going to be bad, but nothing could have prepared me for this. Why didn't I listen to Skinner? The sight of his face, badly bruised, is almost enough to kill me. Why did they do this to him? Why? I think whatever has happened to him must have been torture, judging from the lacerations across his chest and on his face. The thought of it makes me cringe even though I am a doctor, numb to this type of exposure to pain. This poor man, my partner, must have endured things that no human ever should. They used him like a rat. Like a cadaver. "Scully, you need rest. You've had a long trip, why don't you go and get a room at the motel, and I'll stay with him tonight." "No thank you Agent Doggett, I'll stay with him, I want to be here when he wakes up. You go ahead, I'll ask for a cot." "Promise?" "Yeah, go on." Doggett turned to leave and closed the door behind him. "Scully, if anything happens, anything, you'll call me right?" "Of course I will Walter." I responded softly. Skinner left the room and shut the door. I couldn't hold the suppressed agony in any longer. My eyes overflowed with tears. They ran down my face and down my neck. I let out loud cries that I thought everyone could hear. Seeing Mulder there on the bed next to me, in his drug-induced coma, made me cry even harder. How many times had he felt the same way about me? How many times did he sit next to me in my hospital bed, crying like I am right now? Too many. Far too many. I slept on the chair next to his bed, even though I promised Doggett I'd get a cot. I didn't want to leave him long enough to find one. He could wake up at any moment and I want to be the first thing he sees. I needed him to know that I was the one there for him, that I had been there the whole time. It took nearly eighteen hours before I finally saw him move. It was around 3:00am. His hand grabbed onto the side of the bed. I nearly leaped out of the chair towards him. I was sleeping so lightly that the mere sound of sheets ruffling made me alert as ever. I saw him opening his eyes. Those beautiful hazel eyes. The small light that was on in the corner of the room hurt his eyes, but he tried his best to open them. "Scu.." "I'm here Mulder, I'm here." His face shifted into a small smile that was barely visible and flickered his eyes open with more purpose than before. I held his hand in mine and stroked the side of his face with my fingers, careful not to put much pressure on it. He opened his mouth to speak again but I silenced him by putting my fingertip against his lips. "Mulder, you don't need to talk. Save your strength." He kissed my fingertip weakly and continued to speak against my advice. "Scully, stay... please. Stay with me." His voice sounded almost desperate. As though my leaving him would result in something terrible. "I'm not going to leave you Mulder, I promise. I'm staying right here." With this reassurance, he fell back to sleep. His grip on my hand was almost painful, as though he was making sure I was telling the truth. I pushed the chair towards the bed with my foot. Not daring to break from his grip on my hand. Sitting down and getting as comfortable as I could in this awkward embrace. I looked into his face, and found myself. I did that sometimes. I would feel as though I was lost, and I would look at him and find myself. It was almost paranormal, but that, I was used to with this man. Everything that surrounded him was paranormal. But he, himself was a normal man inside. Just scared. Scared like a little boy who is left alone in the world, with no one to help him. No one to care for him when he was sick. This made me feel so sad. Such a wonderful man, but he has no family. No one to pick him up when he fell. No one to spend the holidays with. No wonder I always felt so guilty for having somewhere to go for Christmas. I knew the pain he felt inside and I wished so many times that I could take it away. Not long after I fell asleep, I felt him squeeze on my hand. I woke and looked over at him. His eyes were wide-awake and he was smiling at me. "How are you feeling?" "I feel like I've been hit by a truck, but other than that I'm doing pretty damn good Scully, and yourself?" Three hours out of a coma and the man was already being a smart-ass. "So what happened to me?" His voice was so innocent this time, I knew he wasn't joking. "You mean you don't remember Mulder?" "Remember what? Scully, the last thing I remember, I was out in the forest with Skin-man." His face curled up as he smiled at his use of Skinner's new nick name. "Well, you have been gone for the past eight months Mulder." Seeing his shocked expression I let the conversation come to a halt. I knew this was too much for him to take in. So I tried to change the subject. "Mulder.." "Scully, what in the hell are you talking about?" He wasn't going to just let this die. I regretted opening my mouth at all. "Mulder, do you trust me?" "Of course I do Scully, but what in the..? "Mulder, I promise you that once you are out of the hospital I will explain it to you okay? But for now I want you to get some rest and just relax. Tense people heal slower that calm ones. It's a proven fact." "Since when do you believe in such hypothetical facts Scully?" "Since I started believing in little gray men Mulder." He chuckled at me and I felt my heart lighten. His smile could always turn me into jelly. God, how I have missed him. "You go to sleep for a while Mulder, I'm going to go and grab something from the cafeteria, and I need to make some phone calls. I'll be back in about a half an hour, OK?" His nodding approval signaled my departure. I had to get some food before I became nauseous. As I walked down the hall to the elevator, I saw Skinner getting out of it. "Sir, I was just about to call you." "What's wrong Agent Scully?" "Nothing sir, Mulder is awake. He woke up about fifteen minutes ago, I advised him to go to sleep but I'm sure he isn't taking my advice, I bet that he would be glad to see you though. I am on my way to the cafeteria, can I get you anything?" "No thanks, I'll go and stay with him while you are gone." We exchanged nods and I continued my decent to the first floor. The smell of food drifting out of the cafeteria caused my stomach to grumble. It had been almost 20 hours since my last meal and I knew that my baby wasn't tolerating it. I couldn't help but be surprised that Mulder didn't notice my stomach on my way out of the room, perhaps he didn't watch me leave. When am I going to tell him? How am I going to tell him? I always imagined it as being the most wonderful and exciting thing in the world, to tell him the IVF took. But for some reason I was afraid now. Scared that he would not be as happy as I am. One small look of anything other than pure joy would break my heart. I know that he wanted me to get pregnant more for me than him. He knew that my time was running out. But what if he doesn't want to play the role of "Daddy"? What would I do then? Just as I was about to have a small breakdown I reached the counter. I ordered my food and sat to eat it at one of the small, but quaintly decorated little tables. After I was finished I went back upstairs to the room. As I entered Skinner stood, offering the chair that he had previously taken up residence in. "Have a seat Scully, you look tired." I was still wearing my overcoat, trying to disguise my large stomach from Mulder. For some reason I didn't want to tell him yet. Too soon, too much too soon. "Scully why don't you take off your coat and stay a while?" Mulder asked in a sarcastic tone. I didn't answer but I continued to take a seat in the chair next to him. He watched me slowly lower myself on the chair with interest. "Getting old Scully?" I didn't respond, but gave Skinner a small glance, quietly asking him to leave us alone for a little while. He took the hint and put on his coat to leave. "You get some rest Agent Mulder, you too Scully." "Is that an order Sir?" Mulder asked with a grin. "Yes, as a matter of fact it is. Well, I will see you tomorrow. You'll let me know if anything happens right?" "Of course Sir." I replied, speaking for both of us. As the door to the hospital room drew shut, Mulder's face immediately turned to mine. "Scully, are you OK?" I wanted so badly to tell him that it was nothing that wouldn't go away in about a month or so, but I resisted the urge to simplify it that way. "I'm fine Mulder." "I'm not buying it, what's up?" He was so relentless. I knew that no matter what I did, no matter how big of an overcoat I wore, this man, Fox Mulder would figure it out. And fast. "Mulder, do you remember last May, right before the Billy Miles case, the last time we tried the IVF?" "Yes, you said that it didn't take." "Well Mulder, I know I did. And I was so sure that it didn't take. But after, well after you disappeared, I fainted and the three stooges took me to the hospital. They ran some standard-procedure tests on my blood. And well Mulder, I'm pregnant. I don't know how. It's impossible, I know, but the fact is, I AM pregnant." His face turned from concern to excitement. Not necessarily for himself, but for me. He sat up in the bed and reached over to give me a hug, almost oblivious to the IV catheter in his arm. He hugged me for a long time and I could feel the short pants of breath against my hair. He was laughing. I couldn't believe it. He was actually happy. Really and truly happy. This sent a wave of sheer joy from inside me and it radiated over my face as I smiled. When he pulled away from our embrace, he looked at me with a large smile, showing his big white teeth full gleam. It felt good to have him hold me to have him near me again. Then I saw it, one big tear falling out of his right eye, the other eye welling up to produce another one. This came as a shock to me. This man who lived and breathed the life of a bachelor actually felt as though he had done something right in his life. He felt like a daddy. I was so touched by his tears that I began to cry myself. "When is the baby due?" "Two weeks. I've been off duty now for a month. Before that they had me on desk duty." "Do you know what it is yet?" His words were so enthusiastic that I felt like a teenager telling her best friend that she just got a boyfriend. "Well, I'm pretty sure it is a boy, but that could just be his nose." I remark playfully. "What are you implying Scully?" He asked with a playful grin. "Well Mulder, you know that's the reason I asked you in the first place. I like a kid with a distinguished profile." "Take off your coat Scully I want to see.." I stood up and did as he asked. His eyes dropped to see the roundness I had developed. He grinned even more when I took his hand in mine and placed his palm against my stomach. "Can you feel him?" "Yes.." He said quietly, as though he would scare the baby if he spoke any louder. He moved his head down to lay his ear on my stomach. "Hey in there, can you hear me?" His head jerked back from being kicked. We laughed and he returned his head on me again, this time only listening. "Scully.." He began. "Yeah?" "What happens next? I mean what am I exactly? Am I the uncle? The big brother? The.." "You're the father Mulder. The daddy. That is if you want the job." He lifted his head up and looked into my eyes. "What exactly does that job title include? Well, let me guess..." I tilted my head in interest in what he had to say. "Well, it would include my ceasing to run around looking for things that aren't there and focus on the more pressing, more grown up aspects of life." I expected him to sound more hurt by what he had said, like it was a sentence or to feel regret and show it. But I was blown away by how comfortable he seemed with saying it. "And," He continued, "I need to pitch the porno tapes." "Oh Mulder, you know I would never ask you to do that." "Scully, when are they going to let me out of here anyhow?" "Soon I hope, very soon. I can't take much more of this chair, the thing is molding to the shape of my body." "That's not a bad thing for the chair, but I could see where you may be getting miffed by it." His jokes made me feel at home. I missed them so much. "Anyway, there's enough room for you to cuddle up with me in here. Spacious living shouldn't be given only to those with distinguished profiles." He grinned at me and signaled me over to the bed with a tilt of his head. He scooted over as far as he could without disturbing his monitors and wires. He laid on his left side and opened the sheets to invite me in. "Come on Scully, I won't bite." "Mulder, they can throw us out of here for this." "Let 'em try. I have a doctor who can write a prescription for this." "And what exactly do you expect me to prescribe Mulder?" "Love." He responded. I looked into his eyes and saw that he was not joking this time. It was this very moment that I remembered why I asked him in the first place. He kissed my forehead as I tried to get comfortable in the small space not meant for more than one occupant. I found my resting place on my right side with my face up against his neck, beneath his chin. This is where I have always found comfort. He is my touchstone. We fell asleep in no time and awakened to the sound of the door opening at 7:00am the next morning. It was Agent Doggett. "Goodmornin' agents." He quipped. I rose from the bed rubbing my eyes and then lower back feeling the pain from sleeping in such an odd position. "Good morning Agent Doggett." I greeted, with a yawn. He nodded at my welcome and his gaze went to Mulder who was trying to straighten himself on the bed, stretching his stiff back muscles and letting out a small groan. "How are you feeling Agent Mulder?" "Like hell, and yourself?" "Same as any other day I suppose. Say, I heard through the grapevine that you may get released tonight or tomorrow is that true?" "I don't really know, I haven't seen my doctor this morning, but I don't see why not." Just then his doctor came in the room and greeted us all. "How are we feeling this morning Fox?" Mulder grimaced at his use of his first name. "I am doing pretty good. Is there any way I will be getting out of here soon?" "Well, we have a few more tests to run. As far as your cuts and bruises are concerned, they are all scarred over fairly well, I can't see that any type of trauma can develop from them. So, as long as everything with the tests check out, you should be on your way home today or tomorrow." "Great. What kind of tests?" "Well, Dr. Scully here has asked me to run an MRI of your brain. She seems to think that there are some pre-existing abnormalities there. We just need to make sure of that before we can release you." Mulder's face dropped. He knew his secret had been discovered. I saw it in his eyes the minute that the doctor had mentioned it. The doctor left within a few moments and Mulder looked up at me. "How did you..?" "Agent Doggett did some digging, he found out when we were trying to find you and it came up." I interjected. His look was one of surprise but also one of bewilderment. The fact that someone would find out had never crossed his mind. He looked over at Doggett now. "Okay, I want to know what happened, all of it." "Mulder," I began. "Scully, I didn't tell you because I knew what it would do to you. You would have abandoned trying to get pregnant, left behind your only chance at having a child of your own. I couldn't do that to you. I hated myself, I hated what I had become and I hated that I was dying. I didn't want you to hate me too." I looked over at Agent Doggett and asked him to leave us alone for a moment. He turned and left. "Mulder, I think that both of us know that I could never hate you." "Scully, just let the past stay where it belongs on this, please." "Mulder, you are having the MRI done. I have to know the truth, it's not an option." I didn't care if I sounded controlling at this point. I just wanted him to know how serious I was about this. He sighed and bowed his head. "Scully can you forgive me for wanting something better for you?" I didn't speak but walked to the edge of the bed and took his head in my hands, combing his hair with my fingers. I lifted his head so that he would look into my eyes. I bent over and pressed my lips to his. I kissed him out of love. Not lust, not physical longing. I did it because I loved him. Because I wanted him to love me. He held the back of my head with his hand and pressed my lips to his once more. This time I let it become more passionate. I tasted the saltiness of him in my mouth. Took in the feeling of his soft lips caressing mine. It was beautiful. As I pulled away from him I opened my eyes, seeing him do the same. Those beautiful hazel eyes were so alive, so bright. We heard a knock at the door and we both were jerked back into reality when Skinner appeared. "Good morning agents." "Good morning Sir." We chimed in together. He was taken back by our cheer. He shook his head and continued to speak. "Agent Doggett needs to speak to Mulder alone for a little while. He was the task force leader in the search for him, thus he needs to ask a few questions. Scully would you mind stepping outside for a little while?" I looked at Mulder and saw his approval and agreed. "Yes sir. I'll be just down the hall if you need me Mulder." "Okay." He said his non-caring tone. Skinner opened the door for me and lead me out of the room by the shoulder. It was nearly an hour before Doggett finally stepped out of the room and allowed me to enter. "How ya doing?" I asked him. "I'm OK." Mulder's voice sounding a little uneasy. "You sure?" "Yeah, Scully, I was so close." "Mulder, it was too close." "Maybe so." "Mulder, you nearly died. I almost lost you forever and for what? What was it that you could have gotten out of it? Nothing. You found the truth about your sister, what more could you have possibly hoped to find?" "The reasons, the reasons for what happened to you, what happened to my sister. I needed to know." "Mulder, there is no reason for what happened to me, or your sister. They were men, men who did experiments, terrible tests that were inhumane. Why look any further than that?" "I wanted a cure." At his final admittance of this I bowed my head and fell silent. He seemed so humble now, do weak. He needed something that I feared no one could ever give. And it frightened me. "Mulder, no matter what that test reveals, I want you to know that I'm here for you. You don't have to be alone on this. And we will find a cure. We will.." "Scully, I think that both of us knows that we won't. Not unless we find him." "Who?" "Smoking man, CGB Spender, whatever the hell his name is. He knows the truth, he probably did this to me in the first place." "Mulder, we aren't going to find him." "Why?" "Because, he's dead." He looked at me in complete shock. "How many times has that son-of-a-bitch died anyhow? You and I both know he's not really dead." "Mulder, I saw his body. He's dead this time." He fell silent and dropped his head. "Mulder, we don't even know what's wrong with you yet, let's wait to see the results before we give up hope." He silently nodded and slid back down in the bed. The door opened again and this time it was his nurse. "Mr. Mulder, we need to get you upstairs for your test, are you ready?" "I'm as ready as I'll ever be." She pushed his bed down the halls as I held his hand and walked beside him. I squeezed his hand in mine and smiled at him for comfort. "I guess this is where I get off." I say as we reached our destination. They carted him into the room and I stood in the booth with his doctor. The test began and loud knocking noises filled my ears. Oh how I hate the noise that those machines make! It sends shivers down my spine. The test takes what seems like a lifetime to complete and I begin to get impatient. Then I see his feet emerge from the machine. It's done, thank God. "Doctor Scully, I think you should come and look at this." I rush to his side as fast as my bulging stomach will allow and look at the monitor. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. "But, I assure you doctor, this man experienced major brain abnormalities less than a year ago. This can't be." "Well, if what you say is true doctor, I don't see how this is possible. But the fact of the matter is, Mr. Mulder's brain is as healthy as can be." "May I please see his chart Dr. Michaels?" "Of course." He handed the files to me. It is then that I see it. The implant in the base of his neck. It shows up on the X-ray that they took in the ER, suddenly everything becomes clear. I decide not to point it out to the doctor for fear of him trying to remove it. I knew all too well what would happen if he did. "A miracle recovery." I am finally able to exclaim. "May I see the medical records that you were referring to Dr. Scully?" "I'll have them sent to you as soon as I can. Meanwhile, will Mulder be released?" "I can't see any reason why not, but I would strongly recommend that he not be alone. It may be best if he at least stayed in the hospital until tomorrow, then I will most likely release him under restrictions." "Mulder will be glad to hear that, although I'm not sure he'll be willing to stay within any restrictions, he's known to do the opposite of what you tell him to do." "Well, then I'll review his files and make my decision. Hopefully he will take it easy, unfortunately we doctors can't handcuff our patients to a hospital bed." Mulder was taken back to his room and he fell asleep after receiving a shot of Demerol. I decided that it would be the best time to go and get something to eat, so I went back downstairs to the cafeteria. When I returned to the floor I ran into Agent Doggett. "So did you find out everything you needed to know Agent Doggett?" "Well, no actually I didn't. This crap about aliens and spaceships still blows me away. I can't see how three grown people can believe in this shit." "Well, Agent Doggett, it's hard not to when you have seen this shit for yourself." I spat back. "Listen Agent Scully, that man in there is delusional. There is no other word for it. He doesn't even remember anything that happened, other than his going snipe hunting in the woods with AD Skinner. And furthermore, he couldn't even account for any of the marks on his body. Or how he got them." "And this tells you that he is lying?" "Answer me this Agent Scully; how can a man get beaten to a pulp and not know who did it, or when it happened?" "He wasn't beaten Doggett, he was experimented on. I can't tell you that there is any difference between the two, but the fact is, no HUMAN did that to him." END PART 1. CONTINUED IN PART 2. XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX Part 2 of 8: "Hey, how ya feeling?" "I'm okay. Do I get to go home?" "Well, Dr. Michaels said he would probably release you later today. He just wants to check on a couple of things first." "How are you doing Scully?" His words shocked and oddly amused me. "I'm fine Mulder, aside from a little bit of a stiff back." "Yeah I know how you feel, but hopefully they'll let me out of here so you can sleep more comfortably." "Yeah, and I will also have to take care of your sorry ass." He chuckled and ran his fingers through his hair and sighed loudly. "So Scully, what are our plans when I bust out of this joint?" "What do you mean plans? Like where you're staying and so forth?" "Yeah, that's what I mean." "Well, I don't feel comfortable staying at your apartment, seeing as how you have only a waterbed and a couch, neither of which appeals to me." "So where you wanna go? The Ritz?" "Ha Ha Ha! No, I just would prefer to be able to sleep at home in my own bed if that's okay with you. After all, I am nine months pregnant, or did you forget that too?" "Now that's hitting below the belt Scully. Okay, fine, we'll go to your place, since you insist." "We? What makes you think I want a gimp like you hobbling around my apartment?" I couldn't help but smile, even though I was trying to sound rough and serious, my smile betrayed me. "Well Scully, you want me to come and live with you just so you can play doctor. I know the way your mind works. And besides, we have got a lot of catching up to do." "Mulder, were you hit in the head recently? Perhaps you have a concussion. What is going on with you?" "What do you mean?" "Because I have never heard the words "catching up" come out of your mouth before. Well, other than the time Eddy Van Blundht took the form of your body." "Is it such a bad thing for a man to want to talk to the woman he impregnated and catch up on things?" "Don't flatter yourself so much Mulder." I decided to give him a smile to let him know I was joking. There was no need for us to get into a brain stimulating argument about talking anyhow. God, how I have missed those! I have him back, as egocentric and willing to argue as ever, but I have him back! Moments later, the doctor came into the room. "Well Mr. Mulder, I see no reason to hold you here any longer, although I would strongly suggest that you remain off duty for about a month. Do you have anyone that will stay with you for the first couple of nights?" "Yes, Miss Scully here has offered me her help. I think I will take her up on it, considering that she is a doctor." I smile from the chair, pulling a lock of hair behind my ear and I can't help but feel like a teenage girl going in for contraceptives at a clinic for the first time as Dr. Michaels glances in my direction with expressed interest. He returned his gaze to Mulder and said a few more words to him and left the room. "Well, I am allowed to go home. So get my bags packed Scully." "Mulder, you have no bags." END PART 2. CONTINUED IN PART 3. XxXxXxXxXxXxX XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX Part 3 of 8: Oh, home at last. Mulder sat the bags inside my front door and I sprinted off to the kitchen to get a glass of water. My thirst was so unquenchable. My back hurt though. I felt like I had done more than slept on it wrong, maybe I had pulled a muscle or something. I heard Mulder enter the kitchen behind me. Without turning to look at him, I offered him a drink of water. "No, but I would like a nice cold beer if you have any." He had to be joking. Of course I didn't have beer in my apartment. I'm pregnant for Christ's sake! I turned to look at him, he must have seen the look on my face before I even turned around because he immediately apologized. "Sorry, I was only kidding Scully, I knew you wouldn't have any beer in the place. Just screwing with you." I had never heard him apologize so completely before. It was as if I had caught him with his hand in the cookie jar. "I was only looking at it Mommy, I didn't mean to break it." The thoughts ran through my head until I was about to scream and then I came to my senses. I'm hormonal. That's all, I am taking everything the wrong way because my uterus is being stretched in ways that is inhumane. Oh my God. I think I have just had a contraction! Do I not tell him and just wait and see where this is going? Yes. I don't want him to over-react if it's just false labor. But wait, there's another one. It is hard enough to make me grab a hold of my stomach instantly with one hand. Now he's is going to know for sure. "Scully, are you okay?" He rushes over to me as quickly as his weak body will allow. "Yes I'm fine Mulder, just a contraction I think. It's not uncommon to have a few a day towards the end." I felt a sharp pain in my back, I knew this wasn't false labor. This was for real. But I had just gotten home! "Mulder, can you drive?" "Why?" "Because it's coming. NOW!" He merely nodded in response. He seemed too afraid to talk. We bolted out of my apartment and got into the car. We arrived at the hospital in no time and before I knew it I was carted into the delivery room. He appeared at my side, holding my hand on the way down the hall. I felt like I was going to squeeze his fingers so hard that they might crack, but he showed no sign of caring. He was there, there for me and for his baby. The labor wasn't as bad as I might have thought. It was over and done with very quickly. I heard my baby scream as it took in it's first breath. Tears ran over in my eyes as I saw her being lifted up. Mulder looked at her in awe, his face turned to mine. "She's beautiful Scully, She's so beautiful." His eyes were glassy with tears. He reached out to stroke my hair and leaned down to kiss my sweaty forehead. I woke sometime later in my room and saw Mulder sitting in the chair next to me cradling something small and pink in his arms. A smile danced across my face as the image filled my soul. "You want to hold her Scully?" "I can wait." "No you can't." He got up from the chair and slowly walked across the floor. He gently lowered her to my arms, and kissed her before standing straight again. He stood over us, watching as I kissed my baby on the forehead and rocked her gently. "She is beautiful isn't she?" "Well, look at her parents." "Mulder, she has your nose." "Oh no, well we know what that was now don't we? Poor little girl." "Mulder, I love her nose, I love your nose. They are both beautiful." "Have you picked out a name yet Scully?" "I have, but I need your approval." "Why would you need approval from me Scully?" "Mulder, I would like to name her Samantha Margaret Mulder." With this his head fell and his eyes left mine. I felt tremendously self conscience. Afraid that I had said the wrong thing. "Scully, I love it. It's just so hard to take in." He returned his eyes to mine. "I'm touched. Very touched. Are you sure you want to give her my last name though? Don't you want something better for her than to live life bearing a name that has had such a tormented past? Been put through so much slander? Do you honestly want her to walk through life with everyone teasing her about her father being a paranoid alien chaser?" "In my eyes Mulder, your name, if anything will go down in history to be the most honorable and noble name in the world. And there is nothing that would make me think otherwise. That's all that matters isn't it?" He didn't reply but instead leaned down to once again kiss our baby's head. "I love you Samantha Margaret Mulder. Don't ever let anyone make fun of your last name okay?" I smiled at him as he raised his head. Mulder watched me silently as I once again kissed the infant's head. When I looked up from her I felt his hand cup my face. He lowered his face to mine and pressed his lips gently against my forehead. The second day in the hospital, my doctor came to visit. "Good after noon Ms. Scully, Mr. Mulder." He greeted us and shook Mulder's hand. Mulder nodded in response and I said my greetings. "There are a few things I wanted to go over with you Ms. Scully, some basic child care, but as I have been told, you are a medical doctor am I right?" "Yes, I am." "Well, than I don't really see any reason to give you the speech, but if there are any questions that you would like to ask me, please do. If you can't think of any off hand, you may always call my office and I would be happy to answer them. Now, I am assuming Ms. Scully, that you are sexually active at this time?" "I conceived by undergoing In Vitro Fertilization, doctor." "I see, but it is part of my speech to let you know that any type of sexual activity could be very painful for up to a month or so after giving birth. It's strongly suggested that you not engage in any type of intercourse until you feel completely healed. I am assuming that you will be able to tell when you are ready, doctor." "I don't think that will be a problem doctor." I was blushing. Mulder had either found something very interesting about the tiles on the floor, or he was embarrassed as well. The two days in the hospital seemed long, perhaps it was because we had spent out whole week there for one reason or another. But it was peaceful. Doggett and Skinner visited the last day that we were there. I was glad to see them, but very exhausted. Mulder showed no signs of leaving me even for a moment. He had the nurse bring trays from the cafeteria to him, and hadn't changed his clothes until Skinner brought him a pair of jeans and a T-shirt as a loan. He finally showered and put them on when Skinner and Doggett had left. "I was beginning to wonder what was smelling so ripe in here." I teased. My tease was only met my a flippant nod of the head and a smile. "You know, I don't understand why they are making you stay here so long." "They just needed to make sure everything was going well with my breast feeding, and some other things that they had to be sure of." "I'd say you passed on the breast feeding part, look at this chubby little girl!" He made the last two words come out in a higher voice than his own. I couldn't help but smile at him. What has changed him so? His experiences on that ship? His daughter? I can't put my finger on it, but that's why they put the "I" in "FBI" I suppose. END PART 3. CONTINUED IN PART 4. XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX Part 4 of 8: When we entered my apartment, Mulder carried the car seat that held my bundle of joy inside and set her by the door. "I'm going to go back out and get the bags." I nodded my head to let him know I was listening, but in truth I was staring at my baby. I walked into the bedroom and turned on the light, it reflected off of the glassy surface of the finished wood on the crib in the corner of the room. I stood there for a few beats just taking in the wonderful feelings of being home. Mulder entered my bedroom, setting the suitcases on the floor next to the bed. "Wow Scully, you were prepared for this I see." He said loudly. "It's a good thing that I was, or you would be shopping right now Mulder." My words were met by a small chuckle and I heard him step closer behind me. "So is this the way that you envisioned your motherhood Scully?" "What do you mean?" "A crib in the corner of your bedroom, a lonely rearing of a child that was not even naturally conceived? A perfect, healthy, beautiful child, might I add. But one without a daddy in the true sense of the word? A single parenthood? Are you really happy with that?" His words troubled me. Perhaps I had taken too much for granted. I had thought that his small gestures of love and compassion, even romance had been that of a man trying to ask the mother of his child to love him forever. To be with him forever. Was I wrong? Had I assumed too much? Expected too much from him, a dedicated bachelor? Perhaps I had. With these few words he had left me speechless. As though he had with one quick movement, stolen away my breath from my chest. This was the hard part, the part where I had to tell him that I didn't need him. But it was a lie and I knew it before I could even think it. I did need him. I have always needed him. But I have been too afraid to ask him for his help, even when in the field I never let him see the softer, more delicate side of Dana. Perhaps that is why even now, after everything that has happened we still call each other by our last names. "Mulder I.." "I'm sorry Scully, I know that was way out of line. Of course you didn't see those aspects. And I'm glad that you didn't. You should not feel that way, ever. And I'm sure that you are happy, and you should be." He stood in front of me now, and held my right cheek in the palm of his hand. "You should feel more loved than that. You are so special to me Scully, do you realize that? There have been so many times that I have felt like the scum of the earth, like I had no reason for living other than to chase something down in the hopes that it will lead me to another reason for chasing something else down. But you Scully, you have been right there with me, on the same plain of existence. Using the same compass, the same instincts, but you are so much stronger than I. Do you have any idea what you have meant to me Scully? You have given me a life. You have given me that one true friendship that I never had before. You have been that one person that I can turn to at all times, you back me up when my ass gets in a sling. You have covered for me at the expense of your career, and your life. But when have I done that for you?" Tears welled up in his eyes as he spoke to me, sending a rush of warm salty tears to overflow from mine. His other hand reached up and cradled my face. He wiped at the tears that were streaming down my cheeks with his thumbs. "Scully, I know that you need me now. I know that you would be the last person to say it, so I am saying it for you." I saw a tear run down his cheek and onto the front of his shirt. "I'm here. I will always be here for you. Now more than ever, I want to help. I want to be that other person in your life whom you share your most intimate details with. I want to be yelled at when I don't shut the lid on the toilet seat. But only by you and no other. I realize that now. You're the only person that would tolerate my sarcasm... my great need to blast the crap out of something." He smiled before continuing. "My temper, my incessant TV watching, although I have given up porno's." With this I gave a small smile, the man had to throw in a joke when he was serious for too long. It was a small flaw that I saw as a gift. "A Man has to grow up sometime." He said with a grin. "Kiss me Mulder." I said softly. He leaned in and laid his soft lips on mine. Gently taking my bottom lip between his. I kissed his top lip as he began to pull away. His lips pressed into mine deeper this time, passion overtaking him. Our breaths became more sparse as our lips met several times. Then I heard Samantha cry. "Mulder.." I tried to say. "Mulder, the baby. She's crying." I managed to pull away from him long enough to get out the words between heavy, uneven breaths. He stood there for a moment, and the realization finally struck him. He smiled slightly before turning and walking out of the bedroom. He stood over the crib and gently lifted her out, cradling her in his arms. "What's the matter honey?" He asked her. She responded with another cry. "She's hungry. And unless you would like to breast-feed her yourself I think you might want to give her to me." I answered from behind him. "I think I'll pass." He responded with a slight smirk. He gently handed her to me and watched me take her into the bedroom where my rocking chair was in the corner. I sat down and drew her close to me. I lifted my shirt and began to feed her, humming the tune of a lullaby as I rocked her. "Is it okay if I watch?" Mulder was standing in the door way, hands on his hips. "Sure." I smiled at him and he walked towards me. He knelt next to me on the floor. "I was never breast-fed." He admits in a reminiscent tone. "Tell me that you are not going to develop a complex now Mulder." "No, it's just that studies have proven that babies who are breast-fed tend to be more caring and mature when they get older. They also tend to have better relationships with their mothers." "Mulder, are you trying to tell me something?" I giggled. He pursed his lips and shook his head. "You know, I can't understand how it is that you can love someone so much that you have just met. Explain that to me." "I don't think I can, it's just one of life's mysteries." "But not an X-file." I argued with a slight smile. "No, not quite, but I don't think the FBI is concerned with such matters." He smiled. When I had finished feeding her I was starving. I needed to eat before I passed out. I headed for the kitchen after placing her in the crib. Mulder followed me like a lost puppy. "So Doc, do you think I am well enough to go home yet?" "Go home? You just got here." "Well, I just assumed that you would rather have your personal space so that you and the baby could get adjusted. Why would you want to have to take care of me too?" He paused. "Unless you want me to stay." "Mulder, of course I'd like you to stay. I don't like the idea of either one of us having to be alone. Besides, what would Samantha do without you?" He smiled and bent down to retrieve the orange juice out of my refrigerator. "I don't suppose you have any sunflower seeds around here do you?" I shook my head in response and he frowned. "Well, looks like I'm going shopping after all." "You aren't going out tonight are you?" I protested. "No, I don't think so." He walked out of the kitchen and into the living room carrying the carton of orange juice with him. "Scully, don't tell me you don't own a TV!" He shouted at me. "It's in the bedroom Mulder!" I answered back. I continued my rummaging through the kitchen cabinets until I found some peanut butter. I made myself a sandwich and a glass of milk. I carried it with me as I walked through the apartment. "Mulder, what are you watching?" I asked as I entered the room. I knew exactly what he was watching by the sound of the harsh breathing I had heard on my way down the hall. "Nothing, just flicking through channels." He responded as he quickly grabbed for the remote that laid on the bed. "I thought you had given that up." "What's up?" I refused to have a conversation about this, I knew he would never end his obsession with the remarkably brainless night activities of beautiful playgirls. So I quickly changed the subject. "So Mulder, how are you feeling?" "I'm fine, and yourself Scully?" "I've felt better, but I couldn't be happier." "She is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen, you should be happy Scully." His words now incredibly sweet sounding. "She is." I said, sitting down on the bed next to him. "You know, all the years I have spent looking for my sister, I can't help but wonder if it was this Samantha that I was meant to find." "I don't think you can ever truly know." I said softly. I could see the deep sorrow filling his eyes when he spoke of his sister. "But I am sure, however, that you were meant to find them both." I continued. "And you did, maybe not the way you wanted, but the fact is Mulder, you found them. Both of them. And may I make a suggestion?" His eyes looked up into mine and he gave a small nod. "Don't ever loose them. You may not have found your sister alive and well, but she is no longer lost to you. You need to remember that. She's happy where she is and don't ever think that she isn't. You saw her happiness with your own eyes. And now, you have another little girl who needs you." "It's scary as hell Scully. What am I supposed to do for her? I have just never seen myself playing Mr. Brady before. The thought of having to be responsible for something so special terrifies me. I just don't know if I am the type of person you want for the job." "Mulder, if you weren't the sort of person I wanted, why would I have asked you in the first place?" I held his face in my hands, making him look into my eyes. "Mulder, I don't want you to think that you HAVE to be here for her. It wasn't part of the agreement. I would completely understand if you got up and walked away now, without ever having anything to do with raising her. I would understand if you wanted to leave and return to the X-files and go on with life as you have lived it up until now." I bend my head down before I concluded. "All I can do is hope that you feel as special as you should, that you see that because of you, I now have a beautiful baby girl. I just want you to know how special that is to me." "Scully, I think you know me better than to just walk away from you, from Samantha." "I just don't want you to feel obligated to anything Mulder, this is, after all, my life and my decision. I don't want you to have to give everything up just for this. It's not fair of me to even ask you that." "Scully.." I continued speaking, not paying attention to him. "I don't want sympathy from you, if you decide to stay, I want it to be for the right reasons, not just because you feel sorry for me." "Scully.." His voice now louder and more demanding. I stopped and looked at him. "Scully, just shut up will you?" And with this, his lips covered mine. He raised onto his knees on the bed now, bending his head down, his lips never leaving mine. He tugged at my bottom lip, and I began to kiss him back, mocking his movements. I opened my mouth, inviting him in. I felt a fire rage within me. Wanting him, needing him. But I was still so sore. I knew that it would not be easy making love to him. It would be painful, perhaps even un-pleasurable for both of us. He must have read my thoughts because he began to pull away from me, still cupping my face with his hands. "Scully, I'm tired, you're tired, let's go to bed. It's been a long day." I agreed and slid back on my bed as he pulled the covers up and over us both. "Goodnight Scully." He kissed my forehead and laid his head back down on the pillow. "Goodnight Mulder." And with that, we fell asleep in unison. I awoke a few hours later to the cries of my baby. I began to stir, trying to will myself into getting out of the comfortable bed that was so warm. Before I could do much more, Mulder ripped off the covers and jumped out of the bed before me, as though it were a race. He returned to the bed holding our daughter in his arms. He was rocking her back and forth while standing next to the bed. I raised up into a sitting position taking in the sight with a small smile across my face. He rocked her until she stopped crying and kissed her forehead. "She just wanted me." He looked at me with a grin. She began to cry again. I swung my legs over the edge of the bed, slowly getting out. The floor was so cold that it made me gasp. I made my way over to Mulder, stretching out my arms to hold my baby. He kissed her once again before handing her to me, securing his large hand behind her head. Taking her in my arms, I walked over to the rocking chair and began to breast feed her. "I don't think I can go back to sleep right now, is it okay if I use your shower?" "Of course it is, go ahead." He turned and walked out of the room. I began to hum to Samantha, but was cut off by his voice. "Scully, I don't have any clothes." He peeked in the door. "You should probably go home tomorrow and get some." "Yeah but what about for now?" "Give me a minute Mulder." "Can you burp her for me?" I asked as I began to get up from the chair. "Sure." He answered, stepping closer to me. "Here, just pat her on the back until she burps." I handed her to him and he took his place in the rocking chair. I went to the closet and opened the door, stepping in. "Will these work?" I held out a pair of jeans. "Looks like they will, but what about underwear? A man can't go without them wearing jeans." He smiled. I walked over and retrieved a pair of briefs from my drawer. I held them out for his approval. "Scully, either you are a cross-dresser, or you have entertained a male visitor before." His voice was laced with sarcasm and curiosity. "Well, to be truthful, I am a hermaphrodite. I have been meaning to tell you for years now, but just couldn't find the right words." I answered back with a giggle. When she finally burped for him, he got up and placed her in the crib after kissing her head once again. She was sound asleep. He walked towards me, trying to impress me with his "I'm too sexy" walk that he does. I shook my head and smiled as he took the jeans and underwear from my hands and leaned down to my ear. "Just promise me that you won't do the wild thing with me and cause me to go into anaphylactic shock." His voice deep and low, I could almost hear the smile that danced across his face. He began to walk out of the bedroom. "You were never a member of the Kindred were you?" He added. "You're so very funny Mulder." I said without amusement. I laid in bed listening to the water running from his shower. If someone would have told me years ago that Fox Mulder was going to be taking a shower in my apartment and sharing a bed with me, I would have laughed in their face. When was is exactly that I had fallen in love with him? It had been long ago, perhaps the moment I had hugged him after he looked at my back for what only turned out to be a mosquito bite. I should have felt embarrassed by that, the fact that I had to bear my body to him like that and for no reason. But he, Fox Mulder, made me feel like I had a reason to believe that it was more than just a bite. In all the years that I have known him, he has never once made me feel stupid. Other than when he constantly proved my scientific findings and theories to be wrong on so many cases. But he did not mean for me to feel that way. He was just trying to prove his point. To make me believe. What man in the world could constantly fight intellectual duels with me and always win? I was the queen of arguments and for some reason I found him to be a highly qualified adversary. He challenged me in so many ways that it was so frightening to not have his opinions on some of the cases that I had with Agent Doggett. It had left the paranormal theories up to me to figure out. I would often ask myself; What would he have done differently? Well, for starters his initial theory would have been correct, as it always was. He would have stuck to it and proven it as fact. But I am not Fox Mulder and I can't always rely on the paranormal to explain things for me. I am a scientist after all, and I need concrete proof. Just then, as my thoughts had began to heat up, I heard him turn off the shower. Seconds later he emerged from the bathroom and walked into the bedroom, his hair and bare chest still sopping wet. "Mulder don't you believe in towels?" I asked him. His head raised as he replied "What?" "Nothing. Do you feel better?" "Much, you should try it sometime." He said with a smile. "Ha-ha." I rolled over onto my side and turned off the lamp. I felt the mattress shift from his weight. His arms encircled me and I felt his breath on my neck. I felt so comfortable, no normal. I fell asleep in his arms. END PART 4. CONTINUED IN PART 5. XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX Part 5 of 8: XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX I awoke to the sunshine beaming on my face through the window. I turned over to face Mulder, who was laying on his back with Samantha on his chest. His hands were covering her small body, something only a man can do. I laid there next to them, quietly taking in the sight that was, in the true sense of the word, heavenly. I really do love him don't I? Perhaps he needs me to tell him that more often. He doesn't get to hear words like that too often. Maybe that's why he chases things that aren't there. Maybe he has, all along, been looking for love and hope. The two things that I couldn't give him until now. Maybe he finally sees that now. God, I can only hope you are listening; Please, please let this man be mine like this forever. Let me be here for him when he needs me, let him be here for me as well, for Samantha, too. I saw his eyes begin to open, blinking against the bright sunlight that lit the room. "Good morning sunshine." I greeted. "Good morning." He breathed, adjusting his grip on the small child. I gave him a questioning look, one that he knew well what it meant without asking. "She woke up at about six this morning and I didn't want to wake you." He answered my unspoken question. I smiled at the thought of him being so protective of her, so fatherly. This was not the Mulder I had worked with day in and day out for more than seven years. This was the other, softer side of Fox Mulder that I had only dreamed of. He began to get up, gently shifting Samantha onto the bed next to me. "What do you want for breakfast?" He asked. "You're making me breakfast Mulder?" I couldn't help but be surprised. "Well, there are limitations to what I can cook, but are eggs and bacon pleasing to your taste buds?" "Sounds great. Don't make a mess though okay?" "Me? Mess? Never. You must have me confused with that FBI partner of yours. Pardon, ex-partner." I sensed immediately the hurt in his voice. "Mulder, Agent Doggett WAS my partner." "Scully, I don't want to talk about this today. Can we just continue this little happy dreamland state for a while? Let's not talk shop while we are at home, deal?" I didn't respond, but had lowered my head, focusing on the baby. "DEAL?" He asked again. "Deal." "Good, so how do you like your eggs? Scrambled? Otherwise, your out of luck." He said with a smile. "Scrambled is good." I replied with forced enthusiasm. The next three weeks had remained this way. They were filled with happiness beyond anything I could have imagined. If the baby would need a diaper change, Mulder would be there in a flash, never once complaining about it. He went with me into the bathroom when I gave her baths and he had even begun to read to her. When she would cry, he was there holding her. Yes, Mulder had spoiled her. And yes, much to my dismay, she was a daddy's girl. The part I couldn't figure out was why he was so willing to do all of this? Why was he such a changed man? With everything on my mind, I couldn't help but wonder when it would all end. I knew that Mulder could never go on living life with me, with his daughter and give up the life of excitement that had become him. He would return to work. He had to, it was in his nature. He had kept his apartment, which told me that he was planning on returning there. He never spoke of it, but I know he was feeling the dread of leaving soon. The last few days that he was there, he seemed distant, unwilling to talk about anything concerning work. I knew that something was up. We had shared a bed, a daughter, a home, and yet we had never really had a moment of intimacy between us. We kissed yes, on several occasions. But we had never taken the relationship to that next step of intimacy. I think we were both too afraid of what would come with that intimacy. Commitment. I knew that I would not be able to return to the field, I had a baby and needed to find something less dangerous. I thought about returning to Quantico, leaving behind the X-files. This was something that Mulder was not going to like. But he would continue, I have no doubt about that. I knew that no matter how happy he was, he could never go without his X-files. I saw it in his face every time that they had been closed down, it killed a part of him. It was his obsession, his life's work. As much as I loathed it, he would eventually leave me for them. And he did. Twenty-one days after we had returned from the hospital, my phone rang. It wasn't my mother this time, it was the wrong time of day. She only called in the evenings. I knew immediately who it was. "Hello?" I answered into the receiver. "Agent Scully?" "Yes. Hello A.D. Skinner, how are you this morning?" "I'm very well thank you, and yourself? Agent Mulder? The baby?" "I'm doing well, Mulder is doing great. I think I might release him into your custody soon." I laughed a little. "The baby is wonderful as well. She has become so attached to Mulder." "Is Agent Mulder there Scully?" "Yes, he's in the other room right now. Why?" "I need to speak with him concerning his return to work. He called my office yesterday about his re-instatement on the X-files. Of course, as you know, that isn't up to me." I fell silent as he spoke, I ceased to breathe. Here it was, I thought. "Can you hold on for just a second Sir?" "Of course." "Mulder!" I called, placing my hand over the receiver. "Yes?" He came into the living room. "Skinner is on the phone." "For me?" He tried to play innocent. He only succeeded in pissing me off. "Yes, for you." I handed him the phone. I brushed past him on my way out of the room and stood in the kitchen leaning against the counter allowing thoughts to pass through my head like a hurricane. How dare I allow myself to think that I would have him forever? It wasn't fair to me, to him. I can't believe I have been so stupid in thinking that he would rather be with me. I'm so damn stupid! Just then, he walked into the kitchen with his hands hanging on either side of his body. "Scully.." "I don't want to hear it Mulder." I interrupted, trying to accentuate my hurt. "Scully, I." "Just go Mulder, I know you don't want to be here, so just go." I turned my head away from him to hide the tears that were welling up in my eyes. He stepped towards me and hooked his finger under my chin, forcing me to look at him. "I DO want to be here Scully, but I need to go back to work. I think we both know that." "I know you do Mulder, that's why I am telling you to leave now." His hand dropped from my face and he turned to leave the kitchen. He stopped at the doorway and turned around. "I just wanted this to be different Scully, I wanted US to be different." He continued walking out of the room. I heard him grab his keys off of my desk and the door slamming behind him. What have I done? I have driven away the only person who has ever meant anything to me! I lost him, I found him, I drove him away. Just like that. I began to cry now, uncontrollably. More out of anger at myself than of sadness. I love him, he loves me, and when I need him the most, I shove him away. The emptiness that followed caused me to fall into deep despair. I needed someone, anyone who would be here to comfort me, God help me if I were to ask Mulder. I have been able to mask my feelings from him in the past, and I will not breakdown for him now. I have already chiseled away far too much of myself to him. I dare not let him disarm me any further. I called my mother. The only person in the world whom I knew I could confide in. Whenever it came to matters of the heart, she was always there for me. Especially when it involved Fox Mulder. "Mom? It's me, Dana. Listen, can you please call me when you.." I sniffled. "When you get in, please Mom." I heard the other end pick up and her voice softly called out my name. "Dana? Dana? What's the matter?" "Is there any way you could come over here tonight? I just really need someone to talk to." "Is the baby all right?" "Yes, she's fine. It's me that needs your help." With that we said our good-byes and hung up. She knocked on my door at about 5:00pm. I opened the door and wrapped my arms around her. My face was still so red from all of the tears that I had shed throughout the day. "What's wrong baby?" She asked as she held me. We walked over to the couch, still in our embrace. "It... It's Mulder." I said in between sobs. I heard her sigh before continuing. "What happened?" She asked in her comforting voice as she patted my hair. "A lot of things have happened, Mom. A lot. He just seemed to be so happy, here with Samantha and I." "And?" "And then he did a complete turn around and decided that he was going to just up and leave me. To return to his apartment and slouch back into his old lifestyle. And what's worse is that I saw through his mask. The mask that he had been wearing ever since he found out I was pregnant. He has no intentions of ever settling down and getting married to anyone, much less me. But why did he have to go and make me think he would? Is it just me? Am I taking this too hard?" "Dana, he needs time. Just some time I think. It may be a little hard for you to understand, to know exactly what it is that he is going though, but he isn't completely stupid Dana. He will see what he will be leaving behind soon enough. It will just take some time, that's all." "You really think so?" "Of course I do. Just put yourself in his shoes for once Dana, the man has been missing for eight months now. He experienced things that he might not remember, but that doesn't mean he hasn't been traumatized by them. He awakens in a hospital, and he has no idea what for, then he finds out that you are pregnant. Pregnant Dana! You know Fox, you know that he was feeling guilty for not being there for you through it. That man feels guilty for everything." "That happens to be one of the things that made me fall in love with him." I smiled. "Exactly, don't forget who his is. You can't expect him to wake up in the hospital and change overnight. How exactly do you think that would have affected you?" I merely bit my lower lip waiting for her to continue. "Mulder is a good man. He is a strong man. Sure, he seems like a small boy at times, but with everything he has experienced in his life, he has a right to be a little immature. All men are immature in some way. Even your father was a little immature." I smiled at the mention of my father, my Ahab. "It is just going to take some time, Dana. You just need to leave the doors open for him, he will come back." She shifted herself on the couch. "Meanwhile, where's that Grand-baby of mine?" She asked with a smile. "She's in her crib, in my room." She got up off of the couch and went in search for her. Mom came out of my room holding Samantha, she smiled as she looked at her. "She is so beautiful Dana." "Yes, she is." Mom began to sing to her, rocking her back and forth in her arms while she stood there. A sudden rush of happiness flooded me, like a strong wind had blown away my sadness. Seeing her this way made me feel so special. Like I had made every bit of difference in the world, like I had left a footprint in the sands of time. My Samantha, she was my indent, my landmark. I wanted so badly to share this tremendous amount of happiness with someone, with Mulder. But I had decided to let him have some time. My mother was right, he would come back when he was ready to. My mother left around 7:30pm that night. She needed to get home in time to make dinner for Bill, who was visiting her for the week and demanded dinner promptly at 8:30pm every night. I fed Samantha one last time before crawling up inside the sheets of my cold bed. Without Mulder there, I could barely get warm. Why did he have to make me need him? I felt as though a piece of myself had been cut off without him there. I didn't feel whole. I was almost asleep when I heard my front door being unlocked. It's funny how I have picked up the ability to hear things so small. Perhaps it was my experiences that taught me, like Pfaster. I can't believe I thought of his name. I opened my eyes, staring at an object in the corner of my room, trying to get the thought of that terrible man out of my head. It hadn't worked. I was about to reach for my service weapon in my drawer when I heard the jingle of keys. I knew who it was. A few moments later, Mulder appeared in the doorway of my room, the lights coming through the blinds were the only thing that allowed me to see him. I turned away from him, rolling over on the bed. "So, I got this call from this hot dark headed woman, Maggie, who told me that I should come and talk to you. I told her I only had eyes for her, but she insisted. Can we talk Scully?" I didn't answer, but closed my eyes and tried to doze off, rolling onto my back trying to demonstrate my un-interest. I should have known that he would not give up so easily. I heard him take off his jacket and throw it to the floor, he tossed his keys onto my night table. He then took off his shoes, and uncovered the side of my bed that he had declared as his own. He slid into the bed, loosening his tie. He caught me as I peeked with one eye. "Mulder, what the hell are you doing here?" I asked. "Going to bed." "In your work suit?" "Well, it's either that or my birthday suit, take your pick." I didn't answer, but sighed and rolled over once more. His humor only made it worse. "Scully, I want to talk." "Well, I don't Mulder, I'm tired." "It's only 8:00 Scully." "And?" "I need to talk to you." He said with agitation in his voice. I rolled over swiftly, jerking the covers nearly off the bed, then looked him in the eyes. "What the hell do you want? There is nothing to talk about Mulder!" I shouted. "Yes, there is." "You had better start to fucking talk then." My choice of words were frightening, even to myself. "I see that you are hurt by my decision." He quipped. "No shit Mulder." I continued to express myself in a harsh way. "I didn't mean to hurt you." I merely blinked, waiting for him to continue. I'd be damned if I would give him the satisfaction of being able to slack off on the apologies. "They were my life you know." He finally continued. "The X-files, they were my reason for getting up in the morning, and the reason I couldn't sleep at night." "I know that much Mulder." I finally added. "That is, until this beautiful red-headed doctor came into my office, I mean my basement, and with one swift movement, she knocked me off of my feet." He tried to make me laugh, but saw that it wasn't working. "She was so beautiful, so perfect, that she made me want to take a cold shower in that very instant." He tried once again at flattery, but failed. "I didn't want to trust her though, I didn't have a reason to. I knew she was sent to bring me down, to disprove everything that I had worked for. But somehow, little by little, she gained every bit of trust I had. Every last ounce of my trust was given to her. I never trusted anyone else quite like that before." He stopped for a moment when he saw my tight-jawed expression deteriorate. "Everything I knew and loved in my life, I had lost. My sister, my faith, even my will to live. Everything seemed as though it was all for not, that whatever I would uncover, they would come behind me and roll out the mat again. It was a seven year long process, that never changed. It got hard on the soul, to always be contradicted, always be lied to and deceived by everyone. But there was always that red-head who seemed to stick by me, through thick and thin. Through every hell imaginable, she was always there, always ready to hold me when I cried, to shield me when I was in trouble. She meant the world to me, that red-head. And then one day I discovered these feelings that I had for her that were more than just platonic. They became wants, needs, and fantasies. But I would never tell her about them, because I thought that she didn't feel the same way. Call me crazy, but I actually feared making a fool of myself in front of her. I guess it was because we had this relationship built on respect. A respect that was so strong that I felt like I would be breaking it if I were to act on any of these feelings that I had for her. I actually got to tell her that I love her a few weeks ago." He smiled and swiped at stray s strand of hair from my face. "I didn't feel scared anymore though, I had this really big feeling that she loved me too. I guess I must have been right, because we still have this amazing relationship that was build on trust and on respect. But now, it's also built on love. I think it always has been though, because I can't even remember a time when I didn't love her." He reached down and took my hand in his and raised it to his lips and kissed my palm. Tears streamed down my face and onto the pillow. I caressed his face with my fingertips, outlining the shape of his jaw-bone. His evening whiskers were tickling the ends of my fingers. "What are we gonna do Mulder?" "About what?" "About everything. How is this all going to play out in the end?" "Let's just rely on faith and see where it takes us Scully. After all, it was faith that brought us together." "I can't be your partner anymore Mulder, I have a baby to raise now." "I know, I know." His face turned into one of sadness, not anger. The fact that he hadn't argued with me caused me to flinch. Just like that? Mulder was going to allow me to leave the X-files just like that? How can this be? I thought to myself. "Scully, you have sacrificed enough for my quest. You don't need to give anything more. Let me take care of the X-files from now on, Agent Doggett and I are getting along fine. At least he doesn't argue with me like that feisty red-headed doctor did." I smiled, out of relief. Relief that he and Agent Doggett were getting along and relief that he wasn't as hurt as I had thought he'd be when I told him that I wasn't coming back. "Mulder..." "Yeah?" "Do you still trust and respect me?" "Of course I do Scully." "Do you respect me enough to love me?" "Scully, I do love you." "No, I mean to show me that you love me." He moved across the bed, kissing me gently on the lips. When he pulled back I looked into his eyes, those beautiful hazel eyes. "Mulder, do you want to take a cold shower now?" I don't think he understood my innuendo, because he began to take off the covers and got out of the bed. "Where are you going?" "I can take a hint Scully." "Mulder?" I said in an angry question-like tone. "I worked all day in that muggy basement going through the most recent files, I know I need a shower." "That's not exactly what I meant." I said under my breath, but he was already on his way to the bathroom. My head fell back onto the pillow with a deep sigh. "The man talks his way into my pants and then he takes a shower." I whispered, shaking my head. I reached over to turn on the lamp. I got out of bed and walked over to the crib where my baby laid sleeping. I watched her for a few long moments and then I went back to bed. I reached for my favorite romance novel and began reading it. "Miss Norvel touched his chest with great desire. She could see the large cucumber-like bulge in his pants..." I began to read. "Yeah, right." I smirked. "Why Miss Scully, I never figured you to be one that read such smut." He said from the doorway. I had read aloud. But I didn't remember saying anything. I must be loosing my mind. He walked toward me wearing only his towel, tucked neatly around his waist, the skin on his upper thigh showing slightly as he stepped. I had to look away before I felt myself become lost in the spell that he had no idea he was creating. "Can I have a pillow and blanket Scully?" "What for Mulder?" "I can't very well sleep in your bed when I have no clothes, it's not modest." He answered with an evil grin. "Mulder, don't be silly, I'm a good girl." I said with a giggle. "I'm not a good girl though." He said in a feminine voice, as he ripped away the covers slid in between them. Once he was comfortable, laying on his side facing me, he opened his mouth to propose what I knew would be a question. "Scully, can I see your back?" "What?" "Your back. I read the X-file Scully, I know about it." I swallowed hard and reluctantly turned over to allow him to see it. I unbuttoned the buttons in the front of my nightgown so he could pull it from the top, versus pulling it up from the bottom and exposing me. I felt his movements on the bed as he drew himself closer to me. His hands went to pull it down. I felt his fingertips outline the scar that he had found. "Oh my God Scully, what did they do to you?" "You read the X-file didn't you?" "Yes, I did. But what were you doing out there alone?" "Mulder, I don't want to talk about it okay?" "You didn't trust him did you?" He prodded me for an answer. I turned towards him and buttoned my shirt. "No, I didn't." I finally confessed. He must have been satisfied with my answer because he let the conversation die. He yawned and drew the blankets closer to him. "I'm tired Scully, would you mind.." "Turning off the light?" I read his thoughts. "Yeah, you know sometimes I think you are a bit of a mind reader yourself Scully." He grinned. "Well, to understand you like I have, you have to be one." "I need to be up by 6:00, could you..." "Yes, I will. Goodnight Mulder." END PART 5. CONTINUED IN PART 6. XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX PART 6 of 8: I was awakened by the sound of cries, not of the baby, but of Mulder. I sat up in the bed and switched on the lamp. I saw that his forehead was wet with perspiration, his eyes closed and he was thrashing around in the bed as though he were trying to break free of something or someone. "Mulder." I called. He then began to scream out earth shattering cries that I feared might wake the baby. "Mulder." I yelled, still no response. I made the move to cover him completely with my body, hoping to stop his spastic movements and wake him from his nightmare. He resisted me, arching his back and kicking his legs, losing the towel he wore in the process. "It's cutting me! It's cutting me!" He shouted. "What is Mulder?" I shouted back, trying to . pull him out of his unconscious hell. He began to sob, slowing the movements he made beneath me. I held him tighter, wrapping my body completely around his. He was having flashbacks, remembering the tests he experienced. I knew I needed to comfort him, wake him so that he wouldn't have to go through this. I reached up and caressed his face with my right hand. He opened his eyes and looked down at me. "Scully, they were cutting my chest." He said slowly, as though just the thought of it hurt him physically. "Who was Mulder?" "I couldn't see their faces, God help me I couldn't see them." He sobbed. "Shhhh... it's okay now Mulder, it's all over now." I tried to console him. He began to control his breathing now, his chest rising and falling more evenly. His hands came up and rested themselves on my back, holding me tightly to him. He then bent his head down and kissed my forehead. "Scully, I love you." He paused. "I always have." He finished. I raised my head to meet his gaze, looking deeply into his beautiful hazel eyes. I kissed him softly on his chin. His hand then cupped the side of my face, holding it as he looked at me with a gleam in his eyes that I did not recognize. It was the look of desire, of passion that I had never seen him give me. He then lifted his head off of the pillow and kissed me on the lips, softly at first the he became more passionate, more needful. I felt his warm tongue slip in between my lips gently, asking for permission before continuing further into my mouth. I parted them, allowing him to deepen the kiss, to enter my mouth with his tongue. I no longer resisted him, I knew that it was right, that we needed each other more than ever. It was time to let go, to let my emotions take over and push aside any doubt. He held onto my back and slowly rolled over, taking his place on top of me. His lips left mine and kissed my jaw before moving down to my neck. I tilted my head back so that he could gain better access. I never thought that Mulder would be this kind of a lover, one that would take so much time and pleasure from simple kisses. But he was. Fox Mulder was full of surprises. As his kisses went lower down my neck, he fumbled with the buttons on my night gown. He worked hard at freeing each one and began to kiss his way down my chest. His hands went down to caress my hips, sliding my gown up as he stroked them. He pulled the gown up to the bottom of my breasts and lowered his head down to kiss my belly, His lips and tongue caressing my navel. I couldn't help but allow a small moan to escape my lips. He slid his hands up my sides, taking with them the bottom of my night gown. He sat back on his legs and slid the gown up and over my head slowly, looking into my eyes as I bared myself to him. "I know this sounds infantile but, Dana can I make love to you?" He asked quietly. "Yes Mulder, you may." I could not hold back a small giggle that his question aroused in me. He was, in so many respects still a small boy, as my mother had said. With a nod of his head, he leaned down over top of me and kissed me on the mouth, I ran my fingers through his dark hair as I moaned slightly. He then began to trail down my neck and stomach with wet kisses. When he reached the top of my underwear, he remained there for a moment, stroking my skin with his tongue. His hands were on my hips now, and his fingers entwined themselves in the elastic band of my underwear, pulling them down my hips and buttocks. I lifted myself off of the bed long enough for him to pull them down my legs. He then discarded them onto he floor before sliding his soft hands on the inside of my thighs. He caressed me there for a long moment, watching my face to see each reaction to his touch. "Scully, you are more beautiful than I could have ever dreamed." He said softly. I moaned as his caresses became more intense, unable to control the emotions he aroused in me with the simple touch of his hands. His head went down to kiss where his hands were, making his way into the V of my thighs. "Mulder." I said in between harsh breaths. He stopped and looked up at me. "I want you inside of me." I finished. His look of questioning turned into a smile as he reached up to kiss me once more on the lips. His hands slid down to hold my hips, and he slowly entered me as we kissed. I let out a loud gasp at the feeling of him inside of me. This act of love that we expressed meant so much more than pure sexual intercourse, it was also spiritual. I wanted to deepen this feeling, needing to experience everything in this simple joining of man and woman. I raised my hips and lifted my legs off of the bed, wrapping them around him. He let out a small groan as his depth in me grew. "We are a perfect fit." He whispered into my ear. His movements inside of me grew a little faster. I tilted my head back as I moaned loudly. I had never before been a noisy lover, I was usually always able to hold back my moans, but something about sharing this experience with Mulder made it impossible to keep my emotions bottled up. I felt his movements growing faster now, his body beginning to tense. I angled myself so that each of his thrusts would brush against my most sensitive area, so that we could experience this feeling of joy and satisfaction together. "Scul...lay." He yelled my name as he released into me. This sent a ripple of spasms through my body and I felt my muscles begin to twitch. "Mul." I clamped my teeth tightly together. I held him firmly against me, embracing him in a loving hug that allowed me to release myself as still as possible, I didn't want to break contact with him even for a moment. His body remained slumped heavily on top of mine, kissing my neck as his heavy breathing tickled my neck. I thought of how good it felt to have him this way. To experience something with him that we had never done had before. I loved this new freedom. "Scully, I love you so much." He whispered as he rolled over onto his back beside me. I rolled on my side, laying my heavy arm on top of his chest. I kissed his shoulder before laying my head on it. END PART 6. CONTINUED IN PART 7. XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX PART 7 of 8: "Dana.. Dana." I heard my mother's voice as though it were miles away. It was then that I realized that I had been asleep. I opened my eyes slowly, blinking against the bright lights overhead. "Dana, honey, are you okay?" her hand cupped the side of my face tenderly. "Where am I?" "You're in the hospital, do you remember how you got here?" I shook my head. "What's wrong with me? Why am I here?" "Shhh...baby you're okay, that's all that matters." I took a deep breath and an overwhelming motherly instinct told me something was missing. "Where's my baby? Is she okay?" "Dana, what are you talking about?" "My baby, Samantha. Where is she?" "Dana, I don't know what you are talking about." I instantly became flustered. What the hell was wrong with her? "What baby?" She asked. She was far to serious to be joking, my mother wasn't one to make jokes while her daughter lay in a hospital bed. I shook my head, trying to put together all the pieces of this unbelievable puzzle that lay before me. I was unable to speak for a few long moments. What baby? I can't believe she doesn't remember her granddaughter. I was in disbelief that my mother, of all people would not remember Samantha. I began to get out of the bed, pulling the blanket swiftly from me. "Scully." A voice thundered from the doorway. I recognized it immediately, stopping me in my tracks. It was Mulder, his tall silhouette, now standing at the foot of my bed. "Scully, just calm down." He eased. "How am I supposed to calm down? Where the hell is my baby?" "Scully, what are you talking about?" I couldn't speak, I ceased to breathe. I fell back on the bed, covering my face with my hands. I heard him approach the side of my bed and felt him sit next to me on the mattress. I lowered my hands and looked him with my tear stung eyes, with disgust, with mistrust, with disbelief. How is this possible? I thought to myself. "Mrs. Scully, may I speak to Dana alone?" He asked my mother. She rose from the chair beside the bed, kissed my forehead, and walked towards the door. "I'll just be right outside if you need me Dana." I nodded and she resumed her exit. "Scully." He began. "You were admitted last night, something about passing out. You're lucky that the three stooges were there to catch you or you might have banged your head or something." "Mulder, I.." I tried to interrupt him. Surprisingly, he stopped talking long enough for me to continue. I pulled my top lip into my mouth, biting it with my teeth. It was a nervous habit that I sometimes allow Mulder to see. "What happened to me Mulder? What happened to you?" "What do you mean what happened to me?" "Mulder, you have been missing for seven months. Does that not ring a bell?" The look in his eyes told me that he did not know what I was talking about. "Scully, I don't know what kind of drugs they have you on in here, but I definitely want some." He made an attempt at levity. "Mulder, you went out into the woods of Oregon with Skinner and disappeared seven months ago." I sat up in the bed again, closing in on him, hoping the nearness to accentuate my seriousness. "Scully, I think I would have remembered being missing for seven months." He argued. "No, Mulder, you were gone. I was so afraid that I would never find you." "Scully, I want you to lie down and take a load off. You're delusional." "Mulder, I am not delusional, you were GONE! You went to Oregon with Skinner and disappeared in the woods. Skinner saw it happen!" "Scully, When did I go missing?" "Last May." "And what is the date today?" "December... eighth I think." "Scully, it's May third. How is that possible? He stretched out his arm for me to see his watch. My mouth fell open as I read the date. "How can this be?" I asked quietly. "Scully, I think you need some rest now. Can I get you anything?" "No, I'm fine." "Okay then, I will see you later okay?" I swallowed hard and nodded my head, fighting back the tears from my eyes. He patted my hand with his before getting up. "Mulder.." "Yeah?" "There is one thing that I would like you to do for me." "Sure, anything you need Scully." "I want you to check my chart for me, see if they ran a pregnancy test." He looked at me for a long moment, keeping his emotions and nagging questions aside he made a simple nod of his head before he turned to leave the room. "Is everything okay Dana?" My mother asked as she made her way back into the room after he left. "Yeah, I think so Mom." "Fox is going to take me to lunch, so I will be back in just a little while okay?" I gave a small attempt at a smile and she stepped back into the hallway and closed the door behind her. No more than a hour passed before they returned, my mom was the first one in the room. Mulder made his appearance shortly after. He was holding my chart in his hands. My mother sat in the chair next to me, Mulder stood at the foot of my bed. I thought of how much I wanted to ask my mother to leave, I hadn't told her that I was trying to get pregnant. I knew that she was going to be hurt that I hadn't told her. "Well?" I asked. "Well, Scully... It's positive." His eyes never left the chart as he spoke. My head fell back onto the pillow, my thoughts streaming through my head. I wanted so badly to grab that man, to kiss him, to hug him, and to even make love to him for giving me this news. But I kept my emotions somewhat bottled by simply smiling radiantly. "What is positive?" My mother asked, looking directly at me. "My pregnancy test." I breathed. "Oh my God. Dana, I thought that you.." "So did I mom, so did I." Her eyes went from me, to Mulder, and back at me again, as though she was trying to assess the situation between us. She reached over to hug me, kissing my forehead before she got out of the chair and went to Mulder. She wrapped her arms around him, placing them in a strange embrace which included my chart. "Do you have any idea how happy this makes me?" She kissed his cheek as she pulled away. "Mom." "Mom!" I shouted, trying to pull her back down to earth. Why was I always the one to ground people? Was it because I was surrounded by such high-flyers? She turned and looked at me as though I had slapped her. "I did not conceive naturally. I conceived this baby only with the help of science, not mother nature." She walked towards me again and reclaimed her position in the chair. "What is that supposed to mean?" She asked with a hurt tone in her voice. "I began seeing a fertility specialist about three months ago, he told me that there was a chance to get me pregnant." I decided not to tell her how. I thought it best that I left the eggs in the basket for now. "Apparently, to my own surprise, it was a success." I continued. "So Mulder is not the father?" "Well, he had a hand in it you might say." I couldn't repress the urge to introduce humor into this moment. A slight chuckle from across the room was the only impression Mulder gave of his presence. "Well, you two obviously have a lot to talk about, so I'll just go and take a walk." My mother was so good at knowing when she needed to leave without asking. She grabbed her bag from the floor and began to walk towards the door. "Mom, you just got here." I shouted after her. "So did Fox." She said as she laid her hand on his shoulder. He looked up at her and smiled. "I'll be back after a while." She said before closing the door behind her. Mulder finally raised his head from the chart and looked at me. I knew there was something wrong with him. I could see it in the way he carried himself. "Mulder, I want you to know that this changes nothing." He began to walk closer towards me, setting the chart on the chair next to him. He sat on the edge of my bed and put his hand on my knee. "Scully, this changes everything." "It doesn't have to change anything Mulder, I don't want you to have to play a role that you don't want to play." His head fell and his right hand went up to rub his face. "Scully, I'm nearly forty years old, I have no wife, no children, and no house. I think that it's about time for me to wake up and smell the roses don't you agree? I am missing so much in life by running around looking for things that aren't there. It's exhausting and it's getting old. I don't have a life, hell Scully, I don't even have a dog! What kind of person doesn't have a dog at my age?" "You have fish.." I offered with a humble smile. "Fish, yeah and I can't even take care of them! If it weren't for you, they'd be floaters by now. As a matter of fact, I'd be a floater right now." He released his face from his hand and looked up at me, his hazel eyes bearing something more than just sadness. Loneliness. I fought back the tears that suddenly welled in my eyes, taking a deep breath, I moved towards him, cupping his face in my hands. "Mulder, let's just go through the rest of our lives looking at what we have, not what we are supposed to have." He pursed his lips as he nuzzled his face against my hands. "Okay?" I asked. "Okay." He grabbed onto my left hand with his right and pulled it from his face, kissing my palm. "I need to go, are you going to be okay Scully?" "Yeah." "Oh Mulder, would you like to come over tonight? There are some things that I would like to speak to you about." "Yeah, sure, what time?" "Whenever you get home, I'm not going anywhere." I smiled as he leaned forward to kiss my forehead and rose from the bed. I watched him leave and found myself frowning at the loss of him by my side. He turned to look at me before closing the door and I gave him a small insecure smile. A little while later, my nurse entered my room. "Miss Scully?" "Yes?" "Your doctor has released you, you're free to go." "Great, is my mother out in the hall?" "Yes, she is. Do you want me to ask her in?" "No, just ask her to pull the car up front, I'll be down in a few minutes." "Okay." With that, she closed the door behind her. END PART 7. CONTINUED IN PART 8. XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX Part 8 of 8: "How can this be happening? I can't believe that it was all a dream.... Mulder being taken, my giving birth. It just doesn't make any sense." I muttered to myself while pacing the floors of my apartment. Mulder was going to be there soon, I had to explain what I had dreamt to him. If anyone would understand, it would be Mulder. A few moments later I heard a knock at the door, a familiar knock that told me that it was him. I opened the door only to come face-to-face with a large bouquet of fragrant flowers. "Muld.. er" I smiled at him as he handed them to me. "Well, I didn't know what else to give you, except maybe this.." He leaned in and gently kissed my cheek. "Well, thank you." A large smile danced across his face. "So, Scully, what is it that you wanted to talk to me about?" I wasn't quite ready to talk yet, so I stalled. "Can I get you a drink or something?" I was already on my way to the kitchen to find a vase. "A beer if you have any." He called after me. Moments later, I returned to the living room only to find him resting lazily on my sofa, his shoes strewn on the floor, his jacket laying on the arm rest. "Hard day at work Mulder?" I asked trying to sound sympathetic. I knew that this man never worked hard when he had to be in his office, unless you count throwing pencils at the ceiling as being a rigorous task. "Scully, you of all people should know that I never work hard in my office, it's just not cool. Besides, you weren't there for me to argue with." He smiled. I handed him the beer after twisting off the cap. "Would you mind?" I looked down at the couch, concentrating on the area where his feet were. His expression showed that of confusion. "Oh, I suppose you would like to sit down wouldn't you?" He moved his feet off the edge, towards the floor, but remained stretched out more than necessary. I took my place on the sofa next to him, nearly sitting on his knee. "So, Scully, out with it." He pushed on. "Can we have a purely hypothetical discussion Mulder?" "Sure, just as long as I am conscience." I shot him a look of disgust that he must have felt from his choice of words. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?" I couldn't help but allow the aggravation to come out in my voice. I had just gotten out of the hospital and already the man was testing my patience. That's so Mulder of him. "Just that I am very tired Scully, but yes, I would love to have a hypothetical discussion with you, as always." He gave me that "You can't argue with me right now because I'm beautiful as hell" smile, and it was a good thing, because I felt like ripping his head completely off of his shoulders. He knew that it worked, because I had become more relaxed and allowed him to believe I forgave him. Fox Mulder always knew what strings he had to pull to get me to let him off the hook. Damn that psychology degree! "First, before we go hypothetical, I would like for you to tell me what exactly happened in Oregon, the night that you and Skinner went into the woods." "Well, Scully, there isn't much to tell you." "I would just like to know." I insisted. "We entered the woods searching for the ship, I no sooner than got past the edge of the road before my cell-phone rang, it was your mother telling me that you were in the hospital. Needless to say, we packed up and headed back to DC." "Mulder, I can't believe it." "What can't you believe Scully?" "I, I had this incredible dream, while I was in the hospital." He straightened himself on the sofa, turning around to face me. "I dreamt..." I stuttered. "I dreamt that you were abducted Mulder, in the woods that night." His disbelief at my words radiated through his facial expression. I couldn't help but develop tears in my eyes as I spoke, no matter how much I tried to hold them back. I found it so hard to talk about because that dream seemed so real. "Mulder, I thought I lost you. I thought I would never find you again, and it scared the hell out of me." His hand reached up to cup the side of my face, my tears rolling down onto the back of it. "Scully, I don't see why this scared you so bad, You and I both know that you would have found me. You always do." "But Mulder, I gave up. I quit looking for you, and it nearly killed me." My confession was more devastating than I had expected. His eyes looked down, at the space in between us. I couldn't figure out if he was deciding to get up, or to move closer. "I thought my reasons were honorable, I was pregnant, I was afraid to loose the baby, but at the same time I think I knew that I should have been looking for you and I wasn't. I know it was just a dream, but I think that it meant more to me than that. I felt like I had deserted you, and for that I can never forgive myself. But I need to know something..." "What's that?" "Can you ever forgive me?" He looked up into my eyes again, tears rolling down his face. "What is there to forgive Scully?" "That I stopped looking, that I gave up, I gave up on hope that I would see you again, I gave up on you. I'm so sorry Mulder, I'm so sorry." I sobbed. He moved closer to me on the sofa, pulling my face towards his with both hands. He kissed me gently on the forehead and pulled back, looking deeply into my eyes. "Scully, don't ever, ever, say that to me again." "Say what?" "That you are sorry." He paused. "You have nothing to be sorry about Scully, it was just a dream after all." "But Mulder, I thought that dreams were answers to questions we don't quite know how to ask." "Maybe so, but in this case it was just a nightmare. One that will never come true. You know that I would never leave you like that Scully." "Even against your own will Mulder? You have no right to make a promise like that when you aren't able to keep it for sure. I don't know what I would do if that ever happened, if you left me." "Scully, let's live in the now for once, okay? No more talk of what might happen, the fact is that I am here now, and so are you. Let's leave it at that okay?" I nodded my head slightly and he pulled me close to him. We embraced for what seemed a like lifetime, until he broke the silence between us. "And Scully, I know your little secret." I pulled back from him and looked at him questioningly. "What little secret?" "That you love me. As thick as I am sometimes, I think I know a little more about you than you think." "What makes you so sure?" "Call it a profiler's intuition." I leaned into him again, this time with more emotion. "So you forgive me then?" I asked quietly. "Yes, I do." He kissed my forehead softly. "Scully?" "Yeah?" "DO you love me?" I knew that he would ask me this question, I have always known he would. I was so terrified at the thought of saying the wrong thing that I couldn't respond immediately. Why did he have to ask me now? Did he think that because I was weak that I would just open up and tell him my inner most feelings for him? But I do love him, I have always loved him. But I don't want this love to interfere with our professional lives. I didn't want the strangeness that would follow to come between us. So I did the only thing I could think of, bend the truth. "Mulder, you are the best friend I have ever had, of course I love you." His body shifted around me. I could tell that he was upset by my response. "Best friends, that's all this is to you?" His voice was ever so slightly laced with annoyance. "No Mulder, much more than that. You are the only person that I.." "Trust?" "Yes, you are the only person that I can talk to, that will listen and never think I'm crazy." "Because I'm crazy myself right?" He was becoming more and more irritated. "Mulder, why are you being this way?" I raised my head from his shoulder and looked into his eyes. "Being what way Scully? I just thought that we were more than just.." "Just friends? Is that not good enough for you Mulder? Did it never occur to you that your friendship has been the only thing that has kept me alive for the last seven years?" "I just thought that we were, well.." "A couple?" "Well, yes, a couple. Or something along those lines." "Mulder, two people can't be "along those lines" forever. Sometimes people need more than that." "Are you trying to say that this is MY fault?" He was getting angry. "Mulder, if it is anyone's fault, it is mine. I claim responsibility for that. But damn it, I am just afraid of letting this go anywhere." "Why is that Scully?" "Because Mulder, you run off on leads all the time without me, you leave me at the drop of a hat. Do you have any idea how that feels? Do YOU?" His head dropped, he was ashamed. And just when I thought I had won the fight; "Damn it Scully! Yes I fucking know how that feels! Do you have any idea how I felt when you were dying of cancer, when you were abducted? I felt like shit! I felt like no matter what I did, no matter how bad I busted my ass, that I would still lose in the end. I wanted to just jump off a fucking cliff sometimes. How dare you make it sound like you are the one who always gets left behind! How dare you!" With that, he slipped on his shoes, grabbed his jacket and slammed the door behind him, leaving me sitting on the sofa with the greatest feeling of denial I had ever felt. Denial of what had happened, of what was said. It was only then that I realized that I hadn't stopped him, that I let him leave me behind, sitting there and not saying a damn word to stop him. I broke down in tears. XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX How damn stupid can you be? You sorry son-of-a-bitch! I can't believe you asked her that, what the hell were you thinking? I can't believe you actually thought that she was IN love with you! You should have known that she would never hand you her heart on a platter. All this time, I thought, I thought that she wanted me like I wanted her. I guess I was wrong! I can't believe I let myself hang in the breeze like that, that I tore open my heart for her to enter, and all she wanted was to lick my wounds and treat me like a small boy with no feelings of love, or desire. But, something in the way she looks at me sometimes makes me think that there is more than that. I could see it in her eyes, that look of desire, that look of need. And her touch, oh God, that electrifying touch. She could turn me into a puddle on the floor with that touch. God how I love her, I love her so much it hurts inside. Sometimes I can't help but wonder how I keep myself from doing the things I fantasize about to her. How I keep from kissing those full, luscious lips of hers. Touching that soft pale skin, smelling her sweet smell. Seven long years of waiting, longing, hoping that the timing would be right to do so. What the hell was I so afraid of? This. This feeling of remorse, of rejection. "I need a drink." I muttered. I grabbed half-empty bottle of vodka from my cabinet, scooping frozen orange juice mix into the bottle with a spoon. I carefully put the lid on the bottle and shook it violently. "Here's to one sorry son-of-a-bitch." I raised the bottle in the air before taking a swig. I walked into the living room and turned on the TV before planting myself in the leather sofa that had been my best friend for more years than I can count. Every channel that I turned on, I somehow saw something that reminded me of Scully. A red head, a baseball game, a movie with a mother and child, a couple engaged in a passionate kiss. I finally gave up and turned it off, slamming the remote to the floor. I was almost finished with the bottle of vodka when I heard a knock at the door. I considered ignoring it, hoping whoever it was would give up and go away, but the longer I waited, the raps became louder and more frequent. I decided to answer it. "All right, all right, I'm coming damn it!" I yelled at the door while making my way off of the sofa. The knocks continued until I fiercely ripped the door open. I was surprised to see my small red-headed partner there, her eyes and face wet with freshly shed tears. I did not immediately ask her in, I was in fact, still upset. Instead, I stood there with a blank expression on my face, determined to make her be the one to break the silence. She licked her top lip, pulling it into her mouth between her teeth, a nervous habit that I have always adored. I refused to let myself be dubbed by this, she was going to have to do a lot more than lick her lips to make me melt this time. "Mulder, can I come in?" Her voice broke as she spoke and I knew that she was perhaps even more upset than I was. With a quick nod of my head, I stepped backwards allowing her to enter. "I won't stay long, but there are a few things that I want to talk to you about before I go." She assured me. Still silent, I raised my eyebrows and sighed in agreement. "Mulder, about that question you asked me, I want to give you an answer, but I want you to understand something first." She made a curious face before continuing. "Mulder, have you been drinking?" "Yes, as a matter of fact I have. Is that OK with you?" I tried to sound annoyed. She let out a heavy sigh and continued speaking; "There are so many, many things I have wanted to say to you Mulder. First of all, I want to say that I would not have traded a single moment of my time with you for the world. Being with you has made me whole person, you have opened my mind, much to my dismay at times, to things that I never would have considered before. Second, you have always been my friend, through everything that has happened, you were always there, always looking for an answer, or a cure." She began to cry softly. She had, within a moment, softened me like a ball of clay. She was the sculptor, I was the clay, and she had molded me into a new person. She had made me everything I thought I could never be, I knew that now. It made me love her even more. "Mulder, I want you to understand that I have been a coward. You have always been strong enough for the both of us where emotions are concerned, and I have never had to let mine surface. The truth is, I never wanted them to. I have been so afraid for so long to tell you of my feelings, afraid that you would think I needed your protection, that I needed you to shield me in some strange way that I never stopped to think that I was hurting you more by not telling you, and that I was hurting myself as well. Without knowing it, I have been killing the best part of me, which is you." I stepped closer to her, my eyes filling with tears that I could not longer hold back. I wanted so badly to take her in my arms, to tell her that I love her and not to be afraid, but somehow I knew that was exactly what she didn't want. "I have been so independent, through all of my life, I have built a brick wall around my heart, trying to avoid letting anyone get too close, to allow myself to get lost in someone. But the truth is Mulder, somehow you got through that wall, don't ask me how you did it, but you made me loose myself in you somewhere along the way. Damn you, you made me loose myself in you so completely that is sometimes scares the hell out of me. It scares me that I am not as strong as I thought I was, that I actually let my defenses down. You made me fall in love with you, and I think, no, I know, I wanted to. So the answer is yes. I do love you Mulder, I always have, I always will." I pulled her into my arms, unable to withstand to torture of separation any longer. Tears rolled down my face and into her hair. "I love you too Scully, I always will, no matter how bad we fight." We both made a small attempt at laughter and she raised her head from my chest. She pressed at soft kiss to my cheek and nuzzled my neck. "Stay." My voice came out as a small whisper, almost in-audible even to myself. "Mulder, you're drunk." "Maybe so, but I just want to hold you like this for a while. I can do that can't I?" "Yes, you can." "Scully?" "Yeah?" "Can I kiss you?" She raised her head once more, and looked deeply into my eyes. She raised her mouth up to meet mine and kissed me gently. I held her head in my hands, tilting it back to allow myself to take over the kiss and deepen it. Her left hand laid heavily on my chest, her other one covering the side of my neck. We stayed this way for what seemed like a lifetime, tasting each-other, holding each-other. It was she who finally pulled away. Breathing heavily, she slowly began to speak. "Mulder, I'm tired, it's been a long day. Can we sleep?" She was undoubtedly exhausted, and to be honest, so was I. So I gave her a small smile before taking her hand in mine. "Come on Scully, let's go sleep together." She made a small attempt at laughing and followed my lead into my bedroom. I peeled back the sheets to my bed and helped her out of her shoes before following her in. We laid facing each-other, my arms wrapped around her. I kissed her once on the forehead and she closed her eyes. I watched her like this for some time before finally drifting off to dreamland, to a place where I could hold her like this forever. xXxXxXxXxTHE ENDxXxXxXxXx My eternal thanks to Jamie for all of her help and un-dying support. I hope that this story turned out to be somewhat entertaining even after all of the odd twists and turns. But hey, it's based on the X-files right? Thank you so much for reading, I would love to hear what you think about this story, so please drop me a line! 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