TITLE: W IS FOR WILD AUTHOR: DONNILEE E-MAIL: DONNILEE@SNET.NET RATING: NC-17 SUMMARY: Posing as Mulder's date for a dinner with friends starts a frenzy of speculation between M&S and causes them to realize there are some normal things within reach. SPOILERS: Pilot, Millenium, Triangle, Emily, FTF DISCLAIMER: All characters belong to Chris Carter, Ten Thirteen Productions, and Fox Broadcasting. If I owned them, they'd be making each other feel a LOT better than they usually do! AUTHOR'S NOTE: The video idea came from Ducky, a weird British chick with a wicked sense of humor and a divine sense of kinky! Love you, Babe. Thanks for the idea! Scullybation, Mulderbation and videos ahead. WILD; adj., WILDER, WILDEST, living in a natural state, out of control, completely undisciplined. WILD; n p. -S, an uninhabited or uncultivated area. WILD; adv., in a wild way, to be uncontrolled. PART 1 (PG-13) DANA SCULLY'S APARTMENT MARCH 17, 2001 - SATURDAY 6:00 PM It was St. Patrick's Day, a day for the Irish to celebrate chasing all the snakes out of Ireland. Oh well, I suppose there were weirder holidays around the world, but at the moment, I couldn't think of one. Of course, now it was just an excuse to eat, drink and be merry. Every restaurant and bar was serving up corned beef and cabbage and green beer. Normally, I could take or leave it, but for some reason, this year, I wanted to cut loose. I was tired of being so controlled and having no fun. If you considered running around in the mud, getting slimed by monsters and ditched by your partner, fun ... then I guess I did have fun now and again. But that wasn't the kind of fun I was thinking about. I wanted to tie one on, get loaded, or whatever the going expression was for drinking too much and paying the consequences later. I was also horny. And if I was going to take care of that condition, I was definitely going to have to be drunk. Not having a boyfriend was a problem when you ran into curing this little problem of horniness. It was a risky business. Without asking the guy to fill out a medical form and spending a month pumping him about his past sexual history, you were rolling the dice. It was a crap shoot, and one I wasn't sure I wanted to indulge in. But maybe if I was drunk enough I wouldn't care. Then again, there was one man in my life that I knew was clean. I knew his medical history inside and out. I also knew more than I should about his personal life. And other than a few misguided indiscretions over the years, he pretty much had only one romantic relationship in his life and it involved a VCR, bad acting and impossible sexual positions, and, oh yeah, a right hand. Now there was an interesting idea. My partner was one hell of a dish. The odd thing was I really didn't think he knew it. Oh sure, he knew he wasn't ugly. But I honestly don't think he had a clue just how devastating he was sometimes. Particular expressions on his face could make my stomach melt into my shoes. Fortunately women's lib and a military upbringing made me fairly adept at hiding such mushy displays of internal organ shifting. How many times was St. Patrick's Day going to land on a Saturday anyway? I decided to go out, anywhere. I was going to get dressed up in a sexy outfit and I was going to paint the town. I signaled my legs to move and lurched up off the couch, heading for the bedroom and my wardrobe. Time to dust off some of those old mini skirts that hadn't seen the light of day since the late 80's. I chuckled with a rather conceited thought that I would still fit in them. Thirty minutes later, I was standing in front of my full length mirror in the bathroom, wearing a soft brown suede leather mini skirt and a tight blue Danskin top with a plunging neck line. It was short-waisted and fell only about three inches below my chest, leaving a small strip of my tummy showing, including my navel and the navel ring I so rarely displayed. I'd gotten it several years ago and spent most of the time since then covering it up or not wearing it at all. The effect I thought was rather nice now though, given the outfit. I strained to look over my shoulder and could see my tattoo peeking out from under the hem of the sweater. I was bare legged and wearing three inch brown suede pumps that I hoped would show off my legs. In contrast to the primping with my clothes, I had worn little make up, knowing that if I danced and began to sweat, I wouldn't want it melting off me. I had on a little mascara and some lip stick, preferring to forget the foundation, even though my freckles showed. I hadn't straightened my hair and it was falling in soft waves around my face. I looked quite a bit younger than I was if I do say so myself. I was going to have fun tonight. I wonder what Mulder was doing? The smile left my face as I had a sudden wash of sadness creep over me. Damn it! Why couldn't I forget that man for two minutes! Just then the phone rang and I reentered the bedroom, snatching up the receiver and sounding more harsh than I meant to. "Scully!" "Hi, uh, Scully it's me. Is everything all right?" Mulder. Did the damn man have ESP? "I'm fine, Mulder." I could almost visualize him wincing at my familiar cop out. "Well then, I was wondering if you had eaten dinner yet?" Dinner? What was he up to? "Why?" "Well, uh, an old friend of mine called. His name is Sean Devon. He's a cop in Arlington. He and his wife Connie invited me to have dinner with them at O'Connor's in D.C." "Oh, well, that's nice. What does this have to do with me?" "He invited me and my girlfriend." I gasped involuntarily, pulling the mouthpiece away from my lips, even knowing that he'd already heard it. Mulder had a girlfriend? Who? When? Where? How? "Your girlfriend?" My voice was more strangled than I would have wished, but there was nothing to do about it now. "Yeah. And I want to see him ... and I told him I would meet him at 7:30, but ..." "But? Your girlfriend can't go?" I sounded sarcastic. "Who is this girlfriend anyway? How come you never said anything about her?" He started to laugh. The bastard was laughing at me! "Oh, Scully, you're priceless sometimes, you know it?" "I don't think this is funny, Mulder! Damn it, stop laughing at me!" My volume was rising and I realized with horror that there were tears in my voice. His laughter ended abruptly and was instantly contrite and soothing. "I'm sorry, Scully, I didn't mean to upset you. I don't have a girlfriend. What made you think I did?" Fortunately, he couldn't see my mouth moving open and closed with no words coming out. I felt like an idiot. I was also trying hard to ignore the sweeping sense of relief that was washing through me. "Scully? Are you O.K.?" "You said he invited you ... and your girlfriend. You said it like you had a ... girlfriend." Why the hell was I babbling? "No Scully, he just assumed I would have one, because back in the day, at the academy, we used to ... carouse together." "Academy?" "Yeah, he went to the academy but dropped out and decided to go to the police academy instead." "Oh." "So, he will be with his wife and I don't want to ... be a third wheel. Do you understand what I mean? I mean, I know it's stupid and he wouldn't care and I know you probably have plans, it being St. Patrick's Day and all, but I ..." Was he babbling? Was he nervous? "But?" His voice was soft and I could swear there was a note of pleading in it. "I was hoping you would come with me." Should I go? Could I say no? I wanted to go. I certainly didn't want him to ask someone else. Who else would he ask? I realized how foolish it was of me to jump to the conclusion that he had a girlfriend. I would be sure to know, wouldn't I? I realized I had reacted that way because he had unwittingly voiced my biggest fear. I lived in fear that some woman would catch his eye and he would turn his affection away from me. I was being stupid but I couldn't help it. Why couldn't I just tell him how I felt? I was an adult for crying out loud! Why couldn't I act like one when it came to Mulder? There was just so much at stake. At least that was the excuse I continued to use. "Scully?" His voice sounded hesitant. "Look, I know it's short notice and don't feel like you have to. I just hoped that maybe you would be free." "Well, um, I was going to go out, but I think I like your offer better." "Oh Scully, if you had plans, I don't want you to change them. I knew I was calling too late." "No, Mulder, you called just in time. Are you going to pick me up? It's nearly 7:00 now though. Maybe I could meet you there." "I'll pick you up. Are you sure Scully?" "Yes I'm sure, but Mulder, you'll never make it on time. It will take a half hour just to get from here to D.C." "I know." My antenna went up as I heard the teasing note in his voice. "Mulder, where are you?" "Outside your door," he admitted. "Mulder!" He had been outside the door the whole time! Had he expected me to go? Damn! Well, now I'd already said that I would. I hung up the phone without saying anything and marched to the front door, totally forgetting the way I was dressed. I whipped open the door to find a sheepish looking Mulder dressed in a charcoal gray suit, a silk, light gray dress shirt and a slender black tie. He had on his winter trench coat with the lining and god help me, he was wearing his glasses. His expression went from sheepish to stunned as his eyes traveled from my face, down my body to my toes and back up again. I felt heat travel up my neck and flush my face as I realized he was staring at me, not saying a word. We both jumped as his cell phone hit the floor of the hallway. He jumped and bent over to retrieve it. "Oops," he mumbled and straightened back up. His eyes looked over my shoulder, to the left and then to the right. He was trying to look anywhere but at my body. He clumsily slid his phone into his jacket pocket and I found myself smiling, loving that I had surprised him. He was not used to seeing me this way. "Mulder?" He finally made eye contact again and licked his lips. I smiled a cocky smile, pursing my lips, trying to keep from laughing. He smiled in response, finally showing all his teeth and laughing out loud. "God, Scully, are you trying to give me a heart attack?!" I chuckled and took a step backwards, inviting him in. His eyes were glued to my backside as I turned and went to the closet to get my long wool coat. I wasn't exactly dressed warm and it was chilly outside, although spring was starting to make an appearance. "Oh, what kind of place is this? Should I change? Put on more conservative clothes?" His voice was husky as he answered me, "God, no." I turned and he immediately stepped into me, taking my coat, shaking it out and holding it up. I smirked and whirled around, sliding one arm and then the other into the sleeves. He set the collar on my neck and his hands landed on my shoulders, not moving. I began to step away but his fingers tightened. "Mulder, what are you doing?" His head dropped down next to mine and he spoke softly in my ear. "You are always beautiful, Scully. But tonight ... Christ ... tonight you are devastating." I shivered as his words tumbled into my ear. Always beautiful? Devastating? Dear lord, where did that come from? I knew I looked decent, but devastating? He put pressure on my shoulders and spun me around. His hands landed on my biceps and he looked down at me. "I'm afraid to ask where you were going dressed like that." I raised one eyebrow at him. He smiled. "None of my business, right?" "Right," I replied. I didn't want him to know that I hadn't really had any plans. Let him think I was dropping them for dinner with him. When did I start playing these silly little mind games? "Let's go, Mulder. We'll be late." "Scully, when did you get a belly ring?" he asked quietly. I blushed. "A couple years ago." "How did I miss seeing it?" "I don't usually go around with my mid drift exposed." "No ... you don't. But God, I wish you would." "Mulder! Let's go." He chuckled. "O.K., O.K." He nodded and opened the door. His hand went to the small of my back as he steered me down the hallway and out the door of my apartment building. He held the passenger side car door open, being chivalrous as I slid inside. He closed the door and trotted to the driver's side, sliding behind the wheel. He turned on the engine and then turned to look at me. He was shaking his head slightly. "What?!" "Sorry, Scully. I'm just not used to seeing you like this." "What are you saying? I normally look like crap?" I teased. He chuckled. "No, I told you. You always look beautiful, but I guess I've never seen you dressed for a night on the town. It's ... disconcerting me a little." "Disconcerting?" I swear his voice dropped nearly an octave. "I can't take my eyes off you." Did it suddenly get warm in here? He reached up slowly and grasped a sprig of hair and rubbed it between his thumb and forefinger. "So soft. Your hair looks gorgeous like this Scully, you should wear it like this all the time." I shook my head and dislodged his fingers. I looked out the window and heard him sigh. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable." "It's all right." He pulled out onto the road and headed for the beltway. After several minutes of silence, I asked, "Mulder, did you tell your friend that you didn't have a girlfriend?" "Uh, actually no. I just said I would be there." I snapped my head around to look at him. "Is he going to think that I'm ... ?" He glanced at me and smirked. "He'll think whatever you want him to think, Scully. Don't worry about it. If you want to tell him you are my partner, then tell him. If you don't, then don't. It's up to you. I can tell him you're just my friend if you want me to. Just let me know what you want." I was silent as I mulled that over. Just my friend. Just my friend. Yes, I was. He was just my friend, but he was so much more too. Then again, he wasn't my boyfriend. I felt a sinking sensation in my chest at that thought. What was Mulder to me? He was my partner, certainly, my best friend, of course. But what else? Somewhere along the line, he had become so interwoven into the fabric of my life that I was at a loss for what to do when he wasn't with me. And although I recognized that this was slightly pathetic, I also felt a sense of security and a safety that I had never felt with anyone else. He prompted me out of my musings. "Scully? Are you angry with me?" He was so insecure, it drove me nuts, sometimes. "No." "You're pretty quiet." "Just thinking." "About what?" "About us." "What about us?" I sighed. "Mulder, will it embarrass you if you show up with your 'partner'?" "You could never embarrass me, Scully." "That's not what I meant. I meant, I know how guys can be sometimes. I know how competitive they can be." "Spit it out, Scully. What are you trying to say?" "Do you feel a need to compete with this guy in women department?" He laughed. "The women department?" "You know what I mean." "Not really. He's married now." He sounded uncomfortable. "But?" "But he has, over the years, picked on me about my career. And the fact that I never settled down, never found anyone. He was always fond of pointing out that I could have had a life with ..." He left the sentence hanging and I swallowed heavily. "Diana." As if I hadn't filled in the blank, he said, "If it wasn't for my career choices. He does it all in good-natured fun, but I'd be lying if I said it didn't bother me sometimes. His wife Connie is a super woman. She's down to earth, runs a stationary store, very independent." "And ..." "And he has it all," he said somewhat sadly. "What do mean by that? Define 'all'." "He has a good job with regular hours, a home, a beautiful wife, two kids and a swimming pool. He has what every man is supposed to want." "But you never wanted those things." It was a statement. "I didn't say that." We rode in silence for several more minutes. Then suddenly he said, "He'll know who you are anyway, I talk about you all the time." "You do?" "Whenever I see or talk to him, which isn't often, I always talk about my partner, Scully." "How come?" He glanced at me again and smirked. "What else am I going to talk about?" "What do you tell him?" He must have heard the nervousness in my voice. "Nothing personal. I tell him what a brilliant doctor you are, what a great agent you are." "Thanks, Mulder," I mumbled. As if I hadn't spoken, he continued, "I tell him how I've never had a better partner and I finally found someone I could respect as a partner and who respects me. I tell him I'm happy with you. And he's happy that I found someone I can work with. He didn't think I ever would." He grinned then. "Are you?" "Am I what?" "Happy with me?" He pulled up in front of the restaurant and I realized they had valet parking. I slid out, wondering whether I really wanted an answer to that question. He handed the keys to the valet and met me on the sidewalk. He looked down at me and said, "Yes, Scully. As long as you're in my life, I'm happy. I'll always be happy with you. You are the best thing that ever happened to me." He paused. "I'd by lyin gif I said I didn't envy him sometimes though." I felt tears sting the back of my eyes and blinked rapidly to keep them from making an appearance. He smiled softly at me. "Let's go in. They're probably here already. He's never late, in fact, he's usually early. Always gets on me for being late." "I can relate to that," I said. He chuckled and steered me inside with his hand in the usual place. I observed him unobtrusively as he spoke with the host. The host pointed to a table near the rear of the restaurant and Mulder nodded. God, he was a handsome man. I didn't often admit it, but I liked being seen with him, whether we were together' or not. People often thought we were and I rarely admitted to how that made me feel. Good. Too good. PART 2 (PG-13) O'CONNOR'S RESTAURANT WASHINGTON, D.C. March 17, 2001 - SATURDAY 7:30 PM We checked our coats and he steered me to the table. This was a really nice place. A man with jet black hair and black eyes stood up as he saw us approach. I saw his eyes scan my body and face and he smiled wide. I caught his look at Mulder, with eyebrows raised. I felt a flush of pride, knowing his friend thought I was attractive. Seated beside him was a pretty, little blonde with green eyes and dimples. She looked about 20 years old, but I knew she had to be older if she was running her own business. Mulder stuck out his hand and grabbed his friend's extended hand in his own. "Sean, buddy, good to see you. It's been a while." "Likewise." He looked at me and stuck out his hand, "And you are?" Mulder began to make an introduction. "Sean, this is my pa..." I cut him off, surprising us both, "I'm Dana, nice to meet you." I glanced at Mulder and his mouth was hanging open. Sean turned to his wife and I quickly lifted my fingers and touched his chin. His mouth snapped shut and the corners of his mouth twitched. I winked at him and slid into a chair that he held out for me. Sean was speaking. "This is my wife, Connie." I smiled at her. "Hi, nice to meet you." She beamed. "Oh you too! I told Sean that Fox was going to show up alone. I was sure he would. All he ever talks about is that partner of his. " She turned to Mulder. "But you surprised us this time! Good for you!" She was entirely too enthusiastic, but I decided to not make any prejudgments. I glanced at Mulder and he was clearly worried about how I was going to take Connie's comment. Mulder broke in. "So, have they brought you menus yet?" he asked, abruptly changing the subject. "No, any minute now though. I caught the waitress' eye a minute ago. We were waiting for you." Just then a waitress appeared handing out menus. She looked at her tab sheet. "We have corned beef and cabbage on special. What a surprise!" We all chuckled. "We also have baked, stuffed shrimp with a walnut stuffing, or we have good old steak and baked potatoes. Each of the specials is $14.95. Everything else is as priced in the menu. Can I get you some drinks?" The guys decided to order a bottle of wine. We ordered and while we waited, the questions began. Truth be told, I was enjoying playing this little game. Mulder shot me several grateful glances throughout the conversation and I felt a warmth of affection for him steal through me. It was so rare that Mulder had anybody treat him like a normal human being. This friend was obviously important to him. He didn't like feeling weird around him. And whether Sean teased him in good fun or not, I knew that the comments about his life style and lack of love life probably hit home and hurt him more than he was willing to admit. I knew it now that I caught the looks he was giving me. He was so proud to be with me. How could I let him down? Connie asked, "So what do you do, Dana?" I glanced at Mulder and saw a lesser version of his panic face. "I'm a doctor." "A doctor?!" "Yes." I smiled at her astonishment. "Oh my, that's wonderful." Sean smiled at his wife and then turned to me. "Where do you practice?" I saw Mulder swallow out of the corner of my eye. These questions were making him nervous. "I work for the FBI actually." His eyes went a little wide. "Oh, so you two met there." "Sort of. I do most of my work at Quantico." That wasn't totally untrue. Most of my autopsies were done at Quantico. "Wow," he replied. Fortunately he dropped that line of questioning. Mulder chatted idly with Sean for a while, asking him about his job and about Connie's business. Dinner finally came and I realized we'd already polished off the wine. They ordered another bottle and conversation slowed down as we ate. Sean and Connie had gotten the corned beef, Mulder had gotten the steak and I'd ordered the stuffed shrimp. I loved corned beef and cabbage. But cabbage wasn't something you wanted to consume when you were out on a date. It made you fart. At least, that's what it did to me! Wait a minute ... date? Did I just think 'date'? Yes I did. God, where was my head? Maybe I was enjoying this little act a little too much. Dinner finished, we all ordered coffee. We relaxed and sipped our coffee. Suddenly Connie blurted out, "So I'm dying to know, how long have you two been seeing each other?" We both stared at her mutely. Sean interjected, "Connie, that's kind of abrupt!" "Oh, sorry." She looked at her hands. I didn't want to look at Mulder. I decided if I was going to play the game, I might as well. And Missy always told me the best lies were rooted in truth. "Well, it's hard to pin point. We've known each other for a long time. We became friends first, then best friends. And then, well, things just sort of developed from there and one day we realized that there was ... more there than just friendship. The rest is history." I risked a glance at Mulder and he was staring at me, trying to be casual about it, but I could feel his eyes boring into the side of my head. Sean smiled. "He always has been a sneaky one." I chuckled. Connie beamed. "Oh, that's so romantic. You know, they say that friends make the best lovers. Is that true?" Mulder choked on the coffee he was about to swallow and I grabbed a napkin, quickly reaching under his chin. He took it from me, nodding his thanks. Sean interrupted again, "Connie, I think they've answered enough questions about their relationship. That one was definitely too personal. Now stop it." She scowled at him and pursed her lips. "Oh stop being such a kill joy. You know you are as curious as I am, maybe more." Sean coughed behind his hand and Mulder laughed. He actually laughed. I couldn't help it, I laughed too. This whole situation was getting ridiculous. He leaned over slightly and planted his arm across the back of my chair, touching my shoulders. I shivered slightly and hoped he didn't feel it. "You always were nosey, Sean, at least your wife is honest about it." Now it was Connie's turn to laugh. "See! You bully!" she teased her husband. He grinned and shook his head, not knowing what to say. They were such a nice couple and so relaxed with each other. I felt a stab of envy. Mulder looked at Connie. Then he calmly said, "And Connie, to answer your question ... yes, I think friends do make the best lovers." She beamed, Sean laughed and I coughed. Oh Mulder was going to get it this time! He knew I couldn't refute him without exposing this whole evening as a lie. He was enjoying the hell out of himself now. Then why wasn't I? His words kept repeating themselves in my head, ... yes, I think friends do make the best lovers. Shit! Finally, Sean looked at his watch. "Well, it's been great, but we really have to get going. I have to bring the babysitter home. Hopefully, the kids have been asleep for a while. They are 2 and 4 and it's sometimes hard for her to get them down." I felt a pang at the mention of a babysitter. It must have shown on my face, because the backs of Mulder's fingers were suddenly on my cheek. "Hey," he said softly. "You O.K.?" I glanced over to see the concerned looks of Sean of Connie. I cleared my throat. "Yeah, yeah, I'm fine, Mulder." I stood quickly and pushed my chair in, keeping my eyes on the ground. Despite the coffee, I must have had a little too much wine. I was unbelievably emotional tonight. Sean and Connie had stood as well, not saying anything and obviously wondering at the odd exchange. I went to turn away from the table and Mulder's hands came down on my shoulders. I froze, looking up at him. "You sure you're O.K. ... Dana?" I swallowed around the lump in my throat and nodded quickly. I was NOT going to break down in this restaurant. What was the matter with me? Why did the mention of anything relating to children still having such a momentous effect on me after all this time? I bit my lower lip as I realized with a shock of embarrassment that it was quivering. Unexpectedly, Mulder folded me into his arms and pulled me into his chest. Somehow I found myself with my arms around his waist, my face pressed into his chest and one of his hands in my hair. I hugged him and he tightened his grip on me and murmured into my hair. "Shhh, I'm sorry. Let's get out of here, huh?" I felt his lips brush my hair near my temple and I shivered. I nodded against his chest and mumbled, "I need to use the ladies room." "O.K., I'll get our coats and meet you at the front door." I pulled away, suddenly embarrassed and hoping we hadn't attracted the attention of the entire restaurant. No one but Sean and Connie seemed to be paying any attention. I bowed my head and walked quickly toward the ladies room. Connie made to follow me and I saw Mulder take her arm and stop her out of the corner of my eye. Bless him. The last thing I needed right now was a concerned stranger coddling me while I had a stupid break down over something totally ridiculous. XXXXXXXXXX I couldn't believe that Scully agreed to go to dinner with me on such short notice. I couldn't believe the way she looked when she opened her door. I couldn't believe that she told Sean and Connie her name was Dana, preventing me from introducing her as Scully, my partner. I knew that Sean was impressed ... and surprised to find me with such a beautiful woman. I think he was even more surprised that she was nothing like Diana. He'd always teased me about going for that 'type.' Well, my type had changed about seven years ago when a little red head walked into my office. This entire evening had been unbelievable. I wasn't lying when I said that I couldn't take my eyes off her. She was a vision. My eyes kept being drawn to that strip of exposed skin on her mid drift and that belly ring. It made my head spin. The tattoo was wild enough, but a belly ring? How much didn't I know about my partner? I wanted to know everything. The questions had made me nervous a few times. I wasn't sure how far Scully would go with the charade. I didn't want to say something that would anger her or cross some invisible line she had probably drawn. But she had handled the questions like a pro. I remembered her words, ... one day we realized there was more there than friendship. Ho boy. Do you have any idea how much more, Scully? Do you have any idea how much I love you? I wondered. The way she was pretending that we were a couple made a strange ache flare up in my chest. She had acted hurt and upset when she mistakenly thought I had a girlfriend I had failed to mention. Did that mean anything? I wasn't sure. She could have been upset merely because she thought I'd hidden something from her. But I didn't think so. I wondered what her plans had been. She was dressed pretty wild, wild for Scully I knew, anyway. The evening had gone so well and then Sean had to go and mention a babysitter. I'd seen Scully's smile drop off her face and her eyes squint in an expression of sadness. She still had reactions at the oddest times where children were concerned. All my guilt over her inability to have children came flooding back for a second or two. Then I realized that right then, she didn't need me to wallow in my own guilt. She needed a friend and she needed comfort. Trouble being, she rarely if ever let me comfort her. She usually pulled away. That's why I was so surprised when she didn't resist my hug. It had felt so good to feel her pressed against my body. She felt warm and soft. I'd been in a state of semi- arousal all night from just the sight of her. But oddly, at that moment, I hadn't been excited, when I finally had her pressed against me. I had actually managed to be a friend and not let my hormones interfere. I knew I had to say something to Sean and Connie. I couldn't just leave them hanging. But I wanted Scully to be able to save face. She was in the bathroom now as I walked to the coat check and retrieved our coats. Sean turned to me and opened his mouth and I held up a hand. I knew what he was going to say. He said, "No, I'm not going to ask," he said. "It's obviously private. I just hope I didn't say something to upset her." I said, "Look, I know that looked strange. Um, Ss...Dana ... it's a personal thing." I shook my head. "She's a strong woman and I'm sure she'd rather you knew nothing about this but I knew I had to say something. Sometimes this thing hits her at weird times. Look, don't say anything. She'll be mortified if you fawn over her." "I understand," Connie said. "She needs her dignity. It's very important to her. Look it's a personal thing. She'll be fine. I promise. Just go home now. It'll be better if you're gone when she comes out and she doesn't feel she owes you an explanation. Can you understand?" They both nodded. "Sure, it's personal. No problem, buddy. We had a good time. And hey, she's a gorgeous woman, and a brain in her head too. Fox, you done good." He gave me a thumbs up. I chuckled. "You love her a lot, don't you? I could tell by the way you looked at her." I nodded. "Yeah, I love her more than I thought it was possible to love anyone. I'm so far gone it's ridiculous," I said quietly. "You have no idea Sean. She breaks my heart every day." He smiled, nodding his head. "I'm glad you finally found someone. I mean that. You deserve to be happy." "Thanks, man." I didn't know what else to say. I felt bad about lying to him. I did love Scully, but we weren't together and that made me unbelievably sad. He patted me on the shoulder and then took his wife's arm. They waved one last time and made their way out the front door. Just then I felt a hand on my elbow. I spun around to find Scully looking up at me with a stunned look on her face. Oh God, how much did she hear? I held my breath, waiting to see if she would say anything. When she didn't, I threw my coat over my arm and held her's up, biting my lip in embarrassment. Oh God, please don't let her have heard me. She must have heard something! Let her think it was part of the show for Sean and Connie. Please, please, Scully, don't freak out on me! XXXXXXXXXX I collected myself in the bathroom and splashed some cold water on my face. When I felt sufficiently collected, I straightened my shoulders and made my way down the hall outside the bathrooms into the lobby. I spotted Mulder talking to Sean and Connie near the coat check. I wondered what he was telling him and suddenly hoped that he wouldn't tell them anything. But he would have to tell them something, wouldn't he? I'd made a scene. They knew I was upset over something. What would he tell them? I stopped behind a giant potted palm about 10 feet away from the coat check. I felt ridiculous eavesdropping like this. But I really wanted them to leave before I exited. I didn't want to face them. I was so embarrassed. Mulder's low voice drifted into my ears ... "She needs her dignity. It's very important to her. Look it's a personal thing. She'll be fine. I promise. Just go home now. It'll be better if you're gone when she comes out and she doesn't feel she owes you an explanation. Can you understand?" They both nodded. God Bless him. He understood how she would feel and he was sending them away, protecting her dignity. I loved him for that. Loved him? I tuned in again. "Sure, it's personal. No problem, buddy. We had a good time. And hey, she's a gorgeous woman, and a brain in her head too. Fox, you done good." Sean gave Mulder the thumbs up and Mulder chuckled. "You love her a lot, don't you? I could tell by the way you looked at her." I held my breath and then gasped as I saw him nod in the affirmative. Then my heart started racing and banging against my ribs as I heard Mulder's response. "Yeah, I love her more than I thought it was possible to love anyone. I'm so far gone it's ridiculous," he said quietly. Then, "You have no idea, Sean. She breaks my heart every day." Sean smiled, nodding his head. "I'm glad you finally found someone. I mean that. You deserve to be happy." "Thanks, man." Ohmygod, Ohmygod, Ohmygod! Did he mean it? Why did he say that? Was it just to convince his friend that we were a couple? No, he sounded so sincere. But Mulder can act, you know that! No, he wouldn't say something like that for effect, would he? That was laying it on pretty thick! Oh God. I have to leave here with him. The urge to run was nearly overwhelming. I had to see his face. His face would tell me everything. If he was casual and acted like nothing was out of the ordinary, so would I. We were good at that. It must have been for his friend's benefit. I took a deep breath and rounded the palm and strode to Mulder where he stood, holding our coats. I touched his elbow lightly and he spun around like he'd been slapped. His eyes locked with mine. He was wearing his panic face, no doubt about it. Oh lord, he was afraid I'd heard him. He was terrified I had heard him. I just kept staring at him, not knowing what to say. His eyes darted away and he held up my coat for me without saying a word. I didn't know what to say or do, so I accepted his invitation and turned to slide my arms into my coat. He hastily threw his on and smiled nervously. "Ready to go?" "Yes." "Are you O.K.? I mean, over the ... " "Kid thing?" I asked. He nodded. "Yeah, I'm O.K. I just had a 'moment'. Thanks for ... covering for me." "No problem. Any time." He hesitantly put his hand on my back and steered me out the door. The valet drove our car up and we studiously avoided looking at each other as we stood and waited on the sidewalk. He nearly jumped at the door when the car slid up to the curb, holding the door open for me. I got in and stared straight ahead as he slid into the driver's seat. He pulled out onto the street and glanced at me, calmer now but still nervous. I had to break this tension. Should I tell him I heard him? Should I ask him straight out if he meant it? Or should I act like everything was normal? Normal. There was no such thing when it came to Mulder and me. PART 3 (R) DANA SCULLY'S APARTMENT GEORGETOWN, VA MARCH 17, 2001 - SATURDAY 10:00 PM He drove up to my building and parked and shut off the engine. We sat in silence for a moment and finally I said, "Well, thank you Mulder. I had a good time. You're friends are nice ... surprisingly normal." He laughed then, the tension finally broken. "Surprisingly normal, Scully? So ... what are you trying to say?" he teased. I laughed with him and he glanced at me, grinning, obviously relieved that I wasn't saying anything about what he had said. Then again, he wasn't sure if I'd heard him or not. His panic told me that it hadn't been a ruse though, at least not totally. How did I feel about that? I needed to think about it more and now was not the time, when he was sitting next to me. I decided teasing was a safe way to go. "I knew you had it in you, Mulder." "What's that supposed to mean?" he asked, mock indignant. I chuckled. "You can be normal, you just hide it really well. I think you like people thinking your weird. Then you can keep them at arm's length. No one really gets to know you and you don't have to take a risk and be vulnerable." Where the hell did all that come from? And what happened to simply teasing him? He was very quiet and I looked over to find him looking at me with an incredibly sad expression on his face. Softly, he asked, "You think I try to scare people away on purpose?" I shook my head, trying to back pedal and think of something to say. I'd hurt him now. Damn it! "You think I enjoy being a weirdo? Having everyone think I'm some sort of nut case?" "No Mulder, I didn't mean it that way!" His voice was rising with his frustration and hurt. "You think I don't want what everybody else wants? Huh?! You don't think I hate going to bed alone every night? That I don't wish I could find somebody to love me!? God, Scully! I want what everybody wants! I want what you want! I want a wife and kids, and a house with a lawn. I want a family to share the holidays with. I want to go home from work and skip dinner so I can make love to my wife! I want to be loved as much as the next person! What would make you think that I enjoy being ridiculed and laughed at?" He was winding down near the end, breathing hard. I had tears in my eyes, realizing I had hit a nerve. Maybe seeing Sean and his wife had brought all this stuff up to the surface. I hadn't meant to hurt him. But I hadn't realized he wanted all those things. It had never occurred to me that Mulder wanted to be normal. I really did think he enjoyed being different. I knew he didn't enjoy being ridiculed, but I thought it didn't bother him that he was different. In fact, at times I thought he reveled in it, throwing people off their game. He seemed to like the shock value of his opinions and theories. Maybe it was all a defense mechanism all along. Apparently it did bother him and that made the sacrifice he was making to do this work suddenly loom much larger than it ever had. I felt like a heel. I was so emotional to begin with and now I'd upset him and he wouldn't look at me. I couldn't hold them in anymore and I let the tears come. I touched his arm and he turned to me. I whispered, "I'm sorry, Mulder. I didn't mean to hurt you. I know you don't like being alone or ridiculed. I just ... I was trying to tease you ... lighten the mood. I guess I'm just no good at it. I'm sorry. And, and, you're not alone, Mulder, you have me." He leaned over and pulled me into his arms. I went willingly. His hip caught on the steering wheel and he scooted toward me. I turned backward on the seat and hugged him. His arms wrapped around me, one on my back, the other dug his fingers into my hair and held my head on his shoulder. His voice was gruff with suppressed emotion when he finally spoke. "Scully, I'm sorry. I over reacted. I guess I'm just oversensitive tonight. You got upset about the kid thing, and it brought back all the pain I've caused you. Reminded me how much better off you'd be without me." "No Mulder, please let's not do this again. We've been over this before. You are NOT to blame. I've made my own choices. We've both made sacrifices, but they were our choices, no one else's." He squeezed me tighter. "Regardless, I know you could have had all those things that all of us wants, ... if not for teaming up with me." I opened my mouth to speak again but he pulled back and removed his hand from my hair, placing his fingers over my lips to silence me. I swallowed hard. "I guess," he said quietly, "that in a way, you are right." "What?" "I don't like being ridiculed, but I'm used to it. I don't usually care what people think of me. I don't need a million friends and I don't need to be social butterfly. But that doesn't mean I like being alone. Sometimes it hits me what I'm missing. I'm just really sensitive about you, Scully." "What do you mean?" My heart had begun a heavy thudding again. "I care what you think about me. I care that you like me and believe in me." "I do! You know I do!" "I do keep other people at arm's length sometimes, but not because I don't want them to get to know me, per se. It's because I don't want them to be hurt by knowing me, the way you have been. And because I've never been able to trust them. I wanted to, but I couldn't. But, I trust you, Scully, totally." I opened my mouth to respond again and he pressed his fingers to my lips again. I had the insane urge to suck one of them into my mouth, but I resisted. I wonder what he would do. I shook myself mentally. I needed to pay attention here. He was rarely this forthcoming. "I don't want you to think that ... you can't ... get close to me if you ... wanted to. You're different, Scully. I couldn't push you away, not any more. I need you too much." He paused and swallowed hard. "I would never keep you at arm's length, Scully. I'm incapable of it. You mean too much to me. I need you ... in my life." I waited several seconds to see if he was going to say anything else. He didn't. I was unsure what to do now. He tucked a lock of hair behind my ear and I shivered as his fingers tickled my neck. He smiled and leaned his forehead against mine. "I know Mulder. I ... need you too." His eyes widened briefly but then his eyes closed. When they reopened he locked his gaze with mine. He was breathing a little quicker than before and I realized our bodies were still pressed together from the waist up. His hand came down and snaked inside my coat. When his warm hand came in contact with the bare skin on my waist, we both gasped. He closed his eyes again and leaned his head back against the seat. He mumbled, "Oh God, Scully." Well, wasn't this getting awkward? "I have to go, Mulder, it's late." I sounded nervous even to my own ears. He sighed and let his arms loosen. I scooted away and immediately missed the heat of his body. "Good night, Mulder." I slid out of the car and stepped onto the sidewalk. I turned when I heard his car door slam. "Mulder?" "Can I walk you inside?" "I don't need you to walk me in. I'm fine." He licked his lips. "I know you don't need me to walk you in, I asked if I could walk you in." We stared at each other for a moment and then I felt myself nodding, wondering if I was inviting a heap of trouble. He strode to me and once again steered me inside with his hand on my back. He stood watching while I unlocked the door and pushed it open. I stepped inside and turned. He stood with his arms at his side watching me. "Well, I'm here." That sounded dumb! He smiled. "Scully?" "What?" He stepped into me and I felt the heat of his body, so close again. "Can I ... hug you again?" he asked. I scrunched my brow. This was not the Mulder I was used to. This was not the man who slung innuendo and then retreated into his safe corner. Something strange was going on. "Why?" I asked. He just swallowed and then said, "I just ... forget it. Good night, Scully." I don't know why I did it. He looked so dejected. And I had a good time tonight and didn't want to leave on a sad or uncomfortable note. Or maybe I was just justifying it. In any case, I stepped into him those final inches and wrapped my arms around his waist. His arms came up immediately and both of them snaked under my coat. He pulled me into him fiercely and pressed me into his chest. I gasped slightly but then relaxed a second later as his heat diffused into me. One of his hands slid down to my lower back and again the contact of skin on skin, as innocent as it was, made me suck in my breath. He grunted softly and pulled me tighter. His head sunk to my shoulder and he nuzzled my hair. God it felt good, but it shouldn't. Right? "Mulder?" What was happening here? "Hmmm?" "You O.K., now?" "As O.K. as I'm gonna get, I guess." "What do you mean?" "Never mind." He straightened up and looked down at me. His eyes scanned over my face and I wondered what he was thinking. His thumb came up and brushed the mole above my lip. I gasped again. He whispered, "You rocked my world tonight, Scully." "How so?" Now I was confused. "Seeing you like this, showing off your assets." I laughed now. I couldn't help it. "Assets, Mulder?" He smiled. "Do you have any idea how beautiful you are?" My smile faded as he continued to stare at me. "Thank you," I nearly whispered. Out of the blue he said, "I want to kiss you, Scully." I gasped, loudly. His hand came up to the back of my neck and his head began to lower towards mine. He never took his eyes off mine. I was breathing quickly and my heart was racing. "Mulder ...I ... what?" He stopped with his lips a hair's breath away from me. "You were magnificent tonight," he murmured. "You pretended to be mine." Mine? His? I shivered. I should push him away. This was getting out of hand, wasn't it? "Do you know how much I wished it were true?" "Oh God, Mulder, what are you saying?" He shook his head as if to say, 'I don't know.' It caused his lips to brush lightly against mine. It felt as if electricity zipped between us. His barely audible grunt of "Oh," traveled into my ear a second before his lips slid across mine. His tongue darted out to lick my lower lip and I lost control of my vocal chords and moaned softly. As my mouth opened, his tongue slid inside smoothly. He deepened the kiss and I suddenly realized my lips were moving. I was kissing him back! How did this happen? I was kissing Fox Mulder. And it was divine. His lips were smooth and soft and warm. His tongue was hot and wet and gentle as it assaulted the inside of my mouth and swirled around my own tongue. My nipples hardened against his chest and I felt wetness flood my panties. Oh, he was just too good at this. He was being so tender, and it made my body melt. I couldn't seem to stop myself from kissing him back. This was so wrong. But it felt so good. He pressed his hips towards me and I felt the evidence of his arousal. He was hot and hard and I could feel it through his dress slacks. He groaned and pulled his hips back. He finally broke the kiss, once again leaning his forehead on my mine. We were both panting. "Mulder?" He was silent a moment and then said, "I'd never push you away. I'd love to be normal with you, Scully." "Mulder, we should talk." "Not tonight." He straightened up and away from me. The backs of his fingers brushed my cheek again. I was too stunned to move. "Good night, Scully. Happy St. Patty's Day." He turned and stepped into the hallway, closing the door softly behind him. I realized my fingers were over my lips. I yanked my hand away, hoping I hadn't done that while he was still looking. Holy mother of God. What the hell just happened here? PART 4 (NC-17) FOX MULDER'S APARTMENT ARLINGTON, VA MARCH 17, 2001 - SATURDAY 11:00 PM Holy shit. Holy shit. HOLY SHIT! I kissed her. I really kissed her. Not like that lame attempt on New Year's Eve that had never been mentioned before or since. I really kissed her, tongue and all. And she kissed me back. She kissed me back! Holy shit. It took the entire ride back to Arlington to get rid of my hard on. It was returning with a vengeance as I remembered the feel of the soft skin of her back under my finger tips. Her lips were wet and warm and so soft. She'd looked like an angel tonight. 'I want to kiss you, Scully.' What an idiot! Uh, duh! Why the hell did I say that? How un-cool was that? Really suave, Fox. Where the hell had that come from? But I had complimented her too. I told her I thought she was beautiful. Where that courage came from I'll never know. Maybe it was seeing Sean and Connie and realizing all over again what I was missing. God, how I wanted to come home to someone. But not just anyone. I wanted Scully. I'd wanted Scully for a long, long time. But I'd been to chicken to do anything about it. If I thought she was hot in a Donna Karen suit, I'd nearly made a complete ass out of myself when she'd opened her door earlier. Christ! I'd dropped my phone. My tongue was nearly hanging out! God, I hope she forgets that little display. What a nerd! I still didn't know for sure if she'd heard me in the restaurant. What the hell was I thinking, confessing my love for her to Sean, when I'd never told her? Well, that wasn't true. I'd told her, but I'd been on the really good drugs then after having nearly froze to death in the Burmuda Triangle. She'd thought I was kidding. I'd almost kissed her before too, in my hallway, when I thought she was going to bolt. What an idiot. She had probably thought I was just trying to make her stay. I was, but there was so much more to it. That damn bee had certainly spoiled the moment, in a big way. God, I'd almost lost her then. If not for the help of the Well Manicured Man, I would have lost her. I remembered seeing her in that pod of alien goo. Although my fear was at an all time peak, I hadn't been able not to notice the perfect roundness of her breasts when she'd fallen into my arms after I ripped that thing out of her mouth. I hadn't had time to contemplate it then, but I had since then. Many times I'd laid here on this very couch and thought of every time I'd seen her skin. The hotel in Bellafleur on our first case. I lay here on the couch in boxers having stripped out of my suit. Flashes of Scully skin paint a picture behind my closed eyelids as my eidetic memory replays every glimpse of the woman I love. My hand wandered down to my groin, fondling myself through the fabric and feeling myself harden. I picked up the remote and flicked the TV on and then started the video playing that I had left in there the night before. It had a tall guy with brown hair and a tiny red head in it. She wasn't nearly as good looking as Scully, but I could pretend. I didn't even need to watch it anymore. I knew every scene by heart. I'd nearly worn the tape out. I was going to need to get a new copy. I couldn't keep doing this. But I had no choice. I wouldn't sleep otherwise. I shoved my boxers down to my knees and grabbed my dick, now fully erect. I listened to the sounds from the video as I closed my eyes. I stroked firm and fast, hoping to end this quickly and get some much needed sleep. I moaned her name as I felt surges of excitement ripple through me remembering that kiss. How long before I could do it again? Would she let me do it again? Oh, her tongue, dancing with mine. "Sccuullyy!" I shouted as my release overtook me and hot cum sprayed onto my chest. I panted and looked down at the mess. I really was pathetic. I really needed to get laid ... for real. It had been way too long. I hit the remote to turn off the TV and VCR and then reached for the tissues. XXXXXXXXXX DANA SCULLY'S APARTMENT GEORGETOWN, VA MARCH 17, 2001 - SATURDAY 11:30 PM I'd been laying here in bed for a half an hour. I couldn't sleep. This was getting ridiculous. The sheets were cool as I rolled from my side onto my back. I let them drag over my nipples and felt them harden. "Oh God," I moaned. I reached for them, pinching lightly and feeling my crotch flood with wetness again. Those lips, I was remembering the feel of those talented lips on mine. That plump lower lip brushing against my tongue as it danced with his. Mulder said I had rocked his world. Well, he had rocked mine with that kiss. 'I want to kiss you, Scully.' Those words had frozen my limbs. What was the matter with me? I hadn't even given a token protest. 'You were magnificent tonight.' My fingers moved down to spread my wetness up over my clit. I shuddered and ran two fingers down either side of my throbbing nub, feeling arousal coil in my gut, lifting my legs and spreading them wide. 'You pretended to be mine.' Yes, I had, hadn't I? And I'd enjoyed every minute of it. I began twisting my nipple with one hand and stroking my middle finger inside of myself with the other. "Awww, Mulder," I moaned. I'd been fantasizing about my partner for years, but now it was going to be unbearable. If his kiss was that good, enflamed me so, what would it be like to really love him. To let him love me. 'Do you know how much I wished it were true?' Oh God, he wanted me to be his? 'I love her more than I thought it was possible to love anyone.' "Muullddeerr!" I shouted as the waves of my orgasm washed over me and I trembled, feeling my thighs quivering as they fell limp to the bed. I hoped that maybe now I could sleep. XXXXXXXXXX FOX MULDER'S APARTMENT ARLINGTON, VA MARCH 18, 2001 - SUNDAY 9:00 AM I was dreaming. She was there with me. I was sinking inside her wet softness, hearing her moan as she responded to our love making. She was exquisite. Her face and chest were flushed, her eyes gazing into mine. I could see the love there. Her skin was stark white against the black leather of my couch. I groaned feeling orgasm approach, when a sharp report sounded from across the room. Was that a gun shot? Another explosion of sound. I fell off the couch and landed hard on my hip. I yelped in pain and was awake instantly. The rap sounded again and her voice drifted through the door, sounding frantic. "Mulder! Mulder, are you O.K.?" "Yeah, just a minute!" I looked down at myself in disgust. I had cleaned up my mess from the night before with the tissues I kept handy, but my boxers were tangled around my ankles. Apparently, I hadn't bothered to pull them up last night. I was sporting wood like there was no tomorrow. Jesus! I staggered to my feet, yanking my boxers up. "Mulder?" "I'm coming, just a second. I'm not decent." Oh, that sounded good, you moron. I trotted into the bedroom and grabbed my sweats from the bed where I had thrown them. Yanking them on and not bothering to search for a shirt I took a quick pee to deflate my erection to a manageable level and trotted to the door. What the hell was she doing here anyway? I looked at the clock. 9:00 AM. What the hell? I opened the door. She was standing there with a concerned look on her face. She brushed past me, carrying a paper bag. "I heard you yell, I thought you were hurt. It scared me for a second. Then you didn't answer me right away and ... what happened?" She was chattering like a magpie. That wasn't like her at all. Was she nervous? I smiled and she turned around. I didn't miss the way her eyes trailed down my chest and then back up to my face. I was suddenly glad I hadn't bothered with a shirt. She stuttered. Dana Scully stuttered. "I thou...thought you were hurt. Are you ... you O.K.?" I smiled a self deprecating smile, figuring honestly was the best policy and maybe it would be good for a laugh and break the tension she was obviously feeling. I still had no idea why she was here. I ran my hands through my hair, I'm sure making me look like a demented woodpecker. "I fell off the couch," I mumbled. "You what?" "You heard me. I fell off the couch. I was dreaming. You knocked. It startled me awake and I fell off the couch. I landed on my hip and it hurt, O.K.?" Now who was chattering? Her lips twitched at the corners as she tried to suppress a smile. I smiled and said, "Go ahead, laugh, it's funny." She chuckled some but got it under control. "Sorry Mulder. I know it's not really funny." "Yes it is." I walked to the couch and plopped down, patting the cushion beside me, trying to look casual. Her eyes darted away but then she approached and gingerly sat down beside me, leaving a good foot of space between us. At least she wasn't trying to meld with the other end of the couch. "So what brings you here on this fine early morning?" "Early? It's 9:00 AM, Mulder!" "That's early for normal people," I deadpanned. She grinned. "Touché." She looked at me, her eyes trailing over my chest again. I caught her eyes on the upswing and she blushed, turning away. I said softly, "You can look. I don't mind." She shook her head. "I didn't mean ... sorry." "I'm not." She looked at me then. "Why are you suddenly so ... forward? So open?" "Am I?" "Yes, and you know you are!" I smiled. "I don't know. I'm not even awake yet, Scully." "Oh!" she said and opened the bag in her lap. She pulled out a coffee and handed it to me. I smiled gratefully and took it from her. Our fingers brushed and she snatched her hand back as if she'd been burned. Well this was interesting. Maybe that kiss last night affected her as much as it affected me. Could I dare to hope? She pulled another coffee out of the bag and sipped tentatively, then set it down on the coffee table. She turned to me. "We need to talk." I watched her for a moment. "So talk." "I don't know how to begin." "The beginning is usually good." "Don't be a smart ass. This is hard enough as it is." "Sorry. I retreat into humor when I'm nervous." "You're nervous?" "Yes, of course." "Why?" I let the silence stretch a bit as I wondered h ow much I should say. Slowly, I said, "I kissed my partner last night. We haven't talked about it. I don't know what she's going to say. I don't know if ... she liked it or if she's pissed off that I was so ... forward. I don't know if it ... turned her on as much as it did me. I don't know if ... she will ever let me ... kiss her again." I paused, the coffee suddenly tasting like sawdust. I set it down on the table and leaned back. I risked looking at her face. She was sitting in silence, that stunned look on her face that she had yesterday in the restaurant when she came out of the bathroom. I couldn't stand this anymore. I was going to go stark raving mad if I kept dancing around this. Something had to give. I took a deep breath and said quietly, "And I'm nervous because I want to kiss her again ... so badly I could scream. And I'm afraid I just ruined the best friendship of my entire life." I closed my eyes, afraid to see what her reaction was going to be. I felt tears sting the back of my eyes as the silence continued. I guess I'd stolen her thunder. I should have let her talk first. Then if she didn't want this to go any further, I would have been able to apologize and back out gracefully, blaming it on seeing Sean and Connie again, so happy. But now, there was no backing out. Then I heard her whispered, "Why?" I opened my eyes and looked at her. "Why what?" "Why do you want to kiss me again ... so badly." "You don't know?" She didn't answer me. "I..." she started. "Or you do know, but you need to hear me say it." "I don't know!" She looked at her lap. "Or you already heard why and you want to know if I was for real or if I was just giving Sean a line of bullshit." Her head snapped up and our eyes locked. She was breathing quickly, shallow, little panting breaths. She'd heard me. Oh God. In the restaurant, she'd heard me. What now? She continued to stare at me, her top lip curling up in anxiety. I whispered, "Relax, I'm not going to jump you." She smiled then and took a deep breath. I added, "Unless you want me to." She laughed then, sounding slightly hysterical. It was a sound and a manner you didn't see in Scully very often. She was always so composed and calm. Although I didn't want to cause her upset, it was good to know that I affected her in some way, that me wanting her was enough to throw her off balance. And there could be no doubt about that now. She knew I wanted her and I wasn't going to pretend that I didn't any longer. Finally she said, "What the hell am I supposed to say now?! What the hell am I supposed to do?!" I felt a curious calm in the eye of this momentous occasion. I should have been frantic. I should be apologizing for my lack of finesse in letting her know how I felt. But I couldn't seem to summon the remorse. It was out there now, however it happened and all I felt was relief. "You say and do whatever you want. I'd prefer if you tell me what you feel, and I hope that you'll be honest with me. Perhaps I've been a little too honest with you all of a sudden. I apologize for that. But I can't apologize for ... the way I feel." She leaned back on the couch and sighed. "I heard you in the restaurant," she said softly. I closed my eyes and opened them again. "I figured you did, judging by your reaction to what I said just now." "I didn't know ..." "If I was just putting on a show?" "Yeah, but I couldn't get it out of my head, especially after ..." "I kissed you," I finished for her. She nodded. "I don't know ... exactly how to process this." "You can take your time. Waiting might kill me," I joked. "But you can take all the time you need." She smiled at that, her chest heaving in one bark of laughter, quickly suppressed. "You meant it?" I reached up and turned her face to me with my fingers on her chin. "Every word," I whispered. She shuddered visibly and I felt my heart beat quicken, seeing her react to me. "You said, ... you said I break your heart." I nodded. "Yeah, you do." "How? What did you mean?" "Have you ever loved somebody, Scully? Loved them with every fiber of your being? Loved them so much that it's physically painful when ... they are taken away from you?" She didn't respond but continued to give me her full attention, not looking away. "And then, knowing how essential they are to you, not being able to touch them? Not being able to tell them how you feel for fear they will leave you? Knowing ... you can't have them." She opened her mouth and closed it again. "Every time I reach for you and you pull away, it breaks my heart. Every time you need comfort and you won't let me give it to you, it breaks my heart. And every time I want to kiss you and touch you and have to hold myself back ... it breaks my heart. And I want to touch you ... every day." She didn't make a sound but silent tears began scudding down her cheeks. I reached up with both hands to cradle her face and wiped them away with my thumbs. She sniffled and looked at her lap again. I grabbed my tissue box off the coffee table and handed it to her. She grabbed them, ripping one out and blowing her nose. I waited patiently while she finished. She dropped the tissues back on the table. "When ... when did this happen?" she asked, sounding amazed. "When did I fall in love with you?" She nodded. "A long, long time ago." She looked at me again. "How long?" "When you were gone. When Duane Barry snatched you. I realized when you were gone that I ... felt more than friendship for you. And when you were returned and they were going to ... pull the plug ... and I couldn't stand the thought of letting you go ... I knew then that I was in love with you." "So what happens now?" she asked. I chuckled mirthlessly. "The ball's in your court, Scully. What happens now depends entirely on what you want to happen. We can go back to being friends, only you'll know how I feel. You can leave me and run screaming for the hills. Or ..." "Or?" I couldn't say it. So I asked the only question I could, knowing I probably wouldn't get a satisfactory answer. "How do you feel about me, Scully?" Her jaw dropped and her brow scrunched and she turned to stare at the wall across the room. The silence lengthened and I sighed deeply and sat back against the arm rest, prepared for a long wait. At least she hadn't jumped up and left. I picked up the tepid coffee and sipped while I waited. XXXXXXXXXX He just asked me the hardest question in the universe. How do I feel about him? God, my feelings were so complicated. I loved him, certainly, but how? Did I love him as a friend and just lust after his body? Did I love him as a man and want everything that went with that? Fox Mulder would never have a casual relationship. Not with me anyway. I knew that much. He was giving me an out. He was saying we could go back to being just friends, knowing that wasn't what he wanted. But could we? Could we go back? One kiss and although with anyone else, it would have been fairly insignificant, to us it was huge. Could we go back and pretend it never happened? I didn't think so. The memory of that kiss stole over me again and I turned to look at him. His muscular pecs and the muscles of his rippled stomach were like a magnet to my eyes. I should have asked him to put a shirt on. I think he knew exactly what he doing though. He didn't look smug though. He was watching me patiently. But I could see the fear. He mentioned screaming for the hills. That would be typical Scully, denying the obvious, avoiding facing the facts or her emotions. Not this time. We had to come to some conclusion here. I knew in my heart after a moment's thought that there was no going back. We were inextricably bound together in so many ways. We had touched each other's lives for better or worse. I knew I couldn't leave him. My spirit would wither and die without him in my life. But could I stay and continue to deny this attraction I felt for him? I felt affection for him, certainly. But did I love him, really love him? As a man? He was noble if a little misguided at times. He was compassionate and caring, even though he could be self- centered and arrogant. He was brilliant and kooky and funny. But what was so special about him? What was special was the way he made me feel about myself. He made me feel competent and smart. He made me feel worthwhile and interesting. And yes, he made me feel beautiful and loved. He loved me. My God, he really loved me ... 'more than I thought it was possible to love anyone.' Who was I kidding? I loved him too, in every way there was to love him. Whew! Now I needed to tell him. Or maybe I could just show him. No, I needed to be as brave as he had been. He had put his heart on the line. Yesterday he didn't know that I was listening. But today he'd said it to my face. Knowing I had to do the same in a moment, I suddenly realized the incredible courage it must have taken. I realized the incredible risk he had taken in kissing me, not knowing how I felt about him. I'd never told him. "Mulder." "Yeah." His voice sounded scratchy and nervous. "I ..." "Scully, if you need more time, take it. I don't want you to feel rushed or nervous and under the gun. Just ... take your time. But when you tell me what you have to tell me ... just be honest with me." He paused. "And if you're going to break my heart, just ... do it gently, ... please." Oh God how I loved this man. He was so strong, but so fragile in some ways. No one had every really loved him, not even his parents. And he deserved to be loved just like the rest of us. And I did love him. I had within my power, the ability to bring him enormous joy, and something he'd never had before. I could love him unconditionally. All I had to do was tell him and show him. How could I not? In the face of everything he'd said, how could I continue to live in denial. I couldn't. "Mulder, I've been so stupid. I've been so scared." "Scully, it's O.K." "No, it's not. I've been in denial for a long time." "Denial?" he asked. He sounded perfectly perplexed. I turned to look at him again. I needed to look him in the eye and be brave. "I've been so scared that I talked myself into believing that I didn't find you incredibly attractive." He breathed in suddenly. I continued. "I talked myself into believing that I didn't need you in my life, that I could choose to go elsewhere anytime I wanted." "You could ..." I held up a hand to halt his oncoming speech. "Let me finish." He was instantly silent. "I couldn't go elsewhere because I can't be without you, Mulder." His mouth opened but he didn't speak. "I can't be without you because ... I'm in love with you too, as much as I tried to tell myself it couldn't, shouldn't be true." He gasped now and began breathing heavily. "Scully..." My name was like a prayer on his lips and I felt warmth suffuse my body. I scooted up the couch and straddled his hips where he sat sideways. He gasped again and grabbed my hips. I ran my fingers through his hair and felt him shudder under me. I slid my hips into his body and he moaned as I came in contact with his erection that was now tenting his sweats. I trapped it between our bodies. He looked at me with hooded eyes and dilated pupils. His hair was sticking up in a hundred different directions. He hadn't showered since yesterday and I could smell him, not sweat, but a musk scent that was so male, and so Mulder. I couldn't wait anymore to see if that kiss last night was as good as I thought it was. I leaned down and covered his mouth with mine, demanding entrance with my tongue and getting it right away. My hands slid down to wander his chest and tweak his nipples. He groaned into my mouth and I felt the vibrations clear down to my core. My knit leggings and his sweats were no barrier to the heat pouring out of my crotch or the throbbing of his cock between my legs. I broke the kiss when air became necessary and he grinned at me like a mad man. He blinked slowly and gazed at me again. I whispered, "You're so sexy." He smiled even wider and said, "Me? You ... God Scully. Is this really happening?" I nodded. "Mmm, hmm." PART 5 (NC-17) FOX MULDER'S APARTMENT ARLINGTON, VA So this is the eighth wonder of the world. Dana Scully straddling my thighs and telling me I'm sexy. I could faint right here, but I don't want to miss anything. She just kissed me like she was starving and I felt my chest expand with a feeling I knew I'd never felt before. What was it? Joy! Could it be? Yes, I was feeling joy, real joy for the first time since I was a little kid. I shifted my weight and slid down on the couch feeling something jab me in the rear end. I grunted and then heard the TV spring to life. I fumbled frantically for what must have been the remote as the sounds of grunting and groaning and skin slapping together filled the room. I felt my skin burn and knew I must be as crimson as Scully's hair right now. I finally retrieved the offending remote and went to point it at the TV, when her hand descended on my wrist and stopped me. I looked at her horrified and she burst into a fit a laughter. She literally guffawed, holding her sides, her hot crotch bouncing on my cock, which had not bothered to take notice of my embarrassment at all and was still standing tall. It was catching and all the tension drained out of me as I began to laugh at her laughing. It was an incredible sound, Scully laughter. I'd heard it way too seldom. We had slid down so that I was flat on my back and she was leaning her torso down to rest on my chest. Her chin was now under my chin. She was giggling, trying to bring herself under control. Just then the scene switched and the dark-haired man and the tiny red head appeared on the screen. Her laughter died but she remained silent. I turned to watch and felt myself surge and harden even further, watching the familiar scene. The woman was on all fours, holding onto the headboard tightly. The man was behind her, sliding in and out of her smoothly. The camera shifted to show the couple from the top. You could see the man's cock pressing her open, and her wetness oozing out around him. He was good size, but I was bigger. Not that anyone cared. Her tiny butt muscle winked with every thrust. I went to turn it off again, when she stopped me again. She didn't look up. She didn't say anything, she merely, pried the remote out of my hand and set it gently on the table. My heart began to pound as I heard her breathing speed up. My hands were rubbing her sides and brushing the sides of her breasts. The man's thumb came into view, sliding into her wetness beside his cock and then pressing into the tiny woman's anus. The woman on the screen groaned with exaggerated excitement. But what excited me was Scully, squeezing her legs to my thighs and murmuring, "Ohohoho, God ..." and panting gently, her breath feathering across my right nipple. It pulled up into a tight peak. Was this exciting her? I expected her to be laughing at the moaning and groaning and exaggerated vocals. Instead she was silent. I lifted her tee shirt and slid my hands underneath. I found her bra strap and unfastened it slowly, giving her a chance to stop me. Instead she lifted herself just enough to fit her arms between us and ripped the shirt over her head, tossing it to the floor. I moaned as she lowered herself back down on top of me, her skin finally coming into contact with mine. She sucked in her breath but resumed watching the film. I slid my hands down and carefully edged my fingers under the elastic of her panties. She didn't protest, so I slid my hands down to cup her rear end. She breathed out, "Mmm, yeah." I couldn't believe this. Scully was watching a porno flick with me. And it was exciting her. The man had now worked his finger inside the woman's back door and was thrusting his thumb in and out in time with his thrusts. I slid my finger gently between her ass cheeks, experimenting and she flexed her hips up, pushing her butt into my hand. Oh my god. I was panting now and trying to control my reactions as my cock began to throb. I slid my finger down until it rested gently on her anus. Her hands came alive, running up and down my sides. I moaned. I tapped her tight little muscle and choked out, "Scully? Should I keep ... doing this?" She suddenly lifted her butt causing my finger to stab at her sphincter muscle. We both groaned then. She liked this? God help me. I began gently rubbing her muscle. I hadn't even kissed her chest yet. This was ridiculous. I mean, there was a certain order to the way things should go. I pulled my hands out and she grunted a protest. I gently pushed the waist of her leggings and panties down. She raised up onto her knees, looking at me for the first time since this began. Without any hesitation, she pulled her leggings and panties down in one swipe. She lifted one knee and then the other, ripping them off the end of her feet and taking her sneakers with them. She shrugged out of her bra which was dangling on her arms. She looked absolutely wild, feral, as she stared at me. My hands skimmed up her thighs. She threw her head back and I slid my thumb between her legs, brushing across her nether lips. Jesus! She was soaked! I mean soaked! I pulled my hand in and sunk two fingers into her hard and fast. She groaned around my name and I felt my cock twitch in response to the sound of my name on her lips. She leaned down and pulled at my waist band. I lifted my hips and she ripped my sweats and boxers off. She stared at my cock, licking her lips and I thought I was going explode. "Scully!" I croaked. She climbed back on me and once again straddled me on her knees. She glanced at the TV and watched as the man pulled his finger out and began slamming into the woman. He pulled out and came several self-help strokes later. I reached up and began toying with her breasts, pinching and rolling her nipples. She let out a throaty groan and grabbed my cock in her one hand, balancing on my shoulder with the other. She brushed the head of my cock back and forth in her wetness, teasing. I bucked involuntarily and slid my head inside her. She gasped, met my eyes and said, "I love you, Mulder." All I could do is groan like I was dying as she slid down onto my shaft. She was swollen and hot and so wet. Her tunnel was pulsing around me. My legs were trembling with the effort not to let go and ram myself inside her. She stopped about an inch from the bottom and took a deep breath. I closed my eyes. I was dangerously close to the edge. It was too soon. She murmured, "Open your eyes." I forced them open. She said, "Look at us." I knew what she meant and my eyes moved down to look at where we were joined. Her slender hips were framing mine, her legs spread wide. She laid her hands on my shoulders, leaned forward slightly, took a deep breath and bounced. The last of me rammed inside her suddenly. She let out an "Oohh, ffuucckk!" I gritted my teeth trying to stem the flow of my arousal. I was buried, buried so deep inside her. She was so small, so snug and squeezing me to just this side of pain. I pulled her head down and kissed her roughly. She kissed me back. The sounds of the video penetrated my psyche again. Hers too apparently, because she straightened up and began sliding up and down my shaft. Her head turned to the video. My eyes followed her, knowing what I would see. The man was flat on his back and the woman was riding him like there was no tomorrow. "Oh God, Mulder," she gasped out. She turned back to watch us. I was overwhelmed and dizzy as I watched my shaft being stuffed between her legs each time she raised up and slammed down. The sight of it was so incredible. Inside. I was inside. She'd put me there. I was inside. I began thrusting up to meet her and she shouted my name and sped up. I could tell she was tiring. I heaved my torso off the couch, steadying her with my arms under her rear end and slid back to rest against the arm rest. I pulled her close and grasped her hips. I began swiveling them against me and she picked up immediately and took over the motion. She was rocking back and forth in a circular motion. This must have been crushing her clit between us because she began gasping and groaning and rotating her hips faster. I leaned forward and sucked one of her perfect coral nipples into my mouth. I lapped at it with my tongue and she shouted again. I never thought she would be so vocal but I loved every squeak, moan and groan that came out of her. Then she hissed, "Suck it, Mulder." Oh God help me. Hearing her say that nearly sent me over the edge. I began to suckle in earnest, increasing my pressure as her moans escalated. Her hips were nearly a blur as she rocked against me at a frantic pace. I was so close, but I wanted to make her come. I prayed for endurance and then remembered what we were doing before we decided to take our clothes off. As the sounds of the mating couple on the screen filled the room. I slid a hand down and pressed on her back door. She went wild, apparently finding some energy as she began bucking against me. I sucked her hard little nubbin fiercely and pressed my finger inside her gently. She broke apart in my arms. It was glorious. "Muullddeerr! Oh God, Oh Yeah, Awwwwww! Oh Jesus, Ohhhh, Ohhhh, Ohhhh, GOD YES!" Her tunnel walls convulsed around my aching cock. Her nails scraped over my shoulders. I could feel her arms and legs trembling. I held on as long as I could sucking and pumping just the end of my finger into her ass. As she wound down, I couldn't hold on any more. I wrapped my arms around her waist, tipping her slightly to the side and began thrusting into her fast and hard. She chanted in my ear. "Come on, Baby, come for me. That's it. Come on, come for me." That was it. She called me, Baby. My balls coiled and my cum surged through my shaft in hard spurts, causing it to jerk inside her as I emptied into her shouting, "Scully, Scully, Scully, Oh God, Oh Yeah!" We collapsed in a heap. I chuckled as I heard the grunting continuing on the screen. She did too. I said, "Guess I don't have his endurance." She chortled, "Yeah, but your bigger." I hooted with laughter, glad that she had noticed. "Scully, you nearly freaked me out." "Why?" I reached for the remote and flicked it off. "The video, I didn't know if you were going to scold me or freak out or what. Instead you laughed, then you ..." "Got incredibly turned on," she finished. "Yeah." "They look like us," she said quietly. There was a question in her statement. "Yeah, I know." I paused. "You surprised me, Scully." "I've watched a few in my day. I'm not a prude, you know." "Scully! You little sneak!" She giggled. "There's lots of things you don't know about me." "I aim to find out though." "Oh really." "I already know one secret," I said smugly. "What's that O' arrogant one." I reached down and pressed my fingers against her anus. She jumped. "Oh!" "You're very sensitive right there." She chuckled. "I've been had." "Yes you have. I hope to have you again and again and again." "I think that can be arranged." "Promise?" "Promise." "Got any more of those videos that aren't yours?" "Oh yeah." I paused. Would she really watch one again with me? This time was fluke, but did she want to do this again?! "There's a wild woman hiding inside you." "Mmm, she's ready to come out and play." "Is that so?" "Yup." "Gives me ideas." "I hoped it would." We were silent a moment and I was getting sleepy. I reached up and pulled the afghan off the back of the couch spreading it over us. She was still sprawled on my chest and I scooted down till I was on my back again and she was laying on my chest, her legs dangling between my knees. "I love you, Scully." "I love you too, Mulder." "I'm sleepy," I said through a yawn. "I did wake you up, didn't I?" "Yes, and I think I need a nap now." "Tired you out, did I?" she teased. "Yes, but I'm rechargeable." She chuckled. "Good to know, good to know." She snuggled into me further and I wrapped my arms around her. We fell asleep that way. I dreamed and she was there, naked and soft on top of me. Only this time, she was going to really be there when I woke up. THE END. FOR OTHER STORIES BY ME, GO TO: http://www.angelfire.com/ak3/kimpa/dlfanfic.html OR: http://members.nbci.com/_XMCM/thexfiles2000/FanFiction/OtherFic/F avo riteMSR/DonnileeFic/DonnileeFic.html