TITLE:          Y IS FOR YOU
AUTHOR:         DONNILEE
E-MAIL:         DONNILEE@SNET.NET
RATING:         NC-17
SUMMARY:        Scully lets Mulder comfort her after a 
family tragedy and she realizes that she has feelings 
beyond friendship for her mercurial partner.
SPOILERS:       Not this time.
DISCLAIMER:     All characters belong to Chris Carter, Ten 
Thirteen Productions and Fox Broadcasting.
AUTHOR'S NOTE:

Webster's Ninth New Collegiate Dictionary 
you \ pron : the one or ones being addressed -- used as the 
pronoun of the second person singular or plural in any 
grammatical relation except that of a possessive.

PART 1 (PG)
EAST SIDE CEMETARY
BALTIMORE, MD
MONDAY, APRIL 9, 2001
01:00 PM

I stood back from the grave side and watched them mourn. I 
wanted to be standing there with her, but knew that her big 
brother would not welcome me at that moment. I think he was 
pissed that I was even there. He'd given me a look that 
said I had some nerve. Excuse the hell out of me for being 
her friend and partner, buddy. Whether you like it or not 
we are so knotted into each others' lives that there is no 
getting rid of me. I will keep her with me as long as she 
will stay. And if she will stay, it will be 'till death 
do us part', literally.

It's a little disturbing that I'm thinking in wedding vows, 
but I'm not going to analyze it now. Scully's little 
brother is dead. Charlie, the one I never met, the gentle 
one, she said. It hurts me to see her grief. And Maggie, 
good lord, no one should see two of their children go 
before they do.

There will be a reception after this at Maggie's home. She 
insisted that I come. I am wary of my acceptance at that 
little shin dig, but I will go, because she asked me to. 
And she said please. I can deny her nothing when she says, 
'please'. I don't hear it very often. If I do, it means 
that the request is of great importance to her and should I 
deny her, I will be inflicting hurt on her. And that 
thought is intolerable. I would never hurt her 
intentionally. God knows I've hurt her enough 
unintentionally. But I've never hurt her by denying her 
something that she has asked of me.

And she wants me here.  So take that, Billy Boy. I feel 
like blowing him the raspberry. Na, na, na, na, na, she 
wants me here. She wants me here. All of this is 
extremely juvenile, I realize. But the man brings out the 
worst in me. I'm hoping today he will be consumed enough 
with his own grief to leave me alone. Time will tell.

They are laying white roses on the coffin now. Her mother 
and she are holding flags given to them by the Navy. I 
brace myself for the American Legion gun salute. Cock, Aim, 
FIRE! Cock, Aim, FIRE! Cock, Aim, FIRE! The air echoes with 
the sound of exploding rifle shells. Silence descends. All 
that can be heard are the dispersing sniffles and 
suppressed sobs from the crowd.

I watch Bill, Jr. lead her away from the grave site by her 
elbow. They are headed towards his car, when she gently 
pulls loose and looks around. She sees me leaning casually 
against a tree some ten yards back.

She spotted me and came toward me.  Bill, Jr. attempted to 
stop her with a hand on her arm but she gave him a dirty 
look and he let go.  

I straightened as she approached me.  She stopped inches 
from me so that I had to look straight down to see her 
face.  Her face began to crumble and it broke my heart.  
She was trying so hard not to break into tears again.  I 
whispered, "Oh, Scully, I wish I could ..."

She nodded.  I lifted my arms in invitation, having no 
expectation of being taken up on my offer.  She surprised 
me when she fell into my arms, wrapping herself around me, 
her hands pressing tightly into my lower back. I hugged her 
to me immediately, pulling her head into my chest with a 
hand on the back of her head.  

She began to shake, her body slowly wracked with gut 
wrenching sobs.  Maggie had stopped by Bill and they were 
both looking toward us now.  I observed them quietly over 
her head and then returned my eyes to the crown of red 
splashed under my chin.

Without thinking, my lips lowered to her head and kissed 
her hair softly.  She pulled in a ragged breath and her 
sobs slowed.  Her arms loosened and she pulled back a 
fraction but stayed inside my embrace.  She sniffled and I 
reached into my back pocket and produced a hankie.  She 
took it and blew her nose, whispering, "Thank you." 

When she was done she looked at it, unsure what to do with 
it now, and made a face of disgust.  I smiled softly and 
took it from her, stuffing it back into my pocket.  She 
made a face again and we smiled sad smiles at each other.  
Her hands were still loosely around my waist under my 
trench coat.  "Sorry, Mulder."

"Nothing to be sorry for, Scully.  I wish you would let me 
comfort you more often."  She pulled back and dropped her 
arms.

She looked at me and tilted her head to the side in 
acknowledgement.  It was a discussion for another time.  
She asked, "You're still coming to my mother's, right?"

I replied, "If you want me too."  I paused.  "I want to be 
with you, Scully.  I want to ... be there for you."

She opened her mouth as if she would speak and I continued.  
"It will make me feel ... good to be able to ... be there 
for you ... if you'll let me."

I looked at the ground.  Her hand came up to cup my cheek 
and my eyes snapped to hers.  She smiled her sad smile 
again, lips closed and nodded.  "I ... need you with me, 
Mulder."

"I'm not going anywhere."

Then she surprised me and took my hand and tugged gently.  
I followed her lead and trailed after her as we approached 
Bill and her mother.  Her mother was showing the same sad 
smile Scully had on her face a moment earlier.  Bill, Jr., 
as usual was scowling like a bear with a thorn in his paw.  
Surprisingly though, he said nothing and we all turned to 
go to the cars.  Again, as we stopped next to the car Bill 
and her mother had come in, she surprised me.  She turned 
to her mother.  "Mom, I'm going to ride with Mulder if you 
don't mind."

Her mother nodded and Bill finally couldn't contain his 
contempt any longer.  "Dana, the family should be together, 
especially at a time like this."

She turned to him and said gently, "Bill, don't start.  
It's a 10 minute ride to the house.  We'll all be together 
all afternoon.  I don't need this today."

He deflated and mumbled, "Sorry."

She looked at her mother.  "I'll see you at the house, 
Mom."  She leaned over and kissed her mother's cheek.

She turned and I trailed her to my car, still holding her 
hand.  It seemed like fine porcelain against my rough 
calluses, and so tiny.  My hand engulfed hers.  I was a bit 
taken aback.  Did she just need the comfort of touching 
someone?  Probably.  I wanted it to mean more, but I was 
probably fooling myself.  On the other hand, she'd never 
done this before.  She'd never held my hand for more than a 
obligatory squeeze or for a few moments.  I unlocked 
the door and held it open while she slid in.

When I was seated behind the wheel I said, "Scully, I want 
to be here for you, but I don't want to cause trouble with 
your brother.  He obviously hates me, and if my being here 
is going to make things unpleasant ..."

"No Mulder.  I won't let them get unpleasant.  Bill will 
have to behave himself, especially at my mother's.  I 
already told her I wouldn't tolerate his nonsense and she 
agreed.  She will back me up.  If he starts to beat his 
chest, my mother will take the wind out of his sails.  
She's better at it than I am anyway."

I smiled ruefully, started the car and following the 
procession out of the cemetary.

XXXXXXXXXX
MAGGIE SCULLY'S HOUSE
BALTIMORE, MD
MONDAY, APRIL 9, 2001
1:30 PM

Charlie Scully was a Navy man like his father and his 
brother.  He'd been nuclear mechanic on the U.S.S. 
Archerfish, a nuclear sub based in Groten, CT, at the 
Electric Boat facility near the Coast Guard Academy.  Some 
sort of leak in the seals of the torpedo 
room had occurred and he had gone down to fix it.  
Something had gone terribly wrong and there had been an 
explosion.  It was small and contained, but an explosion 
non the less and Charlie had been killed.  It was still 
under investigation.

She sniffled as we rode in the car and I reached out with 
my right hand to brush her arm. She surprised me again, 
when she grabbed up my hand. She flexed her fingers and 
then laced our fingers together. I shivered slightly at the 
feel of it and felt a tingle wash up my arm. What the hell? 

Touching her always affected me but this was ridiculous. 
She was just looking for comfort and damn it, I was going 
to give it to her and not read anything into it. For once, 
I was going to be the friend I was supposed to be. 

I said, "I'm so sorry, Scully. I wish I knew the perfect 
thing to say, but I don't. All I can say is that I'm here 
for you, whatever you need. Even if there's something you 
don't need, just something you want. I'll give you anything 
you ask for, Scully."

I glanced at her and she was smiling at me. "That was the 
perfect thing to say, Mulder," she replied quietly. I 
smiled at her and the rest of the ride was made in silence.

Greeting all the relatives again at the house took some 
time. Scully was long minutes hugging and kissing the aunts 
and uncles and their kids. I tried to make myself 
inconspicuous in the corner. I grabbed up a club soda and 
some hors devours and retreated to the corner of the living 
room. No one knew me here and I didn't know them.

I was a tad uncomfortable, but I could deal with it. I 
caught Bill, Jr. scowling at me several times, but Maggie 
must have said something, because he never approached me 
once. I'd lost sight of Scully and was becoming 
uncomfortable. I was considering going outside for some air 
and just to get away from the crowd when I heard her call 
my name. "Mulder? Where'd he get to? Mulder!"

I raised my voice just enough to be heard over the crowd. 
"Over here!" I could hear her but she was completely 
invisible behind a wall of cousins. Her red head bobbed out 
of the throng and she came to me. I set my drink and empty 
paper plate on the end table and turned to her. She was 
peering at me strangely. 

"Mulder, I was wondering ..." 

"What, Scully?" 

"I don't want to stay at Bill's tonight like I planned.  
Could I stay with you at the hotel?" 

WHAT?! My ears started buzzing. What the hell? Was I having 
a panic attack? I heard my own voice as if through a 
tunnel. "Scully?"

Her hands came instantly to grip my arms and jolt me back 
to awareness. "Mulder! Are you all right?" 

"Uh, yeah, I just felt dizzy there for a minute. It's, it's 
hot in here." 

Her face was mask of concern. "Let's step outside for some 
air. It is warm in here." 

She took my elbow and steered me to the kitchen and out the 
back door. I crossed the porch, turned and leaned back 
against the railing, crossing my arms over my chest. 
"Sorry, I don't know what that was all about."

"Don't be sorry. Better now?" She stepped between my legs 
and I let my arms drop to my sides, my hands gripping the 
railing next to my butt.  I had gotten myself a room at the 
Holiday Inn in town.  She knew I only had one room.  And 
she was asking to stay with me?  Or did she want me to see 
if they had another room?  But then she wouldn't be 'with 
me'.  She would be alone, which I didn't think was what she 
wanted tonight.  I was getting more confused by the minute.

I looked up to find her face a scant couple of inches away 
from mine. We were eye to eye with me half sitting like 
this. It struck me how short she was. She wasn't wearing 
heels today. She gazed placidly at me. "Much better," I 
murmured and she smiled. 

Her hands came up to my shoulders. I didn't dare move. What 
was going on here? Scully never touched me like this. She 
had touched me more in the last day than she had in the 
last three months. She stepped closer and pressed her body 
to mine, wrapping her arms around my neck. Instinct took 
over and my arms wrapped around her waist. Her head was 
resting on my shoulder.

"Scully?" 

She hummed in the back of her throat. "I'd forgotten how 
good this feels," she murmured. 

I chuckled. "Scully? What are you talking about?" 

She chuckled and squeezed me tighter. I squeezed back. 
"Just hugging.  Feels good."

The porch rail was digging into my butt a bit so I shifted 
my hips and her full weight fell between my legs. She 
grunted softly and I felt all the blood drain out of my 
head and rush south of my belt. Before I could stop it a 
soft moan escaped my lips. She stiffened and I continued to 
hold her tight.

I whispered into her ear. "Sorry, Scully. I'm not going to 
... do anything about it. I don't, didn't mean to ..." Stop 
stuttering, I admonished myself. "Sorry."

She was rigid for another couple of seconds but then 
softened against me, letting her weight fall against me 
again. I blew air out of pursed lips. Her head turned 
placing her lips a hair's breath away from my neck. 
"S'Okay," she murmured.  Her hot breath gave me another 
shiver. She ignored it and so did I, outwardly. Inside, I 
was quivering. It felt too good to hold her like this. 

I talked to myself in my head. 'Be a friend, Fox. Just be a 
friend. She needs to be held, so just hold her.' How many 
times had I wished that she would seek comfort like this 
from me. Now she was doing it, finally, crossing that 
bridge and all I could think about was how arousing this 
was. Down boy!  I felt her lips suddenly brush my neck and 
her lips smile. 

I gasped. "Scully, what are you doing?" 

She chuckled, "I think I've finally done the impossible, 
rendered you speechless.  It's a good look for you."  I 
chuckled with her now, glad she was making light of it.

"If you are looking for comfort, I'm here for you. I know I 
already told you that, but I figure it couldn't hurt to 
repeat it."

"I do want comfort, and you being here is very comforting 
to me, Mulder. My family doesn't even know me anymore, or 
understand me. I feel ... lost sometimes in a group of 
them."

"I can relate to that." 

"But I always feel safe with you." 

Now I laughed. "I'm a lot of things, Scully, but safe isn't 
one of them." 

"Yes you are. You don't change. I can always depend on you 
to be ... Mulder." 

"I'm not sure what you mean, Scully," I admitted. 

"I know what to expect from you and that's comforting." 

"Oh." 

We were silent a moment, shifting occasionally. My arousal 
had abated and I was just enjoying the feel of being this 
close to another body. She shifted again, snuggling against 
me and I couldn't help the hum of contentment in the back 
of my throat. Softly, I said, "God, Scully, do have any 
idea how good this feels to me."

"Hmmm. Probably about as good as it feels to me." 

"Aren't they going to miss you inside?" 

"Maybe, but stay with me for a few more minutes." 

"Okay." And we did. My head had fallen to bury my nose in 
her citrus smelling hair. My eyes were closed as I held her 
close to my body, rocking her gently. 

The porch door whipped open and slammed against the wall. 
We both jumped, raising our heads but she did not pull out 
of my embrace, so I continued to hold her close.

Bill, Jr. in all his red faced glory was standing in the 
doorway, arms akimbo with the usual requisite scowl on his 
face. I looked at Scully and she twisted slightly in my 
arms to turn her head enough to see him. She sighed an 
exasperated sigh, returned her face to me and her forehead 
fell against my chest with a sigh of resignation.

"Dana? Everyone's looking for you," he said curtly. 

"I'll be back in a minute." 

"Now, Dana." 

"Fuck off, Bill." 

"Dana!" he shouted, sounding shocked. Even I gasped. I'd 
never heard her talk to anyone that way, let alone a member 
of her family. 

"What?" she spat indignantly. "I can't have two minutes 
alone? Maybe the crowd was getting to me. Did you ever 
think of that? You're not my damn keeper, Bill."

"I'm just out here because people are looking for you!" 

"Bullshit." 

"Even Mom told me to look for you!" 

"Maybe, but that's not the point." 

She was still not looking at him. "What is the point, 
Dana?" 

She sighed loudly. "It's not what you say, Bill. It's HOW 
you say it. 'Now, Dana!'" she impersonated him.  "You're 
always barking at me. And I've lost patience for it." This 
was said calmly. 

She straightened and turned in my arms. I dropped them only 
to find that she leaned her back to my chest, picked up my 
hands and laid them on her stomach, her tiny hands covering 
mine. I was desperately trying to be cool here, but I was 
completely freaked out. She was lounging with me as though 
we were a couple. And while I would have done hand springs 
at the thought of it, I was baffled. From zero to sixty in 
one day. It made no sense.

Unless she was putting on a show for her brother. That must 
be it. Being so familiar with me would drive him absolutely 
bonkers. If she wanted to get old Billy's goat, this would 
be the way to do it. So I guess I should be neighborly and 
play along. But it was having a profound effect on me. 
He scowled at me but addressed her. "When did you two get 
so cozy?" His disdain was barely concealed. 

"None of your business," she said, just as pointedly. 

He mumbled, "Just come inside. Mom wants to see you." He 
turned and disappeared back through the door. 

I swallowed. "I knew I was going to cause trouble here." 

"Nonsense. If anyone is starting trouble, it's me. I know 
how to push his buttons and usually don't because an 
enraged Bill is not a pretty sight. But I know Mom talked 
to him and I know he won't strike out at me, so maybe I'm 
being a bit juvenile and enjoying that I can get away with 
aggravating him with impunity."

My hand raised up and turned her head to the side by 
placing two fingers on her chin. I leaned to the side so I 
could see her face. I glanced at her hands, still lying 
over my other arm. "Is that why you're doing this?"

A shocked look came over her face as she realized what I 
was thinking. "Oh, Mulder, No!" 

I looked away from her. "Are you sure? Because if you are, 
that's all right. I'll play along. But I want to know so 
that I don't ..."

"Don't what?" she asked innocently. 

"Don't read anything into it," I replied quietly. 

I looked at her face again and saw her eyes widen in 
comprehension. I could take her actions as more than 
friendly or a need for comfort. She turned her face away 
but did not pull out of my arms. After several moments, she 
said, "It was both."

"Huh?" 

"It was for comfort and it was for Bill's benefit." 

"Oh ..." 

"And it was something else," she added. 

I stayed silent a moment, but when she added nothing else, 
I asked, "Something else?" 

"I don't know whether it's because I'm emotional and my 
guard is down ... or if we are just growing closer ... or 
..." 

"Spit it out, Scully, I won't bite you." 

She chuffed a 'ha' and then was silent again for a moment.  
"I'm drawn to you the last couple of days, more than 
usual."  I wanted to say, 'I've been drawn to you for 
years, but stayed silent instead.  And what did she mean by 
'more than usual.'

She continued, "It's weird sometimes. It wasn't like this 
before." She seemed to be talking to herself.

"Like what?" 

"I used to be totally independent." 

"You still are. I've never met a woman more independent and 
self-sufficient than you, Scully." 

"Not any more." 

"You're losing me again. Turn around." 

She did and faced me, her hands now laying gently on my 
waist just above my belt. "The thought of coming down here 
for this funeral ... without you, was appalling." Her voice 
trickled down to a whisper, but she continued. "I felt this 
enormous sense of ... relief ... when you agreed to come 
with me. I was surprised at how strong it was." 

She was not looking at me, but at my chest. Her hands slid 
up from my waist and rested on my rib cage. "Just knowing 
that you were willing to drop everything and come with me 
... it meant a lot, Mulder. It means a lot."
I lifted her chin with my fingers until her eyes met mine. 
I said quietly, "I'd do anything for you, Scully. Haven't 
you figured that out yet?"

She looked like she was going to cry again, but this time, 
not from sadness. I continued. "All you have to do is ask. 
But you rarely ask. I was thrilled that you did." 

I paused again, trying to think of a way to say this 
without ticking her off or injuring her dignity. "So many 
times ... I've wanted to be there for you, share your ... 
pain. But you wouldn't let me. And then you would always be 
there for me, without question. And when I couldn't do the 
same for you, or you wouldn't let me, it made me feel ..."

"Feel?" she prompted. 

I rarely told her how I felt about things. I told her how I 
thought, but not how I felt. "I felt inadequate, ... 
undeserving of your friendship."

"Oh, Mulder." She launched herself into me again, her arms 
going around my neck. 

"I'm sorry," she apologized. "I never meant to make you 
feel that way. I've needed you so many times, but I just 
didn't know how to ask. It's a new thing for me. I'm so 
used to being self contained and having to prove myself..."

"You never had to prove anything to me." 

"Yes I did." 

"Well, maybe in the beginning. But you stopped needing to 
prove anything to me a long, long time ago. At least from 
my end."

She nodded again.  And again I felt her lips brush my neck. 
And again, I shivered, unable to stop the effect of her 
physical touch on me. She didn't know it, but my neck was 
extremely sensitive. I don't know if other guys had the 
same sensitivity, only that I did. A woman could render me 
mute and helpless just by kissing my neck. It would make my 
legs go weak. "Mulder," she whispered my name.

"Hmmm?" 

"What's happening to us?" 

"I don't know, but I like it so far," I replied.

Her lips smiled against my skin and I reflexively pulled 
back at the tingle it caused. She looked up at me and 
frowned, unsure what she had done. I decided to tell her 
the truth. If she knew, then I would know if she went for 
my neck in the future, that she meant to have that effect 
on me.

"Mulder, what's wrong?" 

"Nothing. Uh, if we are going to be more affectionate with 
each other, and I hope we are ..." I paused.  "I should 
probably tell you something about myself to avoid future 
... misunderstandings." 

"What?" She looked worried and perplexed at the same time. 
Her eyes were fixed on my face. 

"My neck is ... extremely ... uh, ..." 

The beginnings of a smirk were curling the edges of her 
mouth. "Spit it out, Mulder," she teased, throwing my 
earlier words back at me.

"My neck is extremely sensitive. So are my ears." 

"Sensitive? You mean ticklish?" 

I was slightly embarrassed and exasperated that she wasn't 
getting this. Or maybe she was playing dumb on purpose just 
to see if I would say it. I looked her right in the eye and 
said, "No, not ticklish."

"You mean ..." She trailed off. 

I nodded. "It's an ... erogenous zone on me.  It turns me 
on." 

"From just what I did?" she asked, apparently amazed. 

"Scully, ... all you have to do is 'breathe' on it." 

Her mouth formed a perfect 'O' of surprise and then her 
face split into a grin. She muttered, "Sorry about that." 

I caught her eye again and said, "I'm not." 

I had surprised her again. Now she looked uncomfortable 
again.  "We better go back inside."  

"You go ahead. I'll stay out of sight for a while. Out of 
sight, out of mind, you know." 

"Oh no you don't! Neither one of us is going to hide from 
big, bad, Bill!" 

"It's not that, Scully. Any other time I wouldn't give a 
damn. But today, your mother doesn't need tension between 
her kids."

"You're right, I won't push him anymore. But if there's 
tension, he's initiating it, not me. And I won't have you 
hiding in the corner."

With that, she nodded sharply as if that was the end of the 
discussion, grasped my hand and tugged me onto my feet. I 
raised my eyebrows at her, shaking my head slightly. I was 
in wonder of this woman. I would never figure her out.
I was once again towed along, her hand in mine. I still 
didn't really know what was happening, but I was hoping 
like hell it meant that she wanted more than friendship 
from me. 

The impression we were giving today among her relatives 
would suggest that she did. But you never knew with Scully. 
For a worldly woman, she could be incredibly naive about 
the appearance of things sometimes. And she was naive about 
her beauty and it's effects on those around her, especially 
me.

I saw various cousins eyeing us with subtle grins on their 
faces. She held my hand tightly as we made a circuit of the 
living room again and the dining room where most of the 
guests were gathered. A massive amount of food was set out 
in the dining room, brought by the relatives. People were 
helping themselves to the buffet. I was hungry and so 
filled my plate. Scully put a couple of things on her 
plate, not enough to feed a bird, but I wasn't going to 
pick on her about it today.

We went back to the living room and I waggled my eyebrows 
at her when I saw the empty seat on the living room couch. 
It hadn't been vacant all afternoon. I rushed over and 
plopped down. She grinned and stood in front of me. "And 
where am I supposed to sit? Am I supposed to perch on the 
arm of the couch?"

Teasing her with my usual innuendo, I said, "You could sit 
on my lap, little girl." 

I fully intended to stand up and give her the couch.  I 
made to stand up when she surprised me again. She swooped 
down and landed her little fanny squarely on my thigh, 
turning sideways and leaning back against the arm of the 
couch. I stared at her in mute astonishment and she grinned 
again.

Bill suddenly appeared and said, "It's your brother's 
funeral day. What the hell are you laughing about?" 

God, could this guy be any bigger of an asshole? 

Dana stared at him in mute shock at his callousness and 
lack of tact. The smile fell off her face, quickly replaced 
by a frown. Before she could respond, Maggie appeared at 
his elbow and gave him the 'Scully death stare'. I'd seen 
it too many times not to know what it signified. "Bill, I 
will not tolerate your attitude today," she said stiffly.

He turned to his mother. "For God sakes, Mom, Charlie's 
..." 

She cut him off. "Dead, Bill, yes I know. And we are all 
equally upset and grieving. And if someone can help us to 
take our minds off of it for a few minutes so that it 
doesn't overwhelm us, I should think that we would be 
grateful.  Today is a day to put aside our differences."  
There were tears swimming in her blue eyes, so much like 
Scully's.

She was looking pointedly at him and he seemed to shrink in 
size before his mother's admonishment. Well, what do you 
know? Someone could humble the big lout. Good to know 
someone could. Mrs. Scully was still the matriarch of this 
family. And she was still large and in charge! I had to 
bite the inside of my cheek to keep from laughing.

The mood was spoiled when I looked at Dana, still perched 
in my lap. She was staring at her food in her lap and 
swallowing heavily. Tears were swimming in her eyes and it 
looked as though she was having trouble swallowing the bite 
of Italian bread she had in her mouth.  Her bottom lip was 
quivering again.

I leaned forward, tossing my plate onto the coffee table. I 
gently removed her plate from her lap and set it next to 
mine.  Screw appearances, I thought.  I wrapped my arms 
around her. She was sitting sideways on my lap. I spread my 
legs and her butt fell down between my legs. She had not 
yet looked up.

I pulled her close and she once again collapsed onto my 
chest, her palms flat on my pecs, her cheek pressed to my 
breastbone and she sobbed. Long, wrenching sobs that 
wracked her tiny frame. I glanced at Maggie to see tears 
swimming in her eyes. I cooed to the top of Dana's head. 
"Shhh, it's O.K., I'm so sorry."

At one point she cried out, "Oh, Mulder!" At the same time 
she slid her hands up and wrapped them around my neck. I 
said the only thing I could. 

"I'm here, Scully. I'm here." 

She sobbed again and blurted out, "Don't leave me alone!" 
Having no idea where that had come from or what made her 
think I would leave her like this, I again cooed stupid 
words of comfort to her. They were always lame and 
inadequate in these situations, but what else was there to 
say?

"Shhh, I'm right here. I'll never leave you, Scully. Never. 
"I've got you.  Let it go.  I'm right here. I'm not going 
anywhere." 

We realigned and pulled each other close again. I glanced 
over her head to her mother and Bill who were still 
standing there. I gave Bill a look that said, 'Nice going, 
asshole.'  

I'm sure they heard me murmuring into her hair and I didn't 
give a damn how intimate it looked. Scully needed me. And 
for once, Scully was letting me comfort her and take care 
of her and I'd be damned if I was going to let her down, 
Bill or no Bill.

Then it dawned on me. Bill picking on us was probably what 
made her think I would want to leave. Normally, it would be 
a catalyst for my exit. Not this time. My heart broke all 
over again as she clung to me, her tiny fingers flexing in 
my hair. 

I dropped a kiss on the top of her head. Then I couldn't 
stop. I kissed her forehead, her cheeks, her watery eyes, 
and her temples. And I even dipped down to brush her lips 
lightly with my own.  She finally quieted and I just sat 
still rocking her gently once again. Bill and her mother 
had moved away but were still observing from across the 
room.

Bill hugged his mother and left the room.  Maggie 
approached and sat gingerly next to me.  The place next to 
me had been vacated by a nameless cousin when Bill had 
approached.  Poor guy didn't want to be caught in the 
middle and I couldn't blame him.

She touched Dana's arm where it now lay on my chest.  "Are 
you O.K., honey?"

She nodded and sniffled. "I will be, Mom.  I'm sorry.  I 
don't want to fight with Bill but he's being such a jerk."

"He's taking his grief out on you."

"No he isn't."

"Well, sort of.  He's upset and he doesn't like ..."

"Me," I interjected.

Maggie nodded.  "And you are an easy target, Fox, for his 
anger.  He's angry about his brother and he doesn't know 
what to do with it.  Directing it at you and Dana and your 
relationship is the easy thing to do."

Dana said, "Doesn't make it any more tolerable."

"No, it doesn't.  And he knows you're grieving too.  I 
reminded him.  But he forgot for a second.  He's miserable 
and he wants everyone else to be miserable with him."

"Well, he's accomplishing his goal," Scully replied.  She 
still hadn't moved from her position on my lap, tilted 
toward me, her chest pressed to mine, her arm laying idly 
across my chest, her hand on my shoulder.  Her other arm 
had moved around my waist, squished between the armrest and 
my back.

"Mrs. Scully?"

"Yes, Fox?"

"I didn't come today to cause trouble.  I know Bill doesn't 
like me and I wasn't going to come.  But Dana asked me to 
come.  And I wanted to be here for her.  To me, being here 
for her is more than important to me than keeping Bill, Jr. 
happy."

"I know."

"But I'm sorry you are caught in the middle," I apologized.

She patted my arm.  "Don't worry about it.  I've had years 
of experience handling Scully men.  And I for one am glad 
that you are here.  To me, you are part of the family."

Unexpectedly, I felt my eyes well up with tears.  Her 
statement affected me profoundly.  I was always fond of 
Mrs. Scully and we had developed a mutual respect when Dana 
was missing and we consoled one another.  But to be 
considered part of the family brought a sweeping sense of 
gratefulness that I wasn't sure I'd ever experienced 
before.

"Thank you," I said softly.  "You'll never know how much 
that means to me."

She patted my arm again and rose to go off into the kitchen 
and mingle.  She was an incredibly strong woman.  I knew 
where Scully got it from.

Scully finally sat up and seemed to realize how cozy we 
were.  She flushed slightly and slid out of my lap.  I 
missed the heat of her instantly.  She looked at me 
sheepishly.  "Thanks."

"Anytime, Scully."  

"I need to wash my face and freshen up."

"O.K., I'll wait here."

Minutes later she returned and things were finally winding 
down.  We rose and stood by the door as people left.  They 
hugged and kissed her and she bore up well.  Finally, we 
were left alone, and Bill, the only one left, rounded the 
corner and stopped, looking at us.

I merely looked at him, deciding no reaction was the best 
course of action.  If I opened my mouth, I would probably 
say things I regretted.  It was best to let the Scully 
women handle him.

Dana sighed and walked to him, holding her arms up.  He 
tentatively hugged her, patting her awkwardly on the back.  
He mumbled, "I'm sorry, Danes."

"Me too, Bill.  We need to talk about this sometime, like 
civilized human beings."

"Yeah, but not today."

"No, not today."  Maggie came around the corner, silently 
watching her children hug, looking relieved.

"I'm going to miss him so much!" she squeaked out.  Bill 
tightened his hug, no longer awkward.  Their shared grief 
finally pulling them together.  They separated and looked 
at their mother.

Bill asked, "Ready to go, Dana?"  We had never finished our 
hotel discussion, I realized.

Scully asked, "Mom, are you sure you don't want us to spend 
the night?"

"I'll be O.K."

Bill said, "Mom, you shouldn't be alone. Dana should stay 
with you."  He conveniently left me out of the equation.

Dana looked at me and said, "I don't want my mother to be 
alone, but I don't want ... " She paused.  "I want you with 
me, Mulder."

She looked at the floor.  I decided to put my two cents in 
just in case Mrs. Scully thought she would be interfering 
with me and Scully.  Oh well, another change of plans.  
"Mrs. Scully, I wouldn't mind staying here with you and 
Dana.  If you'd rather not be alone, and I can understand 
that perfectly, and Dana wants me to stay with her, I have 
no problem staying the night.  I'll just cancel my hotel 
reservation."

She looked up, seemingly indecisive.  "Really," I prompted.

She nodded.  "Would you mind?"

"Not at all," Dana and I said in unison.  We flashed each 
other a look of amusement.  I saw the corners of Maggie's 
mouth turn up briefly.  Bill scowled.  Some things never 
changed.

Bill said, "Well, I gotta get home.  Tara took the kids 
home and they are probably waiting up for me."

I took a chance and stuck out my hand to him.  He hesitated 
but then shook it quickly and firmly.  "Bill," I began.

He acknowledged me with a tilt of his head.  "I ... hope 
someday we can ... get rid of this ... whatever it is 
between us."  I paused.  He said nothing so I continued.  
"I know you love your sister and I know you don't believe 
me, but I would never hurt her intentionally."

He pursed his lips.  Obviously, he didn't believe me.  He 
opened his mouth as if to say something, glanced at Maggie 
and then shut it again.  Finally he said, "I do love my 
mother and my sister."  He stopped with his thought 
unfinished.

I found myself saying, "So do I."

All eyes snapped to attention and I suddenly felt like a 
bug under a microscope.  I flushed and examined my shoes.  
I muttered, "I really am her friend, Bill."

He nodded and cleared his throat.  "Well, I'll be going.  
I'll be back tomorrow, Ma."  He kissed her on the check, 
nodded at us and went out the door.

There was silence for a few moments and then Maggie said, 
"Well, I guess I should get a bed ready for you two."

Dana looked up.  "A bed?"

Mrs. Scully looked puzzled for a moment and then stuttered, 
"Oh!  I thought ... I just assumed that ..."  She broke 
off.

Dana asked, "Assumed what, Mom?"

She looked at me then back to Dana and shrugged.  "I 
assumed you'd want to sleep ... in the same bed."

This was one time I think I turned as red as Scully.  She 
had no idea how accurate that statement was for me.  And 
although Scully had been needier than I had ever seen her 
today, I wasn't foolish enough to jump to any conclusions.  
If we ever did get together that way, it certainly wasn't 
going to be under Mrs. Scully's roof.

Dana said, "Mom!  What gave you that idea?"

Maggie shrugged again.  "I don't know, you act like a 
couple, I just thought ... you were, that you had ... 
finally crossed that line."

"What line?" Scully asked, knowing perfectly well what her 
mother meant.

"I thought, after seeing you today that you were ... "

"What Mom?  Say it!"

No, don't say it, Mrs. Scully.  I don't know if I can 
handle it.  Then she said it.

She looked Dana in the eye and said, "I thought you were 
lovers."

I gasped, even knowing it was coming and felt myself flush 
again.  Scully gaped at her mother and said, "No!"

"Sorry."  Mrs. Scully was obviously embarrassed.  "I'll 
make up your bed and ... and Charlie's then."

"No!" I exclaimed.  "I'll just sleep on the couch, Mrs. 
Scully, that's fine."

"Oh Fox, no, we have all the room here we need."

"No, I insist.  You've had a horrendous day and I don't 
want you going to any trouble.  Now you girls go get ready 
for bed and I'll just bunk here on the couch.  I sleep on 
one at home all the time.  Don't worry about me.  I ushered 
them toward the stairs.  

Dana prompted her mother.  "Go ahead, Mom, I'll be up in a 
minute."

She lowered her head and went up the stairs.  When she was 
out of sight, Scully turned to face me.  


PART 2 (PG-13)
MAGGIE SCULLY'S HOUSE
BALTIMORE, MD
08:00 PM

She swallowed hard and said, "Mulder, I'm sorry.  I don't 
know where she got that idea."

I smiled softly.  "What?" she asked.

"I do," I said quietly.

"What do you mean?"

"Think about it, Scully.  The way we were today."

Her eyes flicked around the room.

"Scully, don't worry about it.  We hugged a lot today.  I 
kissed you, not on the lips.  Well, once almost, but still 
... it probably looked ... more familiar than 'just 
friends'."

She sighed.  "I suppose."

"You can be a little naïve about these things."

"What do you mean?" she asked indignantly.

I held up a hand.  "Calm down.  I don't mean anything bad.  
You just ... don't realize sometimes that people are 
watching you all the time and ... they misinterpret 
things."

She scrunched her brow.  I reached up and smoothed my thumb 
over it until she relaxed her face.  "We're close, Scully."  
I paused.  "Closer than most ... friends.  And today, we 
showed how close we are ... more than we ever had in 
public."  Or private, I thought to myself.

She took a deep breath.  "I guess you're right.  I wasn't 
thinking about it at all at the time."

"I know."

"It just felt so ... good and safe ... to be held.  You 
were my anchor today, Mulder."

I was Scully's anchor?  Her familiar island in the storm?  
More like she was mine. 

"I'm glad," I said lamely, wishing I could think of 
something better to say.

"I'm sorry if you were embarrassed by my mother's 
assumption."

"No, I wasn't."  She raised her eyebrow at me. "Well, maybe 
a little.  Not by the assumption, but that she said it out 
loud." I admitted. "But it didn't bother me."

"What, my mother?"

"That, or you hanging all over me," I teased.

She barked out a huff of laughter and swatted me on the 
shoulder.  "I was NOT hanging all over you."

I grinned like an idiot, but then my smile faded.  I 
stepped into her and folded her up in my arms again.  She 
came willingly.  I took a half a step back and sat on the 
armrest of the couch.  She followed.

We stayed this way for quite a while.  She lifted her head 
finally and looked at me.  "Mulder."

"Yeah?"

"Did I really ..."

"What?"

She shook her head.  "Forget it."

"No," I said sternly.  "What were you going to say?  Ask 
me."

She took a deep breath and said, "Out there on the porch 
..."

"Yeah?" I prompted.

"Did I really turn you on?" she asked quietly.

I couldn't help the smile that crept over my face.  I bit 
my lip but then said, "Yes, you did."

"Really?"  She looked and sounded genuinely amazed.

"Does that make me the world's worst pig?"

"What do you mean?"

"We're at your brother's funeral reception.  You come to me 
for comfort.  I hug you and then ..."

The corners of her mouth twitched.  "No, it doesn't make 
you a pig, just a man."

"Same thing, right?"

She smiled then.  "No."

"I'm sorry if that embarrassed you, or made you 
uncomfortable.  You don't usually ... know about it, so it 
isn't an issue."

"Know about what?"  

Oops.  I shouldn't have said that.  Did I really say that?  
Shit!  Now what? 

"Mulder?  What are you talking about?  I don't usually know 
about what?"

"Nothing.  Forget it.  Go to bed and I'll see you in the 
morning."

"Oh no, Mister!  I couldn't cop out, neither can you."

I looked over at the mantle and fixed my eyes on it.  I 
couldn't look at her right now.  She was waiting, but I 
knew she wasn't going anywhere until I answered her.  Could 
I lie?  What could I say that would get me out of this 
gracefully?  A half truth?

She got impatient and cupped my face with her hands, 
turning me to stare into my face.  "Tell me what you 
meant."

I blurted it out.  "You don't usually know you've turned me 
on, so it's never been an issue."

Her eyes widened and her mouth opened.  Her hands pulled 
back from my face and she stared.  "Scully?"  She didn't 
say anything.

"Look, go to bed.  Now is NOT the time to have this 
conversation."

She said, "I want to have this conversation."

"Not now."  I needed time to think.  What had I just told 
her?  

She shook her head again as if confused.  "All right.  But 
soon."

"Soon," I agreed.  Now I wondered how big of a mistake I'd 
just made.

"Well, good night, Mulder.  Sweet dreams."

"Go to bed, Scully.  I can't sleep yet.  I have to call the 
hotel.  Maybe I'll watch a little TV."

She nodded and went up the stairs after her mother.  I 
turned to eat the cold food I'd never gotten to earlier.

XXXXXXXXXX

I turned Mulder on?  Men have physiological responses to 
touch, right?  That's what I thought had been going on.  
But now he was saying that wasn't the first time I'd turned 
him on.  He'd said, 'You don't usually know,' like it 
happened all the time or regularly.  That blew my mind.  I 
couldn't think about his right now.

I kissed my mother good night and went to my room and 
crawled into my old bed and curled up.  Dear, sweet Charlie 
was gone.  Why lord?  Me, who should have been dead so many 
times and I was still walking around.  Missy used to say, 
'When it's your time to go, it's your time.'  I believed in 
God's will, I really did.  But at times like this, it was 
hard to see the reason for it.  I needed the comfort of my 
faith, but I was angry at the injustice of it all.  I guess 
it was easy to have faith when everything was going your 
way.

And I needed the comfort of Mulder just as much.  It's also 
been said that God works through people.  I believe that 
Mulder was put in my path for a reason.  I pictured us on 
the porch.  I could still feel his strong arms around me, 
the heat of his body.  It had felt so good.  I forgot how 
good it felt to be affectionate like that.  I hadn't really 
been held by a man in so long.  I'd denied myself.  Having 
that care from someone precious in your life grounded you 
when the grief threatened to sweep you away.

God, I'd sobbed in his arms twice today.  He'd been so 
gentle and tender.  He could be so sweet sometimes.  Then 
he proceeds to tell me I'm the most self-sufficient person 
he knows.  I've always been afraid to show weakness.  But 
today I couldn't help it.  And it had obviously not made 
Mulder think any less of me.  I guess I knew in my heart 
that it wouldn't, but it was nice to have it confirmed.

I didn't want to examine it too closely, this need I was 
feeling to touch Mulder all the time.  But it was better 
than dwelling on Charlie and how much it hurt that he was 
gone.

I was vulnerable now and I knew that.  But maybe that was 
the perfect time to examine it, with my guards down.  
Having no emotional walls invited honesty.  And if I was 
going to understand these urges, I needed to get honest, at 
least with myself.  My mother thought we were lovers.  
Jesus, Mom!  She'd said, 'I thought you'd finally ...'  
Finally?  Like it was inevitable and a matter of time.  
Maybe it was.

I was exhausted but keyed up.  I lay there recalling the 
awful sense of dread that had come over me thinking of 
making the trip to Baltimore by myself, all alone with my 
grief.  I had completely lost it when Mulder asked, 
"Scully, what can I do?"

I'd hugged him and blurted out, "Come with me."  At first 
he said that wouldn't be a good idea.  I knew he hated 
being around Bill.  But I'd not been able to help myself 
when I nearly wailed, "Mulder please!  I can't do this 
alone.  I need you!"

I wasn't sure if I was talking about the trip or the entire 
ordeal.  I don't think he knew either.  But I remember the 
look of astonishment on his face.  He was amazed that I was 
practically begging him to come with me.  I'm sure he was 
shocked that I'd admitted to needing him too.  I'd never 
done that before.   I had felt a twinge of embarrassment.  
But I hadn't been able to gather enough courage to rescind 
my request and say I'd be fine like I usually did.

I wasn't fine.  And this time I couldn't pretend.  And I 
was going to be a lot less fine if he wasn't with me.

He'd mumbled, "Sure, Scully, of course I'll come."  I'd 
listened from the kitchen door as he'd called Skinner from 
the living room phone.  He'd taken the entire week off for 
both of us.  Then I'd heard him say, 'The case can wait, or 
give it someone else, I don't care.  This is more 
important.'  

I'd felt such gratitude when I realized he was ditching a 
new case to do this for me.  I hadn't known Skinner had a 
case for us.  The work had always come first for him.  
Knowing he would put it aside for me was unbelievable.  

Despite the down side, he loved his work.  It was his 
obsession and his passion.  But he was saying that I was 
more important ... that his relationship with me, my needs, 
took priority over the work.  There are no words to 
describe the relief and love I felt for him at that moment.

Love?  Yeah, it was.  That was the only word for the 
feeling I had then.  What kind of love?  I still wasn't 
sure.  There had been a pause in the conversation.  Then 
he'd sealed the deal when he said, "Sir, it's like this, my 
partner needs me.  That's my number one priority.  
Everything else will have to wait.'  He'd ended the call 
and rejoined me in my kitchen, not realizing that I'd heard 
every word he said.  

It was then that I realized how much it meant to him that I 
needed him.  It was very important to him that I allow 
myself to be vulnerable with him.  I had rarely let myself 
be that way with him, except for a few isolated moments.  
I'd let go of that last bit of trust that I'd been 
withholding from him.

From that moment on I couldn't seem to stop touching him.  
I was looking for excuses to touch his hand, his face, 
throughout the whole trip.  I know it was disconcerting him 
a bit.  He didn't understand my new willingness to be 
tactile.

At the cemetery, I'd finally lost it completely.  He'd 
stood there like a solid tree trunk, protecting me as I 
disintegrated into a puddle of sobbing mush.  Who else had 
I ever felt safe enough with to let myself be that 
vulnerable?  No one.  Only Mulder. Not even my family could 
make me feel that safe.

I felt like I needed to be strong for them too.  Mulder had 
proved to be the best of friends today.  And he hadn't done 
it grudgingly.  He'd been willing, one hundred percent.  
He'd told me several times that he was there for me and 
reassuring me that he wouldn't abandon me.

Mulder had serious abandonment issues.  So I knew that he 
wouldn't break his promise once he'd given it.  To abandon 
someone, to him, was the worst form of betrayal.  I think 
that was a major factor in gaining his trust over the 
years.  The fact that I was simply still here.  He'd fully 
expected me to leave on numerous occasions when the going 
got tough.  But I'd stayed, unlike the others in his life.  
And I knew this was a continual source of amazement to him.

Maybe I had some abandonment issues too.  I'd lost two of 
my siblings, and my daughter.  But it went back further 
than that.  I'd grown up moving all over the country.  I 
couldn't allow myself to make too many friends or get too 
close to anyone.  The few times I did, my heart had been 
broken when I'd had to move away.  So I learned to wall 
everything up behind a façade of strength and stoicism.

So why did I stay with Mulder?  I loved the work for sure.  
But was it worth it?  Bill would certainly say, no.  Maybe, 
maybe not.  But Mulder was worth it.  Mulder the man was 
worth fighting with, worth fighting ... for.  Mulder was 
worth fighting for?  Oh God.

I could dimly hear the television downstairs.  All this 
thinking and I was now completely awake.  It was lonely 
here in this bed.  I could crawl in with my mother.  I got 
up and made my way silently to her bedroom.  The door was 
open and I peered inside.  She was breathing deeply and 
sleeping soundly.  For that I was grateful.  I didn't want 
to wake her.

I listened to the TV again.  I couldn't make out what he 
was watching.  He had it turned very low.  I felt myself 
drawn to the stairway.  I quietly made my way down the 
stairs in my bare feet.  Half way down, I could see him.  
He had removed his shirt and under shirt, tie and belt, 
socks and shoes.  He was stretched out on his back on the 
couch.  One arm was tucked behind his head, the other 
laying idly on his stomach.  One leg was on the couch, the 
other on the floor, bent at the knee, his dress slacks 
stretched over his taut thigh muscles.

His face was toward the television, it's semi blue glow 
casting shadows across his face.  His hair was messed up 
from finger combing, a habit he had when he was upset, 
nervous, confused or sometimes just thinking very hard.

I smiled in spite of my grief.  My eyes trailed down his 
chest, taking in his washboard stomach and well toned pecs.  
His arm behind his head made his bicep stand out in stark 
relief.  His chest was dusted sparsely with chest hair.  It 
thickened below his navel and ran in a line below his 
pants.  

Christ, he was a gorgeous man.  Funny how I didn't notice a 
lot of the time. I was so used to that face.  And I took 
great pains not to look at his body as a rule.

But I noticed, especially when I caught someone else 
noticing.  And if I was honest, it was jealousy I felt 
then, when he returned the attention of someone who had 
been admiring his face or his body.  What would he do if he 
caught me staring?  Would he turn that smoldering attention 
on me?  

As if he'd sensed me there, his head turned and our eyes 
locked together.  Otherwise he didn't move.  I felt frozen 
in place, one hand on the banister.  One leg on the step 
below my other leg.  I stared, flushing because I'd been 
caught.  A slow smile came across his features.  It wasn't 
his patented leer, it wasn't smug.  It was just a smile, 
slow and lazy, an acknowledgement of me being there, 
watching him.

The hand on his ribs lifted and he held out his hand in 
invitation.  My legs moved in response and I descended the 
rest of the way down the stairs.  I approached him and took 
his hand in mine, still standing.  We stayed that way for 
several moments, just looking at each other.  

I saw his eyes flicker to my chest.  I was wearing blue 
silk pajamas that hung loose on my body.  I looked down to 
see that the collar was askew and half of my breast was 
exposed.  I shrugged quickly and used my free hand to 
readjust my top.  

His smile turned into a little grin and I looked away.  
Then he broke the silence saying, "Not tired?"

"Yes, but too keyed up."

He nodded.  "Want to lay here with me?"

It was said so casually but there was an undertone I 
couldn't define.  I looked at him.  "You take up most of 
this couch, Mulder, I don't think there's room for me."

Without a word he turned onto his side, pressing his back 
against the back of the couch and drawing both legs up, 
slightly bent at the knee, leaving the front of the couch 
open.  He patted the couch in front of him.  I eyed him 
warily.  Did I want to do this?  He saw my hesitation and 
grinned again.  "I won't bite, Scully.  Even I know it's 
bad form to hit on a girl in her mother's living room."

I chuckled then.  He was teasing, his old self.  I dropped 
down to sit in front of him.  His hand came up to my 
shoulder and he tipped me down until my head came to rest 
on his outstretched arm. I was stiff and trying to hold 
myself away from his body.

As if it were nothing unusual, his hand came down on my hip 
and tugged me back into his body. I grunted slightly in 
surprise as my butt came to rest in the cradle of his 
pelvis.  He pulled the blanket off the back of the couch 
and covered us.  I was pulling it up around my neck when 
his hand snaked around my waist.  He opened his hand and 
laid his large warm palm across my rib cage.  He hugged me 
tighter, then loosened and sighed.  He murmured, "You can 
shut off the TV if you want."

It was so low, you could barely hear the sound and I know 
he could rarely sleep without it.  "It's O.K."

"Shut it off, Scully."  Weird.  I reached out and snatched 
the remote, punching the button to shut it off and dropped 
it back on the coffee table.

When I leaned back he shifted around a bit, pulling me 
tight against him.  The end result was that he was touching 
me from head to toe.  My head rested under his chin, his 
arm under my neck.  His chest was molded to my back, his 
thighs wrapped around the back of mine.  God, I fit 
perfectly like this.  I was suffused with warmth and could 
feel the heat from his chest invading my back through the 
silk of my pajamas.

"O.K.?" he whispered tentatively.

"Yeah."  He nuzzled my hair and then went still.

He said softly, "Are you O.K.?  Do you need to talk?"

"No, I just felt so ... alone up there."

He just said, "I'm here."

"I know."

"I'm glad you came down," he said.  His breath was rolling 
over my neck in waves and I shivered slightly.

"How come?"

"I'm glad you felt you could."  We were silent again, 
letting that sink in.

I was realizing that this wasn't a one sided thing.  It was 
finally dawning on me how much this meant to him, my 
opening up and allowing him to comfort and help me.  How 
could I have been so blind all this time?  How could I have 
not seen that this was what he needed as well?

Hell, I hadn't even realized how much I needed this, this 
connection.  We had an extraordinary connection anyway.  
But this physical part, it was compelling and tempting.  
Sex aside, just being able to touch him like this, have him 
hold me, was so relaxing, so nurturing and emotionally 
supportive.  I'm a doctor, I should know this.  I should 
know how much touch can help to heal the wounded mind.  It 
sends a message of caring that no other thing can.  No 
words mean as much as the simple act of holding another 
human being.  

And he was holding me now.  He was holding me tight.  There 
was no sexual overtone to it.  He was being my rock, just 
being there for me.  His presence was unbelievably 
comforting and I loved him for it.

There was that word again.  God, I was starting to scare 
myself.  He hummed in the back of his throat and squeezed 
me tighter for a moment.  He murmured, "Scully, this is so 
nice.  I forgot how good this feels."

I felt tears gather in the back of my throat and croaked 
out, "I know, me too."

"I miss this so much."

Miss this?  Holding me?  We'd never done this before.  My 
ingrained independence asserted itself for a moment and I 
felt a flash of panic.  I stubbornly tamped it down.  He 
was doing nothing inappropriate.  He was not doing anything 
I hadn't agreed to let him do.  So what was my problem?

I liked this too much.  Was there such a thing?  I asked 
quietly, "Miss this?"

"Holding a woman," he whispered.  He paused.  "There's not 
a lot of affection in my life, Scully."

I felt sadness for him.  Whatever else I didn't have, 
affection I did have, or could have, anytime I wanted.  If 
I was blue, I could come to my mother and be assured of 
hugs and kisses and affection.  Mulder had no one.  Both 
parents and his sister were gone.  

And even when they were here, he was estranged from his 
father and his mother was a cold Yankee bitch.  He'd 
probably had affection from time to time with girlfriends 
of the past, just enough to know what he was missing.  
Diana for one, I thought.  That thought made me nauseous.  
But just plain affection he didn't have now and hadn't for 
a long time.  Just plain being able to cuddle with someone.  
I didn't imagine he'd had much of that at all.

"I'm sorry," I said finally.

He chuffed out a breath of air, stretching a bit, pressing 
his body into mine and then relaxing back into his former 
position.  My body hummed with the added contact even after 
he'd retreated to his former position of his body laying 
lightly against mine.  "Don't pity me, Scully," he answered 
after a pause.

"I just feel sad that you don't have this in your life.  I 
at least always had my family to count on for affection.  
You don't even have that."

He sighed.  His hand moved from my rib cage up and down 
over my hip.  I gasped slightly as it came to rest on my 
thigh. He very slowly pressed my thigh back into his.  His 
hips flexed pressing into my rear end.  His nose nuzzled my 
hair and he hummed in the back of his throat.  

I felt an insane urge to lurch away and leap off the couch.  
Just then he whispered directly into my ear.  "Now I do."

Oh God.  He was just reveling in the feel of touching and 
being affectionate.  It wasn't his fault that his actions 
had made my nipples harden and my abdomen cringe with 
unexpected arousal.  How could I take this away from him?  
Deep breath, Dana, I told myself.  Calm down.  It would 
hurt him incredibly if I were to pull away now.  

I took another deep breath and relaxed into his embrace.  
His hand trailed lightly back up over my hip and took up 
its position on my rib cage.  He never went near my 
breasts.  I was grateful.  

Then why was I feeling disappointment?  My breasts felt 
heavy and swollen.  My nipples tingled from the slight 
friction against the silk as I breathed in and out.  Oh 
God, this was torture.  I should have worn flannel!

I'm not sure if my agitation telegraphed to him through my 
body or not, but he suddenly went stock still for several 
moments.  The arm under my neck pulled back toward him 
slightly and he lifted his head and looked down at me.  I 
could feel his eyes on the side of my face.  "Scully," he 
called softly. 

I steeled myself and turned to look at him.  His open and 
guileless face hovered above me.  He looked like a little 
boy, afraid he had done something to displease his parent.

My heart melted at the look on his face.  "What, Mulder?"

"Am I ... making you uncomfortable?  Is this too much?  
Being here with me, ... touching like this?"

I smiled to reassure him and saw relief flicker across his 
face as I shook my head.  He smiled softly.  "I didn't mean 
to ... "

I lifted two fingers and pressed them to his lips.  He 
gasped slightly and opened his mouth.  His hot breath was 
wafting around my fingers.  His lips were soft and warm and 
I felt another shiver of warmth run down the length of my 
body.  "It's fine," I whispered.  "It feels ... wonderful.  
I think I can sleep now."

I had no idea if I could or not but he looked so happy and 
relieved.  His lips puckered slightly and pecked the 
underside of my fingers.  He grinned quickly and then sank 
down again, hiding his face behind my hand, ignoring my 
shocked look.  It was such a cute, boyish thing to do.  I 
chuckled.

A few seconds later and I found my body melting against 
his, his warmth relaxing all my muscles and my eyelids 
drooping.  I made a sound of contentment in the back of my 
throat and felt more than heard a little chuckle in his 
chest.

The next thing I knew it was 08:00 AM and my mother was 
gently shaking my shoulder.  


PART 3 (PG-13)
MAGGIE SCULLY'S HOUSE
BALTIMORE, MD
TUESDAY, APRIL 10, 2001
08:00 AM 

I came awake as I felt Scully jerk in my arms.  Sunlight 
was pouring in the living room window and I squinted and 
sunk my head back down into the crook of her neck and 
moaned.  My God, I had slept the night through.  I couldn't 
remember the last time that had happened.  I lifted my head 
again after the shock of sunlight had abated and lifted my 
torso slightly. 

Maggie Scully was kneeling on the floor with a wicked smile 
on her face, staring at us.  I looked down to find Scully's 
face nearly the color of her hair.  I caught Maggie's eye 
and we chuckled together, both amused at how embarrassed 
Dana was.

I was a little embarrassed myself, but not enough to 
acknowledge. I hadn't done anything wrong for onece.  I'd 
been a perfect gentleman. It had felt too good to cuddle up 
with Scully last night, unbelievably good.  I'd been 
shocked when she came back down stairs.  I'd done nothing 
but think of her up there alone in that bed since she'd 
climbed the stairs.

Scully croaked, "Mom, uh, it's not what it looks ..."

Maggie's face split into a huge smile and she laughed at 
her daughter.  Scully buried her head in the couch cushion.  
Then she said, "Dana, you don't owe me an explanation.  
You're a big girl."

Scully nodded and peered at her mother from under her arm 
she'd thrown over the side of her face.  Her skin was still 
flushed. 

She glanced at me and I couldn't help the grin on my face.  
"It's a conspiracy," she mumbled.  

Maggie and I laughed together again.  Maggie stood and 
said, "I have coffee on and I have some Muffins and Danish 
in the kitchen if you want breakfast.

"Sounds good," I said.  "I need to brush my teeth though, 
you wouldn't happen to have an extra toothbrush."

"Sure, there's an unopened one in the medicine cabinet in 
the bathroom," she replied.  I nodded and she exited into 
the kitchen.

I peered down at Scully as she flopped over onto her back.  
My smile faded as I saw that her too large silk pajama top 
had slid sideways again and was exposing half of her 
breast.  As if they had a mind of their own, my fingers 
reached out and trailed down her collarbone and into the 
valley of her chest, brushing against the side of her 
exposed breast. 

She gasped and her head tipped back slightly.  I watched in 
fascination as her nipple puckered tightly under the silk.  
I averted my eyes quickly and said, "Sorry.  Uh, I can't 
get up until you do," I mumbled.

She appeared to shake herself slightly and sat up, taking 
her body heat with her.  I felt the cool air assault my 
chest as the afghan fell away and she stood up.  I swung my 
legs around.  She was fidgeting with her top and glancing 
at me and then away again.  Shit!  I shouldn't have done 
that.  This had been so nice, holding her all night long.  
And now she would probably never let me do it again because 
I'd been stupid enough to do something overtly ...  Overtly 
what?  

She just looked so rumbled and sensual at that moment.  I 
stood up and she gasped and began to take a step back as I 
reached for her.  

I caught the edges of her collar and pulled them tightly 
together, buttoning the top button that had come undone.  
My fingers brushed her collar bone and I felt her shiver 
slightly.  She looked up at me.  "Sorry," I said quietly 
again.

She nodded and said, "Don't worry about it."  Her gaze fell 
to the carpet and she stepped around me and made a bee line 
for the stairs.

I sighed loudly and grabbed my shirt off the chair where I 
had left it, pulling it on and heading for the bathroom 
with it hanging open.

I was rinsing my mouth of toothpaste when Maggie appeared 
in the door.  I spit and wiped my mouth on a towel and 
turned, realizing my shirt was still hanging open.  I 
hastily began buttoning my shirt, turning sideways away 
from her and heard her chuckle again.

"What makes you think I don't enjoy the view?" she quipped. 

I choked and coughed into my hand, feeling a warmth spread 
up my neck.  Jesus, I was blushing.  She laughed again.  
"Sorry, I couldn't resist," she said.

I replied, "You Scully women are wicked."

She smiled as I turned to face her, my shirt buttoned most 
of the way, the top three left open.  Her smile faded, "Is 
she all right, Fox?"

"I think so."

"What happened?"

"I don't know.  She came down about an hour after going 
upstairs and said she couldn't sleep.  I invited her to lay 
there with me and she did."

I averted my eyes.  "I was glad she felt she could come to 
me.  I want to comfort her, but she doesn't let me often."  
Why had I told her mother that.? "We fell asleep that way."

Maggie nodded.  "Dana and Charlie were close, or they used 
to be when they were kids."

"I got that impression."

"They were the two youngest and they banded together.  I 
think she feels guilty on top of her grief because she 
hadn't seen Charlie in over a year."

"That's got to make it extra hard," I said.

"That's the sad reality of being in a Navy family.  He 
hadn't been around."

"Are you all right?" I asked, realizing I hadn't bothered 
to ask her that once since our arrival.

She smiled a sad smile.  "As good as I'm going to be for a 
while.  It's still hurts to think of Melissa.  Now I'll 
have two of them to miss.  It will take a while, a long 
while before it doesn't overwhelm me."

I nodded and stepped into her.  "You're an incredibly 
strong woman, Mrs. Scully."

"Call me Maggie."

"O.K., Maggie.  I know where Dana gets it from.  She counts 
on your love and affection.  She's so lucky to have a 
mother like you.  I wish ..."

I was suddenly choked up.  Maggie's hand rose to cup my 
cheek in a move so like Scully's that I couldn't hold the 
tear that slid down my cheek.  "Oh Fox, I love you like you 
were my own.  I know you didn't have ... a family life like 
we had.  But I meant it when I said you were part of this 
family.  You come to me anytime if you need a mom."

I grabbed her up into my arms and felt her crying softly.  
We cried together for several long moments and then I let 
her go, wiping my face on my sleeve.  "Sorry," I mumbled.

"No problem."  She paused.  "I want to thank you for being 
there for Dana, Fox."

"I wouldn't dream of being anywhere else."

"I know.  She told me you dropped everything to come down 
here with her.  I don't know if you realize how much that 
meant to her."

"I didn't drop much."

"She said Skinner had a case for you and you ditched it.  
She was a little startled that you would do that."

"She was?"  I didn't know that she had been listening to my 
conversation with Skinner.

"Yes. She knows how much your work means to you.  She said 
it was unlike you to push a case aside for anything."

"She doesn't know me as well as she thinks she does, I 
guess," I replied.

Her brow furrowed slightly.  "What do you mean, Fox?"

"Maggie ... she's the most important thing ... the most 
important person in my life.  Nobody and nothing means more 
to me than Dana does.  If she doesn't know that by now ..."  
I trailed off, not sure how much I should say to her 
mother.

I swallowed and looked at the floor.  Then she said, "She 
can be incredibly blind and dense sometimes."

My head snapped up to look her in the face.  "Meaning?"

"I don't know why she can't see it.  Everybody else does.  
But I have confidence that she will, eventually."

"See what?"

She looked me right in the eye.  "How much you love her."

I gasped slightly, struggling to maintain eye contact and 
felt the tears swim in my eyes again.  I blinked rapidly 
and averted my eyes.  I couldn't keep looking at her wise 
and sincere face.  "Are you O.K.?" she asked. 

I'd confirmed her suspicions by not denying it.  I knew 
Maggie Scully was perceptive, but I hadn't known she could 
see through ME that easily.  "Yeah," I managed to croak 
out.

"Let's have breakfast," she said, changing the subject 
abruptly.

She turned to exit the doorway and I said, "Maggie."

She turned and looked at me.  "Hmmm?"

"You're a wonderful woman, Maggie.  Thanks. And I ... I 
know you've had your doubts about me over the years."

She shook her head but I continued.  "I know you have.  I 
know you've had your doubts about the work Dana does with 
me, but please believe I've never pushed her to do it.  In 
fact, I've told her to leave several times, not because I 
didn't want her with me, but because I knew ... she could 
have better ... and be safer."  I swallowed heavily.  "But 
she wouldn't go."

Maggie nodded, "I know."

I made eye contact again then.  "I do love her, Maggie.  
Don't ever doubt that.  I'm IN love with her."

"I know," she said, sounding slightly smug.  "She loves you 
too, she just hasn't figured it out yet."

I felt my eyes grow wide, a dangerous feeling of hope 
spreading in my chest.  Maggie smiled.  "But she will."  

With that she turned and went down the hall.  It took me 
several minutes to get my breathing under control and for 
the buzzing in my ears to stop.  Jesus, what the hell was 
wrong with me?  Was hearing those words such a trauma?  I'd 
nearly had two panic attacks in nearly two days, both 
relating to Scully.  This had to stop.  I had to get a 
grip.

XXXXXXXXXX

I hurried back around the corner and up the stairs.  I'd 
done a bad thing.  I'd stood there around the corner in the 
hallway and listened to the entire exchange between my 
mother and Mulder.

I was in shock.  Mulder had admitted he loved me.  He loved 
me.  He was IN love with me.  Jesus!  Damn him!  He'd tell 
my mother, but he wouldn't tell me!  

No, that wasn't right.  My mother had started it, saying I 
was blind.  Blind!  My mother thought I was dense!  That 
was a cruel thing to say.  Or was it?

Maybe it hurt so much because it was true.  I wasn't as 
dense as she thought I was.  I saw things, I felt things.  
I knew things in my heart.  I was just too afraid to give 
them voice, to assign names to the feelings I had, to the 
feelings I saw clearly sometimes when I looked into 
Mulder's eyes.  I always turned and walked away from those 
looks.  He wouldn't mention those moments again and neither 
would I. We were both masters at avoidance.  

I wondered who else he'd told that he was in love with me.  
In love with me!  Shit.  I had to go downstairs and face 
them.  I shakily drew my sweater over my head and sat on 
the bed to tie my sneakers.  I blew air out of my pursed 
lips.  I could do this.

We did need to have a conversation.  A long one.  An 
involved one.  Very soon.

XXXXXXXXXX
FOX MULDER'S APARTMENT
ARLINGTON, VA
12:00 NOON

He pulled up and parked in front of his building.  "Do you 
want to take my car back to your place?" he asked.

I'd been thinking about that all the way home.  The reality 
was that I wasn't ready to be alone yet.  Another reality 
was I didn't want to let him out of my sight.  Although 
he'd been there for me since Sunday night, I wasn't 
convinced, despite what he'd said that he wouldn't head 
into the office the minute we separated.  He'd taken the 
week off but that didn't mean he wouldn't change his mind 
once he had nothing to do.

"No, I want you to get some clean clothes, pack a bag and 
take me to my apartment."

He turned to look at me, obviously startled again.  "You 
do?"

"Yes, I'm not ready to be alone."

"O.K., Scully," he said docilely.  "Whatever you want."

Whatever I want.  Whatever I want.  What the hell did I 
want?  I needed to figure that out soon.  Soon.  

He slid out of the car and looked back at me.  "Are you 
coming up?  Or do you want to wait here?"

"I'll come up."  

XXXXXXXXXX
DANA SCULLY'S APARTMENT
GEORGETOWN, VA
02:00 PM

Even though I'd slept, I felt incredibly tired as I pushed 
the door open with my shoulder.  Mulder picked up both our 
bags and stumbled in behind me.

"You want coffee?"

He nodded.  I headed into the kitchen to put the pot on.  I 
felt him appear in the doorway.  I could feel him watching 
me.  I heard him cross the floor and grabbed the edge of 
the counter, suddenly nervous for no apparent reason.  This 
was Mulder!  This was still my Mulder.  I had nothing to 
worry about.

My Mulder?  He stood behind me without touching me and said 
my name softly.  "Scully."

I turned slowly and met his eyes.  "Yeah?"

"Are you O.K.?  You seem ... jumpy, uptight."

"I'm tired."

"Why don't you lay down, then."

I shook my head.  "Then I won't sleep tonight."

"Is there anything you want me to do for you?"

I looked up into his sincere face.  He wanted to help me so 
badly.  I didn't know what I wanted or needed at this 
moment.  I hadn't showered, and the thought of a bubble 
bath sounded particularly good at that moment.

"I think I'll take a bath if you don't mind."

He nodded.  "I'll start drawing it.  You sit down and 
relax."

"You don't have to ..." I began.

His fingers came up to my lips, like I'd done the day 
before.  "I WANT to, now go sit down and relax."

I nodded after a couple of second.  He dropped his hand.  
"Bubble bath?"

"Yeah."

"What should I put in?"

"It's on the edge of the tub."

He nodded and turned to make his way to the bathroom.  I 
watched him covertly as he retreated into the living room 
and down the hall.  He was wearing faded black jeans and a 
white turtleneck.  He been in a hurry to pack a bag and 
hadn't shaved.  His razor stubble was darkening his jaw.  
God, he had a fantastic ass.  He disappeared into the 
bathroom and I sighed, walking to the couch and plopping 
down with a grunt.  I leaned back and closed my eyes.  I 
could hear the water running in the bathtub.  It was so 
sweet of him to run my bath.  Why was he being so good to 
me?

'Because you're finally letting him,' another voice in my 
head said.  I shook my head to dislodge the conscious that 
wanted to take the blame for this weird situation I found 
myself in with my partner. I was enamored of the way he was 
treating me.  He was pampering me.  I'd always thought it 
would make me feel or look weak and incapable.  But it 
didn't.  Somehow he managed to make me feel that it was 
O.K. for me to need him.  He wasn't looking at me any 
differently for having fallen apart in his arms, twice.  He 
wasn't looking at me any differently for having fallen 
asleep in his arms either.

Oh man.  How good had that felt?  I'd had no hopes of 
sleeping last night. I was so upset about Charlie and so 
confused about my sudden urges to be with and touch Mulder.  
When he wasn't in front of me, the confusion came washing 
back.  But once in his presence, the confusion melted away.  
One look from those soft hazel eyes and I knew that I was 
safe and wondered what the hell I had been scared of.

And despite my upset and vague feelings of panic over how 
good it felt to have him curled around me, I'd drifted off 
into a deep sleep feeling safe and secure surrounded by 
Mulder.  

I sat up suddenly as a thought came to me.  He'd slept all 
night too, or at least I think he had.  He'd been asleep 
when my mother shook me awake.  Mulder never slept for more 
than four hours at a clip.  He always slept in what I 
referred to as 'shifts.'  Could he have felt as safe and 
content as I had?  Had having me there with him allowed him 
to have a restful night's sleep for the first time in God 
knows how long?

That thought brought a fuzzy, warm feeling in my chest.  He 
emerged and broke me out of my reverie.  "Scully, it's 
ready."

I stood up and found myself staring at him.  "Scully, what 
is it?" he asked, sounding suddenly worried.

He stepped into me and laid his hands on my arms.  I looked 
up at him and blurted out, "Did you sleep through the night 
last night?"  

Shit!  What was wrong with me, blurting that out like that?  

He smiled softly, clearly a little amused by my sudden 
question.  But then he said, "Yes, I did."

"Do you normally do that?"

"No," he said simply.

"Oh," I said.  Brilliant, Dana.  I stepped around him and 
headed for the bathroom, leaving him with a baffled look on 
his face.  I went to close the door and found him standing 
in the way.  

"Why did you ask me that?" he asked.

"I don't know."  I looked away from him.

"I think you do."

"Mulder, please!"  Why was I suddenly all flustered?

He relented, "Forget it, it doesn't matter."

He turned and I found myself saying, "I didn't think I was 
going to sleep at all, but I did."

He turned back to look at me.  "And you were wondering if 
the same was true for me?"

I nodded.  "I know you don't sleep well ... usually."

"You're right."

"Why do you think ...?" I began.

"That I slept like a baby all through the night?" he 
finished for me.

I nodded again, feeling foolish.  He said, "Because you 
were there," he said simply.  

"I don't ... understand."  Why was I pushing this?

He sighed.  "I spend most of my night's wondering if you 
are all right, worrying that ... you are alone."

"I'm not defenseless, Mulder," I replied.  I felt a little 
twinge of the old anger flare up over my insecurity about 
not being able to measure up.  But I knew that's not what 
he was saying.  It was my own insecurity interfering.  I 
needed to listen to what he was really saying.

"I know that.  That's not the point," he replied.

"What is the point?"

"When I can see you, hear you ... I feel O.K.  When I 
can't, I have this vague sense of anxiety that won't go 
away.  That's why I call you sometimes ... in the middle of 
the night.  I just need to hear your voice and know that 
you are all right.  Then I can sleep for a while."

I was breathing rather shallow and didn't know what to say.  
Finally I asked, "Why?"

He shrugged.  "I don't know.  Maybe because I've almost 
lost you so many times."

I nodded but didn't say anything.  My bath water was 
probably getting cold.  I glanced at it and saw the steam 
still rising from the bubbles.  He continued, "And I 
couldn't bear to lose you again, Scully."

I met his gaze then and held it for several moments.  Then 
he said, "If you are with me, even in the next room, I can 
sleep because I know that you are all right and if 
something happens, I will be right there to help you.  I 
sleep better when we are on the road than I do when we are 
home, believe it or not."

He chuckled, a self deprecating sound.  "We're in 
connecting rooms and I know you're right on the other side 
of the wall.  I usually still don't fall asleep until 2:00 
or 3:00 AM, but then I will sleep until morning."

The silence grew awkward then and finally I said, "It's 
going to get cold if I don't get in."

He nodded.  "Don't fall asleep in there," he warned and 
shut the door softly.

I stripped and sighed as I lowered myself into the hot 
water.  I relaxed for a few moments but felt my eyelids 
getting droopy and forced myself to sit up and begin 
washing myself.  As I did, visions of Charlie floated 
across my mind.

I remembered him picking me up and twirling me around on 
the lawn after my high school graduation.  I remember him 
beaming at me when I told him I'd been accepted to medical 
school, and jumping up in the air with a wild whoop.  Tears 
gathered again and slid down my face.  Dear Charlie.  We'd 
loved each other unconditionally.  Maybe because we were 
closer in age, we had been closer to each other than to 
Bill or Missy.  I don't know.  I'd never questioned it.

Charlie had been supportive when I'd written him about 
Mulder and the work that we did.  He'd thought it was 
wonderful when I joined the FBI, unlike the rest of my 
family who were simply baffled that I didn't want to go 
into practice.  He'd told me he was thrilled that I had 
found something that interested me so much.  He'd never 
said a cross word about Mulder.

He understood instinctively that I was making my own 
choices.  He knew me better than Bill.  He knew that I 
couldn't be dragged anywhere against my will.  He knew that 
I was right where I wanted to be and gave me credit for 
knowing what I wanted and how to take care of myself.  He 
would never have blamed someone else for my misfortunes the 
way Bill did.

I understood Bill better than he thought I did.  I knew 
that he loved me and wanted what was best for me.  What he 
didn't get was that it wasn't his job to decide what was 
best for me.  It was mine alone, the decisions I made were 
to be mine, not his or anyone else's.  And I wanted to work 
on the X-Files.  I wanted to be with Mulder.  But Bill just 
couldn't accept that I would want these things.

So he blamed Mulder.  That was easier than blaming me.  But 
that didn't make his hostility any easier to take.  My 
heart wept silently every time I saw Mulder bite his tongue 
for my sake.  I hurt every time I saw Bill play on one of 
Mulder's insecurities about the harm that had come to me.  
Mulder thought that many of these things were his fault.  
That's why he didn't fight back when Bill attacked him.  He 
just left and then brooded for days in guilt over things 
that weren't his fault.

I could slug Bill for every time he'd done that.  I closed 
my eyes and saw Charlie's smiling face again and began to 
sob again.  The water sloshed in the rub as I put my head 
in my hands.  I immediately heard a soft tap on the door.

"Scully?  Are you all right?"

I sucked in a noisy breath and managed.  "Yeah, I'll be out 
in a minute."

"O.K."  I heard his foot step retreat from the door.

I stood and unplugged the tub.  I dried myself slowly and 
carefully.  I cracked the door to let the steam out and 
dried the steam off the mirror.  I wrapped my towel around 
me and tucked the excess between my breasts. There were 
slight gray circles under my eyes.  They were rimmed with 
pink from crying and looked a little glassy.  Charlie was 
gone.

I hung my head and pressed a cold wash cloth to my face.  
The sobs came again and I was getting annoyed with myself.  
Why couldn't I take a break from this for just a little 
while?!  Damn it.  I was so tired!

I cried and folded slowly to the floor on my knees.  My 
body tipped to lean against the cabinets.  I covered my 
face again and wept.

I felt cool air rush over me as the door opened wide.  
Mulder knelt in front of me.  His hand came up to my bare 
shoulder and I flinched away.  He sighed.  Before I could 
realize his intent, he stepped beside me, squatted down and 
scooped me up into his arms.

"Mulder!" I shouted.

His only reply was, "Shhh."

He walked into my bedroom, clumsily pulled the covers down 
with one arm, tossing them to the opposite side of the bed.  
He sat down with me in his arms, continuing to cradle me 
against his body and pulled the covers over us.  He scooted 
down a bit, sliding me off his chest and laying down.  Then 
he pulled me to his side, and held me tight with both arms, 
tipping toward me slightly.  I buried my face in his 
shoulder and cried while he gently ran his fingers through 
my wet hair and rocked me gently.

He didn't say another word, just let me cry and continued 
to hold me.  My tears dried up and an incredible lassitude 
stole over me.  I shut my eyes to rest them and try to stop 
the burning that was stinging my eyelids from so much 
crying.  

His fingers were still running gently through my hair and 
it felt so good.  I shivered and relaxed into him.  I knew 
I was wearing nothing but a towel and I should be 
uncomfortable about that.  Somehow I couldn't seem to 
muster the requisite objection and get up to put some 
clothes on.  I felt way too relaxed and content. 

I hummed in the back of my throat and moved my head 
slightly to encourage him to continue what he was doing. He 
mumbled, "That feel good?"

"Mmm," was all I could manage.  He continued, turning 
slightly so he could use both hands.

As I was drifting off to sleep I swear I felt his soft lips 
brush against my cheek.  I sighed and knew nothing else for 
the next three hours.


PART 4 (NC-17)
DANA SCULLY'S APARTMENT
GEORGETOWN, VA
6:00 PM

I've been watching her sleep for three hours.  She looks so 
fragile and unearthly beautiful it takes my breath away.  
Her hair has dried.  I had continued to rub my fingers 
through the silky strands, watching it dry and become wavy 
under my finger tips.

She hummed in her sleep, enjoying the feel of it.  I felt 
warmth spread through my chest.  My heart broke when I saw 
her crumpled onto the floor of her bathroom crying.  I had 
hesitated about opening the door.  It was cracked open to 
let the steam out.  I could hear her crying but didn't know 
if she would be covered up.

I didn't want to embarrass her.  As much as I would love to 
see Scully naked, now was not the time.  The last thing she 
needed right now was to be embarrassed about being caught 
nude.  But her ragged crying tore at my heart and I 
couldn't stand it anymore.  I couldn't leave her in there 
to cry alone.  I'd been unable not to notice the incredible 
softness of the skin of her shoulders as I carried her to 
the bed.  I didn't want her to be uncomfortable on the 
couch.  I didn't want her to think she had to gather 
herself enough to get dressed.

So I'd simply gone to the bed, hoping she wouldn't protest 
or take it the wrong way.  She hadn't.  She'd seemed glad 
to have me there and had been clinging to me once again as 
she drifted off to sleep.  As much as I hated to see her in 
pain like this, I was reveling in the feel of this new 
found closeness.  It was still amazing to me that she was 
letting me care for her this way.  She was really letting 
me in, letting me see her at her most vulnerable.  The 
trust that this signified humbled me beyond words.

I needed to be very careful not to do anything to make her 
feel that she'd made a mistake in trusting me with her 
grief.  So I laid there and battled the semi arousal that 
inevitably came from having her so near.

I wondered about our earlier conversation about sleep.  I 
hadn't meant to reveal so much to her, but she hadn't 
seemed shocked or dismayed.  I was afraid she would be 
insulted and think it was another example of me not 
considering her able to take care of herself. 

Nothing could be further from the truth.  She had 
fortunately seemed to take it the right way, in the spirit 
in which it had been meant.

She shifted now, her leg curled up, and her knee fell 
between my legs, pressing lightly on my crotch.  I couldn't 
help the soft moan that escaped me as her leg brushed me 
there and I felt myself grow hard against her leg.  I 
closed my eyes and tipped my head back into the pile of 
pillows behind me.

I felt her stir again and lift her head from my chest.  I 
decided playing dumb was the best bet right now.  Move your 
leg, Scully, before I reveal more than I mean to right now.  
It was not the time to be aroused.  She needed a friend.  
But Christ, how was I supposed to remain unaffected?  We'd 
never been this close, physically.  I couldn't help it.  

Her hands slid across my abdomen and slowly moved up my rib 
cage.  What the hell was going on?  I could feel my skin 
tingle in the wake of her tiny hand as it moved up my 
chest.  She stopped with her palm over my breast bone.  I 
didn't dare open my eyes and concentrated on breathing slow 
and even to give the impression of sleep.

Her leg straightened but remained between mine, sliding 
across my groin and brushing my balls.  I nearly bit my 
tongue off as I felt my balls tighten and my erection grow 
harder.

Scully, what the hell are you trying to do to me?  I am a 
man, after all.  Her hand came into motion again and 
brushed lazy circles over my pecs, back and forth.  I 
sighed, feeling arousal zip through my torso and lodge 
between my legs.  Move your leg, Scully!

She did, only not the way I meant.  She partially rolled 
onto my chest, her hip rolling across my erection.  I 
moaned, my eyes fluttering open and then rolling back in my 
head.  I squeezed them tightly shut.  What the hell?  I 
couldn't help it.  That moan was obvious and couldn't be 
mistaken for anything but arousal.  I was afraid to see her 
reaction.  Would she be angry?  Embarrassed?  Disgusted 
that I couldn't just lie her and cuddle her and be a friend 
without getting all worked up?

I finally opened my eyes and found her face inches from 
mine.  Her full lips were parted slightly, a little flash 
of her teeth showing.  She was breathing shallow and her 
eyelids were droopy.  Her now dry hair was tousled and 
wavy. 

Her breasts were pressed to my chest, still encased in the 
towel.  But it had loosened from its mooring and I could 
see the top of her full globes compressed against my chest.  
I had an insane urge to lay my mouth on the exposed skin of 
her neck and shoulders.  But instead I continued to stare 
at her.  She didn't move for several long moments and then 
I felt her hip undulate against me. 

My voice broke on a strangled groan, "Oh Go..od, Scully."

A small amazed smile appeared on her face, slightly lifting 
the corners of her mouth.  She did it again and I gripped 
her arms with my hands firmly.  She stopped, suddenly 
still.  She looked embarrassed and frightened.  Did she 
think I didn't want this?  No!  That couldn't be it.  

I didn't want a misunderstanding between us.  I needed to 
be honest with her.  I just had to pray that it wouldn't 
make her pull away from me.  I would just have to drag her 
back.  I wasn't going to allow her to go remote on my now.

I choked out, "Scully, what are you doing?"

Her eyes darted from one side to another.  "Look at me," I 
demanded.

Her eyes found mine. "I'm sorry..." she began.

I shook my head to negate her apology.  "No, don't be.  I 
just wasn't sure if you were aware of what you were doing.  
I just meant to hold you and comfort you and ...  but ..."

Her expression changed to one I didn't recognize.  I 
continued, "I didn't want to embarrass you if you didn't 
realize ..."

"Realize?"

"That you're arousing me."  My voice came out as a whisper, 
low and raspy.

She unmistakably undulated her hips against my engorged 
cock and I groaned, low and ragged.  My eyes closed.  
"Scully!"

Her low alto floated into my ear.  "Do you ..."  

Then silence.   I opened my eyes to meet her gaze again.  
"Do I what?" I managed.

"Is this just ... a physical reaction ... to being ... 
close like this?"  My God, she was almost stuttering!

I held her gaze and said firmly, "No."

Her eyes widened slightly and she began to pant.  I reached 
up and cradled the back of her head and slowly pulled her 
down to me.  I opened my mouth, licking my lips and then 
kissed her softly.  She made an adorable mewling sound in 
the back of her throat and began to kiss me back.  

I broke the kiss and asked, "What about you?  Is this just 
... a physical thing to you ... or a life affirmation thing 
... or ..."

She stared at me for a couple of seconds and then shook her 
head.  She took a deep breath and said, "Mulder ..."

My name was said with reverence and I felt a shiver go down 
my spine.  Then she sealed her fate when she whispered, "I 
want you."

I thought my heart was going to explode the way it was 
pounding heavily against my rib cage.  I almost felt faint.  
'I want you.'  It echoed in my ears and I crushed her to 
me, kissing her fiercely.  I never thought I'd ever hear 
anything like that come out of her mouth.

Even as I kissed her, a niggling kernel of doubt touched 
the back of my brain.  What if this was just because she 
was vulnerable and wanted to feel alive.  Would I be taking 
advantage of her?  But she'd said she wanted me.  But why?  
Just to feel alive?  It wasn't an uncommon reaction to 
death to want to have sex.  Did I need to stop and make 
sure this was really what she wanted?  Would she regret it 
tomorrow?

I broke the kiss, cursing myself and my noble intentions 
even as I did it. She pulled pack and planted her hands on 
either side of my head.  As she reared back to see my face, 
the towel she was wearing came free of its knot between her 
breasts.  I had a perfect view of her perfect breasts, 
resting on my chest.  I choked out, "Scully?  Are you sure 
this is what ...?"

I didn't get to finish.  She swooped down and captured my 
mouth, plunging her tongue between my teeth and sweeping 
the roof of my mouth.  I groaned into her mouth and gave up 
trying to be noble.  This was her choice and if there were 
regrets on her part, I would deal with them later.  I just 
wasn't strong enough to try and stop her again. I wanted 
her too much and I'd wanted her too long.

Her hands slid down and tugged my shirt from my waist band, 
yanking roughly.  I raised my arms and lifted my torso off 
the bed as she ripped it over my head.  She descended again 
only this time, the little minx went straight for my neck.  
Well, that tears it, I thought.  She knows what that is 
going to do to me because I told her. And she is 
deliberately exciting me now, making her intentions very 
clear.

At least, I hoped I was reading her right.  Her tongue ran 
from my collar bone to up the column of muscle in my neck 
and then she sucked on the sensitive skin just below my 
ear.

My entire body shuddered at the feel of it.  Yes, my neck 
was sensitive, but it had never been more so. Whether that 
was because it had been so long or if it was just because 
it was Scully sucking on it, I didn't know and didn't care.

Scully was sucking on my neck.  This had to be a dream.  My 
hips bucked up involuntarily when her lips wrapped around 
my ear lobe and sucked.  I rolled her off of me onto her 
back, heaving in air to my lungs.  

She went to come back to me but I stopped her.  I rolled 
off the bed and stood up.  I turned to look at her and she 
looked stricken, reaching for her crumpled towel.  Oh my 
God!  She thought I was stopping this, rejecting her!

I said, "No, Scully!"  And reached for the button on my 
jeans.  When she realized I had just stood up to undress a 
smile came back to her face.  She watched with wide eyed 
attention as I pulled my jeans and socks off and then stood 
in front of her in nothing but boxer briefs.  My erection 
was tenting them and I felt foolish but I was unsure if I 
should take them off yet.

My eyes scanned up and down her body.  She was perfect.  
Her coral pink nipples were puckered and standing at 
attention.  Her stomach was flat and her legs were muscular 
and perfectly proportioned to the rest of her body.  My 
eyes flickered over the scar on her abdomen, another battle 
wound and reminder of a time I almost lost her.

Right then and there I decided, 'Life is too damn short.  
Either one of us could be gone tomorrow.  Another day is 
not going to go by without her knowing how I feel about 
her.'

Having finished that thought, I hooked my thumbs in the 
elastic of my boxers and slid them down my legs.  I sighed 
as the cool air hit my cock and it sprung free from its 
confines.

She gasped and I looked up to meet her eyes.  They were 
riveted on my throbbing cock and I felt myself grow even 
harder taking in her look.  She looked wild and aroused.  
The reality of what was happening hit me like a ton of 
bricks.  I felt my heart skip a beat and turn over in my 
chest.  I crawled back into bed and made my way to her. 

Scully wants me.

God help me.

She cupped my neck and pulled me down, this time for a 
slow, thorough kiss that left me gasping for breath. 

I straddled her on all fours planning to make a foray down 
her body, staring at her head and ending at her toes. 
Before I could begin, she wrapped her hand around my cock 
and I nearly jumped out of my skin. She hummed with 
satisfaction as I moaned low into her ear. 

She seemed to enjoy my torment and so kept it up. When I 
couldn't take it anymore, I removed her hand and pinned her 
hands beside her head on the pillow. "It's my turn now," I 
told her. She smirked, giving her acceptance.

Her smirk was short lived when I began kissing, licking, 
and touching every square inch of her body that I could 
reach. Her mouth was still open, but now she was the one 
moaning and gasping. I felt my heart beat crazily with 
every new sound that let me know I was effecting her as 
much as she had been effecting me.

I knew nothing but the waves of sensation that rolled 
through me as her hands began to explore my chest and back. 
My body hovered over her, seeming huge atop her tiny frame. 
I felt feral one moment and tender the next. My finger 
explored her moist folds and she surrendered to me in a 
puddle of arousing moans and clenching muscles.

I was dizzy from the pleasure when she finally took hold of 
me and guided me to the place I most wanted to be. I had 
determined to let her choose the moment. And she did.

I cupped her cheeks in my hands, locking my gaze with hers 
and kissed her tenderly one more time before beginning a 
slow, steady slide inside the hottest, tightest place I'd 
ever been in. When I was buried, she groaned and panted 
lightly, catching my eye again, having closed hers about 
half way through my entrance.

She looked at me now, wearing the same expression of near 
shock that I was sure I was wearing myself. Then at the 
same time, we both smiled slowly. Her ankles locked at my 
low back and she bucked underneath me, setting me in 
motion. I glided in and out at a leisurely pace considering 
the incredible height of my arousal. I knew this was not 
going to be one of my best moments in the endurance 
department.

It had been too long. I was glad that I had been able to 
give her release with my fingers before this began. Still 
again, she surprised me. The sounds of our breathing and 
the wet slap of our bodies were the only sounds. The tempo 
increased until I was racing toward completion at an 
alarming speed.

I was gritting my teeth hoping for just a few more seconds 
of the glorious feeling of her pulsing walls pulling at my 
aching flesh, when she began to contract around me.

We both shouted one another's name as we released together 
in a blinding and shuddering combination of pleasure. I 
don't remember ever having experienced simultaneous orgasm. 
Until our names were shouted, not a word had passed between 
us. All communication had been done through inarticulate 
sounds and eye contact.

I collapsed into the soft cradle of her thighs panting 
heavily. She soothed my back, trailing her fingers up my 
sweaty back and playing with the hair at the nape of my 
neck. I shuddered once more and was still.

We lay that way for a long, long time, neither of us 
moving. We were both basking in the glorious connection 
that we had found. Neither of us wanted it to end too soon. 
When I could finally find my voice, I whispered, not 
wanting to shatter the perfect stillness of the moment. "I 
didn't know it was possible to be this close, Scully. I 
didn't know it was possible to feel this good."

She whispered back, "I knew something was missing from my 
life. I wasn't happy no matter what I did. But I finally 
figured it out. I know now what was missing?"

"What's that?" I asked. 

"You," she said simply and I felt the most overwhelming 
sense of joy at that moment. Then she added, "This ... with 
you."

I started to laugh, my chest bouncing lightly on hers and 
she joined me. When our mirth was under control, I lifted 
my head and looked her in the eye. "I told myself that 
another day was not going to go by without you knowing how 
I felt about you."

Her eyes searched my face. "I love you, Scully." 

Her blue orbs stared at me and became wet with tears that 
didn't fall. "I love you too, Mulder." 

"You love me?" I asked stupidly, slightly amazed at hearing 
the words from her mouth. 

She grinned. "Yes, YOU!" We kissed again. I could 
definitely get used to this. 

THE END.

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