TITLE:		A IS FOR ATONEMENT
AUTHOR:  	DONNILEE
RATING:  	17+ 
WARNING:    Descriptive sex. Smut.  Please, no one 
		under 17.
CATEGORY:	MSR /ANGST
POSTING:	ANYWHERE - But Please make sure my name and 
e-mail address are on it and inform me by e-
mail of the location.  Thank you. donnilee@snet.net
DISCLAIMER: Nope.  Not mine.  Used shamelessly and 
without remorse.  They belong to Chris Carter, 1013 and 
Fox, and god knows who else, but not me.
SUMMARY:    We all say things we regret sometimes.  Don't you just hate 
it when that happens?  Mulder says a mouthful, forgetting that it's not 
always what you say, but it's HOW you say it.  And making amends can 
turn out to be lots of fun.

AUTHOR'S NOTE:
WEBSTER'S NINTH COLLEGIATE DICTIONARY -- 
n 1 obs : RECONCILE 2: the reconciliation of God and man through the 
sacrificial death of Jesus Christ 3 : reparation for an offense or 
injury : SATISFACTION <made for his cruelty> 4 Christian Science : the 
exemplifying of 
man's oneness with God.

A IS FOR ATONEMENT 
PART 1 - PG-13
BLUE RIDGE HOTEL/MOTEL
8:00 AM
SATURDAY MORNING

"Mulder, this time, you are going to PAY ... BIG TIME!" 

I hold the cell phone away from my ear as one thought flashes through 
my mind. <On today's agenda, Atonement. Number three definition in my 
dictionary: Reparation for an offense or injury. Yes indeed, that is 
definitely what is called for here. I have screwed up big time.>

I have gone and offended my partner big time.  Again.  Now pissing her 
off is not unusual. I exasperate and befuddle my partner on a regular 
basis. Our work demands a lot of us. And being that we are entrenched 
firmly on two 
different sides of the paranormal issue, it is only natural that we 
debate, exasperate each other and even anger each other.

But somehow, this has become personal. She is making it that way. My 
partner is a small bundle of fury when she is pissed off. She is a 
redhead after all. I always thought that belief about redheads having a 
temper was all a crock. After all, what did hair color have to do with 
temperament? That was before I met Dana Scully. She usually keeps a 
pretty tight rein on it. But not this time.

It started out innocently enough. I wanted to pursue a lead on a report 
in the newspaper of three little girls gone missing in a small town in 
West Virginia. I had flown into Richmond and rented a car from there 
and traveled out to the Blue Ridge Mountains. Now you may have heard 
the stories of the mountain men that reside in the mountains of West 
Virginia. The Annette Peatie case had made us aware of that little 
known fact, although he was hidden away in the Appalachia Mountains.  I 
suspected one of these 'Census Escapees' to be the culprit.

The thing that was strange about this one was that all the parents 
reported the children being taken from their houses and a big flash of 
bright white light that blinded and paralyzed them which occurred at 
the time of the abductions.

I knew that Scully would scoff and I didn't really want to waste her 
time. We'd been in the basement a little too often lately and I was 
restless to get out. So I did it again. I left without her to spare her 
the anger and 
exasperation that goes with coming along on these little adventures 
that have little or nothing to do with work. They are just a hobby of 
mine, sort of. A way for me to know as much as possible about the 
paranormal in all it's forms. You never know when some little nugget of 
information was going to come in handy. 

Plus I enjoyed investigating these cases. They were fun sometimes. 
There was some good old fashioned gum shoe work involved without the 
stress of global alien conspiracies or running for my life from people 
who were determined to keep me from finding out something they didn't 
want me to know.

I had, of course, promised her that I would never leave her behind 
again.  And I meant it at the time.  But I was thinking about cases 
that we were assigned at work, or cases that were sanctioned by work.  
This one was not.  It just had too many things I liked.  Bright lights, 
missing little girls, small town, and no explanation.  

So, I arrived last night, checked into the only hotel for miles around 
in the wee hours of the morning, a dump with thread bare carpet and 
collapsed for the night.  I'd called and left a quick message on her 
cell phone voice mail so as not to wake her.  

I told her about the situation I was checking out.  I didn't want her 
to panic if she tried to reach me.  Now, I'm laying here in bed in 
nothing but my boxers, trying to wipe the sleep out of my eyes and 
concentrate on the direction of this conversation.  I'd better pay 
attention, because if I don't, there is going to be hell to pay.  She 
is waiting for a response.

I tried to school my voice to a calm timber.  "Scully, I'm doing this 
on my own time.  It has nothing to do with work."

"It is a case involving little girls, Mulder.  I know how you get on 
these cases and ... "

"And?"

He heard a deep sigh on the other end of the phone.  She was trying to 
return this to a discussion as well, rather than escalating it into a 
fight.  But what the hell was she trying to say?  I get upset on cases 
like this.  Sometimes I did.  So what?  What else is new?  Why should I 
drag her into it?

Her voice was surprisingly defeated and somber when she finally 
replied.  "And I want to be there for you."

Excuse me.  My entire brain just went on PAUSE.  Did I just hear what I 
think I just heard?  Dana Scully telling me that she cares and wants to 
be with me just because she wants to be there for me.  Not for a 
professional reason.  Not for work.  Just for me.  This bears some 
further investigation.

"I don't know what to say.  I didn't think you would want ... would 
want anything to do with cases that were outside of work.  This is just 
for me, Scully."

"I know."

"And you still want to be here?  Dragging yourself to another 'ass-end 
of nowhere' town so you can mother me in case I freak out?"  Oops.  
That was the wrong thing to say.  I knew it the second the words were 
out of my mouth.

"Mothering you?  MOTHERING YOU?  Is that what you think I'm doing?  Is 
that what you think this is?  I thought we were FRIENDS, Mulder!  I 
thought being friends meant that you watched each others' back and you 
were there for each other when the chips were down.  Apparently, I'm 
under a gross misconception."  She was back to yelling.

Milk toast Mulder to the rescue.  "No, you're not.  Scully, I'm sorry.  
I don't know why I said that.  I'm getting defensive and I shouldn't 
because you're 100 percent right.  I just didn't think you cared about 
me that way."  This last was said more softly than the rest.

"Oh, Mulder, for Christ's sake, you can be dense sometimes.  How many 
times have we been there to comfort each other?"

"I wish you would LET me comfort you, but you rarely do.  You've 
comforted me a LOT of times Scully and I appreciated it, but I thought 
you did it because ... "

"Because?" she prompted.

"I thought you did it because you couldn't have your partner falling 
apart on you in the middle of a case, or ... or ... "

"For a brilliant man, you are thick as a tree stump sometimes, Mulder."  
This was said without humor.  She was serious.

Sarcastic Mulder, have a seat.  "Gee, thanks, Scully."

"Don't get all martyr on me, now.  You really don't get it, do you?"

"I guess I don't.  I thought I was sparing you the aggravation.  Why 
don't you explain it to me."  My brain simply cannot process data at 
this hour.  I was up until 4:00 AM despite my exhaustion and I am still 
on auto pilot.

"O.K., I will."  Her voice is clipped.  Oh boy, here it comes!  "Did it 
ever occur to you that ditching me is incredibly insulting?"

"I am not insulting you, Scully, I'm trying to ..."

"Protect me?"

I know she hates that.  Think fast.  "No, I'm trying not to selfishly 
involve you in something that is just for my own sake."

"Well, stop it.  It's insulting.  We are partners but we are friends 
too, Mulder, and if it interests and concerns you then it interests and 
concerns me even if I don't agree with you."  Her voice is rising in 
volume again as her agitation increases.  "And you could give me a 
choice, Mulder!  You could ASK me if I wanted to go and let me decide 
for myself whether it's worthwhile, or whether I want to go along."

'Ask her?  I already knew her answer to the question.'  Angry Mulder is 
about to make a command appearance.  All of a sudden I was tired of 
defending myself about these things.  She was such a hypocrite.  "Ask 
you?  Let YOU decide if it's worthwhile?  You NEVER think it's 
worthwhile!  Pardon me, Scully, but the last few times I did bring you 
along on one of these ... cases ... you were incredibly uptight and 
irritated the whole time.  I believe questions you had were:  

"'What are we doing here, Mulder? Where is the X-File, Mulder? Why did 
you drag me out here, Mulder?'  Comments.  Well, let's see if I can 
remember.  Some comments were:  'This is ridiculous, Mulder.  There is 
no X-File here, Mulder?  Mulder, you're crazy!  I hate these motels, 
Mulder.  Taking off like this is totally unprofessional Mulder.  
Mulder, this is against the rules.'  Are you sensing a pattern here, 
Scully?  Because you were not in the fun category at those times.  Not 
even in the 'take it in stride' category'.  You were downright bitchy."

Silence.  She knows I'm right.  That's the only time she is silent, or 
when she is processing.  Maybe she's just building up to the big blow 
out.  So I continued.

"Your questions and comments led me to believe that if it wasn't an X-
File relating to work then you wanted nothing to do with it.  Your own 
statements made me think that you hated being taken along for these 
trips where I was chasing a hunch and that would probably turn out to 
be nothing or another dead end.  You were fed up and nothing but 
unpleasant ... because I had ... 'dragged you out on another ones of 
these stupid cases.'  You didn't think they were worth investigating 
and you were mad at me for waking you and asking you to come and not 
telling you where we were going."  I was really angry now and at the 
moment I didn't care.  Sudden rage can be a cleansing experience if 
used wisely.  I knew this was not a wise use of my anger but couldn't 
stop myself.  I was sick and tired of NOT saying what was on my mind to 
keep the peace.  She made me feel like a juvenile sometimes and I was 
beginning to realize the resentment was well hidden but deep seeded.

"Wanna know why I don't tell you where we're going Scully?  Huh?  Huh?  
BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO HEAR YOUR IMMEDIATE SKEPTICISM BEFORE WE'RE 
EVEN OUT OF THE FUCKING DRIVEWAY!  You think to yourself, 'Uh, oh, my 
nutty partner is off on another ridiculous tear, probably another goose 
chase.'  Before you've even looked at the case.  I don't want to see 
you roll your eyes at me like I'm sort of ... IDIOT ...  for wanting to 
look into something!  I swear if I see you roll your eyes at me one 
more time I'm gonna scream!  And because of this cursed memory of mine, 
I can't even forget it!  I'm tired of it, Scully!  Yes, I see you 
rolling your eyes.  I hear every one of your exasperated sighs that you 
think you're letting out behind my back.  DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH 
THAT FUCKING HURTS ME WHEN YOU DO THAT, SCULLY?  DO YOU?"  

<Oh, Shit.  Where was all this anger coming from?>  I had lost it and 
raised my voice to her.  What a schmuck.  How the hell does she get 
under my skin so easily?  Damn her!  She wasn't being fair!  But that 
was not excuse to yell at her.  I could have told her these things.  I 
didn't need to yell them at her.  But I was just realizing how much it 
really did hurt me.  I had a mental image of myself, stamping my feet 
like a little kid and was instantly contrite, trying to regroup my 
thoughts for the full frontal attack I was sure was coming.  <Maybe she 
treats you like a juvenile because you act like one.  There's another 
brilliant and cheery thought!>

But just when I think I have her figured out, she surprises me. I hear 
her sob.  She breaks out SOBBING on the other end of the phone, sucking 
noisy lungfuls of air.  I can hear her sniffling.  Oh god, what the 
fuck have I done?  She's the last person on earth that I ever want to 
hurt or make angry and it seems that I have an incredible knack for 
doing just that.  Why?  Well, because my emotions run high where Scully 
is concerned.  Now 'Guilty Mulder' takes over and once again has to 
backpedal for dear life and try to save another fucked up situation 
that he has created for himself.

"Oh God, Scully, I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry.  Please don't cry.  I 
don't know what's the matter with me.  I'm such a jackass.  I never 
want to make you cry.  You call here because you're worried about me 
and I attack you.  
I am such an asshole.  I didn't mean it.  Please, Scully, don't hate 
me.  Can we start over?  Please."

Silence.

"Scully, PLEASE!"

Finally, quietly, "You're right, Mulder."  Pause.  "And I could never 
hate you."

O.K. Forget Pause, my brain just had a cramp.  Now it's my turn to be 
speechless.  Have I ever heard these words come out of my partner's 
mouth? 'You're right, Mulder?'

She continued.  "I give you mixed signals all the time and I didn't 
even realize it.  So busy trying to protect myself and I expected you 
to know what was going on in my head, and that's not fair."  She is 
breathing little gaspy puffs as she talks as though trying to keep her 
tears in check.

"Protect yourself?  From what?  Look, neither of us is being fair, 
Scully.  We're both burnt out and stressed out.  That's no excuse to 
yell at you.  I'm so sorry.  I sounded like a little kid.  I should 
have '1-800-Whaa, Whaa' tattooed on my forehead."  She actually 
chuckled a bit at that.

"I was yelling at you.  Why shouldn't you yell back?"

"No, I twisted this.  I didn't mean it."

"Yes, Mulder, you did.  But that's all right.  I've hurt you and I 
didn't even know it."

"It's O.K., Scully, really, I made it sound worse than it is."

"No, it's not O.K.  I never want to hurt your feelings and I'm sorry 
too.  I tell you I trust you and believe in you and I do.  I tell you 
that I want to be there for you and then bitch when you ask me to be.  
And now I'm surprised that you left without me.  What a dope I am!  All 
this time I thought it was because I didn't measure up or you had some 
he-man thing going on where you thought you had to protect me.  But 
that's not it all, is it? I tease you or dismiss something out of hand 
that might be important to you because we think so differently.  You're 
right, I make assumptions based on history and I shouldn't.  I say one 
thing and do another.  No wonder you're confused."

"Why shouldn't you make assumptions?  My track record speaks for 
itself.  I'm not blameless here, Scully.  I could have told you these 
things and not let them build up.  Friends are supposed to do that 
too."

I started yanking my clothes on while talking to her.

"No, when talking about our trust and our friendship; I talk the talk 
but I don't walk the walk."

"Nobody can practice what they preach ALL the time. Scully, you are my 
best friend; the best friend I've ever had and ...  you're so much 
more.  And I would never hurt you intentionally.   You know that don't 
you?"

"Yeah, same here."  She paused.  "Ya know, you asked me if I knew how 
much those things hurt you.  I didn't even think about it if you want 
to know the truth.  But I know now and it will stop.  But what I want 
to know is 'Why?'"

"Why what?"

"Why it hurts you.   You said you didn't know that I cared for you 
'that way.'  Well, I didn't think my opinion of these cases meant that 
much to you.  Maybe I resented that it didn't and was being defensive 
myself.  I don't know.  That doesn't make sense either.  You've always 
respected my opinion.  I'm the one who has disrespected yours.  Or 
maybe I just misunderstood the purpose behind your need to check these 
things out."  Her voice was raspy from crying but it was calm now.

"Scully ... yours is the ONLY opinion that matters to me."

"Don't interrupt, Mulder, let me finish.  It's time for me to get 
honest with myself, and with you.  I need to say some things."  She 
paused again.  "Lately ... no, not lately, for a while now.  Something 
has been shifting when it comes to dealing with these age-old 
differences and arguments between us."

"Scully, I've lost you already."

She chuckled without mirth.  "No, Mulder, I'm the one who loses you, 
remember?  Hold on, I'm getting to the point.  We've always dismissed, 
ignored or side stepped some of these arguments.  We hardly ever talk 
about personal stuff and I want that to change  We're both good at 
pushing things to the back burner.  But I'm not comfortable with these 
unresolved issues between us anymore.  It's not O.K. anymore for things 
to stay the same. I care about us too much now.  I don't think I can do 
it anymore."

<She cares about US?>  "Do what, Scully?"

"Ignore this."

"Ignore what?"  Geez, this was a little like pulling teeth!

"The way I feel."  I'm silent again trying to figure out just where she 
is headed with this.

I'm anxious for no apparent reason.  Maybe it's the reflective quality 
in her voice as though she is speaking to herself rather than to me.  I 
hear it seldom.  I know she's about to drop an emotional bomb.  And I'm 
scared.  I want to know.  Really I do.  I'm fascinated by these little 
glimpses of the 'real Dana', always have been.  I want to know the 
'personal Dana', not just the professional one.  

<I'm in love with both of them but ... >  BRAIN SEIZURE!  Oh my God.  
Did I just 'think' that word in the same sentence as my partner, my 
best friend?  You bet I did.  Revelation time.  I've known that I love 
her as a friend.  I've known that for ages.  But I just realized that I 
am IN LOVE with her.

It's so obvious all of a sudden.  It's like somebody just flicked a 
light bulb on in my brain.  Why I get so upset when she dismisses me.  
Why I get angry when she thinks a case is nonsense.  Why I feel so 
wounded when she disapproves of something I've said or done.  All the 
'Whys?' are suddenly answered by six little words.  'I am in love with 
her.'  I give a damn what she thinks.  I care about how she feels.  I 
want her approval.  I don't have her heart, so her rejection of my work 
feels like a rejection of me.  I want her acceptance.

<I want her to love me back!>  Oh my God!  Obvious. Obvious. Obvious.  
<You are such an idiot!>I start throwing things into my suitcase as I 
cradle the phone between my ear and shoulder.  I'm a psychologist for 
Christ's sake!  Why didn't I figure this out sooner?  I've been in love 
with her for a long, long time.  

BUT, I've never been in love before.  Another revelation.  I've thought 
that I was but I wasn't really, just like I had said about Diana.  I 
wanted to be so badly.  But I was more in love with the idea of being 
in love.  And Phoebe, well, we won't even go there.  That was the 
dysfunctional relationship of the century!  No love there.  Just power 
of sex and old fashioned control issues.

So I've never been in love before.  So I didn't recognize all the 
symptoms.  God, I make it sound like a disease.  Try again.  I didn't 
recognize the signs!  Now that I've figured it out, I want to tell her.  
<Slow down.>  When I realize neither of us is talking and the silence 
is stretching, I prompt her again.  Maybe she will show me more.

"Scully ... tell me how you feel ... please."

<Oh brilliant, Dr. Mulder, that was a classic patronizing shrink line!>  
But alas, it's all my poor little shocky brain can come up with right 
now.

"Mulder, I think that ..."

"No, not what you 'think'.  Tell me what you 'feel'.  You said you 
can't ignore the way you feel anymore."  I cringe again, knowing that I 
sound like a therapist rather than a friend.

I wait patiently while she gathers her thoughts.  I know how hard this 
is for her, but now, having had my light bulb moment, I NEED to know 
how she feels.  Finally, after what seems like hours but is actually 
only minutes, she starts to speak again.

"I feel ... rudderless when you aren't with me.  I miss you.  I feel 
... scared when I don't know where you are.  I feel ... so lonely 
sometimes ... except when I'm with you."  She pauses again.  My heart 
rate is accelerating now.  I move the mouthpiece of the phone away from 
my mouth so that she can't hear my erratic, shallow breathing.  <Am I 
really hearing this?>

I'm about to encourage her to continue when she starts talking again.

"I feel ... your pain.  When you hurt, I hurt.  When I see you happy 
and you smile that mega-watt smile at me when I've done something right 
... well, that makes my whole damn day worthwhile."  My voice surprises 
me with it's own raspy tone.

<Mega-watt smile?>  "Scully, I wish you were here.  I wish I could see 
your face right now."

"There's more."

"More?"  <Holy shit, there's more?>  I can't believe the things she is 
saying!

"Yeah, and that was the easy stuff to tell you."

"Oh God, Scully, I'll come home right now and we'll talk."

"No, I have to tell you now while I have the courage.  If I see your 
face.  I might not be able to get it out."

"Oh, O.K.  Keep going then.  And Scully?"

"Yeah?"

"I really like what I've heard so far.  I feel the same things about 
you."  The sound of her chuckle this time is slow and sultry.  It's a 
tone I know I have never heard before and my body starts to react, just 
to the sound of her voice.  <Oh damn, I'm getting hard.  Concentrate.  
Not now.>

"Oh really?  Do you now?"  Pause.  "You know what?  I hated Diana."

<WHOA!  Put on the brakes!  What does she have to do with this?>  I 
don't' have a chance to voice my question before she starts filling in 
the blanks.

"I didn't hate her because she's different than me.  I didn't hate her 
because she believed like you believed. I didn't even hate her for 
being a two-faced, lying, scheming bitch."

<What else is left?>  My eyes are wide at the is glowing observation of 
Diana in a clear, calm voice.  I knew my partner did not like her, 
didn't trust her.  But she hates her?  That's a harsh thing to say 
considering she was murdered not so long ago for helping Scully to save 
me.  I realized she was on the other side but she redeemed herself in 
the end.

"Do you want to know why I hated her?"

"Yes."  I wasn't going to defend her.  Not now.  There was no point.

"I hated her because of something you don't even know about."

"What?"  <What the hell was this all about?>

"You weren't around one day and she came to the office looking for 
you."

"What did she want?"

"I don't know, we didn't get that far."

"What happened?  I gather something happened?"

"Yes.  She asked where you were and I said, 'OUT'.  She asked where and 
I wouldn't tell her.  She got angry, knew I was defying her and 
challenging her to try and go around me."

"Go around you?"

"It's a female territorial thing Mulder.  We tend to want to protect 
the men in our lives from any threat or manipulation.  She knew she had 
to get through me first to get to you."

"Oh."  <Scully felt territorial about me?>

"She knew I was trying to protect you from her.  Mama Bear was coming 
out of her cage.  She knew I saw through her lies and her duplicity and 
you didn't.  But then she went too far, did something women in the good 
old boy network just don't do."

I was breathless with anticipation.  Nothing like the a little peek 
into the female psyche.

"What?" I whispered.  I was truly curious what this unwritten law was 
that Diana had broken.

"She attacked my womanhood, my sexuality and belittled me.  She threw 
down a gauntlet and put us in direct competition with one another.  Let 
me explain something.  Women work very hard to succeed in a man's 
world.  It's difficult to do.  And it's difficult to maintain  your 
femininity and measure up.  

"So you never imply that a fellow female is less than a woman, even if 
you hate her.  She's probably worked just as hard as you to make it to 
where she is.  And women co-workers are often the only ones that still 
recognize that a woman can be professional and competent and still be 
feminine.  If a man notices it, they want to use it to come on to you 
and manipulate you.  She crossed the line.

"And using relationships to further your career is an insult to those 
of use who do it the right way, climb up on our merits and talents.  
Diana used her femininity to get where she was.  Women who don't look 
at women like her and think one thing:  Slut.  We can't help but think 
that we deserve better than they do because we have managed our 
accomplishments without having to fuck anybody to achieve them."

<Did Scully just say the word, FUCK?>  "What did she say, Dana?"  I was 
getting antsy now.  Scully wasn't a flag waving feminist but this was 
really serious.  The tone of her voice was deadly.

She cleared her throat.  "I may mess up the exact wording.  I don't 
have your memory, but my memory is pretty vivid of this incident.  It 
went something like this."  She paused again.

[You little bitch, you think you're so high and mighty, so important to 
him.  You're so smug and secure in your relationship with him, in your 
righteous belief that you are the only woman in his life.  Well, he 
doesn't need  your cold bitchiness poking holes in his cases all the 
time.  He needs someone who believes in him.  He's a passionate man, 
something you will never understand or experience.  Well, I have 
experienced that passion and I intend to experience it again and no 
little snotty Barbie doll is going to stop me.  You may be book smart, 
but you're stupid, Agent Scully.

[You could have it all and you don't even know it if you'd just show a 
little more cleavage and a little more leg.  You could have all of HIM, 
but you won't because little Miss Goody Two Shoes won't break the 
rules.   And that's why I will win, every time.  I can't decide if 
you're so cold because you are so repressed or if you're a lesbian.  I 
don't think you're a lesbian so that leaves repressed, unimaginative 
and uninspired.  Everything that stifles Fox Mulder. When was the last 
time you got laid anyway?

You're not important to him Agent Scully, just a means to an end.  In 
the long run, he'll keep ditching you until you leave out of sheer 
frustration.  Why do think he leaves you behind?  You'll give up 
eventually, and I'll be waiting.]

She was silent for a full thirty seconds.  I could hear her swallowing 
hard, battling the tears again.  For someone without a memory like 
mine, she was doing a good job of repeating the conversation verbatim.  
Damn Diana for implying that Scully would even THINK of trying to 
manipulate me with sex.  I'd had no idea Diana could be so vicious.  
She was right again.  What a bitch!  I wasn't sure if she was finished 
but I had to say something at this point.

"Oh my God, Scully, you didn't believe her, did you?"  Silence.  "Ah, 
Scully, no, none of that is right.  You've done nothing but help my 
career and cases, give me credibility.  And I know you.  You are not 
cold and you're very feminine, downright sexy.  She was just jealous, 
Scully.  You are the warmest, most compassionate person in my life."

"She shook me, Mulder, but I might have been able to walk away at that 
point, with my dignity in tact.  I might have dismissed her as just 
petty and insecure, but then she said ... oh god, she said ...  I heard 
her breath hiccup.  

"Scully, please tell me."

Her voice was a whisper and laced with the tears she was trying to hold 
back.  I was finished throwing things into my suitcase and paused by 
the door to listen.

"This is the hard part, Mulder."  She paused again.  "She said," [You 
don't fool me.  I know you're in love with him.  But guess what 
princess?  You're not woman enough for him, so drop out of the game 
while you still can, before you get hurt trying to play in the big 
leagues.  You play with me, you'll lose.  You can't compete with my 
history with him, so get out, and walk away before you really get 
hurt.]

<Oh Lord All Mighty!  Diana had definitely issued a direct challenge.  
Scully didn't want me that way, so she couldn't fight Diana in this.  
If she went after me, she would be doing it just to beat Diana and she 
wouldn't stoop to that level.  They weren't even on the same page, not 
even in the same book!  What a mess!  Oh, Scully.>  She had stopped 
talking but I could hear her sniffling as I walked to the car, throwing 
my suitcase in the backseat, phone tucked between my head and shoulder 
still, as I slid behind the wheel.  I stopped and realized that she was 
waiting for me to respond again.

"Scully, surely you didn't take her seriously?  She didn't hold a 
candle to you, no one does.  We have our own history and it's stronger 
and more valuable to me than anything I EVER had with her.  And 
besides, her thinking that you were acting that way because you were in 
love with me just proves she was jealous and didn't know you at all.  I 
mean, that's ridiculous.  How could someone as beautiful and sexy and 
talented as you fall in love with a fuck up like me?"

"Mulder..."

"No, Scully, my turn."   She quieted.  "She was jealous that I listened 
to you now instead of her.  Jealous that you were my partner.  But it 
probably wasn't even so much about me, either.  She didn't care about 
ME.  Not that way, no anymore.  I had no idea she was so catty.  She 
just couldn't stand to lose, in anything.  She was always that way, and 
so she fought dirty, something you would never do.  You would never use 
me to get to her the way she was trying to use me to get to you.  You 
were a threat, in her way and keeping her from getting what she wanted, 
that simple.  And she didn't want me, Scully, she just wanted control."

"Oh God, Scully, you forget how beautiful and sexy you are.  I'm sure 
she couldn't stand it that you look 10 years younger than you are; that 
you're so petite and stunning."  

"You think I'm beautiful ... and sexy?"

I was on a roll now, trying to reassure her.  It couldn't quite believe 
that she needed reassurance, from me, anyway.  But it seemed that she 
did and I was determined to give it to her.  I was almost impressed 
with myself the way the compliments were rolling off my tongue.  I 
should have told her these things a long time ago.

"Of course I think you're beautiful and sexy.  Every man with eyes in 
his head thinks you are beautiful and sexy!  You not feminine, MY ASS.  
That's ridiculous.  I mean, ah shit, Scully, she'd known me in the 
past, the way I acted when I ... the way I behaved when I ..."  I 
paused, unsure how far to go as something occurred to me as I was 
saying it.  I was sure Diana had noticed my behavior towards Scully and 
it was probably the thing that set her off.  She dismissed Dana in the 
beginning, but if her radar was up, she would have caught on and then 
seen her as a serious threat.

Her voice was a timid squeak that I was sure I'd never heard before.  
"When you what, Mulder?"

Something inside me said:  'Go for broke.  Now is your chance.  It's no 
coincidence that you just figured all this out.' 

My voice was low too, but I was glad it came out even and didn't crack.  
"She knew how I acted when I loved someone.  I didn't act that way 
around her anymore." 

"So she thought she'd lost you for good?"

"No.  She KNEW she had.  She KNEW I wouldn't touch her again and it 
made her angry.  She'd lost her biggest tool to control the men around 
her.  I simply didn't find her attractive anymore.  She couldn't accept 
it, so she blamed you.  That was the easy thing to do.

"How?"  <My God, she almost sounded desperate, lost.>  "How did she 
know you wouldn't give in?"

"Because the way I used to act around her ... toward her ... "

"When you loved her?"

"When I THOUGHT I loved her.  Turns out that  I didn't.  I was just in 
love with the idea of being in love.  But if you think it's true, then 
I guess that makes it true for you at that time anyway.  And I thought 
I loved her so, yeah, when I loved her ... um ..."

"What about it?"

It was my turn to whisper.  I was afraid of her reaction but I knew I 
had to tell her.  "Scully, the way I acted with her when I thought I 
loved her; that was the way I was acting around you, and she saw it and 
recognized it for what it was.  Her hold on me was gone."

"You mean you? ... !"   A beat of silence was followed by some quick 
breaths as she took in the implications of what I'd just said.  I could 
hear the air being blown through pursed lips.  I decided that maybe 
continuing to talk would soften the blow.  <She couldn't have WANTED to 
hear that, could she?>

"Scully, I'm sorry she said those things to you.  I wish you'd told me.  
I would have set her straight.  I can't believe you didn't tell me!  
But you probably didn't feel you could because I'd been defending her.  
Shit, Scully, I would have changed my tune in instant if you'd told me.  
I had no idea she could be that vicious.  Business is business, but she 
actually attacked you personally and that's unforgivable.  Seems I have 
an awful lot to make up for."

Silence.

"Scully, why didn't you tell me?"  Silence.  "Scully?"

In a clear voice she stated.  "Because she was right."

"NO! Scully she was NOT right."

"Yes, Mulder.  She was right, it's true, about part of it anyway and I 
hated her for it."

I think my heart just stopped there for a second, but it's started up 
again now.  I find my voice and croak out, "Which part is true?"  My 
heart was now threatening to crash its way through my rib cage.  We so 
rarely talked like this and now here we were talking like normal 
people, actually sharing our feelings and it was scary as hell, but 
wonderful at the same time.

Almost as if she was speaking to herself again, she finally dropped the 
bomb, ya know, the big one I'd been waiting for since the beginning of 
this conversation.  Remember that one?

"I hated her because she was right.  I WAS in love with you, Mulder.  I 
still am.  I was afraid you didn't need me like I had grown to need 
you.  She voiced my biggest fears and I played right into them.  I knew 
I wasn't your type." 

<My type?  What the hell was my type?  Scully needs me?!  Scully loves 
me?! Well, say hallelujah!  I must be dreaming.>

"I wasn't a tall brunette like her with big boobs and brown eyes, like 
her, ... like Phoebe ...  like Detective White."  She paused.

<Phoebe?  Detective White?  How did Scully even remember these women?  
I never thought she paid attention to that, or cared.  Christ!  I've 
had my head way up my ass for far, far too long!>

"I wasn't woman enough for you.  It's true."

"Scully, ... "  She kept talking as though I hadn't tried to interrupt.

"I lost sight of my femininity trying to play with the boys' toys in 
the boys' world.  I panicked.  Then I buried it like all my other fears 
and threw myself into our work trying to prove myself to you all over 
again.  I couldn't go after you personally, so I tried to make the work 
better.  The more I worried about measuring up professionally, the more 
I repressed the woman inside me, and the closer I came to losing what I 
really wanted.  And she made realize that.  And I hated her for it."

"You panicked?"

"I was losing you.  Or it felt like it at the time and I realized that 
wasn't what I wanted.  I was losing you and I'd never even really had 
you to lose.  I mean, you were my partner and I could lose that.  But I 
was terrified of losing your friendship, your PRESENCE in my life.  It 
was a sobering time.  I had been arrogant and too secure of my place in 
your life.  That is sort of ironic, isn't it?  Because you didn't even 
know I wanted to be a part of your personal life."

"Oh Scully, you never had anything to prove to me.  I wish you'd told 
me."

"And suddenly, I couldn't deny how I felt anymore.  So I just stood 
there in shock as she turned on her heel and left."

"You could never lose me."

"Can't I?"

"Not possible."

"You ran off without me again."

"I always come back,"  Even I knew that was lame.  <Do better, Mulder.>  
"I really did think I was sparing you, but now that I knew how you 
feel, I promise it won't happen again."

"Don't make promises you can't keep, it only makes it hurt worse."

"I'm not.  Knowing you want to be here just to be here with me as 
opposed to being here just to keep me out of trouble or protect  your 
reputation, well that makes a world of difference, Scully."  I put the 
car in gear and headed for the airport.

"Look, I can't promise you that I can stop wanting to protect you and 
keep you safe, but I can promise to keep you by my side."

"I'm sorry for confusing you all this time.  I have a lot of feelings 
for you Mulder, but motherly isn't one of them."

"I'm glad to hear it!  Sometimes you've confused me but there is 
nothing to apologize for.  I haven't exactly been forthcoming in the 
total honesty department myself.  But you know how I feel now and 
you're not screaming or calling me crazy, so that's a good sign.  I 
can't believe I'm hearing this.  I can't believe that you ... love me.  
You know how I feel now, and I was so afraid to tell you."

"You haven't actually said it."

<Huh?>  Oh, duh.  She was referring to those three little words every 
woman needs to hear.  I had said, 'that's the way I act around you now' 
but that wasn't exactly a solid declaration now, was it? <Do better, 
Mulder.  Just do it!>

"Scully?"

"Yeah, Mulder, look, it's all ri..."

"I love you, Scully.  I'm crazy about you.  There's no one else, hasn't 
been for a long, long time."  <Ooo, golf clap for Mulder's steady 
voice!> My entire chest cavity just squeezed into a space the size  of 
a pea while waiting for her response.  

Deep sigh.  Tentatively,  "I love you too, Mulder."  Pause.  "Whew."

I released the breath I was holding and felt my chest melt with relief.  
"Weird huh?"

"Yeah."

"I'm on my way home."

"You don't have to leave."

"I'm already in the car."

"What about the case?"

"What case?  Screw the case."

"Screw the case?  Who are you and what have you done with the real 
Mulder?"

I chuckled.  "This is not the way I imagined us getting together and 
getting honest with each other, hundreds of miles apart across a 
telephone."

"You imagined this?"

"I've imagined a lot of things."  My tone was suggestive.

"Look, you really don't have to come running home, Mulder."

"I know I don't.  I choose to come home.  You're more important, 
Scully.  WE are more important than any case."

"You think so?"

"I know so.  My relationship with you means everything to me, even if I 
suck at showing it.  I'll try to do better."

"Well, you just racked up some brownie points with that statement.  
That's exactly what I needed to hear."

"Whew.  I said something right?  Well, what do you know?!  Good.  I was 
beginning to think I wasn't going to recover from this one without a 
heart attack or at least a tongue lashing!"

She laughed a little then.  "Come see me when you get home."

"I'll come straight to your door."

"Mulder, are we really saying these things?"  She sounded a bit 
bewildered.

"Yeah, I think we really are."

"Miraculous."

"Bizarre."  Taking on my best radio announcer voice, I said, "Yes, 
ladies and gentlemen, it's amazing!  The King and Queen of denial, both 
masters at passive/aggressive avoidance tactics have managed to have a 
real live conversation.  About FEELINGS, no less.  Do miracles never 
cease, Bob?  And what's in store for them next.  Tune in tomorrow ... "

She was laughing now, an honest to goodness belly laugh.  <I made her 
laugh!>  It was a hell of a lot better feeling than making her cry, 
that's for sure.  I'd have to do this more often.  My playful side 
never knew it had permission to come out and play with Scully, except 
for my occasional innuendo.  It does now.  Look out, Scully.  You've 
never seen me in full courtship mode, either.  I felt giddy.  Scully 
loves me!  I'll be damned.  I could get addicted to the sound of her 
laughter.  She didn't do it nearly enough.

"See you soon, Mulder," she said, still stifling her laughter.

"Yeah, Scully?"

"What?"

"When I get there, I have some serious atonement to take care of."

"For your sins?"

"For my stupid attitudes and insecurities and insensitivity and..."

"Whoa, whoa.  We've both got work to do, Mulder.  Let's not start 
beating ourselves up now.  O.K.?"

"I'll see you in four hours, Scully."

"I'll be waiting."

"I'm counting on it."  He disconnected the call and threw the phone on 
the passenger seat and pressed the accelerator to the floor.



PART 2 - R
DANA SCULLY'S APARTMENT
10:00 AM

An hour after she hung up the phone, the door bell rang.  It was a 
short flight but even he couldn't get here that quick.  She really was 
not in the mood for company.  Dana looked through her peephole, a big 
smile forming on her face.  She opened the door to a kid who stuck a 
long white box with a ribbon on it into her hands and held out his 
clipboard for her to sign for the delivery.  She set the box down on 
the floor, signed and closed the door.  She picked up the box and 
trotted into the kitchen.  The small card on top read:  "For the ONLY 
woman in my life.  Love, M."

God, he must have called to have these sent from the airport.  She 
ripped open the box and as she suspected, a dozen red roses were 
nestled in a tangle of green tissue paper.  She arranged them in a vase 
and carried them to the coffee table in the living room.  <He's really 
going all out.>  It gave her a little thrill of anticipation.  <Am I 
ready for this?  Oh God, he's in love with me!  He said it, out loud, 
no hesitation.  This is too good to be true.  Maybe he was just waiting 
for me to get my shit together.>

DANA SCULLY'S APARTMENT
11:00 AM

BING BONG!

What now?  Was it going to be Grand Central Station in here?  She 
opened the door to another delivery boy holding a gigantic basket with 
fruit, wine, cheese, crackers and two red candle sticks.  She signed 
and made the trip to the kitchen.  The card read:  "To celebrate 
getting honest.  Love, M."

She put the wine in the fridge to chill and dug out two candle holders 
and put them on the dining room table with the fruit.  She laid out the 
cheese and crackers on a platter and set them on the coffee table.  All 
this mindless activity was good to pass the time, but it didn't shut 
her brain down.  Nope, that noisy little instrument on top of her 
shoulders just kept spinning like a top.

<He said I was beautiful.  He said he loves me.  Oh god, how did I not 
see how much I was hurting him?>  All those childish behaviors were my 
defense mechanism, my way of shielding my emotions, keeping my 
distance.  And so, Wonder Girl, what has that gotten you?  Lonely, 
tired, depressed, no fun, AND as a bonus, you hurt your partner's 
feelings, made him feel 'less than'.  You did this to the man you are 
in love with.  He was everything to her.  <When did he become so 
necessary to my happiness?>

All this honesty was tiring but it was also cathartic.  <We've wasted 
so much time hiding from each other.>  Hundreds of things whirled 
through her head.  All the times he had been her rock, defended her, 
watched her back, and almost got himself killed to save her.  Why 
couldn't she see it?  Because she was too busy being insecure and 
making assumptions rather than talking to him and being honest.

How weird would it be to be a couple?  Difficult, but not impossible.  
They're relationship was so complicated and it was about to get even 
more so.  Nothing about their lives was ever easy but that's what made 
it so interesting and gratifying.  They were both masters at keeping 
secrets and they would be able to keep this one too

<What will it feel like to hold him knowing he loves me?>  She 
shivered.  <What will it be like to kiss him?>  She flushed hot, 
feeling warmth spread out over her neck and face.  <Will he want to 
make love to me or wait?>  Her eyes closed and her nipples pebbled up 
at the thought of his large hands on her body.  <Oh God, it's been so 
long.  I've wanted him for so long.  I'm scared.  Will I be woman 
enough?  He's so passionate.  So...male.  Sensuality is not a game I 
ever learned how to play.  No!  SHE will NOT come between us ever 
again, not even in spirit.>  He is an incredibly passionate, incredibly 
uninhibited, incredibly experienced man.  <Please God, let me not make 
a mess of this.  Take away the fear.>

DANA SCULLY'S APARTMENT
12:00 PM

Time to get showered and dressed.  She stood in front of the mirror, 
examining her body after she came out of the shower.  She turned 
sideways, pleased to see that her abdomen was still flat and toned, but 
soft and feminine.  She was in good shape.  She exercised.  But her 
hips were narrow, boyish.  Her breasts were not large but they were 
good size compared to the rest of her body.  Proportional.  They didn't 
sag but she wished they were bigger.  She certainly didn't have boobs 
like the women she thought Mulder liked.

<Don't go there.  He doesn't want them anymore.   He wants you.  God, I 
hope he wants me.>  She towel dried her hair to let it dry naturally 
and hurried into the bedroom to pick out some clothes.  She decided not 
to wear makeup.  Hopefully, she would be sweating later!

DANA SCULLY'S APARTMENT
01:00 PM

I'm ready, been ready.  He's not here yet. 

<Maybe I should change again?>  No, she'd already changed three times 
in the last hour, finally settling for soft blue cotton pants and a 
crew neck tee shirt.  No need to dress to impress.  She wasn't 
competing with anyone here, thank God.  Just herself and her own lousy 
self-esteem when it came to men.  She looked at the clock again.  1:05 
PM.  This was ridiculous, she had to stop pacing and calm down.  Maybe 
read a book?  As she headed for the bookshelf, the door bell sounded 
again.

<Oh God, he's here!  It's got to be him this time.  I can feel him 
there.>  She didn't question that little phenomenon that had been going 
on for some time now.  She always knew when he was close.  She could 
feel it.

She walked to the door, resisting the urge to run.  After a deep 
breath, she opened the door to his smiling face.

"Hey, Scully."

"Hey.  Come in."  She stepped aside and he brushed past her, but then 
stopped before entering the living room and pivoted to her, waiting for 
her to catch up.  He rolled his neck on his shoulders, making an 
audible popping sound that made her cringe. 

"Oh, I'm so glad I'm here.  It felt like I was never going to get 
here."

"You must be exhausted Mulder.  Go have a seat.  I got your flowers and 
the other supplies.  Thank you."

"You're welcome.  Supplies?"  His smile let her know it was a tease.

"Well, I assume by the contents you were planning on being here a 
while."

"Is that O.K.?"  He sounded suddenly concerned.

She smiled.  "Of course it's O.K."  She could see him visibly relax.  
He strolled to the couch and sat down.  He was wearing black jeans and 
a gray tee-shirt with running shoes.  Nothing special, but at the 
moment he looked good enough to eat.  "Are you hungry?"

"A little."

She pointed to the crackers and cheese.  "Help yourself while I get us 
some of that wine."  He nodded.  She grabbed the wine and glasses from 
the kitchen and returned.  Instead of the crackers, he was peeling an 
orange from the bowl off the dining room table.  She poured the wine 
and retreated again, returning with a paper plate for the rinds.  

She was grateful to have a few busy tasks.  She was hovering in that 
weird, awkward place between nervous and excited.  He seemed pretty 
relaxed which surprised her.  He was normally the high-strung one in 
this relationship.  He was tired though, she could see it in the lines 
of his face and his eyes. 

He broke off a piece of the orange and sucked it lightly to catch the 
juice before popping it into his mouth.  She suddenly became entranced 
watching him chew.  The way his lips moved even though his mouth was 
closed.  The lines of his throat as he swallowed.

<He's an incredibly sex man, even with his hair a mess and tired.>

He tilted his head a little toward her and smiled a lazy smile, 
catching her staring.  "What?"

"Nothing."

"What are you looking at?"

"Just watching you, is that O.K.?"

"Sure.  I like it when you watch me."

"You do?"

"I live for it."  This was said in the same velvet tone that always 
gave her a shiver.  "I always know when you're eyes are on me.  I can 
feel it, even now, dead tired."

She  didn't know what to say to that so she just continued to watch 
while he ate another slice.  His eyes returned to hers after 
swallowing.  He looked slightly amused and it made her feel embarrassed 
so she looked down at her lap.

"No, don't do that.  You can look at me."  She returned her eyes to his 
and was caught, snared by the color, now deep green with floating gold 
flecks.  "Want some?"  he inquired.  He held out a slice to her between 
his fingers.  She couldn't help herself, she had to touch him, even it 
was superficially.  She reached out and grabbed his wrist lightly.  She 
gently pulled it closer.  She moved slow so she could gauge his 
reaction.

He watched as his fingers drew up to her mouth, seemingly as fascinated 
as she was by this little contact.  He rubbed the slice over her lips, 
tracing them with the juice and then holding still.  His eyes were lit 
with anticipation.  The shades of color swirling as she looked at him.  
She licked her lips.  He said quietly, "I've always loved your lips.  
You have lips that beg to be kissed."

Hearing this from him was a shock.  She wasn't used to him saying what 
was on his mind when he looked at her.  Although she knew this would 
change now, she was unprepared for the effect it was having on her.  He 
was being so forthright about his feelings, so unselfconscious.

She opened her mouth and oh so slowly slid them over the orange slice, 
capturing his finger tips.  She dragged her teeth gently across his 
fingertips as she retreated with his offering.

He didn't look away, but instead blinked almost in slow motion.  And 
then he groaned.  Deep, resonating vibrations from it slammed into her 
chest and she felt her body grow warm and soft in response to the 
sound.  She was suddenly very aroused, just like that, in an instant.  
She chewed her slice and swallowed.  He continued to stare, now 
breathing heavily.  His sleepy lids had grown even heavier and his 
pupils dilated to almost black.

<Holy shit, that's all it took.  I aroused him.>  It was a heady 
feeling have Fox Mulder's undivided attention.  She had it now and 
again where work was concerned, but it was nothing to the intensity of 
this moment.  Should she be the one to break this tableau?  He saved 
her the trouble.

"Scully.  I want to touch you."

She stared for another moment before her brain processed the words.  
Then she stood and saw him look down, defeated as though she were 
pulling away.  <Oh, no, Mulder, I'm about to surprise you.>  With that 
she took a step and stood in front of him, placing her hands on his 
shoulders.  

He looked up abruptly at her touch and went still, waiting to see what 
she was going to do.  She gently but firmly pushed him back so that he 
his back reclined on the back of the sofa and she slid into his lap, 
straddling his hips.  He sucked in a quick breath and she made eye 
contact again.  "Then touch me."

"Oh God Scully."

"Do it, touch me."

His hands tentatively reached up to her waist and his thumbs began 
drawing circles on her hip bones.  She smiled at him.  He was being so 
careful.  "O.K.?" he asked.

He was obviously unsure how far she wanted to take this on their first 
night being able to touch as more than friends.  They knew how each 
other felt now but there was still a lot to discuss and iron out.  But 
it could wait.  Tonight, she wanted to 'feel' him, his body, explore 
it.  It had been way too long and she needed the physical contact.  
"Yes.  More."

A small smile played with the corners of his mouth but didn't fully 
form.  "Do you want to touch me, Scully?"

"Yes."

"Then touch me."  <Permission granted!  She felt like she'd been given 
the map to the Holy Grail!  Her hands slid down his sides and she 
yanked his tee-shirt out of his jeans.  He did smile now, seemingly 
amused with her immediate move to gain access.  She slid her hands over 
his abdomen, leaning back on his legs and then slid them up to his 
chest, her thumbs teasing his nipples.  "Oh, yeah..."  That was all he 
said.  But she could see his breathing speed up.  He took the hint and 
copied her move, bunching her shirt up as he went, just like she did.

Only when he cupped her breasts and ran a thumb over her nipples, it 
was her turn to groan.  "Ohhh, Mulder."  His eyes were wide as he took 
in her reaction.  

She leaned down and their lips met for the first time.  Well, there was 
that lame kiss on New Year's Eve but that didn't count.  No tongue.  
There was going to be this time.  Her mouth opened and she slid 
sideways over his lips, immediately running her tongue over his teeth.  
He gasped and opened his mouth admitting her inside.   One touch of her 
tongue against his and she was gone.   

His response was ferocious.  His hands grasped her head and tilted her 
for a better angle and they fought for control of the kiss.  It was 
hot, hungry and impatient, and so arousing it left them both 
breathless.   But the need for oxygen always seems to intrude on these 
moments at the worst time and they finally had to break apart.   They 
leaned against each other's forehead, gasping for air.  His hands were 
running up and down her back.  "Scully," he gasped.  "I want you so 
bad."

It took her a second to get enough air in her lungs to respond.  
"You've got me."

"Can we?"  He seemed at a total loss as to how to ask for what he 
wanted.  Maybe she could help him out.

"You said you had some things to atone for, Mulder."

"Yeah, I did."  His brow wrinkled, not sure if this comment was going 
to break the stride of this moment.  He waited.

"Well, so do I, but I've decided how you can pay me back."

"Uh oh."  The smile was back tugging at the corners of his mouth.

She chuckled low in her throat.  "Tonight, I get to do whatever I want 
to you, or with you.  And tomorrow night, you get to do whatever you 
want to with me.  How does that sound?"

"Sounds like a plan to me."

"Agreed."

"Does this plan of yours envision me with my clothes on or with my 
clothes off?"

She smiled a wicked smile.  "Definitely Off."  Now his smile stretched 
as wide as it would go.  "But you must remember, tonight I am in 
control."

"My little control freak."

She slapped him playfully on the shoulder.  "You'll get your chance 
tomorrow."

"I'm all yours, Dr. Scully.  Where do you want me?"

"Right here."

"Right here?"

She nodded and stood up.  He frowned until she ripped he shirt over her 
head.  She reached up and unclasped her bra in the front.  She dropped 
her hand, shrugged her shoulders and let it slide down her arms and 
flutter to the floor.

"Oh..."  That was the only word he could get out as he gazed at her 
breasts.

<Is this really happening?  Scully is stripping in front of me!>

PART 3 - NC-17
DANA SCULLY'S APARTMENT 
1:30 PM 

She is so beautiful, you figure it must be a mirage.  Her breasts are 
perfect.  Round, full on her tiny frame.  She is stripping in front of 
me and all I can do is stare and breath heavy like a bull about to rut.  
I'm extremely hard and my jeans have become restrictive.  But I make no 
move to remove them.  She is to be in control.  She is dropping her 
pants now and standing before me in nothing but French cut panties.  So 
much leg, Scully leg.  I utter the one word I seem to be able to 
produce.  "Oohh ... "

My eyes do the breasts, crotch, legs, face rotation several times.  She 
stands still, letting me look my fill.  I end up staring at her panties 
and the few auburn curls I can see peaking out around the elastic.  She 
murmurs, "I know what I want."  There is a mischievous glint in her 
eyes.

"What do you want Scully?"

"You.  Naked."  I gulp quite nosily and this brings a smile to her 
face.  "Stand up."  I do.  "Undress for me.?

Oh Boy.  It's to be her turn to ogle me now.  God, I hope she likes 
what she sees.  I'm not exactly the incredible Hulk here.  I drag my 
shirt over my head while toeing off my sneakers.  I work steadily but 
not too fast.  I can't believe how nervous I am.  I've never worried 
about my body before.  But this is Scully.  She is raking my chest with 
her eyes.  

I hear an, "Mmm, hmm," sound come from her and find that encouraging.  
So I quickly yank off my socks and unbutton my fly.  She actually looks 
eager  I pull my jeans down over my hips, taking my boxers with them 
and kick them off the ends of my feet. 

My groin feels better instantly, having been given some freedom.  It 
springs up and out to full mast, throbbing almost painfully with 
anticipation, despite my niggling fear of measuring up.

"Ooo, ooo, ooo," she coos, a predatory smile on her face.  She lifts 
her head to meet my eyes after sweeping hers over my body a couple of 
times and I stand still, waiting, nervous, throbbing.

She sheds her panties in one quick jerk and takes a step to me.  We are 
not touching yet and the anticipation is killing me.  It's a sweet 
torture though.  "Turn around," she commands.  

I slowly pivot around and face the couch, trying to stand nonchalantly 
and only succeeding in feeling goofy.  I hear a rustle and then feel 
her tiny hands run over my rear end.  I gasp at the contact.  Her hands 
are hot, really hot.  "I love your ass, Mulder, it's perfect."

I gulp again, feeling incredulous.  <Scully likes my ass.  Well, that's 
a good start.>  Her hands slide around my waist and proceed to caress 
my abdomen, sweeping up my chest and back down again.  Christ, I'm 
panting now.  My fists are clenching and unclenching in an effort not 
to grab her and pin her to the floor.

"Your beautiful, Mulder," she whispers.  I feel more tension drain out 
of me at that declaration.  "But this is the best part."  With that 
statement her hands slide down over my navel.  One hand grasps my shaft 
firmly and the other smoothes down the inside of my thigh as far as she 
can reach and then comes back up to capture my sacs in her palm.

The groan that ripped from my throat startled even me.  My just felt my 
thighs melt and my knees turn to jelly.  She seems to sense my dilemma 
when my knees bob slightly.  She lets go and gently turns me around to 
face her.  "Sit down."

I sit on the edge of the couch, my balls hanging over the edge of the 
cushion and my penis stretching for the ceiling.  She gently pushes my 
shoulders until I recline, just my head and shoulders supported by the 
back of the couch.  She wraps one hand around me again and squeezes 
gently but firmly.  I grunt and feel my fluid ooze of the head of my 
cock.  I can't help the shudder that ripples through me.  I look at her 
face and wonder at the sight of it.  Her eyes are alight with mischief.  
I know I have never seen this look.  Will she be playful in bed.  I 
would have suspected that.

She licks the palm of her hand thoroughly and returns it to my shafts, 
sliding up and down.  I push my hands into the cushions in an effort to 
keep still.  She lifts her head to make eye contact and smiles like the 
cat that just ate the canary.  "Oh God," is all I utter at that look.

Without warning, she drops her head quickly and engulfs me in her 
mouth, swirling her around the head and then descending as far as she 
can go.  Involuntarily, my hips buck slightly off the couch but I pull 
them back immediately, knowing most women hate that.  But Christ, what 
the hell?  It feels so good.  Unbelievably good.  She begins sliding up 
and down, her soft hair tickling my stomach and thighs.  One hand comes 
up to fondle my sac and I simply degenerate into a constant moaning 
sound that is slightly embarrassing.  "Ahhh, Ohhh, Ahhh, Ohhh."

She leaves my balls and slides that hand under me to clasp right butt 
cheek and squeezes.  She retreats to the top of my shaft, teasing me 
with her tongue again, rubbing that sensitive spot just below the ridge 
of my head on the underside.  She pauses for all of a second and then 
plunges herself down my shaft, pulling me into her with her hand on my 
butt.  

The room spins and tilts sideways as I feel myself slide down her 
throat.  "Whhooaa," I shout.  I totally did not expect that.  She 
raises herself up as high as she can go on her knees and begins bobbing 
up and down, swallowing me with every stroke until her lips touch my 
pubic hair.  At the top of each stroke she swirls her tongue on my head 
and sucks hard on the head quickly and descends again.  I feel my balls 
draw up tight.  The sensations are ripping through me now.  I've never 
gotten a blow job this good.  How can she coordinate all that?  I'm in 
awe.  All I can do is moan and sneak her name in there once in a while.  
"Ahhh, yeah, Ahhh, Scully, yeah, yeah."

I decide I better warn her because I don't know if she will want me to 
come.  And I'm very close.  I'm holding on by a thread.  "Scully, gonna 
come ... if you don't ... stop."

"Cuumbb," she mumbles around my shaft.  Then she resumes her rhythm and 
starts humming.  That's it.  The vibrations from her vocal cords rip 
through my shaft and seize my balls in a violent gripping sensation and 
I explode into her throat, bucking up with every wave of pleasure that 
races out of my body and into hers.

I collapse into a heap, all my muscles melting into the couch.  My neck 
aches slightly from the awkward angle and I sit up slightly to roll my 
head on my shoulders as she laps me clean.  She didn't lose a drop.  
She swallowed it all.  

She settles back, sitting on her heels and looks me straight in the 
eyes and ... licks her lips. "Mmmm."  I choke on the gasp that rushes 
out of me and begin to cough.  She giggles.  Actually giggles at my 
reaction.  I can't help the answering smile that is plastered on my 
face.

"I believe that I have just increased my debt, Agent Scully, rather 
than lessened it."

She shook her head, making her hair bounce around on her cheeks.  She 
was flushed and beautiful. "No.  That was as much for me as it was for 
you."

I scrunched my brow in confusion.  "How do you figure?"

She grinned that 'I know something you don't' grin and declared, calm 
as can be.  "I absolutely love giving head."

Now I bark out laughter that simply can't be contained.  I feel 
absolutely giddy and this whole situation has taken on a surreal 
quality.  "You are amazing, Scully, absolutely amazing.  Shocking 
really.  I'm having trouble processing all of this."

"Well, G-Man, it's going to get worse before it gets better."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"I'm not done with you yet."

My eyebrows shot up at this.  "What else can this slave do for you, 
Mistress?" I teased her.

"Are you my slave?" she quipped.

I became totally serious.  "I am now."  

She slinked up my body, and I mean slinked.  Rubbing her breasts up my 
legs and over my groin.  Her hardened nipples dragged across the skin 
of my chest, slightly damp with my drying sweat.  Her legs straddled my 
hips again and she wiggled her hips, finding a comfortable spot.  I 
placed my hands on her hips to steady her.  She leaned into kiss me, 
slowly and thoroughly and began kneading the muscles of my neck.  I 
moaned into her mouth.  

Her kiss was slow and soothing and calming.  Her magic fingers were 
working the tension out of my muscles and it felt divine.  I broke the 
kiss briefly, "That feels so great, Scully."  She smiled and resumed 
kissing and stroking me.  I relaxed into her.

"Are you too tired, we could nap if you need to," she mumbled.

I moaned out, "Nooo, I'm wide awake now."  She chuckled and began her 
ministrations again.

After a couple of minutes and a leisurely pace, her kiss became a 
little more urgent.  I continued to let her lead, kissing her back with 
the same cadence she gave to me.  It was escalating and I could feel 
myself relaxing and becoming aroused again.  I never recovered this 
quickly.  I had been a little worried about that when she said she 
wasn't done with me yet.  But she seemed to understand that it would 
take some time.  Of course, she was a doctor after all.  But much to my 
surprise, only about 15 minutes had gone by since my orgasm and I was 
already stirring again.  Not bad for a guy hugging 40.

She felt it too, and wiggled her bottom against me.  She murmured, 
"Touch me again."  I raised my hands up her sides, brushing the sides 
of her breasts.  She hummed in the back of her throat.  I gently pushed 
her back from my chest enough to slide my hands in and began kneading 
her firm globes.  The filled my palms perfectly and I increased the 
pressure as her humming and mewling sounds got louder. I finally 
grasped her nipples between the thumb and forefinger of each hand at 
the same time and rolled them gently, feeling them swell and harden 
even further.  

Now it was my turn to moan, and she broke the kiss and leaned her head 
back, her hair falling between her shoulder blades and letting out a 
deep moan.  My brain was a little fuzzy at this point, still not 
believing that this playful, sensual creature in my arms was the Scully 
that I knew and loved.  Her moan was muffled to my ears around the 
rushing of blood surging in my eardrums.  But my cock heard it and 
immediately sprang to attention from half erect to full throttle.  I 
loved that feeling, that first real rushing wave of sensation that 
stiffened my flesh and set up that throbbing ache.

She looked down at my hands, gently rolling her nubs and grunted, "Mmm, 
Mulder, squeeze harder."  Holy shit!  She was so beautiful.  She was 
aroused because of what I was doing to her and it was a powerful 
feeling.  I increased the pressure and pinched her nipples firmly as I 
continued to roll them.  She resumed kissing me.

She was hungry now and her teeth clashed against mine and her tongue 
plunged into my mouth devouring my tongue.  She raised herself up on 
her knees, one hand falling between us to grab the monster that was now 
straining between her legs and guided me to her folds.  I could feel 
the heat and moisture flooding over my shaft and realized I hadn't even 
touched her there yet.  My hand dropped between us, but then I paused.  
She was in control.  I'd promised.

"Scully, can I?"  She nodded and held herself still as I rubbed the 
sides of my fingers along her cleft and felt a sense of wonder at the 
incredible swollen wetness I found there.  She squeaked out these 
little mewling sounds that were driving me crazy.  She was so wet.  The 
insides of her thighs were coated with her stickiness.  She smelled 
incredible.  Her hips began moving back and forth against my fingers 
and I stiffened two of them and slid them inside.

Heat! Soft, swollen, hot, quivering heat!  I moaned at the feeling of 
her little muscles messaging my fingers and began moving in and out, my 
thumb going to the top of her lips and seeking out that small, little 
hidden spot of pleasure.

I knew I'd found it when her hips bucked into my stomach and her head 
was thrown back again.  She hissed, "Yeess, right there."  I kept left 
my fingers inside now and swirled them in circles so I could 
concentrate on moving my thumb in quick, every tightening circles 
around her erect little nub.  

This was incredible.  She panted.  She moaned.  She grunted.  She 
thrust her crotch into my hand.  Her chest flushed red.  Her nipples 
were hard as little pebbles, even the one I was not still touching.  I 
felt like a God.  I could do this to Scully.

I finally pressed my thumb on top of her bud and pressed down, grinding 
it into her public bone in little tight circles.  Without warning, she 
exploded.  That's the only word for it.  Her head snapped up to meet my 
eyes.  Her eyes were wide with wonder as her body began convulsing.  It 
would start at her knees and a wave of muscle movement would send her 
toward my body.  First her legs, then her hips, then her chest.  She 
shrieked a wordless sound as I felt her internal muscles grab my 
fingers and suck them inside, clenching me over and over. I 
concentrated on keeping the pressure and movement, wanting to keep 
watching this incredible display of Scully in full blown orgasm.  It 
was the eighth wonder of the world.

And then she wailed.  "Muullldddeeerrrr!  Oh, yeah, oh, yeah, Whoa, 
Whoa, Ohmygod, Yeeesss! Sogood.  OhGooodddd!"

Her insides were still quivering around my fingers as she went slack 
and fell against me, her hands sliding from my shoulders where her 
nails had dug in and wrapping around the back of my neck.  I slid my 
fingers out and grasped her hips firmly.  Her face was buried in my 
neck and sucking on my pulse at my collarbone in appreciation.  

I couldn't wait for her to fully recover.  I was aching too badly now 
and I was stiff as a rail.  I tipped my hips up and slowly lowered her 
down until I was buried inside the depths of her hot swollen folds.  
She groaned as I slowly pushed her walls wide, opening her to 
accommodate me.  She was so small!  Even having just had an orgasm, her 
walls were hugging my shaft exquisitely.  She groaned but kept sucking 
on my pulse, flicking her tongue against it and driving me mad.

My head was thrown back now.  I didn't move.  Just held her with my 
arms banded around her waist, letting us both revel in the feeling of 
being joined at last.  AT LAST!  When her mouth finally disengaged from 
my skin after scraping it with her teeth and sounded an audible pop, I 
started to move.  I knew she had probably just given me a hickey, but I 
didn't care.  If Scully wanted to mark me that was fine with me.  I 
intended to do the same to her at some point.  

I started to move slowly, lifting her gently, taking the weight off her 
legs as best I could.  She anchored her hands on my shoulders again and 
stared at me as I thrust up slowly and retreated, over and over again.  
Good thing I had come once already or I probably wouldn't have made it 
this far.  Maybe she knew that and that was why she had given me a blow 
job first.  I don't know, but it worked in any case.  I was incredibly 
aroused, aching, but still able to control myself.  My orgasm was 
building slowly, a languorous, slow slide up to the peak.

She was humming in the back of her throat again.  God, I loved that 
sound.  It was so erotic.  And knowing I was causing it was just the 
icing on the cake.  Her eyes kept sliding shut but they would open 
again to meet mine.  She was as awestruck as I was that we were making 
love.  I could tell.  And we were making love.  I was raw, open and 
totally vulnerable.  I knew all the love, joy, wonder and arousal was 
showing on my face and I continued to slide in and out of her.  

And it was O.K.  I felt safe at last to show her these things that were 
inside me.  I was seeing the same thing in her face and it was making 
me feel high, unbelievably at peace.  I never denied having my sexual 
fantasies about her, even before I loved her as a friend, but I had 
always pictured a wild, frothy, fucking explosion of lust.  Not this 
slow, rapturous exploration of each other.  But those fantasies had 
been envisioned without the love and need I felt for her now after so 
many years together.  The love made all the difference.  And the still 
truly astonishing thing was, she loved me back.  The circle was 
complete.  I was whole, I was healed, and there would never be anyone 
else.

I reached down to tease her where we joined, still keeping my pace slow 
and watched her heavy eyelids slide shut and open over and over with 
each pass of my fingers.  

She began to murmur again.  "So good, Mulder, you feel so good.  Oh 
god, I'm drowning in you.  So good."  I felt my heart swell in my chest 
at her words.  Could any woman be any more incredible.  I looked down 
to watch us.  We were beautiful, the love we were making and it was my 
undoing.

"Look, Scully, look at us.  Her head dropped down and watched with me 
as I slid slowly in and out of her.  Her compact little body undulating 
on my shaft was the most arousing beautiful thing I had ever seen.  
Apparently she thought so too, because she gripped my shoulders.  Her 
thighs tightened on the outside of my legs and she began to speed up, 
pumping herself now without much help from me.  I met her thrusts.  
Within seconds she was practically bouncing up off the cushions, almost 
disengaging only to slam down again with the full weight of her body, 
impaling herself on me over and over.  

Her breathing was heavy, erratic.  I could feel my head bumping into 
her cervix at the end of each race into her tunnel.  I felt her clamp 
down on me once, hard.  Then she let go and I followed right behind 
her, emptying myself inside in a series of hard drawn out ejaculations 
that left me gasping for breath as her walls vibrated against me.  

We held each other tightly, our bodies sliding against each other's 
sweaty skin as we came back to reality.  

She sighed, then shivered with the last of her aftershocks and went 
still.  "This is unreal," she whispered.  "I never dreamed I'd actually 
get to be with you."

"Same here.  Was it worth the wait?"

"Huuhh, yeah, you might say that!  No one's ever excited me like that.  
I knew you would be able to though."

"Is that so?  How did you know that?"

"A lot of reasons.  I knew I would never be as comfortable with anyone 
else as I was with you.  I knew that I had never loved anyone as much 
as I loved you.  And not the least reason, I've never met anyone so 
fucking sexy in my whole life.  I got turned on just looking at you 
sometimes, so I knew that if you touched me I would be a goner."

I pulled her back to look at her face.  "I'm stunned."  She giggled 
again.  "I'm love you so much, Scully.  I think ... no, I'm sure ... 
that was the first time I've ever made love to anyone."

She knew what I meant.  Her sparkling blue eyes filled with tears and 
she leaned forward to kiss me softly.  And whispered.  "Tomorrow night, 
it's your turn to exact your pound of flesh."

I chuckled.  "I think I'll keep your flesh just as it is, silky, 
smooth.  But you're in trouble, Agent Scully."

"How's that?"

"Tonight I kept my hands to myself pretty much, let you lead."  She 
nodded.  "Tonight I got to hear you moan with arousal for the first 
time."

"Yeah, you did." 

I grabbed her face in my palms firmly.  "But tomorrow I'm gonna make 
you scream."  Then I kissed her.  We kissed for another minute before 
she finally broke away.

"Oh, Mulder, I can't wait for my turn to atone."  

THE END.

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TITLE:	A IS FOR ATONEMENT (PART 4&5)
(CONTINUATION OF PREVIOUS STORY BY REQUEST.)
AUTHOR:  	DONNILEE
RATING:  	NC-17 
WARNING:    Descriptive sex. Smut.  Please, no one 
		under 17.
CATEGORY:	MSR /ANGST
POSTING:	ANYWHERE - But Please make sure my name and 
e-mail address are on it and inform me by e-mail of the location.  Thank you.
DISCLAIMER: Nope.  Not mine.  Used shamelessly and 
without remorse.  They belong to Chris Carter, 1013 and 
Fox, and god knows who else, but not me.
SUMMARY:    After a refreshing nap, it's Mulder turn to exact his atonement from 
Scully.  She pays in spades.
GRATITUDE BLURB:  Thanks to WYVERN for her helpful hints on everyday 
household items that can be used in mild bondage scenarios.  I would especially like to 
thank her for sharing an item on her wish list - tooth brush as a sexual aide.  Well, I 
probably didn't do the idea justice.  But I tried.  And since she wanted to know what 
Mulder had in store for Scully and requested that I write a Part 4, it was only fair that I 
try to incorporate one of her wishes.  So this one's for you, Wyvern, enjoy!  Hope you 
like it.
AUTHOR'S NOTE:
WEBSTER'S NINTH COLLEGIATE DICTIONARY -- 
a-tone-ment - n 1 obs : RECONCILE 2: the reconciliation of God and man through the 
sacrificial death of Jesus Christ 3 : reparation for an offense or injury : SATISFACTION 
<made for his cruelty> 4 Christian Science : the exemplifying of 
man's oneness with God.

A IS FOR ATONEMENT

PART 4 - R
DANA SCULLY'S APARTMENT 
SATURDAY AFTERNOON 
3:00 PM 

He was so tired. I could see it in the lines of his face. I was still straddling his lap. His 
still semi-erect penis was still inside me. His arms encircled my waist, squeezing me 
periodically as if to make sure I was really there.

It was a bit unreal. I'd just told him that I didn't think I'd ever get to be with him. 
Apparently, he had the 
same thoughts about me. Now, despite all the arguments and differences, we were at 
peace. All the misunderstandings suddenly made sense now. I felt a sense of peace I can't 
ever remember feeling, like all was right with the world. I sighed and leaned back, letting 
him slip out of me. He grunted and looked up at me.
"Want to shower?" 

"Mmm, yeah." 

We clumsily stood and made our way tot he shower. We lathered each other and explored 
each other's bodies at a leisurely pace without the urgency of arousal to interfere. Our 
passion having been satisfied for the moment, we could touch and look without having 
other priorities.

I realized he was swaying slightly and looked up with concern to see his yes closed and 
his head tilted back. 

"Mulder?" 

"Yeah? Hmm? Oh sorry, Scully." 

"Nothing to be sorry for, let's put you to bed before your collapse." 
He smiled. "You mean I can sleep here?" He sounded surprised. 

"What? Did you think I was going to kick you out now that I had my way with you?" 

"Just because we made love doesn't mean you want me to stay overnight I wasn't sure 
that you wouldn't want some down time to process this. I don't know what I thought."

"I don't think you can think at all at this point." 

He chuckled as I turned off the water and steered him out of the stall, toweling him off. I 
dried my hair quickly with a towel and then wrapped it around me. I steered him into the 
bedroom, pulling back the covers, pushing him down to sit on the bed. He collapsed 
backwards and I lifted his legs onto the bed, pulling the covers up.

"Sorry, Scully, know we still need to talk," he mumbled. 

"It's O.K., later." I brushed that errant lock of hair off his forehead and scratched his scalp 
lightly. He hummed in the back of his throat.

"Scul ... love ..." he murmured, and he was out like a light. I smiled softly at the look of 
utter innocence on his face. He looked boyish and vulnerable in his sleep. His message 
for me was left at 3:30 AM so I knew he couldn't have gotten more than four hours sleep 
before I woke him up and started screaming at him. 
God, I felt so guilty about that now.

But he would make me atone for my mistakes. He'd promised and I was looking forward 
to it. I sat on the bed and watched him sleep for almost an hour before getting up and 
returning to my clothes. I folded his and set them on the bed with some fresh boxers he 
kept at my place for emergencies. I dressed in my 
leggings and tee, foregoing my underwear and went to the kitchen. 

I was starved and thirsty. I ate some pot roast and potatoes and downed two glasses of 
orange Gatorade. Oh, electrolyte heaven! 

I went out to his car after finding the keys in his jacket and retrieved his suitcase. I 
brought it into the bedroom. I knew he would have at least three days worth of clothes in 
here. I didn't intend to let him out of my sight for at least the next 24 hours.

I watched him again sleeping so peacefully.  He was on his side now.  I knew he rarely 
slept well and was glad that he was comfortable enough here to sleep peacefully.  I 
couldn't resist finally and I stripped and slid under the covers, sliding up to his back and 
draping my arm over his waits, careful not to jostle and wake him.

Apparently he was aware of me even in his sleep, because he murmured again, "Mmm, 
Scully..."  I smiled and relaxed, enjoying the feeling of my bare skin against his back.  I 
wasn't tired but his just felt too good and besides, I didn't have anywhere to be just now.

DANA SCULLY'S APARTMENT
SATURDAY NIGHT
9:00 PM

I came awake slowly.  I had a moment of panic until I felt a warm little body squirm 
against my side.  It all came rushing back.  I had made love to Dana Scully on her couch 
and then fell asleep in her bed.  There was something wrong with that picture, but that 
was par for the course with us.  I don't remember her getting into bed.

I was on my back.  I looked down at the crown of red hair splayed across my chest.  Her 
arm was draped over my stomach, one leg thrown over mine.

She was so beautiful.  I glanced at the alarm clock and was slightly shocked that I had 
slept for five hours straight.  That's rare for me.  No nightmares either.  I don't want to 
wake her so I just watch her for a few minutes, feeling her breath stir the hairs on my 
chest.  Christ, she's so tiny.  She's such a powerful presence that I forget that she is a 
small woman.

This is so unreal.  I'm in love with her.  I'm in love for the first time in my life.  But she 
loves me!  That's even more unreal.  All this time and I never knew.  What a dope!  Oh 
well, no use crying over spilled milk.  I will just have to make up for lost time!

I drop a light kiss on top of her head and she stirs but doesn't wake.  There is light 
filtering in from the living room and I spy my suitcase on the floor by her closet.  She 
must have brought it up from my car.  Does that mean I can stay longer?

She said that I could but it's still hard to wrap my mind around it.  I realize I have to pee 
and I'm hungry too.  I carefully slide out from under her, slipping a pillow under her head 
to replace my chest.  She makes an adorable little sound of protest but then settles back 
down.

I tiptoe into the bathroom and do my business.  I grab the boxers she left on the end of the 
bed when I emerge and slip into them.  Then I make my way to the kitchen nearly feeling 
dizzy when the smell of pot roast hits me.  I salivate immediately and realize I've eaten 
nothing but a couple of orange slices since dinner Friday night.  I follow my nose to the 
crock pot and shake my head in wonder when I see the plate and utensils she left for me 
on the counter.  I fill up my plate, grab a glass of milk and sit at the dining room table.  I 
try not wolf down this delicacy.  It's been a long time since I had a good meal. 

When my hunger was sated, I sit and relive the events of the afternoon.  I close my eyes 
and I can feel it all over again.  Her sweaty warm skin sliding over mine, the feel of her 
pebble hard nipples between my fingers.  The exquisite pleasure of her snug heat 
wrapped around my aching hard-on.

I was angry with Diana, even though she was dead.  I was angry she had caused my 
Scully so much anguish and pain.  My Scully?  I could say that now couldn't I?  I realized 
that I had been thinking of her as 'My Scully' for a long time, never realizing the 
implications of such a possessive thought.  Well, my eyes were wide open now and there 
was no point in dwelling on how vicious Diana had been.  There was nothing to be done 
about it now.  All I could do was try my best to make up for lost time.

With that thought, my mind drifted back to the tiny, naked, sexy creature asleep in the 
next room

She said that tomorrow I would get my turn to do 'whatever I wanted.'  <Oh, Scully, do 
have any idea what you're asking for?  Because you just might get it.>  I smiled, feeling 
my groin stir at the thought of arousing her again.  Christ, I already come three times 
today; once watching that tape, once with her lips wrapped around me and once inside 
her.  This was ridiculous.  

But there's nothing like fresh water after a long draught.  And my soul was still slightly 
dehydrated from having no physical human contact or intimacy for so long.

<Hmm, wonder if I have to wait until tomorrow to get my turn?>  that thought has me up 
and on my feet in an instant, carrying me into the bedroom.  I use the bathroom and steel 
some of her toothpaste.  I brush my teeth quickly and run wet hands through my hair.  I 
am careful to rinse the sink of all the paste.  I know how fastidious she is and I don't need 
to have her irritated with my bad habits on my first sleep over.

<Sleep over?  God, I feel like a high school kid.  But that's how excited and giddy I am.  I 
dry my brush on her hand towel and am suddenly struck with a wicket idea.  I feel a smile 
creep across my face as Devious Mulder makes an appearance.  <Always good to go into 
battle with supplies!>

I'm going to need others though and I make my way back into the bedroom to wake up 
my partner.  <To hell with waiting for tomorrow!>


PART 5 (NC-17)
DANA SCULLY'S APARTMENT
SATURDAY EVENING
10:30 PM


I awake on my stomach feeling languid and warm.  I don't want to open my eyes.  I can't 
believe I fell asleep!  Oh lord, Mulder!  I realize what woke me up now and I startle 
slightly.  There is a pool of intense heat hovering over my back.  Mulder!  I raise my butt 
for leverage as I go to push up on my hands and feel his weight descend on me slowly, 
gently pushing me back to the mattress.  He lifts up again on all fours, straddling my 
back.  He is naked and his body heat is warm and close.

"Mulder?"

"Shhh, don't talk yet.  Relax."

He kisses my neck and shoulders, darting his tongue out to taste my flesh and making me 
shiver.  His voice is low, raspy and incredibly sexy, still whispering.  "I'm not waiting 
until tomorrow.  I want what I'm owed now."

His hot breath poured over me.  We weren't touching anywhere, but my entire body was 
alert with anticipation, the hairs all over my body standing on end.  I could feel the heat 
of his body above me and I wanted to feel him.  I lifted my torso wanting to make contact 
with that smooth skin again.

The contact made his breath hiss out between his teeth as I pressed my butt into his 
pulsing erection.  He murmured, "Careful, Scully, it's your turn to atone.  My turn to lead, 
remember?  Now lie down."

I gently lowered myself to the bed turning my head sideways on the pillow.  He leaned 
over into my line of vision and traced my eyes, nose, cheek bones and lips , with the tip 
of his finger.

To himself, "so beautiful."  To me, "Did you mean it?"

"Mean what?"  My tone is hushed to match his.

"That I can do anything I want?"

"Yes."

"You trust me?"

"Yes."

"Good."

He lowered himself to press me into the mattress again, still bearing most of his weight 
on his legs.  His hands slid from my shoulder down my arms, lifting them gently above 
my head.  "Because I'm gonna talk to you through the whole thing."

"I love your voice when you are aroused."

"Shhh.  Good, I'm glad, but from here on out, you can't talk, O.K.?"

I nodded.  Curious.  "You can make all the noise you want to, and you can say my name 
but no conversation, all right?"

I nodded again and he smiled.  "Very good.  Feel free to make all the noises you want."  
He tipped his hips forward and pressed his shaft down between my butt cheeks.  I could 
feel it throb.  It was hot.  He swiveled his hips while thrusting forward and then backing 
off, causing him to slide up and down in the crack between my cheeks, brushing my back 
door and causing sharp stabs of arousal to spike from there up into my chest, hardening 
my nipples.  I groaned.  "Ahhh, yeah."  I felt rather than heard his amused chuckle.

"You like that?"  I nodded.

"good, I'm going to do a lot of things that I hope you like."  He showered my neck and 
shoulders with kisses, dragging his tongue and those soft lips over my skin.  He didn't 
stop moving his hips against me and I began to shake from the ripples of pleasure that 
were skittering over my body.  I was actually trembling just from this contact.

"Oh, Scully, you feel so good.  You're skin is so soft."  His hands slid under me and 
cupped my breasts, kneading gently in time with his hip movement.  He hadn't even 
entered me yet and I was quivering like a leaf in a wind storm.  My breathing was quick 
and shallow.  Obviously, he wasn't going to rush this.  He seemed content to keep slowly 
stoking my fire.

"You're breasts are perfect. I'll suck on them a little later for you."  I moaned in response, 
a sort of "Awww," sound.  His words were incredibly arousing.  I couldn't believe how 
much the sound of his voice telling me what he thought was turning me on.  It was my 
turn to hiss as his fingers found my nipples and pinched them both at the same time, 
making them swell even more and harden almost painfully.

"Ooohoo, ooohoo, ooohoo," was all the response I could give.  I was incoherent already.

"Yeah, that's it, let me hear what I'm doing to you.  That's how I learn what you like."  He 
stared to roll them between his thumbs and forefingers, perfectly in sync, both nipples at 
the same time.  I was wet already but this caused a rush of fluid to rush out between my 
legs and trickle down my thighs.  I tried to press my legs together to ease the ache at my 
juncture.  His foot immediately slid out and caught my calf muscle and he pushed my leg 
out.  "No."

That's all he said.  His other foot scooted over to my other leg and he pushed them both 
out suddenly, spreading my legs as wide as they would go with his own.  This also, by 
necessity made his weight descend on me, pressing his shaft harshly between my cheeks.  
I whimpered.  "Oh, don't worry, love, I'll take care of you.  But, first you have to atone.  
Remember.  I'm going to torture you first.  After all, there would be no penance done 
unless you had to suffer a little."

"Ohhh," was the only sound I could make now.  He resumed stimulating his shaft on my 
ass and pinching my nipples.  "Do you want to know what I'm going to do?"

"Ummm, hmmm."

"I want to build you up, over and over again.  Take you to edge as many times as I can 
without letting you come."

I made sound that could only be described as a whine, an unspoken plea.  I have no idea 
where it came from.  I'm sure I'd never made that sound before.

"Oh, yeah, I'm gonna lick you everywhere." 

"Oh God."

He started at my neck, slowly swirling his tongue behind my ear.  That tongue!  It lapped 
slowly, making it's way down over my shoulder blades.  His hips slid away from mine as 
he moved own to continue on his mission.  It was causing tingling sensations to chase 
each other all over my body.  I brought my arms down and reached back, trying to touch 
him, anywhere, any way.  I felt him shift quickly before his hands pulled out from 
underneath my breasts to capture my wrists and return my arms out to the sides of my 
head. "Naughty, naughty, Scully, not unless I tell you to."

I whimpered a protest.

"No. Now be good or I'll have to tie you."

<OhmyGod, he wouldn't do that, would he?"  I held still while he resumed licking my 
lower back, his hands now sliding down my sides and over my hips.  I was surprised by 
the sudden thrill that had darted through me when he said he would tie me if I wasn't 
good.  No one had every played those kinds of games with me and there was an elicit 
thrill at the idea of it.

Holy shit!  He is licking my ass.  It feels so good.  I grind my pelvis into the mattress 
seeking any relief from the ache between my legs that is relentless now.  He stops again 
and grabs a pillow, sliding it under my hips, lifting my mons away from the mattress.  
"Naughty, again, Scully," he whispers.  

I feel the mattress dip as he positions himself between my legs.  My ass is raised slightly 
now.  His hands run up the back of my thighs making me tremble.
His fingers brush my swollen folds and I buck my hips.  "Mmm, mmm."  He pulls away.

"You're so wet for me, Scully.  Do you know how exciting that is for me?"  He causes me 
to squeak in surprise again as he slides his index finger inside me, once, quick, deep.  He 
pulls back and I hear him noisily sucking on his finger.  I groan.  "Mmm, you taste so 
good."

He grasps my butt cheeks in his large hands and gently pulls them apart.  And then I feel 
that incredible tongue again, swirling in and around my anus.  I begin a low moan 
involuntarily rising up from my toes and pouring out of my open mouth as I grow dizzy 
from the sensations.

His strong tongue is now stabbing at the tight muscle and making it contract and release, 
sending a burning sensation to my clit that I've never felt before either.  OhmyGod, I am 
so close.  One brush of my clit and I will come.  I know it.  I shove my ass into the air 
inviting him to continue this indescribably pleasurable pursuit.

I can't help it.  I slide a hand under my body and squeeze my breast, looking again for 
that little bit of stimulation that will push me over the edge.  His reaction is immediate 
and swift.  He pulls his head away and lunges for my arm, yanking it out from underneath 
my body.  He is straddling me again, now breathing hard.  "I said, 'No'!"  

I let out a little sob of frustration.  I feel his long torso lean over the side of the bed and 
return.  Oh my God!  He's wrapping one of ties around my wrist.  I resist when he lifts it 
toward the rails of my headboard.  He stops, tugs firmly again and secures it tightly to the 
post.  His breath is hot and washes over me.  "I warned you.  You didn't listen."

He slips me over onto my back  and fastens a second tie around my other wrist, securing 
it next to the other one.  My arms are bent slightly at the elbow but above my head.  I am 
not stretched in any way.

My breathing heavy now with small spikes of fear at being denied the use of my arms.  
He rubs my arms and brushes my hair out of my face and kisses me gently.  "Shhh, trust 
me."  He waits.  "I won't hurt you."  

I know that!  But still!  O.K., Dana, this is Mulder!  I do trust him.  And I can see his face 
now which is comforting.  I relax, feeling the tension drain out of my body.

"That's it," he coos to me.  "Relax, trust me."  His hands begin a journey at my face, 
travelling down my body.  As promised, he sucks a nipple into his mouth, suckling slow 
and hard.  He increases his suction as my moans escalate until I am writhing and 
moaning.  He is kneeling between my legs now, watching me pant.  He raises my knees 
and slides down, placing my legs over his shoulder.  I am breathless with anticipation.

"Oh, Scully, I'm going to take you places you've never been before.  I'm going to let you 
come soon.  And after that I'm gonna bury myself inside you.  Over and over again, until 
you come for me a second time.  I want to make you scream my name.  I promised to 
make you scream.  If you haven't screamed by then, I'll keep at you all night until you 
do."

My head was spinning with arousal now.  I could only whine, whimper, groan and hiss as 
he began lapping me again, dragging my wetness down to coat my anus with it, stabbing 
his tongue there again.

He slid two fingers inside, rotated them slightly and emerged with them dripping from 
my wetness.  I watched fascinated and aroused beyond coherent speech or thought as he 
lowered his hand slowly, almost in slow motion.

Then I felt it.  His finger pressing on my tight muscle, working it gently open with 
circular pressure.  His finger was slick with my juices.  He placed his free hand on my hip 
to hold me in place.  "Look at me."  I did.

He watched my face crumple into that expression of exquisite pleasure as he pushed past 
my sphincter and firmly but gently advanced all of his long lean index finger up my ass.  
Virgin territory folks!  Rivers of warmth eddied through my body as my ass clenched 
then released around his finger. When I calmed my thrashing head, he retreated slowly, 
put his index and middle fingers together side by side and slid them both in all the way in 
one quick, smooth slide.  I wailed his name at the unbelievable sensation.  My thighs 
were shaking and I was panting heavily.  He looked almost entranced as he watched my 
reactions.

Then he lowered his head, murmuring, I think you've suffered enough?  He picked up 
something from next to his leg and said, "Lay back."  I did, letting my head fall backward 
on the pillow and my eyes clothed in anticipation.

And then he rocked my world again.  A million soft little pokes began assaulting my clit, 
feeling like a thousand needles just pricking the surface of my engorged little bud.  An 
electric current like I'd never felt before ripped through my body and I thrashed like I was 
having a seizure, jerking my bound hands as clenching spasm rocked my body and jerked 
my muscles.  

He didn't have to wait.  I screamed.  I screamed a wordless shriek, Wwwhhhaaa,"  Then I 
screamed his name, almost hurting my own ear drums.  The thousand little needles 
continued to assault my center of pleasure.  His head dipped down to join the fun.  I 
didn't see it.  I felt it.  My eyes were clamped shut.  I was sure my face was contracting in 
a grimace.  He swirled his tongue in my folds, sucking them into his mouth as his fingers 
glided in and out of my ass smoothly.  

When I finally collapsed in a boneless heap, gasping for air, his fingers extricated from 
my bottom, and he raised himself up, crawling over me and palming my shoulders from 
underneath.  "Mu...Mulder, whhaaa... whhaaat was that?"  I was slurring my words, still 
not quite in control of all my faculties.  He whispered back, never raising his voice to 
normal level.  

"My toothbrush."

I almost choked and my eyes snapped open.  He was smiling above me, obviously 
suppressing a chuckle.  "What the hell did you think ..."

He interrupted.  "It felt good, didn't it?"  I went still and realized that I had never felt 
those sensations before in my life.  A thousand tiny needles indeed.  In the throes of it I 
was too out of control to look or even guess what was causing such exquisite mind 
bending pleasure to my bundle of nerves.

"Yeeaaahhh."  That was all I said.  My mind was whirling with several thoughts.  If he 
gets much more creative, it may kill me.  And, toothbrush?  Jesus Christ, he used his 
toothbrush on my crotch!  It was unbelievable.  And although I knew I should probably 
be appalled over that and the fact that my hands were tied, I couldn't summon the energy 
or the protest.  I was having way too much fun atoning for my misdeeds.

He smiled at me.  "Raise your legs."  I summoned my strength and wrapped my legs 
around his waist.  He smiled again.  "Keep your eyes open this time.  Talk now.  Tell me 
you want this."

"I do, Oh God Mulder.  I want you inside me so badly.  I want to please you.  It is still my 
turn to keep saying I'm sorry.  What can I do?"

"Just let me love you."  With that he slid his hips forward and slid inside my dripping wet 
sex.  We both moaned as he held still, waiting for the initial rush of sensation to subside.  
He pulled back a little and my breath hissed from between my teeth.

"That's what you can do," he murmured.

"What?"  I croaked out.

"Make noise.  Don't hold back.  I want to hear how I make you feel.  I want to watch your 
face."  He smoothly retreated and reentered me, setting up a slow, steady rhythm.  So I 
made my amends to my partner, not that this was a difficult chore!  I let go of the last bit 
of reserve and control as he thrust into me over and over, filling me deliciously full, just 
like he promised.

"Awww, Mulder, oh yeah, mmm, just like that, so good."  I continued to coo at him and 
he continued his slow but steady rhythm.  "Faster," I requested, feeling my arousal begin 
to build again.

"No, not yet," he whispered.  Now he was swiveling his hips as he sunk into me, grinding 
himself against my clit, and sending shocks through my entire body.  I'd just come 
minutes before, this was unbelievable.  I should be sated.  But I was climbing quickly to 
another peak.  He reached up above my head and untied my hands, never losing his 
rhythm.  I immediately wrapped my arms around his shoulders and scratched the 
bunching muscles there.  He moaned and lowered his head to my neck, sucking on my 
pulse and causing more waves of pleasure to wash through me, these slow and easy 
waves.

"Oh Jesus, Mulder," I panted.  "How do you ... awww, yeah ... how do you ... awww God, 
... do this ... to me?"

He hummed against my throat.  My whole body shivered in response.  I continued to 
grunt, groan, hiss and shudder as he built me slowly back up to the edge of ecstasy and 
held me there.  I was nearly delirious now, forming nonsense words with my vocal 
chords.  I took a deep breath and croaked out another plea.  "Please ... fas ... ter."  I heard 
him chuckle and was strangely not irritated by it.

This man knew what he was doing!  Sweet Jesus did he know what he was doing!  I'd 
never been held on the edge of orgasm like this for so long.  And this was second time 
tonight he was torturing me like this.  It seemed as though an eternity went by as my head 
swirled and my body melted with wave after wave of pleasure.  But he never sped up and 
never thrust hard enough o send me over the edge.  It was exquisite and it was torture all 
at the same time.  I couldn't believe his endurance.  A little five hour power snooze had 
certainly done him a world of good!

He grasped my head gently in his palms, weight on his elbows ad locked his gaze with 
mine.  And he started to whisper again, continuing his relentless assault on my senses.  
Those eyes!  I couldn't speak now, couldn't even control my body enough to meet his 
firm steady slow thrusts.  He didn't seem to mind.  All I could do was whimper, shudder 
and moan - and stare into the swirling patterns of green and gold in his eyes.

"Ahhh, Scully, I love this.  Love making love to you.  It's even better than I dreamed it 
would be.  I love hearing you moan and whimper with pleasure.  You have no idea how 
incredibly sexy you are, how stunningly beautiful.  You should see yourself right now, so 
flushed, and so aroused, sooo beautiful. Want to know the real reason I'm torturing you 
like this?"

He didn't expect an answer.  I was long past capable of speech.  I could see the sweat 
along his brow and reveled in the sound of his heavy breathing.  He continued.  "Because 
you've been torturing me for years.  Years!  I've wanted to touch you, kiss you, hold you, 
and make love to you.  I didn't even realize how much I wanted ... needed  his ... needed 
you."  

I made a sound resembling a whipped puppy!  A smile broke out on his face and his pace 
finally increased slightly.  "But I think you've cleared your debt now.  Oh, how I love 
you, Scully.  Oh God, you'll never know."

With that, his head dropped to my shoulder.  I felt him pull his knees up on the bed 
slightly for better leverage and he snapped his hips once, hard.  And finally, finally, he 
began to pound me for all he was worth.  No slow build up, right from slow and lazy to 
wild and crazy.

I'd never experienced passion like this.  I knew I would never feel these things with 
anyone else.  Three or four strokes were all it took and my body, held so long on the 
jagged edge of release, leaped in a storm of raging pleasure.  I could hear nothing but the 
whoosh of blood in my ears.  My entire abdomen was clenching exquisitely, followed by 
an intense wash of warm pleasure from my toes all the way up to my head.

Somewhere in my subconscious, I heard my agonized shrieking.  Somewhere in my 
subconscious, I registered that he was still pounding me hard as I continued to convulse 
in an endless orgasm.  It was divine pleasure, like nothing I'd ever known.  I think I 
passed out for a second.  I'm not really sure.  Suddenly I was emerging from blinding 
light back to reality.   My hearing was slowly being restored and I could feel the soreness 
of my well-used body.

I gasped for air for my burning lungs, feeling the soreness in my vocal chords as I came 
back to earth.  I looked up at him just in time to see his head thrown back, neck muscles 
straining as his eyes lost the battle to stay open and he exploded.  He was howling his 
pleasure in an agonized throaty wail, his face contorting beautifully into a grimace of 
pleasure/pain around his wide open mouth. 

I held on as tight as my non-cooperating muscles would allow as he slammed into me 
those final brutal thrusts and emptied himself over and over until he was spent.  Then he 
collapsed, all his weight pinning me to the bed as he gulped for air while nuzzling my 
neck.

"Ahhh, God, Scully! ... Never ... felt ... anything like ... that ... before."  My chest swelled 
with the happiness of hearing those words.  Knowing I had given him pleasure no other 
woman ever had was a heady feeling.  But then he'd done the same for me and I'd hardly 
done any of the work!

He rolled off me onto his side.  I moaned the loss of filled and missed his body heat 
instantly.  I pushed him onto his back, causing him to grunt and flopped my body 
clumsily up onto his chest.  

He was smiling, shaking his head slightly in wonder.  His eyes were closed.  They 
opened slowly, his heavy lids resisting the action.  Was anyone ever as devastatingly sexy 
as this man?  I had worried about being good enough, sensual enough, passionate enough 
for him.  But he brought all those things out in me that I didn't even know existed.  Guess 
Mom was right.  You just have to find the right man.  I had experienced new realms of 
pleasure and it was good to know that it wasn't a one-way street.

I looked at him and smiled, then asked, "So have I adequately atoned, Agent Mulder?"  
He chuckled lazily.

"I guess you could say that."

"You guess?"  He chuckled again.

"yes you have.  Are we even up now, Agent Scully?"

"We're always even, Mulder."  He smiled at that statement of equality and pulled me 
down for a soft, slow kiss.  Then he yawned.

"Tired?"

"Mmm, you wore me out."

"I was pretty impressed with your endurance."  He smiled.  

"I'm glad, but don't expect that all the time.  Having three previous orgasm in the past 12 
hours probably had a lot to do with that."

I laughed.  "Don't worry.  Slow, quick, clumsy; doesn't matter as long as you don't stop 
loving me."

"That will never happen," he murmured.

I laid my head on his chest and listened to us breath together until I fell into a deep sated 
sleep at last.

THE END.

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