From: Para8Dice@aol.com Date: Fri, 5 May 2000 17:27:28 EDT Subject: Burning Bridges: Part 1 Source: direct Disclaimer: I do not own the characters that Chris Carter does. You all can tell which ones those are. Title: Burning Bridges Rating: R Spoilers: Emily Summary: Mulder loses himself when the child he had with Scully dies. It's a story that makes you cry. Read it. E-mail: Yes, please, e-mail me. Para8Dice@AOL.Com Author: Paradise Thanks to: Garth Brooks, for writing the song that made me think of this story! Mom, I love you more than anything. Gillian and David, Melinda McGraw, all you people who helped me write this. Written: November, 1999 _______________________________________________________ Fox Mulder's Apartment 7:31 PM Year 2003 Mulder opened a letter. Another damn letter from his sister in law, Melissa Scully. God, how he never thought he'd call her that. He ripped open the envelope, and looked at the photo enclosed with the letter. It was Scully. She looked beautiful. It was recent, he could tell. He read the letter. Dear Mulder, "Yesterday she thanked me, For oiling that front door. This morning when she wakes, She won't be thankful anymore. "She'll never know how much I care, Just that I couldn't stay, And I'll never know the reason why, I always run away..." Mulder, come back. Dana needs you. We all love you. Why do you think this was your fault? You and Dana lost a child. Do you think that by leaving, it was going to ease her pain? It increased it. She loves you. Come home. Melissa XxX Every week Melissa sent Mulder a letter. Now, she was sending him lines to a song that she thought resembled him. It was entitled, Burning Bridges, by Garth Brooks. He couldn't take going back though. He wondered how Melissa had found him. New name, new place, new everything. He kept himself locked in his room, with nothing much to do. He missed Scully with all his heart, but was positive he wasn't what she needed. No matter what they said. Melissa said she'd found him through her physic abilities, but Mulder wasn't sure what to believe. Out of all the things he believed in, he wasn't sure about that one. It had been almost a year since their daughter had died. They'd named her Ann because that was Samantha's middle name. She was so beautiful. Dana's eyes, Dana's lips, even Dana's hair. Burning red. In less than a year though, the daughter they'd found and adopted that once again, that was Dana's biological daughter, had died. Mulder, still somewhat involved in the X-Files, had felt that was the reason they'd destroyed her. _______________________________________________________ Dana and Mulder's House September 8th, 2002 12:54 AM Dana had fallen asleep, holding Mulder in her arms, and then she heard Ann crying. She opened her eyes and stretched and then her daughter stopped crying. Dana wanted to see her daughter anyway, to look at her baby's face, so she rose. She passed the guest bedroom, where Melissa was staying for the night, and went into see her child. In the back of the room, she thought she saw someone leaving, but then thought she'd lost her mind. She looked down at her baby daughter, and her daughter was dead. Dana just began to scream. Melissa and Mulder immediately woke up and ran into the room. Melissa, who was closer, got there first. Tears drizzled down Dana's face and Melissa gripped her face and shook her. "Dana, what? What happened?" Just then, Mulder came through the doors, and saw his wife out of control. "Dead, Ann's dead!" Melissa looked over Dana's shoulder to the unbreathing baby, and then clamped Dana against her. Mulder rushed to his baby and picked her up. Mulder placed her quickly on the changing table, and began CPR. Her brain was dead. "Ann, come on! Come back to me here." Mulder continued mouth to mouth, and his eyes became watery. Melissa wouldn't let Dana go over to her dying daughter, for she knew there was no hope and didn't want Dana to have to go through it. Finally Mulder gave up. He turned back to Scully, his face in defeat. Melissa was holding both of Dana's hands, but Dana was facing Mulder. "Mulder, no. Don't you dare give up. This is our child. Our little girl." "Dana," Melissa soothingly said, "This is a terrible loss for you-" "Loss? I'm not going to loose anyone, Melissa," Dana hissed. "Let go of my hands so I can save my child. I'm a doctor. Jesus I can do it! Mulder, call 911 now!" Dana quickly broke her hands free from her sister's grasp, attempting to go to her daughter, but Mulder stopped her, his hands on her shoulders. "Scully, there's nothing we can do." A tear fell down Dana's cheek. "Whaaaa," she practically screamed while attempting to make a word. "Noooo, Mulder, no. Get the hell out of my way!" "Listen to me, she's gone. Our little girl is gone." "No she isn't," Dana said firmly. "I'm a doctor, I know when someone's truly gone and there's no more hope." "You're also a mother, who loves her child and will want the best even when it's out of reach." "*Get*, out of my way." "Dana, he's right, Ann's gone." "No, you're both wrong. How can you say that Mulder? She's almost a year old, her life is just beginning." "Look, do you think this is what I want? Do you think I'm not trying to save whatever hope we have left? She's still got color, but she's-" "Then you're WRONG! Then she's not dead. We have to get her breathing again so we can take her to the hospital and we can save our child!" "No, no," Mulder said softly. "I'm sorry." Mulder tried to embrace Scully, but she moaned and pushed him away from her. She dunked under his open arms and ran to her daughter. Mulder couldn't take it, so he didn't watch. "Come on back to me sweetheart. Melissa, call an ambulance right now." Melissa did so, but told the operator the child was already dead. She hugged Mulder intensely, glossy tears all over her face. She told Mulder to sit down and rest a few minutes, until she could get Dana under control. She walked over and Dana was slowing down. Still using CPR, but gradually giving up. Her voice was weakening through sobs, and she was growing tired. She felt Melissa behind her and Melissa hugged her. "Melissa, you're her aunt, would you help me?" "Dana, your daughter isn't in that body anymore. Ann is inside your heart now. She's with Emily." "But, no, I'm her mother, and I have to bring her back." "I love you so much, but there's nothing anyone can do now. I'm so sorry." Dana's eyes blazed sapphire as she looked at Mulder. "Do you know who did this Mulder? Was it that stupid X-File you were working on?" Mulder looked up, tears in his eyes, and he saw her. He knew it was his fault. He would never forgive himself. Mulder stood up, left the room, and broke down to cry. Melissa did her best to talk some sense into her sister. XxX An hour later, after the ambulance had taken Ann, Margaret Scully had arrived, and gone into Ann's bedroom to comfort her daughter. Finally, Dana came out and saw Mulder. He looked up at her, she had a sort of peace in her eyes. She held her arms out to him. "Scully, I-" "Mulder, I'm so sorry. It wasn't your fault. You tried to save her just as much as I did, I just couldn't see the truth. Nothing we could've done could've saved her. I am so sorry." He wrapped his strong arms around her, feeling relieved, but he had just lost one out of the two most important things in his life. His child with Scully. She sobbed against his shirt so he couldn't hear her sobs as well. Eventually, he took her face in his hands. Her lips were crumpled in a crying expression. "Scully, this was not your fault. You know that. You were a good mother to her as you were a good mother to Emily. I am so sorry." Scully smiled weakly at him, and began to weaken in her standing position. She looped his arm through hers and behind her back, and used the other arm to go under her legs and he swung her up in the air. She was still crying. He carried her back to their bedroom and lied her down. Margaret and Melissa were still there, and both refused to leave. Dana needed all the support she could get. Mulder lied down next to his wife, and she suddenly sat up looking straight ahead. "What?" She turned back to him. "I'm never gonna hold my baby again." "Yes you will. When you and I both, when we go to Heaven, she will be right there waiting for you. Along with Emily, your father, and Queequeg. Trust me." _______________________________________________________ Funeral Home September 11th, 2002 3:45 PM Melvin Frohike, Ringo Langly, and John Byers had showed up for Scully's daughter's funeral. It was a tiny white coffin. So tiny, it was amazing that anyone so small could've died. Frohike placed flowers over the coffin, and hugged Scully. Mulder felt anger and anxioty growing inside of him. Fire was burning through his heart and he was sure he wouldn't make it. The entire time, Scully held his hand. As they buried the little coffin, Mulder stiffened but Scully squeezed his hand reassuringly. Bill Scully Jr., Tara Scully, Margaret Scully, Melissa Scully, and other friends were there, supporting Scully, but only one thing in the world could make Scully feel better. Her child. "She hates the cold," Mulder said watching Ann being lowered into the ground. "It's not cold where she is." "She hates the dark." "There's...there's light where she is," Scully squeaked. "Mulder, listen to me. We're gonna go on. We're going to be together forever. You and me. The way we have been since the moment we met. I love you so much, and I need you with me. Let's go home." Mulder stood up and Scully walked with him, hand in hand to their car. Margaret watched her daughter go and this was exactly the 47th kleenex she'd used since the ceremony started. What her daughter must be going through. _______________________________________________________ Dana and Mulder's House September 12th, 2002 8:12 AM Dana awoke, reached for Mulder, and he wasn't there. She sat up slowly. "Mulder? Mulder?" She saw a note on the table and got up to read it. Scully, Go on, I love you, but I can't stay with you. It's not your fault, it's mine. I'll always love you. I'm sorry. Mulder _______________________________________________________ Fox Mulder's Apartment Year 2003 3:13 PM Dear Mulder, "Burning bridges, one by one, What I'm doing, can't be undone. And I'm always hoping someday, I'm gonna stop this running 'round, But every time the chance comes up, Another bridge goes down. "Last night we talked of old times, Families in hometowns. She wondered if we'd both agree on where we'd settle down. And I told her that we'd cross that brigde, whenever it arrived. Now through the flames I see her, standing on the other side." Dammit Mulder, it's been almost a year. Come back to us. I don't care what my stupid brother told you at Emily Ann's funeral. Bill's a sexist, egotistical, pig. He has been since the moment he knew how to speak. Your daughter wants you to be with Dana. Your daughter wants you to be happy. You keep tearing down these bridges, and pretty soon, you won't be able to come back. I see it. I see you alone forever with each moment that passes. Come out of the dark place your in and back into the light. Melissa _______________________________________________________ Dana Scully and Fox Mulder's Place Year 2003 9:14 PM "Hello?" "Dana?" "Mom?" "Hi honey. How are you?" "Oh, ya know, I still cry every day. I read in a book that after a mother has lost her child, it's normal to cry every day for a year, but after that, the mother needs help if she still cries that often. I don't even know when I'm not crying." "I know honey, I'm so sorry." "Yesterday mom, I was on a bus and I wasn't even thinking about anything in particular, but a woman walks up to me asking me if I was okay, and I realize my face was covered with new tears." "Do you need some company?" "No mom, I only need to see one person come through my front door." "Fox will come back. He loves you." "I wish he knew how much I love him back." "He will. Get some sleep baby. I'll call you tomorrow." _______________________________________________________ Emily Ann's Grave September 8th, 2003 1:11 PM Mulder sat in front of his deceased daughter's grave, one year after her death. God, how he missed his little girl. How he missed Scully. What would Ann look like? What would her daily conversation with him consist of? "I miss you sweety. I was your father for a very short amount of time, but I loved you more than anything. Your mother and I love you so much. I know where you are, you see how sorry I am. I might not have been your father by blood, but I couldn't have loved you more. I love you. Wait for your mother and I. Ease the pain inflicted on your mother. She loves you." Mulder paused for a minute, he choked on his tears. "Only one year ago today, you died. It was the worst moment of my entire life. Not my sister, not all the times I was an idiot and hurt people I cared about, not my failures, but not being able to save you. I saw the blood all over you. I knew you'd stopped breathing. I watched your...your tiny body lie lifeless against me, and I knew that I'd never see your smile again, never hear your cry, never watch you grow up, walk you down the aisle, or be there when you have your first baby. It was then I knew that my life was meaningless. That my quest had been meaningless since it involved the loss of you. "You died right in front of me. There was nothing I could do. The doctors came and pronounced you dead, and I knew it was my fault. I am so sorry. Please forgive me. I can't tell you how much I miss our family. Your grandmother, your mom's mom, she misses you very much I'm sure. As does your aunt, and your uncles. We all miss you, and I don't know how I can ever accept the loss of you. I lost your mother soon afterwards. Rest in peace my sweet angel, and remember, I will come back often, to see you." Mulder set down a large batch of flowers and slowly stood up. He looked at her grave, and remembered the tiny, white coffin. He remembered holding Scully's hand. Goddammit. Why hadn't he just given up? He'd lost everything now. Mulder turned around and saw a woman. He knew it was Scully. She was just at the parking lot, looking straight at him, and he had no where to run. At first, he wanted to get away, but then tears poured down her eyes and she began walking towards him. He found himself walking towards her, moving faster and faster and he could see the tears overflowing in her, how she was glowing. When they got arms distance away, she jumped in his arms with a sob. She curled her fingers in his hair and kissed him. She kissed his mouth, the edges of his lips, his forehead, his cheeks, his eyes, everywhere. She sobbed and moaned with every kiss, and her face was completely wet. "Mulder...Mulder! Goddammit Mulder!" "Scully, I-" "Shhh, don't say anything. Just hold me." He obeyed her. He lifted her up and she held onto him, and they went back to Ann's grave. He had tears in his eyes too. Her feet reached the ground again, and they turned to look at their daughter. She held his hand. "If my daughter wasn't in our presents, I'd beat the shit out of you." Mulder smiled a weak smile. "I'm so sorry Scully. You were right all along." "About what?" "My quest got in the way of our life together. It took too much time away from us. And because of my obsession, we lost the only thing that mattered to us." "No we didn't, Mulder. You found Melissa on that quest. You found our child. You gave me back things I didn't even know existed. You gave me everything you could. It wasn't your fault." "Yes it was." "Shut up Mulder, it wasn't your fault. When I came in to her room, and saw the blood, and...she wasn't...breathing anymore..." Scully drifted into tears. He squeezed her hand and then hugged her. "It's all right Scully. You did everything you could." "As did YOU!" Scully paused and wiped her nose. "I love you Mulder. I still love you. I'll always love you. Come back home with me." "I love you back, but I don't know..." he said softly. "Come on Mulder, let's at least go get a hotel room." _______________________________________________________ Holiday Inn Next Morning "Mulder?" There was no answer. Goddammit. Did he leave her again? She was a goddamn former FBI agent, she'd find him this time if he really had left her. "MULDER!!!" Still, no answer. How could he do it? How could he be so close to her and then leave again? How many times would he do this? What if she never saw him again. Scully found her pile of clothes on the floor, reclothed herself, and left, determined to change. _______________________________________________________ Fox Mulder's Apartment Two Days Later 7:34 PM Dear Mulder, How could you do it again? How could you leave her like that? She needs you. You fucking idiot. Come back to us once and for all, and make things right. Or else this is how it's going to be. "Like ashes on the water, I drift away in sorrow, Knowing that the day my lesson's finally learned. I'll be standing at a river, Staring out across tomorrow, And the bridge I need to get there, Will be a bridge that I have burned. "Burning bridges, One by one. What I'm doing, Can't be undone. And I'm always hoping someday, I'm gonna stop this runnin' round. But everytime the chance comes up, Another bridge goes down." Dammit Mulder! Come home. I still won't tell Dana I know where you are. If she knew, it would kill her. We all love you, come home. Melissa Mulder tore up the letter and threw it away. _______________________________________________________ Fox Mulder's Apartment 3 Years Later 2006 9:13 AM Fox Mulder, who had now taken the name Nicolas Chandler, sat drinking some coffee, reading the paper. He had gotten married last year, to a woman he didn't love. He loved her as a sister, but he still needed Scully. He hadn't seen her since, and he hadn't heard from Melissa. He'd tried his hardest to forget about Scully and Ann, but he couldn't. Dammit. He loved them so much and he'd lost them both. He looked over at his wife, and she was moderately attractive. He'd married her to try to make some sense of his life. He knew she wanted a divorce. He would certainly give her one. He didn't know what the hell he was doing. He knew he was acting crazy. "Nick, here's a letter for you." Mulder took his and ripped it opened. The address had been typed, so he didn't know who it was from. Dear Mulder, It's me, Missy. You know those bridges? Your last one has just been burned. Dana got married six months ago. It took my mind a long time to figure out where you were, and that's why I didn't write sooner. I know she loves him, but she still cries often at the loss of the two most important things in her life. She looked so pretty. I was her Best Woman, and she cried before the wedding, talking about you. Why did you leave? She wanted years and you never came back. It's too late now. She'll always love you I'm sure. I will too. Melissa Mulder threw down the letter, and ran out the door. His wife was left standing there, pouring him coffee, confused. _______________________________________________________ Dana Scully's House Three Days Later 3:12 PM Dana sat making dinner, expecting her husband home late, but in the mood to have a good time. She'd watch some t.v., fix her self a salad with her mom's homemade blue cheese dressing. The door bell ringed, and she lifted her apron off over her head, and answered the door. "Oh my God!" "Scully I-" "Mulder, what...come in." He came in immediately. He looked at her. Her hair was longer. Still that beautiful shade of red. He could tell she was still a doctor. He saw her work all out on the desk. "Scully, are you all right?" "No I'm not. What are you doing here?" "I came to see you." Scully knew him too well to believe that was the entire truth. "You know Mulder, I really hate you sometimes." "I know. That's why I left." "That's why I hated you! You left me! How could you leave me and all we had? To this day, I can't believe how long I waited." "Don't I mean anything to you?" "Mulder, you meant everything to me, and you left. We met at our daughter's grave three years ago, we talked and made love, then I woke up and you were gone again! What was a supposed to do? Wait another year until you used me?" "I NEVER used you!" "Then what do you call what you did? What reason could you have had for what you did?" Mulder paused. "Fear." Scully let the tears slide down her cheeks. He came over to her and kissed her on her lips. Her soft lips that he'd longed to touch again for three years. She kissed him back and the tears continued to fall. She pulled free. "I'm married now Mulder." "I know." "I love him." "Do you love me?" "Not everything is about you Mulder. This is my life. This is my life now. I'm a married woman again." "And I'm a married man." Dana looked up at him. "When?" "Early this year." "Oh." She pursed her lips in her own pain. He was still touching her heart. They could both feel the love swirling between them, and they couldn't understand how they'd both married other people. They were the only ones in the world when they made eye contact. "I've been thinking Scully about you and your husband. Sometimes, I wish..." he swallowed his tears. "...I wish that it was still me. I wish that I was the father of your children." "You'll always be the father of my children." "Sometimes, I wish...I want it to be just you and me. I want it to be us again." "You had that chance Mulder, you didn't take it." "I wish your husband was dead." She touched his shoulder. "I know you do," she whispered. "Sometimes I dream of us and Ann again. I dream that there was no death, that she was a little girl instead of a baby." "Me too. I love you. I'll love you forever." "I'll always love you too, Scully. I never stopped. I'm so sorry." "Go home to your wife Mulder." Mulder left. _______________________________________________________ Dana Scully's House 2010 10:11 AM "Dana?" Melissa walked into Dana's living room and sat down next to her. "I got you the paper sis." "Thanks honey." Dana sipped her coffee, then screamed. "What?" "Mulder, he's dead." "What are you talking about?" Dana pointed to Melissa a photo of Mulder, with some other name. He'd been killed in his own apartment. Murdered by an unknown intruder. "Oh my God. Dana, I'm so sorry." "I have to go there." "Dana," Melissa said. "I have to go find out what happened to him. Please, for God's sakes, don't tell Bill or anyone else yet, until I figure out what happened." "I'm not going to tell anyone because I'm coming with you." "What?" "Dana, you're shaking. You've got to calm down. I have to go with you and be supportive." "I appreciate that Missy, but I can do it by myself." "Yes you can, but I'd like to help you. I have to. I'm not gonna leave you alone to deal with this. You've had to deal with too many things in your life. Look, you're all flushed, you've got to calm down." "Calm down? CALM down? My husband is dead!" "Look, he wasn't your husband any longer." "He was the father of my children!" "Yes, Dana, I'm so sorry. That's why you need my support." "Look, I don't wanna argue, let's just go!" "Go where?" "To his funeral. After you change." Melissa arched an eye brow. "What's wrong with what I'm wearing?" "It's gothic! Put on something black." "You're telling me about fashion? You have two out fits in your entire closet. You have an entire black suit, or a black suit with a white blouse underneath." "Shh, shh, shh, look, I said I don't wanna argue, let's just get there, now!" _______________________________________________________ Funeral Home Later That Afternoon 2010 Dana parked the car, then jumped out and practically ran to the already started, service. Melissa ran after her grabbed her hand, and hugging her. "Listen to me, I'm here for you, but you've got to try to understand that this is the way it was supposed to be. We don't always understand why this stuff happens, but we have to accept it-" "Oh dammit Melissa, spare me this crap right now. Right now, I have to figure out what happened, not getting in touch with my deeper soul." Dana walked quickly over to the crowd of people and stood in the back, watching the ceremony. Melissa stood next to her. Dana looked at all these people. Faces she'd never seen before. She saw a woman next to the coffin, tears streaking down her face. It must be his wife. She had to go to her and discuss what had happened. XxX "Hello. My name is Dana Scully. Can you tell me what happened to him?" Dana had tried to whisper to this woman. She didn't know how to refer to Mulder, because surely his name wasn't Fox Mulder, else she would've found him years ago. "He was my ex-husband. Nick was gunned down in our house. We had just recently got divorced, so I was one of the first ones called. There are no suspects, no witnesses. No one knows anything." Subject: Burning Bridges: Part 2 Dana had to solve this herself. "What police station," she asked this woman. "It's downtown, I'll give you directions...how do you know him?" "I knew him along time ago. I just can't believe he's really gone." "It's a shock to us all." Melissa walked over to Dana and whispered in her ear. "Mulder's not dead." "What?" "Are you two sisters," the woman asked. "Yes, this is Melissa. What Melissa?" Melissa smiled at the woman and took Dana by the arm. She looked more serious than Dana had ever remembered. "It's not him in the coffin. Mulder's not dead. I feel him still here." "Melissa, it's impossible." "No it's not, we can find him, the two of us together. Let's go to the police station, and together, the two of us will find him." _______________________________________________________ Police Station One Hour Later "Oh my God," Dana said. "Dana, I know this isn't him." Dana examined the photos of this man. His identity had been removed by the gunshot to his face. Like the man in Mulder's apartment all those years ago. Dana prayed this wasn't Mulder, and somehow felt Melissa was right. "I believe you Melissa." "You do?" "Yes. There is so much missing here, I need your help in finding him. I love him. If he's out there, I'm gonna kill him myself for leaving me." Melissa hugged Dana. "Then let's go hunt him down." XxX "Skinner?" "Scully?" "Yes, it's me. God sir, it's been a long time." "Yes it has. How can I help you?" "After all we've been through, you're still ninety-nine percent professional." Walter Skinner smiled. "How are you and Mulder?" "Years ago, we separated. It was directly after we lost our child." "Yes I remember, I'm so sorry." "And now, he's disappeared, and I need your help tracking him down." "Doctor Scully, tell me what you have on him and I'll see what I can do." "He was under the name Nicolas Chandler. He was married to a thirty-six year old divorced woman that had no children, and her name was Gloria Bell. He lived in Centreville, Virginia, not in Chicago where he and I had lived. In 2003, a year after our daughter's death, we ran into each other at her grave. We talked. The next morning, he was gone. I didn't see him for a few years, until I had remarried someone else. He showed up at my door, and we talked for a few minutes. He told me he was also married, so I told him to go home to his wife. I haven't seen him since." "My God, Dana, that's painful. I had no idea the circumstances. Promise me that if you need anything, support, or anything, you call me. I promise to be helpful in all I can. We've been through so much, you, me, and Mulder. We'll find him." _______________________________________________________ Dana Scully's House Months Later 3:38 PM "Melissa, we looked where you thought he was, and he wasn't there. I'm not giving up, but I have to stop for a little while. I'm gonna go crazy." "I think that Mulder's looking for you too. I see him. He is alive. He's lost, but trying to find you. You have to believe in him. You have to believe in the love you two had and not give up on it." "I'm not giving up! I just, I don't have this ever lasting faith you have. I'm tired. I'm so tired. I'm not thirty anymore like I was when we were working on the X-Files. I want to be alone for a little while. And when I find Mulder, he better have the best damn explanation!" Melissa grabbed her purse and headed for the door. "I expect more out of him. You expect more out of him. You will have the answers, Dana." _______________________________________________________ Dana Scully's House September 8th, 2012 7:14 PM Melissa sat on the phone with one of her girlfriends, making a salad. The door bell rang and she dropped the lettuce from her hands and headed towards the door. She had a strange feeling. "Jesus! Mulder?" "Where is she?" Melissa turned back to her phone. "Mindy, I'm gonna have to call you back. All right, bye." Mulder walked in past Melissa and looked around. "Mulder! Where the hell have you been?" "Melissa, you never told me I was dead." "Was that my job? What are you doing here?" "I'm here to see Scully. Where is she?" "I was planning to make her some dinner. She'll be back in a few minutes." "Is she all right?" "Yes, she's fine. Mulder, do you want to tell me why you've been gone for...ten years?" "I don't know why." "Well, this time are you back to stay if she'll let you, or are you going to leave her tomorrow morning?" "Melissa, shut up." "Don't you tell me to shut up! How many times have you broken her heart? She's my baby sister! I'm supposed to look our for her and you keep throwing her away. Now I don't know if you have one bridge left, but if you do, I suggest you tell her the truth and explain to her why you left her! She's deserves that much." "Enough with the burning brigdes shit. I finally bought the album. The song sucked." She narrowed her eyes in a hateful expression. "You don't hate it. It's just too close to the truth." "Oh, that must be it!" "Stop yelling at me! You're the one afraid of committment. You're the one who left all that loved you. You left Dana! You left the mother of your child. More than once too. I'm leaving because this is none of my business, and when Dana comes home, I hope...hell I don't know what I hope. I hope that she does the right thing, and right now, I don't even know what the right thing is." Melissa exhaled and Mulder's face grew sad. He looked awful. So much less spark than when she'd first met him. She owed him her life because he found her, but he had left the person she loved more than anyone. But she still loved him. She walked over to him and hugged him. "I'm glad you're back," she whispered before she left. XxX "Melissa, I'm home." Dana walked through the door and into her dark living room. She turned on a light and saw him. It was him again after all these years. "Hello Scully." She dropped her groceries to the floor and just stood there for a minute. "Mulder." "You thought I was dead." "No, I didn't believe it, but your wife did." "My wife was in on it the whole time. She was part of the project. I had to die for her to give up on me. Somehow she knew my connection to the X-Files, even though my name was changed. Hell, they probably know where I am right now." "What do you mean?" "I mean I know she was in on it. She never loved me. It was all a plan. A plan from the beginning. I know now that you were the only one I could ever trust." Scully still stood there, not saying anything. Finally, she swallowed and found the words. "How could you leave me?" "Because I couldn't live with myself." "That's your excuse?" "No, that's my reason. There is no excuse." "I've dreamt about this moment so many times, and now that it's here, I can't quite find the right words. Nothing makes sense now. I'll never understand how you could leave all we had. I had to learn what trust was from you, and then you totally wiped it away. You increased my distrust every time you left." "All I can say is I'm sorry." "You son of a bitch. Why didn't you come home ten years ago and tell me that? I've had an entire life without you, when I didn't want it. Was I asking too much for you to be with me? If you wanted to leave me-" "I didn't want to leave you Scully. I was running from myself. I was so ashamed of all I had done, that I thought the farther I got away from all I'd known, the less pain I would feel. I can't explain it. For awhile, it was like a drug, it worked, but I never got over you. I never stopped loving you." Dana put her hand over her mouth as the tears glided down. She reached down and picked up the bag of groceries and carried them to the counter in the kitchen. "So, now what Mulder?" "I was praying in my heart that you could forgive me, and that we could be what we set out to be." "You mean, forget these past ten years of your absence in my life, fall into bed again and pick up where we left off? Would that be before or after Ann died?" "Scully-" "No no, Mulder. I'd really like to know what exactly you have in mind. See all those nights that went by when I wondered where you were, how you could leave me, and even if I would see you again, what were you doing?" "Hoping I could find myself again so I could come back to you." "So you "could" come back to me? You just *had* to leave me?" "I know the pain I've caused you." Scully laughed as she unloaded the groceries. "You've changed Scully." "In ten years, I'd hope so." "But you're still you." "And what about you? Have you changed? Or are you the same self centered bastard that left me over and over?" "I'm never gonna leave you again." "Maybe I'll leave you." "Is that what you want?" "I don't know what I want Mulder. So much time has gone by. I'm not sure what I know, or believe, or trust. I can't trust you anymore." Mulder walked over to her and cupped her face in his hands. "You can trust me. You can trust us." "Can I," she said weakly. "Yes you can. There is nothing that can justify what I did, but I promise you I'll never leave you again. I love you so much. I've always loved you and I'll never stop. I hope you feel the same way. Somewhere, is there any love left for me?" Scully placed his hands over his. "Ten years Mulder. Why couldn't you just have talked to me? I don't know you anymore. I don't know who's standing in front of me, claiming they love me." "Yes you do Scully. I see you've changed, and so have I, but I haven't stopped loving you." "And I haven't stopped loving you." Mulder smiled. He covered his lips gently with hers. He loved her so much. He released her lips and looked at her. Her eyes an intense blue. "Can you ever forgive me, Scully?" "In another ten years." "I'll wait forever." "Like I did." "Where's your husband," he asked her. "He left me years ago, when he found out I couldn't conceive a child." "My God, Scully, I'm so sorry." "Don't be, we didn't love each other enough anyway." "I didn't love my wife either." "I know." Then, Scully began to cry. Her face crumbled and she placed her hands over her face. Mulder came around the counter and hugged her. She was still so small, but he knew she could beat the hell out of him. She inhaled quickly and wiped her tears away. "I'm so sorry, Scully." "I'm sorry too. I just...I don't know how to...I don't know anything anymore." "You don't have to know anything. I never knew anything my whole goddamn life till I met you. Just let me hold you." "I'm drained. I'm so tired. Let's go to bed." Mulder took Scully into her bedroom, and laid her down. She quickly got up and changed into her nightgown, and he was surprised that she didn't bother to change in the bathroom. She was still so beautiful. He looked around the room, seeking permission, and she sat down on the bed and held out a hand to him. "This is way more than you deserve Mulder, and I can't promise I won't yell at you some more tomorrow, but please, come here." He took her hand and laid down beside her. She turned away from him, but snuggled close. Her warm body against his was so nice. She cried again. He couldn't fall asleep with her crying. "Scully..." "I never thought I'd see you again, let alone sleep in the same bed with you again. I can't believe it Mulder. I've missed you so much." "I've missed you too. I can't tell you how wrong I was or how sorry I am." Mulder turned Scully towards him, her face was soaked with tears. He placed his hand on her leg, the night gown covering her, and he kissed her full lips. He captured her lower lip between his own, and gently sucked on it, ending with a nip. She smiled at him. "Put your hands all over me." Mulder moved his hand up her leg, towards her thigh, taking the nightgown up with it. The silk glowed on her, and his fingers explored her soft skin. She kissed his neck softly, tears still on her face, and began to lift his shirt of of him. She wanted to desperately to hold onto all she'd lost, but he wanted it even more. Maybe. He gently wrapped his arms around her and pulled her closer, bending her back against the pillows, kissing her completely. Mulder used his hands to find the straps of her night gown, his lips playing with hers, and he couldn't get them off of her. He couldn't remove the nightgown, so he ripped it. "Mulder-" He silenced her with another kiss. She smiled into his mouth. "You'd better pay for that," she murmured. "I will. I'm sorry." "It's all right." Scully tugged his pants down off of him, taking his boxers with him. Her moved his hands up and down her curves. He gently imprisioned her naked body ontop of his own, kissing her, and then he rolled her over, consuming her breasts in his hands. She was so soft, so warm, and yet he could still sense the pain in her heart from him abandoning her. He tried to press all the pain out of her with every kiss. He remembered so long ago. Ten years ago, he'd touched her. Ten years ago, he'd been able to face himself. Now, he finally could again. _______________________________________________________ Next Morning 7:16 AM Mulder awoke and slowly placed his clothes back on from the pile on the floor, and crept out to seek Scully. He heard her talking with someone, and it took him a very short amount of time to realize it was Melissa. "...Dana, you didn't search for him as hard as you should." "Yes I did!" "Don't lie to me, I know the truth. You didn't want to find him, you wanted him to come back to you." "All right maybe I did, but he did!" "After ten years." "Yes I know." "Look Dana, I love Mulder, and I know you do too, I just want to make sure you don't get hurt again. That love you have can only exist between you too. It's always been there and for years, Mulder was too stupid to see it was there and do something about it. Ten years ago, he ran from it. I just want to be sure you'll be okay." "I'll be okay," Dana reassured her. "How can you be sure?" "I trust him. I trust him with my life." Melissa said nothing more, but stood up and hugged her sister. "I'll be back later. No one wants a big sister the first night they get back with their husband. Ooh, are you guys gonna get married again?" "Who the hell knows." "YES!" Mulder came out from down the hall. "Morning Mulder. I trust you had an eventful night with my sister last night." "Missy," Dana wailed. "Sorry, okay, you're getting married again? Great. I'll go spread the word." "No you won't Melissa! They don't even know he's back." "That's what Melissa the gossiper is for," her sister reminded her. "Besides, the only person who won't be thrilled is Bill. And Bill wouldn't be thrilled if you won the Noble Prize. So, forget Bill. I've gotta go. Oh, Dana, did you brush you teeth this morning, you might need good breath." "Good BYE, Melissa," Dana said sarcastically. "Bye." Mulder looked at Scully and smiled. Melissa was wrong, he'd had one bridge left.