From: Pen Name Charlotte Title: Chain Reaction Author: Charlotte Category: MSR Rating: NC-17 Summary: This takes place right after the Goldberg Variation. What happens when Scully realizes everything has a consequence. ***** So, do I believe in cause and effect? Now what about good luck? Mulder sure did. It was a little weird seeing him pick up on the pattern right away. Cause and effect... I'm only waiting for the moment to receive the effect of what Mulder gave me New Year's Eve. I'd like to see the ramifications of that one moment, beneath the TV in that waiting room, starting up a dizzying domino effect, like the contraption in the boy's hospital room. And how would I like to see it unfold, you say? God only knows I wish he or I would get on with it already. It's been weeks since that night, and we haven't spoken of it since. Maybe he feels there is no need to speak of it. My God, I've waited so long for him! The fact that nothing has been said just eats me up inside. Is this only a one-sided infatuation? Is Mulder truly only interested in me as a friend and colleague? I'd probably given him the wrong impression. That *would* be just like me. I'm so used to hiding my emotions that when it really counts, I have no way of setting them free. When will be the right time? Our luck has got to run out sometime. How much longer are *we* going to cheat death? Back to luck, then... I'd hardly make any bets on it. How many times have we been saved by it, though? No, I think the "powers that be" just let us off the hook. But why? Maybe Mulder and I have been spared because we are meant for something else? No. There is no coincidence in what we've gotten ourselves into. We've made our own fate. My fate... with Mulder... how would that be? To see his face every day. What am I saying? I see him every day as it is. To feel him close every time I need him. Hmm. That, too. When has there been a time when he hasn't offered himself as my own personal bear hug? It's me that has been the one to push him away. To be able to become part of *his* life. I wish I could be the same in his eyes as he is for me. So, what makes me think I'm not? He kissed *me*. Yeah, I wanted it... wasn't expecting it, but I did want it... more than anything. I wanted it as soon as he was back from the hospital. Couldn't he tell what I was saying to him -- my thumbs brushing across the lips I had so longed to touch with my own. And then he closed the gap that night at 12:00. He did what I was afraid to do. I guess the ball is in my court. It's my turn to make the move: to push the next domino. He's been waiting for me. How could I be *so* blind? What if I was *so* wrong? If it is my "turn" what am I going to do about it? I can't let him slip through my fingers. I could very easily screw this up. What did he say? "The world didn't come to an end." No, it won't unless I tell him exactly how I feel. If I really believed that things happen for a reason, I would have realized that Mulder and I belonged together long ago. I think I did, but wouldn't accept it. We practically live our lives together now. Maybe I just can't deny fate anymore. I walked along side Mulder out of the hospital. He held the door for me as we exited the building and made our way toward the rental car. We had a plane ride back to D.C. in a few hours, which I loathed to think of. Here I was, thinking about "us" when normally I'd be thinking about writing up a report for Skinner. I'll be sitting so close to him, as I always do, but the anticipation is just going to be so intense this time. "Scully," his smooth, familiar voice broke into my thoughts. I looked up at him across the roof of the car. "The door's open," he replied with a wry smirk faintly across his lips. It was late in the afternoon, and the thought of an airplane meal of roasted peanuts was not appealing to me. Besides, I knew they would end up churning in my stomach. I must have had a quaesy look on my face, because Mulder kept looking at me through his peripheral vision. "Hey, partner, how's it going?" "I'm fine," no, I'm not. "You're looking a little green. You going to be OK to fly?" Was I? I know I didn't want to get on a plane, but would my anxiety have a *really* bad effect on me... in the bottom of a wax-sealed brown paper bag? I definately didn't want Mulder to see me like *that*. Come on, Scully, it's now or never, remember? What happened to accepting your fate? What happened to "the ball's in my court?" "Mulder, do you think maybe we could catch a plane back to D.C. tomorrow? I don't know if I'm up for this flight. I don't feel so great." Wonderful.. I've used the oldest trick in the book: a damsel in distress... and damned if it didn't work! He pulled the car over into a parallel space. "Oh, Scully, I'm sorry I didn't notice it earlier. Let me give Skinner a call and tell him we'll be back later than expected. I'll say we had some loose ends to tie up." Yeah, I definately wanted to get these loose ends tied up. He just didn't know which ones I was thinking of. He began dialing, and then looked over to me. "You want to reschedule the plane tickets, or should I?" "No, no, I'll do it. I'm not feeling *that* bad. And maybe I can call back the hotel to reserve the rooms again." He nodded, glancing worriedly over in my direction between punching numbers into his cell phone. "Thanks, Mulder." He gave me a big toothy grin, which lifted my spirits a little. How could I be afraid to speak to him when he had such a positive, loving effect on me? Cause and effect, Scully. Everything happens with a consequence. Surprisingly, arrangements were not hard to set up. I guess Y2K wasn't the bombshell everyone was expecting with their computers. As much as I wanted to reserve a single room, I didn't want to risk an embarrassing misconception on my part, or on Skinner's, for that matter. He *would* be looking at the expense reports. When I finished with the arrangements, I found Mulder twiddling with the radio controls. It was always a challenge to find a good station, considering the amount of places we're sent to. The little labeled preset buttons for local stations were never really set for too long. More often than not, the previous renter had punched in their own taste in musical selctions. "So, we at the same place?" he asked between staticky stations. "Yup, same rooms." Mulder smiled, both at the thought of the nice hotel for once, and that he had found a funky jazz station. "Well, then, I guess we'd better go check in. What do you want to do for dinner? Are you feeling queasy?" "Actually, I think a normal sit-down dinner would be in order. I'm craving a good meal. Maybe it'll get my energy back up." ...more like it'll buy me some time to build my confidence up. We checked in... again... and I got into my room, flinging my bag into the corner. For once, I didn't want to unpack. God, what was I doing? How had I managed to get Mulder to agree to stay here an extra night? I flopped down onto the bed, face up, and pulled my fingers through my hair. Mulder knocked at the door. I had left it unlocked, knowing he'd be by at any second. I didn't bother to get up, but yelled out to him: "Come in, Mulder." "Hi," he said, and sat on the bed next to me, so that his head hung upside down above mine. "You Ok, Scully? Do you want to get room service, or something?" "I'm not that hungry just yet." He studied my face, and glaced up at my sprawled out body. I suddenly became aware that I was wearing one of my newer, lower-cut blouses, and that from this angle, Mulder could probably see alot more than I intended. True, as of late I had wanted him to notice, but I wasn't so aware that he *did* until now. I, however, remained where I was, swallowing my embarrassment to keep the moment. If I really wanted to talk about this, I shouldn't be worrying about whether he was checking me out. It could work to my advantage. "Mulder," I whispered, trying not to startle him from his obvious distraction. "Hmm?" He casually returned his gaze to my eyes. The butterflies were whirling now. He was so close, I could feel his breath floating over my nose and lips. All he had to do was come down a little closer. This was it. I had his full attention. His beautiful face looming above me, his whole countenance awaiting to serve my needs. If he had wanted me to stand up right now, I would have failed miserably. "Mulder... what do I mean to you?" I expected him to pull away from me at the random remark, but he held his ground, and looked deeply at me with those hazel eyes. Softness I had only seen from afar melted over his face. A flash from his apartment doorway, Mulder wearing that Yankees cap, holding my face, passed before my mind's eye. It was the same look. My breath was shallow, my arms felt like jello, crossed behind my head. It was no use. I had pinned myself, unwillingly in the most vulnerable position imaginable. "Scully... you're like... my other half. I couldn't get along anywhere without you," he paused, eyes clouding over for a moment in thought. "I don't know how I got along before I met you." "Do you believe that our meeting and working together has had a direct influence on where our lives are going to lead? Do you think we were brought together for a reason?" "We've been taking on the most important responsibilty of the entire planet, Scully. Without us, the world would..." "That's not what I meant." "Oh," he looked me hard in the eye. "What... do I mean to you, Scully?" I could feel the stress running out through my toes. I loved him so much, and I was about to tell him so. "You're not really ill, are you?" He trailed one finger across my hairline, brushing away some stray whisps. "Mulder... I..." Come on, Dana, "You have to know how I truly feel about you," I closed my eyes, afraid to see his reaction. I felt him come around to my side and put his full weight on his elbow, now resting beside my shoulder, his other arm balanced above my stomach, just barely high enough so as not to touch me. His mouth was beside my cheek. I could hear him inhale slightly before he spoke. "How do you feel about me, Scully?" His voice was just above a whisper, but not raspy enough to be one. He was very calm and quiet. It was then that I ventured to slit my eyes open, carefully looking to where Mulder was hovering beside me. Oh, God. He was looking right at me, lust all in his gaze. I had to hide it in mine. I wasn't ready for this. But I couldn't help it. He was reeling me in. I couldn't fight the passion welling up inside me any longer. "Oh, Mulder, you must know that I am so much in love with you." He held his attention toward me as if he had been expecting that statement for a hundred years. I searched for his hand by touch, never looking from his eyes, and brought it up to hold to my chest. He smiled at me, moisture glistening on his eyelashes. His head lowered, waiting for me to plant a kiss above his brow. I let out a short huff in amusement. Did he really expect me to pull that maneuver again? I reached up, and gently redirected his head so that our lips met. I felt him squeeze my hand tighter as we kissed. A heavy comfort I had waited since New Year's eve to feel was now making itself present in the form of a long, steady kiss from Mulder. Everything was still. All I knew of the world was his lips and his breath. Nothing else existed. A connection was growing: something that was only me and Mulder and nobody else. He seperated from me with a few smaller versions of the previous kiss. "Tell me more," he whispered to me in my ear. "You know I love *you*, Scully. I've loved you since..." "Since the Bermuda Triangle, I know..." "No," he whispered again, puffing his hot breath onto my neck. "So much longer before that," he lightly dragged his lips across my collarbone. "So much longer before Antarctica... before your cancer... I can't even remember, Scully..." I was a little taken aback. How could I have not seen it for so long? How could I have denied this, denied us together for such a long time. I had felt my love for Mulder beginning to grow in the first year we worked together. I had no idea he was feeling the same way. He began tracing a line up to my chin with his lips. I was taking short breaths by now, willing my self-control. Oh, God, he was turning me on. If I had known a confession of my love would have brought me this incredible worship of my neck, I would have caved the moment I first saw him in that basement office. I tried to gently release my hand from his grasp, so that I could feel the warmth of his face. I had to be blushing rediculously by now. "Oh, God, Mulder," I gasped. "I don't think I can explain what kind of, of passion I feel for you. If you've loved me that long... I can't even say that I haven't felt the same way about you for that long either..." "Why now, Scully? What made you say it today?" "Today, I realized that I was lucky to have you. When I saw that brief moment when Richie had lost his good luck, I feared that ours would run out as well. But because he was able to get it back... I didn't want to lose you. I finally realized that I had to get you back. You started to take me in, on New Year's, and since then, I haven't known one moment when I didn't want you to love me again." I paused for a deep breath."I love you, I am *in* love with you, so much that I'm afraid that I'd never get the chance again to show you how you have affected me." "Cause and effect, Scully?" I nodded. "Well, how does this affect you..." He pressed his mouth to mine again, this time sliding the edges of my lips with his tongue. I almost felt like I was going to cry out of joy, but it was a dry sob, that caused me to open my lips further to take in all that Mulder could give me. I felt him squeeze my shoulders as he concentrated all of his efforts in my mouth. He was caressing my shoulders through the thick padding of my blazer, all the time moving closer to the edge of the lapel. Then I felt the warmth of my blazer leave my arms, only to be replaced by Mulder's burning hands. Oh, how I wanted more from him. The fabric of my blouse was preventing me from feeling his fingers upon my bare skin. Then he did something that was even better. He trailed down my neck again, and began to go further down. I thanked my new taste in clothing a hundred times over, because he ended up kissing right down to my cleavage. I felt him push the light chain aside, so as not to damage it. I gasped again, unable to believe how sensitive I was to him. He looked up at me, misunderstanding my reaction, "Do you want me to stop, Scully?" "Oh God, no, Mulder." This time I propped myself up on my elbows. I wanted to see him. I still couldn't believe this wasn't my imagination. How many times had I put myself to sleep at night with the fantasy of Mulder over me while I... I took Mulder by the lapels of *his* blazer, and peeled it from his broad shoulders. He never faultered, but let me do what I pleased. I pulled his tie loose, and lifted it above his head. Next were the top buttons of his dress shirt. I didn't go all the way down, still a little unsure he wanted to go this far. I ran my hands over his undershirt, searching for the muscles I knew were there. He was a lanky man, which only made his anatomy all that much more noticable. His eyelids were shut, and his jaw hung open ever so slightly as I made my exploration. He reached for my thighs, and then up my waist, where he found the bottom edge of the blouse. His hands penetrated the boundary, and slowly raised up my back. I felt goosebumps formimg all over my torso. My hands were now beneath his undershirt as well, reading his body as would a blind person reading braille. I rested my head upon his chest. I could smell the musk permeating from his body. Oh, if I could have the foreplay forever I'd be happy. Foreplay?! I wasn't sure there was any turning back now. It just felt so good to feel him so close... closer than I had ever let him be. Then he lifted the blouse above my head. I was revealed, and a little shy. He raked his eyes downward toward my sports bra --OK, I wasn't prepared for this. Had I known, it would have been a black lacy thing. But Mulder seemed to approve anyway. He still didn't touch me there. Perhaps he was unsure he wanted to go this far either. Instead, he brushed the sides of my arms. Holding my gaze, he put his arm around my shoulder, and drew me down to lie on the bed, holding me from behind. I have always loved the "spooning" position. It has always made me feel safe. I think Mulder was trying to ease into this. It was his way of telling me that he just didn't want to jump my bones. He removed his own shirt, so that I could feel his skin against my back. The gentle vibration of his heart thudded against me. Why had I been afraid to let Mulder hold me this way? My hard exterior always got in the way of receiving any kind of affection from anyone. But I needed this just as much as anyone else. "Scully?" he said at length. "Mmm, hmm?" "When did you first realize you..." he cleared his throat nearvously, "...realize you loved me?" A tightness caught my throat. Mulder needed affection just as much as anyone else, too; and what have I given him? So long... he has loved me so long... and I him, but my stupid insecurities kept me from taking the next step. I had to think a moment. "I think the first time I considered you as a potential..." "Potential! What is that supposed to mean!" "You know what I mean, Mulder. Just let me finish. This isn't easy, you know. I don't know if I can pinpoint my feelings that well." He shrugged into my back and mumbled something sheepish. "I think the first time I considered you as a potential love interest was after that case in Atlantic City. You know, the Jersey Devil?" "Really?" "Mmm, hmm. It was right after I was dating that single father... gosh, I don't even remember his name. Well, I decided that hanging out with you was something I would much rather be doing." We both giggled softly. I paused for a while, trying to think of the exact moment when I truly realized I was in love with Mulder. Then it came to me. "I think I realized I was in love with you the moment you were almost taken by someone else. In fact, up until a few months ago, I still wasn't sure you weren't taken." I felt his arms tighten. "You mean Diana, don't you?" A huge sigh filled my lungs. Guilt for hating her so much, and then finding she'd been murdered entered into my thoughts. My eyes stung from tears, but I wouldn't let them out. "Yeah," I said shakily. "I'm so sorry, Mulder." "You don't have to be sorry. You didn't kill her." He straoked my hair away from my face. "And by the way, I never thought of getting back together with her... that way. She betrayed me, too; although I didn't see it right away. She was the easy out." He sounded as if he had something else to say, but caught himself before he did. "I wanted you, Scully. You are the only one who knows me better than I do. My life would be pointless, I think, without you there for me. I know you'd at least give a shit, even if you didn't love me." I absorbed what he had just told me. It was quiet for a long time. My stomach was completely covered by his large hands. The light coating of sweat between us welded us together as we lie there. This couldn't last for too much longer, or it would just drive me mad. I was torn between a need to make love to Mulder, and to fall deeply into a comforting sleep in his arms. The former won out as I realized his hardness pressing against my backside. I brought my hands up to his, and slowly, subtly moved them up toward my breasts. He didn't move until I applied pressure with him, signalling that it was O.K. I became completely consumed by his touch. He was everywhere at once, or at least it felt that way. His fingertips mapped the cotours of my body, recording each curve as he made the journey. He eventually made his way back up to my breasts, hovering his hands above them. He pulled the front of the bra down, capturing my breasts in the frame of the stretched fabric. His palms spread over my nipples, sending a lightning fast reaction down to my abdomen. The ache was wonderful, and the space between my legs became suddenly humid. As he continued, more of my skin was exposed, and soon touching every part of his bare skin as well. I lost all track of what was happening. How did we move so quickly? He kissed my mouth, my eyelids, and again, sucked at my neck. Then I felt his knee nudge between my legs, and then the shocking tickle of grazing fingers between them. I clung to his back, trying to force control over my reaction. He chuckled softly, but contninued to stroke as I reached a maddeningly beautiful state of euphoria. It was getting close. My whole body turned into a dam holding in all the seven seas combined. The pressure was almost too much, and then, and then... Mulder moved above me, kneeling between my parted thighs, still gently sliding his fingertips in the most erotic manner possible. He leaned in close to my ear, and I heard him whisper, "I want to feel you come." At the same moment, he was inside me. A creaking groan escaped my throat as he pushed, what felt like, right through me. A few more thrusts and I was completely gone. The gates had let loose the waters and their hot splash covered my body. My pelvis crashed up into him several times, answered by hissing gasps from Mulder with each contraction. "I can feel you... I can feel you..." he repeated into my ear. His mouth enclosed around its lobe. Then he kissed me deeply on the lips. Everything was soft and tingly, and then he started up the rhythm again. A new pleasure seared through me, to feel him inside, growing stiffer all the time. I clung to his thighs, my own legs wrapped around his waist. He began calling out to God in an inaudible voice. My name came to his lips next, but it only amounted to "Scu..." With one last hard thrust, he pulled himself from me and came onto my stomach, his essence spreading in a warm pool. He collapsed on top of me, his weight a welcome pressure after such feelings that made me float out of this world. Our breathing kept pace with one another. Eventually, I lazily dragged my fingers through his damp bangs. A soft "Mmm..." graoned from him in appreciation. The full realization of what we had done was creeping up into the back of my mind. Is this going to be good for us? I loved him so much, but is this going to hurt our working relationship or help it? I tried to force the thoughts out of my head. I wanted to enjoy the moments we had. I kissed his hair. He kissed my neck. "Oh, no, Mulder. Don't do that again. I need a breather," I said in response to the ache that came with his lips upon my skin. With a roll of his eyes, he peeled himself from me like a piece of velcro, and headed for the bathroom. He returned with two complementary towels, and a robe. He gave the robe and one towel to me, wrapping the other around his waist. We cuddled on the bed, my head tucked snugly between his arm and chest. "Wow..." he said in a tone as if he were admiring a small jewel. I was glad he thought I was precious enough to gloat over. The big stupid grin held both our faces. "What was holding us back?" I shrugged. "I guess the chain of events hadn't all completed yet." "I thought you didn't believe we were caught up in Richie's cycle." "All things happen for a reason, Mulder." He gave me a shocked look. " I think this was *our* end result, not his. Although, he may have been the trigger to finally get us to realize it." "So what do we do now?" "Well we can't go back and do the same thing over." A wry smile breached his lips. I smacked him playfully in response. "No! I mean we can't go on acting like before. Things are just going to be slightly more complicated, especially at work. We'll just have to see how things pan out." "A new cycle in our lives?" "I hope so, " I said looking straight into his eyes, "I hope it's *our* life." "Of course it will be, Scully. I'm not gonna screw this one up for anything, no matter what the fates have planned for us." My hand rested upon his stomach. I felt a slight vibration beneath my fingers, and giggled. "I think the fates want us to eat." "Sounds like a plan..." "Nope, just the beginning of one." ***** Feedback is greatly, greatly appreciated!!! -Charlotte :-) pennamecharlotte@yahoo.com