Title: Finally Comprehending Rating:I guess an R to an NC17 Author:Caroline Spoilers:Everything is fair game up to season 8 finale. Disclaimer:If they were mine I would drive a better car, and they would have been doing the naked pretzel since the events of Redux II. Surfer boy and Fox own em, me, I’m just borrowing them so they stop having conversations in my head! Summary:Okay, I know Mulder went to the grave and back, but Scully has also been thru hell and I wanted him to show he understood what she went thru without him. Dedicated: To Clair, self appointed manager / promoter and friend. To Rae, the best sister ever, and to DD & GA, cause I simply love you both. There is a peace here, in this place, that I have never known before. For even though I know the fight is far from over, here and now, I am as happy and content as I could ever wish to be. She lies sleeping in my arms, she is more beautiful every day both inside and out, she is too perfect to be real, and yet she is. Next to her bed, strike that, our bed, in a simple bassinet, lies the miracle of new life. Our son, hers and mine, our love given form and presence, breathing softly. He looks so much like her, her eyes and colouring but I can already see myself too. His hands and feet are destined to replicate my own, and somehow, although at present his nose is but an adorable button like all babies, it too shall one day be a copy of mine, poor bugger. Here in this room, I have all I ever wanted, she has been my soul reason for being for so long, and she has now given me another reason to live, another purpose. I am a father, I grin like an idiot every time I think it, I am a father and Scully loves me, life gets no better than this. He will wake soon for another round of feeding, Scully is exhausted but happier and more vital than I have ever known her. She smiles easily now, and her eyes are alive again. When I came back, came too, for a moment they shone with love and hope, and then they dimmed again until Williams birth. I did that, me, and I hate that I was so cold to Scully, I didn’t want to hurt her, but I know I did. I felt so disconnected when I realised how much time had passed me by. Seeing Scully pregnant, really pregnant, knowing I had been buried in the cold ground and for how long, thinking of it now its hard to contain the shudder. I remember so little, and considering my eidetic memory, I am glad of that small mercy. I know it was irrational to be mad at her for going on without me. Its what I would have wanted for her, she had our baby to think of, I knew I was dying before I left, and yet, I was mad at her strength, living without her was never an option for me, I guess it just hurt to know I am so weak. Then there was the truth about our child to consider. I wanted to believe, as she did, that William was simply ours, a miracle, but for once I had to be the skeptic. Scully was too close, she wanted it too much, I had to keep my distance and my fears to myself, how could I burden her? Keeping her at arms length was killing me daily, despite my now clean bill of health. With every wounded look, every longing glance she thought she was hiding, I was dying alittle more. I ached through to my soul, all I wanted was to lose myself in her and our child and live out my dreams, but I had to know. So I held back, held it in, and tried to find the answers to the questions I had. I was also living in fear of being taken again, what if they found out Scully stopped the virus from doing to me what it did to Billy Miles, what if they tried again, she didn’t need to lose me twice, so until I was sure, or as sure as I could be, how could I fully come back to her, to where we were before, to this bed where I lie with her now, it felt impossible. Or maybe I am making excuses, maybe my weird reaction was simply because I just didn’t want to think she loved me less than I love her, for she functioned without me and everyone knows the reverse is’nt true. I ease her off my shoulder and roll her over gently, as happy as I am I cant sleep right now, old habits die hard. Besides she will be awake soon enough to feed Will, once that feed is over, I will come back to bed. I wander into Scully’s living room, I guess you could say that I live here too now. Scully had me move things over, even though things had not returned to normal between us. She said seeing as Kersh had 86’d my ass I might as well stay with her and help her get ready for the birth. I didn’t argue with her, if she wanted me around, I would be here, sweet torture though it was. I had been sleeping on her couch though, I was still holding myself back. Once the initial displacement I felt wore off, the fears remained and although there had been moments of levity, moments when it was like old times, there was a tension, a strain even in these moments, all of it my fault. And she hadn’t pushed me again, she waited, taking what I gave, waiting for me to give more. She didn’t speak of her ordeal again, I didn’t ask. Virtually all my clothes hang next to hers in the closet, my books are on her shelves and my computer is on her desk, hers now resides in the bedroom on a new table we purchased for it. Which reminds me, I have yet to ask Scully why, three months after she buried me, my apartment remained rented, furnished, and untouched. I know she cleaned it whilst I was recovering in the hospital, but why did I have a home to come back to.... it makes no sense?? There is still so much unspoken between us, tonight when I kissed her properly for the first time since my resurrection, I was not certain she would respond. After my recent behaviour, and despite the fact that I know she loves me, I could hardly expect a warm reception. But Scully never fails to surprise me, and the instant I felt her hand upon my arm, pulling me to her, I knew I was forgiven. We kissed softly and gently, reaffirming our love and yet the passion was there, contained but present. I know she will be unable to make love for several weeks yet, she still has to heal from the birth, but oh how I want her. We had stood there kissing for probably ten minutes, until a small sneeze and a wail had forced us apart, both of us smiling and looking down into that small innocent face. Once he had the undivided attention of both his parents, Will had ceased to cry and simply looked from one of us to the other. Scully had taken him back from me and fed him before placing his small sleeping form in the bassinet. Then she turned to me with her hand out. I crossed over to her and took her hand and let her lead me into the living room where she sat us both on her couch. "What is it Scully?" "Are you back Mulder, have you come back to me now" That she knew my kiss was my way of letting her know I was ready, letting her know I had what answers I needed, didn’t faze me, but the guilt was crushing. In trying to protect her, protect myself, I had hurt her, and I hated myself for it. "Scully I" "You don’t have to explain Mulder, all I need to know is whether you’re back, really back now?" "I want to explain, we need to talk about this Scully." "Answer the question Mulder." "I’m here Scully, I love you, I want to be with my family." She plants a soft kiss on my forehead and resting hers there she whispers, "We will talk about this Mulder, theres so much to understand, but not tonight okay, tonight, just come to bed and hold me." I did what she wanted, but now here I am wandering around the living room wondering if the TV will wake her. I decide not to run the risk of disturbing either of them and I am heading for the book shelf when I stub my toe on something. "Ouch, what the?" There is something sticking out from under the couch, a book or album, I bend to pull it from its place, wondering how it got under there in the first place. I open the red leather cover and see Scully scrawl covers the first page. Flipping through it appears to be a diary, I guess she hides it under the couch and I am not going to intrude, but replace it when I see the first line of the first page: ******************** I am writing this for you Mulder, until I find you, until I bring you home, until I can talk to you in person, I will talk to you here. ********************* Okay, now I am not sure whether its okay to read this or not, but I remember suddenly the conversation we had the day I left the hospital and returned to my apartment for the first time. "I’m not sure you’ll ever understand what it was like Mulder, first learning of your abduction, then searching for you, and finding you dead, and now to have you back. I prayed, I prayed alot, and my prayers were answered." I was so cold to her, I remember her voice breaking on my name, I should have held her, should of told her my fears, I didn’t. So I make the decision to read this diary, she wanted me to understand what she’d been through, she wanted to understand what I’d been through, maybe now it was time to try. I take the diary over to the desk and turn on the lamp so I can see properly, I sit down, and start to read. ********************** Fate plays cruel tricks Mulder, on the same day I learn I am pregnant, that I am carrying the child of the man I love, that man is taken from me, stolen. The best and the worst news simaltaneously, I laugh and I cry. Its been two days Mulder, two days and already your absense from my life is crushing me. God Mulder, I miss you so much, I have so much to tell you, we made a miracle Mulder, you are going to make me a mother, how I love you for that alone. And you will be a father Mulder, you’ll be a good one, I know you will. ********************** They assigned me a new partner Mulder, someone to help me ‘look’ for you. Bastards all of them, I don’t need his help, I can and I will find you, do you hear me Mulder? I can feel you Mulder, you know I’m looking for you, can you help me Mulder? Help me to find you, I can’t trust the FBI to help me, but I will use them, every resource they have, I’ll never give up Mulder, you can trust me to find you, I promise. ********************* Did I tell you I told Skinner about the baby? I knew we could trust him with the knowledge, he’s so devastated Mulder, he completely blames himself for losing you, now that hes seen things for himself, he’s behind us, 100%. I am out of leads Mulder, Agent Doggett, thats my new partner - you are my only partner in my heart - remember that-, he seems determined to find you too. I don’t trust him, but I want to Mulder, I’m sorry, but I want too, I’m so afraid. I’m so afraid I can’t do this by myself, I’m not you, I try to see this the way you would, but I can’t, I need your open mind. I need your brilliant intuitive leaps of non logic, I need you Mulder, I need you to help me find you! I miss you more every second of every day, I cry alot Mulder, I sleep in your bed. ******************** Why didn’t you tell me? Why Mulder, how could you not tell me what was going on. Damn it Mulder, do you know how it felt to hear it from a stranger, to see that headstone, your name on that godforsaken piece of stone. You humiliated me, how dare you, how dare you not let me in. When it was me who was sick, when I learned of my cancer, I told you immediately, I told you first, but you, you kept me in the dark. If you were here I would kick your sorry ass, I will kick your sorry ass, and when I find you, I will save you. This illness will not take you from me, do you hear me Mulder, we will beat it, if I have to wring a cure from that cigarette smoking son of a bitch with my bare hands. You think I don’t know what you were doing? You thought you were protecting me, you wanted to love me with no shadow cast over it, and you wanted to be sure I was ready to love you, without wondering if your illness played a part, in my decision to finally allow you into my heart. You’re an idiot Mulder, you have held my heart in the palm of your hand since the beginning and I never had the power to take it back, I love you. ************************ Agent Doggett saved my life, saved our babies life, he is an honorable man Mulder, I believe he is being manipulated in this situation, but he has his own integrity. I haven’t told him of the baby though, I fear it will be used against me and I will be removed from field status. I am not taking undue risks I promise you, but some risk is inevitable if I am to find you, I have to find you. I dream of you, of making love with you, my dreams are the only place I am happy, you are there. **************************** Mulder I long for you, I see you in my dreams, I hear you in my head, I feel you in my heart, but I long to touch you, I long to feel you touch me. We were friends so long Mulder, we were lovers for so short a time, but every second we spent loving each other physically is burned into my memory. In your bed at night, I feel surrounded by you, my memory is more acute there. I can lie still and remember the way your kisses swept me away on a tide of passion that no one but you could ever ignite in me. I have never known such joy as the feeling of your hands on my body, the thrill of you moving within me, of being joined to you, not knowing where I stop and you begin. I have never felt so alive as when we made love, do you remember how we cried for joy Mulder? How we laughed like children, how we felt so free at last, so young and innocent despite all we have been through. Will I ever feel that way again Mulder? Will I ever hold you, kiss you fuck you till you don’t know your own name? I know I will never stop looking for you, never, but will I find you, will I be in time? **************************** I am tired Mulder, I am afraid, I am so fucking afraid I am failing you. Never did you fail me, when it was my life on the line, you always came through. I have always managed to do the same in the past, but time is passing Mulder, and I am no further forward in my search. Can you forgive me if I fail, I will never forgive myself. Wherever you are Mulder, please hang on, I begged you once before to hold on, I am begging again Mulder, hang on. *************************** Agent Doggett knows, how is not important right now, I have fears about my pregnancy, but in my heart I feel the truth. This baby is yours Mulder, my faith is in the truth. *************************** This is not happening Mulder, this is not, can not, must not be happening, how can it be that I have lost you? I have failed you completely and utterly, living now, is the punishment of my crime. I am a ship adrift on an endless ocean, no light to guide me, no safe port. My heart and soul are lost to me, for you are both my heart and my soul. I am nothing but an empty shell. I feel so much pain, there is not a second of my existance that is’nt filled with pain. If it weren’t for our child, I would end this torture, I don’t know how to live through this pain, time cannot help me, I am lost. I close my eyes and time after time I see your broken and battered body, your perfect face scarred and cold. Hell is where I am Mulder, this is hell, someone stop the world, I want to get off now. I have to bury you tomorrow. I have not let them touch you, no autopsy, I won’t let you go through anymore, I will spare you this, I will try to be strong. Help me Mulder, help me get through this somehow, someway, for our child, all of you that is left to me. My only lifeline now, all that binds me to this world, a world I don’t want to stay in without you. Did you find the truth Mulder, it can’t have been worth this sacrifice, nothing is worth your life, do I go on Mulder? **************************** I struggled not to break down, not to let them see the depth of my dispair. Once they were gone, once it was only Skinner and I, I lost it. He was so kind Mulder, he said little but he held me whilst I cried, and he cried too. This experience has changed him, he is angry, I pity the next person who crosses him. He is walking a tightrope as I am, I fear he is ready to snap. I left you in the cold snow covered ground, I walked away, I held my head high. I will continue your work, I will do it for us both, I have to understand what you died for Mulder. If I am ever to have any peace, if I am ever to feel safe in this world again, for the sake of our son -its a boy- so that my failure isn’t absolute, I will go on, I promise. But I will never be whole again Mulder, I will never know love, I will never replace you, I will only be a shell of what I once was, I am not much without you. I will love you everyday I draw breath, I will keep you alive inside myself, I will miss you every moment, I will never let your son forget you, I swear it. **************************** It hurts to be here Mulder, it hurts all the time. **************************** You son is growing bigger, I can no longer hide his presense within me. No one asks who the father is, no one mentions your name, I think they call me ‘widow spooky’ now. I am so lonely without you, there are times I hate you for dying on me, mostly I hate myself for failing you, pray our son can forgive us both. ***************************** You haven’t left me in my dreams, don’t leave my dreams Mulder, never leave my dreams, do you hear me? I love you. ***************************** Its difficult Mulder, the pregnancy, the work, trying not to cry all the time, the hormones aren’t helping me there. I am trying so hard to get through this, and knowing that I will always feel this pain, its so hard. I keep you close every way I can. I work at your desk, I will not leave the X-files, I pay the rent on your apartment, and I will not give it up. I write the damn cheque knowing I should let it go, its just an apartment, but its my sanctuary, its saving me Mulder. I am not ready to give it up, I still need to go there, sleep there, I need to take our son there, share it with him once he is born. For some reason its important for him to go there, where he was concieved, breathe the same air you did, I need to be able to take him there Mulder, so I write the damn cheque, god I miss you. **************************** I go on maternity leave soon Mulder, I fear they may close the X-Files, and I have no way to stop it. Our child has only me to protect him, I want to return to our work, but that work is dangerous and he has already lost one parent. I am confused, I don’t know what is the right thing to do. I still need to know what you died for Mulder, I just don’t know if I can pursue the truth in the FBI anymore, maybe theres a better way, maybe you can help me find it in my dreams. I dream you make love to me every night, I think I have conditioned my brain to replay it over and over. Your kisses rain down on every part of my body, and when you settle that amazing mouth between my thighs I am so wet for you. You always look up at me with a smile at this point, I think you are pleased with yourself. You bring me to a shuddering climax that has me screaming your name, and you prolong it for me by never stopping the movements of your talented tongue and fingers. I beg you to fill me, and when you slide inside I come home, home to you. We are so perfect together, one dark, one light, one short the other tall, a believer, a skeptic, we are a balanced scale, a flawless union, the consumate team, we are only happy together. We come together faster and more urgent, not wanting to reach the end, not able to slow down, we are feral and wanton, we are in love. I always come again and I take you with me, falling as one into the pit of pleasure, and then I wake up. I love my dreams Mulder, because you visit me nightly, but that first moment when I wake, the loss of you, when it hits, the pain is indescribable, the mornings are my lowest point. I will go on Mulder, I’ll go on for the boy, but I pray it won’t always be this hard, even as I’m afraid it always will be. *************************** Oh Scully, I place the diary down on the desk and then I realise that my face is wet with tears. I have no idea at what point I started to cry, but the tears are flowing at an alarming rate. I feel something inside myself release, a shift in perspective. I do understand now Scully, I understand that what we have, the bond and the love we share, it is equal. It is as our partnership has always been, balanced, I do not feel more for you than you feel for me. You kept going for me, because of me, because our son required you too. I didn’t fully appreciate until this moment how great that fear was in me. The fear that I was too needy, that I loved you too much, that I would never be loved back in the same way. Its not that I didn’t know you loved me, I did, I knew you were the best and most loyal friend I had. I knew you liked me and respected me, I just believed I was undeserving, even as I wanted it, wanted it all. I didn’t give you much credit did I Scully, and I always thought I was the last person who would ever underestimate you. I have been so wrong, about so much in my life, I am happy though to be wrong about this. I will make it up to you Scully, I will do better, and I won’t doubt the depth of your love for me again, this above all else I swear to you. I will tell you all of this in the light of the morning Scully, I will explain myself. I have come to understand more about myself in reading your words to me. I am such a product of my past, more than even I had thought. It seems the lack of love I recieved in my past made me a true skeptic Scully. Isn’t it ironic that I have always been so eager to believe in all things except love, or rather that I was worthy of love. I trust you Scully, I always have, so if you found me worthy of love I should have trusted in that too. I guess I held back my trust in that one area, well I won’t anymore, I will be the believer I always professed to be. I will finally let go of the past and I will embrace the future. I hear you stirring in the bedroom, and I wipe the tears from my face with the backs of my hands, no need to alarm you. I stand and cross over to the couch to replace this diary underneath it. I will tell you I have read it, but I have some things to do first, and right now I have to kiss you or I will spontaneously combust. As you appear in the bedroom doorway I smile at you, and grab you around the waist so that I can pick you up. "Mulder " you laugh, "what are you doing?" "No talking, only kissing " and I silence us both by lowering my mouth over yours and taking what I want. I let you come up air and its a good job too, because a pitiful cry breaks the moment as Will makes his presense felt. "I’ll get him" I say and whilst you return to the bed to prepare to feed this hungry little chap, I pick up my squirming son and kiss him too. He is only a few days old, and yet the depth of the love I have developed for him already astonishes me. He has me wrapped around his tiny fingers, just like his beautiful mother. You Scully have taken to motherhood just like I always knew you would. Watching you breastfeed Will is something I could never get tired of doing, its just the most perfect picture. I am so proud of you, and I want to have ten kids with you, maybe as we had one, maybe more can happen. I am a greedy son of bitch, considering how many miracles I have already been granted. Once our William is settled again, we crawl back into bed and snuggle up contentedly. "I’m so happy Mulder, I never thought I would be happy again." "I know, you’ve been through so much Scully, for my part in it all, I want you to know I’m sorry, and I love you. I know that sounds lame, but I do understand now, I really think I can understand what it was like, for you I mean, all those months alone." Silence greets my statement, I feel you kiss my neck and then you sigh. "Mulder, you read it didn’t you?" So you know already, how do you know? "Yes, and I’m not sorry for that." "It was for you, so you could believe in how much I love you, and it was for me, an outlet to help me cope." I kiss the top of your head, which is resting where it so often does beneath my chin. "How did you know I read it?" "I just did, sometimes I can read you like a book Mulder" I smile widely at this. "Really, what kind of book am I Scully?" "You don’t fit into any category Mulder, you are totally unique." I think we are both still laughing as we fall asleep. ************************ It has been six weeks since Williams birth, the six most wonderful weeks of both our lives. I was as good as my word. Once I had read your diary, and finally comprehended the depth of your love, once I allowed it in completely, I talked to you. We sat together and I told you everything, everything I had felt and thought since I came back. I told you what I did remember, the flash backs to the torture, the tests. Feeling you close by, sometime near the beginning of my abduction, how I called out for you and then felt you moving away. How I had felt myself shutting down then, escaping to be with you in my mind, and then nothing. We talked for hours, I don’t think we have ever talked so freely in the last eight years. I hid nothing I had felt, nothing I felt now, and neither did you. You had moments of anger with me, I did not defend myself, you know my intentions were good, even when it hurt. We have reached a place now I had only dreamed of. Now that it is all shared, now that neither of us is hiding, we are free. We have made plans, plans for our future, plans to protect Will, and ourselves from what is coming. We will fight the future, colonisation, as human beings we have no choice in this. Would I chose to be ignorant of what I believe is coming, I have asked myself that question alot recently. I don’t think I would, I didn’t ask for the responsibility of this knowledge and I don’t welcome it, but I can’t shurk it either. You will return to work part-time we decided, but you won’t be out in the field. Agents Doggett and Reyes will run the X-Files, seems Kersh can’t close them whilst he himself is under investigation, shame that. Skinner is more determined than ever, and the Skinman on a mission is a sight to behold. Since he terminated ratboy he has reclaimed his zest for life, he is a formidable ally always, and boy is he invested now. As for me, well I don’t financially need to work, the legacy of my parents estates is huge and will provide for us easily. Being outside the Bureau is strangely freeing, I have access through Skinner and Doggett and you my love, to the FBI’s resources and I shall work from home. The Gunmen will be helping me and under the guise of ‘journalism’ I shall continue to investigate the paranormal, and the conspiracy. I am not alone in the fight, we are not alone in the fight. And together, we will endeavour to prevail, at the very least, we will ensure we survive. I can’t think about it all any more today though, for tonight, I hope to make love to you again for the first time since, well, since I left for Oregon almost a year ago, oh hell, has it really been that long? No wonder I can’t keep my thoughts on anything else for long, and you should be home any minute now, hurry up Scully will ya? It seems that God is willing to smile upon me again for I hear your key in the lock and as you breeze into the apartment I notice you have your mother in tow, guess I won’t be jumping on you just yet. "Hi Maggie, nice to see you" I cross the room and wrap your wonderful mother in a big hug, she is after all one of my favourite people. "Fox, you look wonderful, fatherhood is agreeing with you isn’t it?" "I have never been so happy in my life Maggie, my skin is the only thing keeping me from exploding with joy." I see you unstrapping our son from the confines of his car seat and I smile with your mother at you cooing at him. You turn to see us both grinning madly at you. "What?" "Nothing" we reply in unison and share a secret smirk, we are both loving every second of watching you blossom as a mother, something we wanted for you but never dreamed we would see. Your mother stays for dinner and afterwards you see her out whilst I put William down and start to clean up in the kitchen. I am bending to load the dishwasher when I feel you slide up against me and pinch me square on the butt. "Ow, Scully!" "Not sorry Mulder, stick that in the air for a girl to admire and you can’t blame anyone else for the consequences." "So what did the doc say?" One track mind Mulder has reared his head again, I am dying to know whether its okay to touch you the way I want too, so hurry up and put me out of my misery here Scully. "I believe his exact words were, ‘its okay for you to resume sexual relations now Dana, everything here looks great." Did I just whoop for joy like a teenager? Yep I think that was me, screw the kitchen, it can stay this way because I don’t think I can hold out another minute. I scoop you up in my arms and head for the living room, I place you on the couch and give you strick instructions not to go anywhere whilst I retrieve some things from our room. I come back with my arms full, pillows, the comforter, I drop it all onto the floor and proceed to lay it out, ostensibly making a bed in front of the couch. "Mulder we have a perfectly good bed in the other room." "We have a sleeping child in the other room, I am hoping not to disturb him." "I see, brilliant as always Mulder, now strip." I am smiling like an idiot at you Scully, I am so glad its not just me thats impatient, and I am so happy to oblige you. Within thirty seconds of your request I have lost all my clothes to the far side of the couch and I am watching your face as you rake your eyes over my naked form. I healed well from my ordeal, my scars remarkably disappearing and I don’t suppose I look much different than I did the last time we made love. You my beloved Scully are looking at me like I am a chocolate sundae and I am seriously loving it. Not that we haven’t seen each other in the buff since I came home, but I guess knowing that we couldn’t do anything about it kept us both from ‘really’ looking in a sexual way. Okay, okay, I guess it kept you from looking, me, well I have a one track mind. "Mulder you are, I swear, the most beautiful man I have ever seen." Smiling and blushing, I must look like a dork. When your eyes meet mine though, I see love, desire and complete sincerity in those blue depths, hell Scully, as long as you think that, I can feel myself harden just from you watching me with that look. You get up from the couch and the second your hand touches my chest a moan escapes my lips. You are pressing yourself up against me and with you still dressed and me naked as a Jay bird, the feeling is immensly erotic. Your hand reaches behind my head and tugs my mouth down, you Scully are putting me in a serious lip lock. I’m feeling light headed, my blood is pumping through my veins, my heart is hammering, our tongues are competing for control and I am sporting wood like I never remember. I want to devour you, I want you to absorb me completely, I am tearing at your clothes with very little control and you don’t appear to care that I think I just ripped all the buttons off your blouse. Once its gone I stop kissing you to admire the extra cleveage you are displaying because of Will. I always loved your breasts Scully, before they were full and pert, now, hell now no playboy playmate has anything on you. I must be gawking cause I hear you giggle. "It won’t last Mulder, don’t get too attached to them." "They will always be perfect Scully, to me at least, simply because they are yours." "Sap." "Fraid so when it comes to you. Lose the bra Scully." I am always amazed how women simply reach behind and undo those awkward clasps so easily in one fluid motion, its like poetry to watch. The bra joins the blouse and then you unzip your pants and lose them too. I pull you too me and lower my head to take one hard, puckered nipple in my mouth. I want to suck it hard but I know how tender you must be right now, so instead I lave it gently with my tongue and apply almost no pressure. "God Mulder,that feels so good." I don’t want the other breast to feel left out so I switch sides leaving my hand to continue kneeding gently. I trail open mouth wet kisses down your stomach to your navel. Its amazing how quickly your body has returned to normal, I stop and swirl my tongue in your belly button and my hand moves up your thigh to caress the juncture of your legs through the white cotton panties. The panties are soaking wet, I am thrilled by my discovery. "I can get that way just thinking about you Mulder" "Oh God Scully" I pull the material aside and slip my fingers through the silky soft dampness, I find your opening and plunge inside with my fingers, your tunnel is hot and wet and my cock is throbbing now it wants to be here so badly. I tug your panties down with my free hand, and you step out of them, now we are both naked, thank god. Removing my fingers I place them in my mouth to taste you, I have missed this, your taste in my mouth, and now I am starving for you. "I love to watch you do that, its so erotic Mulder." "I love the way you taste,now I just need more" I take your hand in mine and kneeling on the comforter I pull you down beside me and push you gently onto your back, nestling your head in the mound of pillows. I hook your legs over my shoulders and settle myself between them, I can smell your arousal and heaven must smell this way. As my tongue touches you, we are both groaning, I slip two fingers back inside and press them against the front wall, I suck your clit into my mouth and then lick at it firmly with the flat of my tongue again, you are bucking your hips against my face and chanting softly..... "more, god Mulder more, oh yeah, oh god, please Mulder, make me come, do it now, now Mulder, now, now" Well I want this to last so I bring you to the edge and ease you back, I repeat this over and over until you are begging me, pleading for your release. "Baby please, no more, I need to come, please baby, please now, " I never could resist you when you call me baby, and you know it. I suck your clit harshly into my mouth and you shatter at last. "MMMMMMMuuuuuuuuuLLLLLLLLLLddddddddEEEEErrrrrrrrr" And now I have to take you, right now. I pull myself up and over you and I thrust myself inside, I am not gentle at all and I will myself to be still and let you accomodate me. "Sorry Scully, couldn’t help myself, are you okay?" "Move Mulder, fuck you feel so good, better than my memories" Well I need no more encouragement, its been almost a year, almost a whole fucking year and finally I am back where I have always longed to be. Inside you, Dana Scully, the woman I love so fiercely, so passionately, with every single fibre of my being, I don’t think I could breathe without you now, I really don’t. I thrust as slowly as I can, my control is not good, but I need this to last, we’ve waited so long for this. I bite my lower lip, forcing myself to concentrate, I withdrawal almost all the way and plunge back to the hilt, over and over, speeding up and slowing down. I am watching your gorgeous face, red hair fanned out on the pillows, you are a fucking goddess, I am a lucky son of a bitch, the luckiest son of a bitch, I am pounding into you now, responding to your pleas. "Harder Mulder, faster, fuck me Mulder, don’t hold anything back, I want all your passion, all of it, I need all of it Mulder, I love you." I am braced up on my forearms, you wrap those toned legs around my waist and you completely undo me when you reach down to swipe your dainty fingers across your clit. "Have to come again Mulder, feeling you inside" You offer this explaination, I don’t care, watching you do that is making my balls hum, my orgasm is coiling at the base of my spine and as you scream my name again and convulse all around me its all over, and what I yell as I come does not surprise me. "Sculleeeeeeee. MARRY ME, oh fuck Sculleeeeee, MARRY ME, please MARRY ME!" I collapse on top of you, and I am crying I am so filled with joy. I bury my face in the crook of your neck, smelling your wonderful ‘Scully’ smell and the silk of your hair. "Sorry, must be crushing you" I mumble "Don’t you dare move, I love this feeling, your weight on me, stay baby." Call me baby, get whatever you desire, you know how this works. "Mulder, did you mean it?" Wondered how long it would take you to ask. "I was totally serious Scully." "You just picked that moment to ask?" "Never had very good timing." "Yes" "Really?" "Yes, a thousand times yes, and Mulder, I thought your timing was perfect." I raise up to look in your eyes, I see everything I feel for you reflected right back at me there, we are balanced as always. I kiss you softly, gently, and as pitiful newborn crying comes from the bedroom I smile broadly and thank my son for waiting until now. "I’ll get him Scully, you can clean up abit." I am heading for the bedroom when your voice stops me. "Mulder, sure you’re ready for full on domesticity, I mean marriage and fatherhood? What with everything else we still have to try and do" you trail off. The look on your face is priceless Scully, some part of you fears I am not ready even as I see how much you want it. I smile the biggest, happiest most goofy and delirious smile to ever grace my face, and as I turn back to go get Will, I tell you simply, "Bring it on." XFXFXFXFXFXFXFXFXFXFXFXFXFXFXFXFXFXFXFXFXFXFXFXFXFXFXF You can feed the author at: Peter_Caroline@hotmail.com