This is an X-rated parody, a counterpoise for all the NC-17 Mulder-Scully romances in this newsgroup. This story is EXTREMELY filthy and is not suitable for children or discerning readers. It is intended primarily to be playful rather than funny or erotic. The first scene is clean and should tell you enough about the story. All characters are property of Chris Carter, Ten Thirteen Productions, and the Fox Broadcasting Network. No copyright infringement is intended. Dream Lover =========== An X-rated parody with extremely crude, kinky sex passages. A diner 80 miles east of El Paso July 1, 1995 1:27pm "Sure you can fit that in your mouth?" Mulder balanced the huge fish sandwich in both his hands and smiled at his partner across the table. "Never underestimate me." He widened his mouth and took a bite. A gob of mayonnaise squirted out and hit him squarely in the eye. Scully let out a squeal of laughter. "Here. Use my napkin." She reached across to assist but he ducked and used his own. "I think I can manage by myself... I guess THEY know we're here." He was more careful with the rest of his meal and kept one eye, his good eye, on his lunch companion. She had ordered a salad and was teasing a cherry tomato mercilessly with a fork. He knew what she had in mind; they had worked together as investigators in the para- normal branch of the FBI for over two years and could sometimes finish each other's sentences. Finally, in exasperation, he pulled out a large map. It made a passable shield. "Mulder, what's up? I thought we agreed: you drive, I navigate." "I want you to finish those tomatoes." He heard his friend laugh, then pop the cherry tomato. Splotches of tomato juice formed on the back of the map and bled onto the other side. "Have you made your flight plans yet? I'm going to try to catch a morning flight to D.C. tomorrow." "Come on. Our leads aren't that bad." "They're horrible. All four witnesses we've interviewed have been unreliable. They're not even self-consistent. Their accounts sound more like dreams or fantasies... I'm looking forward to D.C for once. I know it's hot and sweltering there but at least it's not running over 102 in the shade." "I know. But even before we flew out here, we knew their statements had some holes. Let's just make this last trip to where Mr. Rector reported he was abducted. Then, we can call it a day and ring Skinner at the hotel." =========== He had to drive another thirty miles, the last three off the road, to reach the rock formations that Rector had described. The AC had stopped working and he was slick with sweat. Scully was panting, her damp blouse clinging to her, her cheeks flush with color. She looked good. "You look bad. Wanna rest up before we go trekking?" She shook her head. They hiked up the rocks, searched around and climbed back down after finding nothing for two hours. During the steeper portions, he had had to help her, pulling her up, holding her by the waist. The heat was making his mind wander. She's your partner and strictly off limits. "What's that?" Oops. Was he thinking out loud? "Let's look around down here again." He saw that she wasn't listening. She had wandered over to a metallic object, and when she stooped over it, he saw the world turn black. ============== When he came to, Mulder found himself in a small white room with no apparent exit. He was naked. He felt cool and clean. Where was he? A noise turned him around and he confronted an image of himself sitting naked on a bed with his side turned to the camera. The Mulder in the picture had an expression of ... agony? Then he saw the explanation. He saw a head of red hair peek out from between his legs. He thought he recognized Dana but the woman's hair was loose and tousled and obscured her face. He couldn't be sure. The woman smiled at the man in the picture, kissed him playfully *there*, and took him in her mouth. Her head bobbed up and down but her eyes never lost contact with his. Was it Scully? Was that him? Did that actually happen? He couldn't believe it, he had no recollection. THEY could have affected his memory, but just as likely, they could have manufactured the image. Were they trying to torment him? She was his partner and strictly off-limits. He had to keep convincing himself of that. The man pulled the woman to her feet and planted urgent kisses on her lips. They tussled briefly on the bed. He rolled to his side behind her and she brushed the hair from her face to kiss him. It was Scully. He felt his penis engorge with blood and he reached down to massage himself. He felt embarassed spying on the intimacies of the couple and becoming aroused by them. But that couple was he and Scully. Was he being shown what might have been? That could have been, should have been him with Scully. Or did he forget what already was? ============== Mulder kissed the soft downy hair at Scully's nape and cupped her breasts in his hands. He stopped nuzzling one earlobe to whisper something. Then he pointed at the camera. They both smiled at the camera. Then Mulder noticed that the wall of the white room part at the center. He had not been looking at a monitor but through a window, now gone. "Scully!" He approached, swinging and frantic. "Scully, we've got to get out of here!" She said nothing. She touched herself there in invitation. "That's NOT me... He's NOT human... He's an ALIEN!" She looked dreamily at him, then at the Mulder behind her. "Sure feels good though." Then he noticed that Mulder was inside her, possessing her anally. He was pumping away, stretching her rectum like taffy. He could talk and scream but she was HIS. And she could be his too. He sat in front of her. He trembled. She moaned and patted his knee. He wanted to say something, to open the floodgates of his soul, but the words did not come out. He sat there silent, nursing his erection, while dammit the other Mulder was getting all the glory. He was noisily squi-squi-squishing away at Scully's sphincter. He was not sure whom he was more jealous of - the other Mulder for having Scully or Scully for having the alien. Mulder looked helplessly into her eyes. She said one word. "Believe." That did it for him. Resistance was futile. He lay down beside her and pulled one of her legs across him. She guided him into her. He felt her hands grab his buttocks and pull him into her to modulate his thrusts in rhythm with the other fellow. She was warm and vital and responsive. They were in communion together, sharing a private moment of love, well, private except for that other guy. Then he realized that the hands kneading his bottom were not hers but his. He recoiled in horror and slapped the hands away. He flashed disgust at the other Mulder's smirk. Mulder spoke: "Change sides?" Scully twisted around and proffered herself to him first. He entered her and pushed in until his entire length disappeared inside her. "Be easy on her, sport. She's tender back there." The other guy pulled out a condom. It made a good anti-bacterial shield. He waited until Mulder was inside and they pumped in synchronicity, first in a seesaw motion, then in concert. He felt her tense and relax to their rhythm. Finally, Scully touched his thigh, her signal that she had had enough back there. Mulder retreated to a corner of the bed and watched Mulder roll atop her, his buttocks raised high in the air. "Don't be shy, kiddo. Have at me." "Mulder, try it." Scully tugged and spread the other Mulder's cheeks. The offer was too good to refuse. At first, he wanted to punish Mulder's orifice, to pound ruthlessly into the alien for making love to Scully, but he could not. This was the alien contact that he had hoped for these many years. Actually, he had had something else in mind but this wasn't bad. This was his first time popping a pomegranate. And it was good. Finally they stopped and parted. "It's your turn, Mulder." "What?" "It's your turn to be the center of attention." "I definitely do not want to. I have future plans for my bottom, and I don't want it ruined." "I know. I'll be gentle. YOU know that I will." "Look, it's embarassing. I'll never be able to live it down. Straight guys on Earth do not allow that stuff. It's disgusting. Scully, tell him." "Open yourself to new experiences. Don't let Earth conventions bind you now. Especially here. Don't disappoint me," said Scully. "Or yourself." "Let her be your guide in the ways of love. Open your heart. And your anus." "If this ever gets out ..." Mulder got on all fours. Mulder went behind him, reached around, and began kissing him. "Get on with it. Damn it." He let Mulder touch him at the exit, him still slick with Scully. Then he felt the pain electrify him as he widened to take him to the hilt. He thought he would never be able to pucker again. But the pain soon subsided, and he began lolling with a pleasurable full sensation. Scully slid under him and they kissed before he stuffed himself inside her. He let Mulder be the pace maker and allowed the waves of pleasure to overtake him, drawing him to the inevitable conclusion. At the moment of his eruption, he felt Mulder withdraw from him, the motion intensifying his climax. Scully held him like a warm glove, her contractions milking his man-lotion. And he saw Mulder coming, splattering his face, hitting him squarely on his right eye. Scully collapsed, panting, sweating, her cheeks rosy. He cradled her in his arms. The other Mulder looked restive, he whispered "I made this" in a falsetto voice and then departed. ============== When Scully awoke, she found Mulder kneeling by her. They were in the shade made by several boulders. Mulder picked up a shard of mirror and flung it into the far rocks. "Mulder, what - what did you make of him? It?" "What? You've been hallucinating. You were muttering incoherently while you were out." She looked quizzically at him. Why was he lying? It could not have been a dream. Her body could not mistake the memory of him. "We don't need to include it in our report. It doesn't have to affect our professional relationship." Mulder shook his head. "I don't know what you're talking about. You've been suffering from heat stroke. You're running a fever. There's nothing here. And I'm getting hungy. Ready to go?" "Mulder? It seemed so real. It can't be a dream." She tried to look into his eyes. He glanced at his watch. "Let's go. Tell it to me over dinner at the hotel." He got up and walked to the car. She followed him with her eyes and smiled. Mulder was walking funny. TRUST NO ONE. The End.