From: Trixie . Subject: xfc: NEW: "Had I Only Known" (1 of 1) by Trixie Date: Tuesday, November 30, 1999 5:30 AM From: "Trixie ." Title: Had I Only Known Author: Trixie Email: scullymulder1121@hotmail.com Archive: Anywhere you like. Feedback would be groovy. Rating: NC-17 Classification: MSR SMUT Spoilers: Millennium reference to Amor Fati. Summary: Well, the rest of the header should give that to you . . . Notes: I swore I would not write a post-Millennium smut confection, as I figured EVERYONE would be doing it. However, damn Narida all to hell for sparking this. I'm eternally grateful. Thanks: To Brandon & Narida, for defining the term "quick beta." Disclaimer: Suck it, Surfer Boy. (Cause I just don't care anymore.) ~ You in my arms breathless and sure a barefoot ballet on a bare hardwood floor so much in sync it seems that we barely move no one has touched me like you ~ So that's what we've been waiting for. I really wish someone had clued me in sooner. It would have eased some of my worries and my doubts had I known we were just waiting for the right moment. I certainly would have been anticipating the new Millennium with less dread, and more excitement. Certainly, if I had known that just a few seconds after that ball dropped in Time's Square Mulder would press his lips to mine, I would have prepared something better to say than to inanely agree with his astute observation that "the world didn't end." End of the world prophecies notwithstanding, it wasn't a bad New Year's Eve, all in all. We saw a loving father reunited with his daughter. We got to catch the tale end of Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin' Eve. And at midnight, I even got to get my kiss from the man I love. It wasn't fireworks and electricity, but it was =so= good. It was soft, and warm, and reverent. It squeezed my heart and brought a smile to my face that made me want to smile more. It felt good to kiss him. It felt good to know that maybe, just maybe, I have the right to kiss him again, if I want to. If he wants to. If we want to. There was a moment of disappointment we both felt, but I didn't realize it until later, as I drove him home. At the time, after our lips parted, I kept waiting for him to do something: kiss me again, make an innuendo, =something=. Instead, he commented that the world didn't end, and, as I mentioned, I agreed inanely, and that was it. Moment over. It wasn't until I really started to think about it that I considered, maybe he was waiting for me to do something, too. He =had= been the one to take the first step, after all, to kiss me at midnight. Maybe he'd thought it was a "ball's in your court, Scully" moment, and when I failed to make my shot, he thought his was a foul ball. Later, the analogy made me shudder and I promised myself I'd lay off the sports metaphors. So there we were, in my car, driving toward his building. He couldn't drive himself, of course, what with his badly mangled arm. When we arrived at his building, he just sat there, making no move to leave the car. I looked at him, about to question his reluctance, when it hit me. It's your shot, Dana. The look in his eyes, when he turned his head toward me, confirmed it. Without a word spoken between us, I put my foot on the pedal and began driving us to my apartment. I don't know why we went to my apartment instead of simply getting out at his. Maybe it's because it seemed like a more definitive gesture this way. Damn the torpedoes, or some such nonsense. Whatever it was, I felt something primal building inside me. I wanted him in my bed. The place where I'd slept and dreamed for the last nine years, before I'd met him and after. I wanted him there, and on this, the first day of the new Millennium, I was going to have him. Had I only known he would follow me so closely, his breath hot on my neck all the way to my door, I would have taken my keys out before we started climbing the stairs. Instead, I found myself fumbling in my purse while his uninjured arm slung loosely around my waist. His lips were inches from the back of my neck, and I'm utterly amazed I managed to insert slot A into tab B. Not wanting him to further injure his poor arm, I led him to my bedroom and wondered if perhaps his lips were suspended by some kind of tractor beam half an inch from my skin. I sat him gently on the bed and helped him off with his sling, then his t-shirt. I pressed a kiss against his shoulder, wanting to erase the pain. By accident, my tongue swiped at his skin and I tasted pure, heady Mulder. We both groaned, I think, but I've ruled it an unimportant detail, given the expanse of skin I had before me. Slowly, I worked my way down, paying special attention to each delectable inch of his flesh. When I reached his belt, some mischievous energy took over my body. For effect, I took his belt between my teeth and tugged. I think he whimpered, and I definitely felt his erection grow against my chin. I would never grow tired of teasing him, but I needed more of him to tease. Almost reluctantly, I brought my hands to his belt, deftly undid it, the top button of his pants, then his fly, and pulled the material past his hips, down his legs, and sent them soaring toward the arm chair in the corner. His shoes and socks soon followed, and I found myself momentarily distracted by his feet. He has big feet, and the thought made me grin, remembering how women were wont to giggle over such things. As much as I love his feet, I do love other parts of him more, and there would be time to indulge odd fetishes later. At the moment, I wanted to even up the score between us a little. In his eyes, I saw that he wanted to undress me himself. I made him a promise, so like the other silent promises we've made over our life together, that he would get the chance. Though it wouldn't come for quite a few hours. I intended to have us naked for no less than the next twenty-four hours. If I do say so myself, I think I did a pretty good impromptu striptease. I shimmied and I peeled, I teased and I turned. I wiggled my hips, which got a chuckle and a groan from him. I let material slide and cling in all the right places, until I finally stood before him in nothing but my bra and panties. Had I only known we'd end up like this tonight, I would have worn something more provocative than the white cotton underwear, and not quite matching bra. His eyes, however, did not register disappointment as they raked over my body, a visual caress I felt in every part of my body. I moved to unclasp my bra, shy smile beginning to slip from my face, when the look he sent my way gave me pause. It beckoned me toward him. It asked, it ordered, it pleaded, it demanded. How could I refuse? I moved toward him, and he placed his hand over my belly. Slowly, he slid it up my ribs, until it rested over my sternum. His touch was nearly asexual, yet it burned. His eyes were focused somewhere just below my breasts, and it almost startled me when he easily undid the front clasp of my bra. Mulder is not, by a long shot, my first lover. But I can say with all honesty that I have never been looked at or touched the way I was by him; am by him. One by one, he peeled the cups of the bra back away from my skin. His fingers grazed and brushed and feathered. When I looked at his face, I saw the pained amusement there: If only he had both hands . . . Hand leaving my upper torso, his arm slid around my back until it rested just above the curve of my ass. He pulled until my knees brushed the bed, my body between his legs. Sliding further down the bed, his stomach touched my upper thighs and his head was level with my breasts. He nuzzled between them for a moment, before brushing his nose down my stomach, inhaling, and occasionally darting his tongue out to taste. Still, his touch was not overtly sexual. Yes, I could feel his want; his need. But it was beneath the surface. Uppermost was his curiosity. He wanted to learn everything about me, I thought, and it was infinitely arousing to be at the center of his focus. His tongue learned the texture and taste of my skin, as his hand slipped beneath my underwear to test the firmness of my ass. I think I might have moaned that time, but again, I deemed it utterly inconsequential given the sinful things he was doing to the undersides of my breasts at that moment in time. As much as I love his tongue - and believe me, I =love= his tongue - his teeth are also close to my heart. He nibbles in a way that's not at all painful, near ticklish, and so arousing I started twitching and bouncing slightly up and down. My toes dug into the carpet and I reached both my hands out to his hair, threading my fingers through it, just to touch him, because I could. Talented lips, teeth and tongue moved up to the tip of my breast, lavishing attention on the nipple. I began biting my lower lip to keep from whimpering, then stopped myself. He let me hear him whimper. It was okay. If anything, once I started letting all my little sounds out, he became more aggressive. Before, he had been gentle; reverent in his touch. Gentle fled and while there was a degree of reverence left, mostly, there was just hunger. He feasted on my breasts, biting, lapping, and laving over every inch of flesh his mouth could reach. He suckled like an extremely hungry infant, and I cradled my palm against his hollowed cheek, wave upon wave of tenderness, love and arousal swirling and merging inside my very being. Finally sated, for the moment, his mouth moved on, trailing down my stomach, lips open and searching until he reached my underwear. His teeth closed around the band, but he was not merely teasing me. Using the only hand he had in tandem with his teeth, he slowly began to slide my panties down my hips, inch by inch. Over my back, his hand stroked and caressed and squeezed. Over my front, his mouth kissed and sucked and licked each new inch of my body revealed to him. His nose brushed over my pubic hair and a shudder went through my entire body. I felt him smile against me, and the sheer thought of where I was feeling =Mulder= smile against me set off another shudder. Tiring of the tease and my obvious arousal, Mulder quickly rid me of my now soaking wet underwear, and it landed at my feet. I stepped out of the garment and kicked it away. I felt his cock twitch just above my kneecap, and I rubbed my leg against him lightly. Sucking in a huge gulp of air, he began hungrily moving his mouth over my hips and thighs. He was back to teasing, I guessed, but wasn't bothered by it at the moment. His mouth felt wonderful wherever he wanted to apply it. Despite the fact that I currently wanted it in a very =specific= place, I was enjoying the hell out of the journey he was taking to get there. It was wonderful to discover that my body was one big erogenous zone when it came to this man. Part of me had hoped it would be like this between us, but the practical side of my personality had rejected the notion out of hand. That kind of sex didn't really exist, I would lecture myself. I took great satisfaction out of two things simultaneously: Mulder's tongue slid between my folds and began to lap up the nearly embarrassing amount of wetness he found there, and I finally got to tell my practical side to fuck off. I spread my legs as far as I possibly could without falling over. God he was good at this. So very, very good. The lone hand he could use was still firmly attached to my ass, tilting my hips this way and that until he found whatever angle he was searching for. He would spend an inordinate amount of time there, and just when I'd gotten used to it, he'd tilt again and hunt for a new one. Before, I'd found the term "being eaten out" rather crude. Not to mention the fact that the experiences I'd had with oral sex had in no way lived up to the imagery the phrase conjured up. I can now say, however, that I have been thoroughly, lovingly and hungrily eaten out. Long before orgasm, I started seeing fucking stars. My vision was blurring and I had to shut my eyes to keep from falling over. The grip I had on his hair tightened, as did his hand on my ass as we both renewed our efforts to keep me on my feet. As before, his teeth couldn't stay out of the act for long, and he seemed to double his focus on my clit. Just when I thought I was going to go insane with his frenzied, hungry caresses, he slowed almost completely. I whimpered again, in disbelief and frustration, then yet again in utter bliss as his intent became clear. His tongue flattened over me and he began to slide it through my folds, and around my clit, again and again, as lazily as he might lick an ice cream cone. My mind conjured up a mental image of Mulder slowly licking an ice cream cone, some of it dribbling down his chin, being the one to lick him clean again . . . That, coupled with the amazing things he was doing to me, sent me over the edge. I might have screamed. I cannot be sure, as I think I momentarily left my body, then begged to get back in when I saw how much fun it was having. He stayed with me the whole way, gentling his caresses, helping me ride it out, then sliding his nose oh-so-slowly back up to my belly as I half collapsed against him. He hugged me to him tightly and my nose found its way into his hair as I took big, heaping gulps of air into my lungs. Resting his cheek against my belly, he began to trace the backs of his knuckles over the curve of my ass, the backs of my thighs, using me like the touchstone he professes to believe that I am. He has never been more right than he was the day he admitted that. Once I caught my breath, my face slid over his hair, my lips brushing his cheek, his jaw, and the side of his neck as I dropped to my knees before him. I was tired of teasing, of patience, and I made a mental promise to myself to spend as much time on his body as he did on mine. Later. Because right then, I needed to feel him in my mouth. Savagely, I yanked his boxers down his hips, they being the only barrier keeping me from his cock. I wasn't even thinking about his injured arm anymore. I just wanted to taste him, to feel him, to give him something approaching the pleasure he'd just bestowed upon me. I gripped him in my hand gently, running my fingertips over each individual vein. He was hot and wonderfully hard in my hand. Bowing my head, I darted my tongue out to lick away the moisture on the very head of his cock. I made an appreciative noise in the back of my throat and watched him twitch. I decided to start at the top, and work my way down, since that's where I seemed to be at the moment. I slid my mouth over the head of his cock, and very gently applied suction. Once I'd moved down another inch, I got my tongue involved and began swirling it around him as I moved lower. As slow as I could, I continued until my nose brushed his pubic hair and I could smell nothing but him. =This= was a great feeling. My hands had, until then, been idle, resting atop his thighs. I determined they could be put to better use, however, and brought one of them around to cup his balls as I moved my mouth all the way back up his length, until just the tip remained in my mouth, then sunk back down, fast. Tiny little whimpers escaped his lips. I sealed my mouth around him, my cheeks hollowing with the effort I expended as I began to bob up and down on his cock. His hand sunk into my hair, tangled in it, and I watched the one he wasn't allowed to move twitch helplessly at his side, desperately wanting to touch, as well. The hand that wasn't occupied with his balls slid from his thigh, to the bed, until I gently covered his nervous one with my own. I heard him sigh with relief, then moan as I very gently grazed his cock with my teeth on the upstroke. That, however, seemed to be a last straw of sorts for him, because he used strength I hadn't thought him capable of at this point to pull my head up. He left my mouth with slight "pop" and I found myself looking into his wild, passionate eyes. I questioned him, a little irritated. I was getting into that, damn it. I wanted to taste him, to feel him come in my mouth, to make him =scream= . . . "I want to be inside you, Scully. I =need= to be inside you when I come." Or we could do that. I was perfectly flexible. With some difficulty, I swallowed and stood. I pushed on his good shoulder until he fell onto my bed. My bed. Mulder was naked, aroused and hungry for =me= in =my= bed. He slid up the bed until his legs no longer hung over the edge. I straddled him and impaled myself on his cock in faster succession than either of us thought possible. This time, I'm sure we both let out something close to a keening cry of completion. Were it not for my mind-blowing orgasm of a few minutes before, he would have hurt me, especially as quick as I forced him in. As it was, however, the invasion was nothing but pleasurable. Intense, but pleasurable and we both stilled, basking in the sensations overtaking our bodies. It was so good, so real, so right that I felt tears forming. I blinked them away. We could cry in the afterglow, damn it. Right now, I just wanted to fuck him and make love to him. I wasn't sure how we could manage to do both at once, but it was Mulder and me, so anything was possible. I'm still not sure who moved first. Maybe we moved together, in sync, as always. It was a rolling motion at first, slow and gentle, his good hand on my hip, one of mine balancing myself on his chest, the other half holding, half restraining the hand he wasn't allowed to move. His thumb was stroking the tip of my hipbone and I wondered if perhaps he'd discovered a new erogenous zone. Without prompts or cues from one another, we began to pick up the pace. I leaned over his chest, flattening my breasts against him, my thighs tightening around his hips as I felt him losing control. The new position brought my clit in contact with his pubic bone every time we moved and I let out hoarse cry at the pleasure. Beads of sweat were breaking out over his forehead and I brushed his hair away with the hand not restraining his injured arm. He was trying so hard for me. He didn't realize that pleasure was not the sole reason I've wanted him inside me for years. Yes, it was a wonderful bonus, but it was the closeness I craved. I wanted to =feel= him =inside= me. I wanted to feel what it was like to be whole and complete for once. And it worked. It worked just like I knew it would. Two halves of the same whole, strong separately, but unstoppable together. I think that maybe that's the real reason he wanted to be inside me so badly. Our eyes focused intently on one another, I moved my face closer to his and brushed our lips together. Practically panting, our lips barely able to make contact, it was then that I realized this was our first kiss since the one that started it all at midnight. The same realization must have dawned on him, too, because that was the moment he lost it. My name became his mantra as he came, rather violently, if I'm any judge. And, given my position at the time, I'd say I certainly was. Another neat bonus was the second orgasm I hadn't been expecting. I kept looking into his eyes, watching the pleasure wash over his face, and it was the single most erotic sight I'd ever seen in my entire life. True, the sensations happening in my lower body helped, but it was the sight of my Mulder, in the throws of ecstasy, that did it for me. I collapsed on top of him and oh he was so warm and comfortable and =Mulder= that I never wanted to move again. Unfortunately, that was not to be, as I could feel my weight was too heavy on his injured arm. With much regret, I lifted myself off of him and ignored both our groans of disappointment. Settling myself to his side, I rested my head on his healthy shoulder and pressed my lips to every patch of skin near me. Had I only known Mulder and I would spend New Year's like this, I would have made sure there was butter pecan =and= rocky road ice cream in the refrigerator for the late morning snack we'd drag ourselves out of bed for. Naked, I assured myself. We were going to be naked for the next twenty-four hours. At least. "That was the best New Year's ever," Mulder declared after a few moments of heavy breathing. I grinned, and snuggled closer. "Yes, it was," I agreed inanely. END --------------------------- ONElist Sponsor ---------------------------- GRAB THE GATOR! FREE SOFTWARE DOES ALL THE TYPING FOR YOU! Tired of filling out forms and remembering passwords? 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