Title: Realization
Author: Angel
Email: JumperChick@aol.com
Rating: NC-17
Spoilers: Ice
Disclaimer: If I owned them do you honestly think all 
this 8th and 9th season crap would be happening? 
That's right, CC, Fox, and 1013 still own these 
characters, I'm just playing with them. 
Summery:  Shell told me to write post Ice smut... so I 
did =).
Archive: Knock yourself out.
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I glance over at Mulder. He's been so quiet during 
this whole plane ride; staring, unseeing down the 
aisle way of the cabin, his fingering drumming to 
some silent tune on the armrest, his face is set in the 
way I have come to know as deep thought. He looks 
calm and relaxed to any bystander. But not to me. I 
know something is bothering him. 

Without realizing it I sigh as I turn to look back out 
the airplane window, loud enough to shake Mulder 
out of his private universe and glance over at me for a 
moment. 

I pretend not to notice. Just like he pretended not to 
notice me watching him, I know he saw me. How 
could he not? I have been looking at him off and on 
for the first two hours of this journey. 

I think we are both purposely ignoring each other. 
Barely five words have been spoken since we left that 
frozen hell. I hate what the place did to me, to us. It 
was so cold, dead. Impossible to stay upbeat or even 
relaxed there. We're lucky we stayed alive, not to 
mention sane.

 That man, Bear, he started it all. He gave me the 
creeps to be honest. Maybe he had spent too much 
time in that type of place. He became what it was; 
bitter, cold, and solitary. 

I'm afraid if I keep going to places like that it will 
happen to me, and to Mulder. 

It already has slightly. Look at us? Usually we spend 
the plane trip home working on the final notes, 
talking about the people we met, sharing magazine 
articles, usually we are looking at each other. 

But not this time. Mulder has been distant from me 
ever since we were told they burned that horrible 
building down. Part of me is glad that place is gone. 
But more of me is just petrified that that. thing will 
some how come back. Some how get into the city. 
Not that there would be much of a difference from 
how downtown is now. Fighting and killing and lying 
and stealing. But the fact that it would be caused by 
something other then the people themselves. that 
some foreign life form will be the cause of it. it's 
petrifying. I wouldn't have believed it if I didn't see 
it for myself. 

All these things that he has shown me are new, 
unexplained, and confusing. I hate questioning 
myself, what I have been taught. But there is no way 
around it lately. I think the only thing that has kept 
me from going insane is Mulder. Even when he can't 
explain what he is seeing, he excepts it, studies it, and 
draws a conclusion of his own. Me. I just sit there, 
slack jawed, trying to remember a textbook or lecture 
I heard that can explain it logically. 

The only thing that keeps me going at times like this 
is to think of the difference, even if it is slight, that 
people like Mulder and I make. But it seems we are 
fighting a forest fire with one drop of water at a time. 
We just can't keep up. It's impossible. 

That is a frightening realization.

I jump slightly as I feel Mulder's hand on my 
shoulder, pushing me forward in my seat. The only 
sound as he moves with the whisper of the fine wool 
of Mulder's suit jacket against not so fine 
polyester/nylon blend the airplane seat. 

"You are shivering." 

I am?

"Thank you." I am at a loss of what else to say. 

Mulder gives me a slight nod and an even slighter 
smile before turning back to face the front, his hand 
skimming the back of my neck lightly as he 
withdraws. 

His touch causes my body to react sharply, like it did 
while he examined my neck back in that hellhole. 
What should have been frightening was erotic. His 
warm slightly rough hands smoothing over the tender 
skin of my neck and shoulders. Causing my breathing 
to turn short and forced. My belly tightens and my 
blood rushes through my body. 

I should not react this way. He is my partner. But 
there is no way to stop it. I've tried repeatedly during 
the short time we have been working together. Things 
have been so intense, our emotions are so raw. I can 
only hope that these feeling will dissipate as our 
partnership evolves. We are just too new to each 
other right now. Close proximity to this attractive 
man who is still somewhat a mystery to me must be 
what's causing my reaction, this sexual tension 
between us. 

I sigh again, this time Mulder doesn't look at me, this 
time it's in contentment as the gentle aroma of his 
cologne drifts from his jacket over my shoulders. I 
lean back in my seat and go back to staring out the 
window, trying not to think. 


****
Home. 

Ever since I started working with the FBI I have 
developed a newfound appreciation for my home. I 
think just because it is familiar. Although I am no 
longer completely certain there won't be a monster 
hiding in the shadows, or a mysterious disease in my 
freezer, I know what I do have and where it is. And 
it's all mine.

I am now wrapped up in my bathrobe after taking a 
long hot bath in my tub with my lavender oil in front 
of my fireplace on my couch. 

I just wish I could get my thoughts out of my head at 
times. 

I left Mulder in the airport long-term parking lot. We 
split up to go to our cars with simple exchanges. 

"Get some sleep tonight, Mulder." I said as I handed 
his coat back to him. 

He had given me his half smile and a short laugh. 
"I'll try."

I gave him an understanding nod and walked off to 
my car. I didn't feel like I would be getting any sleep 
tonight, I still don't. The case is just too fresh. The 
feelings are still at the surface. I came so close to not 
trusting Mulder, to betraying him. I locked him up, 
alone and I'm sure scared, in that chamber. He said I 
would be safer in with him. God how I wanted to 
lock myself in there and wish myself home. To be 
away from the confusion of that place, that situation. 

But I realize now that the point I started to question 
Mulder was the point I started to question myself. I 
don't want to do that anymore, I shouldn't. 

The soft knocking at my door tears me from my self-
analysis. 

I'll admit I am surprised when I look through my 
peephole, but I open my door and welcome Mulder 
into my home as I always do. 

He doesn't say anything, doesn't even look at me. He 
just walks by and sits down on the couch, his elbows 
resting on his knees and stares at the floor like he 
stared down the cabin of the plane earlier today; in a 
calm thoughtful silence. 

Sitting down next to him I cross my legs, suddenly 
aware that I am only wearing my short terry robe. 

After many minutes of silence, sitting by each other 
with only a few inches of still air separating our 
bodies, Mulder turns and looks at me with an intense 
gaze. "Are you all right, Scully?"

His question catches me off guard, I'm sure it shows. 
I'm not sure what I expected him to say but I didn't 
think it would be that. "Yes." I clear my throat as it 
sounds thick and forced. "Yes, I am. Are you?"

Mulder dismisses my question with a jerky nod of his 
head. "I mean. Are you ok after this case?"

My jaw works for a moment as I try to find 
something logical to say. "I think so, yeah." That's 
not what I wanted to say. I wished I sounded more 
sure about myself, I wish I was more sure about 
myself. 

"Hmm." He says softly, rubbing a hand against his 
chin, dark with the day's growth of beard. "I don't 
think you are. I don't think we are." 

His stress of the word `we' stops my defensive 
protests in my throat. 

I look over at him and meet his eyes. Mulder is 
confused, even a little hurt. "How did that happen?"

Shaking my head in confusion I wait for him to 
elaborate on his question. 

"When did we lost each other in there, Scully? 
Whatever this thing is-this connection and 
understanding, that we've managed to build. We lost 
that.and it scares me that it happened." Quickly I 
look down at my hands, twisting the tie of my robe 
between my fists. I start slightly as one of Mulder's 
large hands close over both of mine. "I don't want 
that to happen again Scully. We are far too important 
to each other, to our work, to question us. If we are 
going to be partners, we can't ever do that."

I nod, but I can't look at him. 

"I spent a long time trying to understand why you 
didn't believe me. Then I spent a long time trying to 
figure out what made me suddenly wanted to check 
you for infestation, when I knew you were yourself. I 
trust you. Why did I question that?"

This time I shake my head. My voice seems to have 
left me. 

"Why did you question me?"

I glance up and hold Mulder's eyes for a spilt second, 
I can't for any longer then that. "When we walked 
into the compound Mulder..the smell of death in the 
air." I shake my head in self confusion. "My mind 
just started to race. Seeing those people who had 
obviously taken their own lives. Who had fought 
against each other so violently. I didn't know how to 
handle it." Suddenly I realize I am still shaking my 
head, but I can't seem to stop it. "Then Bear died. 
Then you found Murphy's body.and it just went to 
hell from there on. I didn't trust myself in that place, 
Mulder." 

I look up at the sensation of Mulder watching me. His 
eyes are thoughtful. 

"You stayed so calm throughout the case. I was a 
mess."

"No-"

"I was." Rudely interrupting him. "Everyone 
suspected me of infection first. My head was 
swimming and it was obvious."

Mulder is silent for a moment. "We all were tired and 
stressed out. You weren't reacting to the situation any 
differently then anyone else."

"I was scared too." I admit softly, part of me hoping 
he wouldn't be able to hear me. 

He sits back against the couch heavily. "I'm sorry."

Turning sharply I look at him in confusion. 

"We should have stayed together Scully. That night, 
when you went into your own room, all I wanted to 
do was go knock on your door and be sure you were 
ok. We do better together then on our own. I feel 
safer having you on my side."

"I'm always on your side Mulder. It might not always 
seem like it, but I am."

With a sober smile he nods. "Yeah, I know." His 
hand lands heavy and warm on the back of my neck, 
rubbing away the tension of the last few days. "And I 
do trust you Scully."

I look up at him, unable to hide the shame in my 
eyes. "Even after what I did?" 

There is no reason to specify. He knows I'm talking 
about pointing my gun on him. My stomach clenches 
tightly just remembering that moment. How could I 
ever raise my gun to this man? I know it was for his 
own good, that's my only rationalization. But how I 
managed to lift my hand with that suddenly heavy 
gun and hold it to him, to this man I can't even begin 
to understand but am fascinated and enthralled with, 
shocks me. 

"You did what you felt you had to do." Mulder says 
quickly. 

I begin to shake my head but he reaches towards me, 
turning my face to his. 

"Don't, Scully. Just let it go."

I drop my eyes, studying his black tee shit as if it may 
hold the answers to all the questions running through 
my head at the moment. Like why are Mulder's 
hands cradling my face? Why is he so close to me?

In an attempt to control the blood that has begun to 
boil in my veins at his closeness I bring my hands to 
his forearms. 

Mulder's forehead drops to lean against mine and I 
still. 

"I want to forget about this past week." He tells me 
softly, his warm breath brushing over my cheek 
causing me to shudder. His hands fall from my face 
to my shoulders. I feel so small next to him. "I know 
this won't be the last time we argue Scully, we are 
just too different." I feel more then see the smile that 
crosses his face. "But we are good together." He says 
again. "In a lot of ways." Mulder's smile fades as he 
lowers his head so our cheeks rest against one 
another, his breath now on my neck sending goose 
bumps over my body. 

"What do you mean?" I ask after clearing my throat. 

His face pulls away from mine, I suddenly feel cold. 
Mulder's hands slide up to my neck, his thumbs 
tilting my chin up towards him. "You know what I 
mean." He says with a smile as his lips descend on 
mine. I freeze for a moment, shocked at the warm 
soft pressure of his lips against me. Reality floods my 
mind. We can't do this. We are partners. Partners in 
the FBI. I start to pull away, but stop. Because he is 
right. We =are= good at this. Together. 

My hands tighten on his arms as I return his kiss. Soft 
and calm. 

I actually jump when I feel Mulder's tongue runs 
over my lips. His breath puffs warmly into mine as he 
chuckles at my reaction. 

My cheeks flush hotly. 

Mulder just laughs softly as he kisses me again, his 
tongue not waiting for an invitation into my mouth. 
He strokes and soothes everything he can reach with 
in me. I whimper as he runs his tongue over the roof 
of my mouth. 

In response he groans and shifts, bringing one arm 
around my shoulders and the other around my waist. 
The kiss deepens at this new angle and I find my 
hands traveling restlessly over the smooth cotton 
covering his back.

Even as I do it, I still can't believe it, but I fall back 
on the couch, bringing him with me. Mulder's legs 
land between mine, inadvertently spreading my robe. 
His denim clad thighs rub the sensitive insides of 
mine causing me to shift underneath him, desperate 
to find some way to relieve the pressure building in 
my sex. 

Mulder's grunts softly as I rub against his erection. 

Finally we break off the kiss, together. Mulder's lips 
land on my neck, pulling and biting lightly at the 
tender skin. His lips travel lower, skirting across my 
collarbone, my hands weave through his hair. 

"We shou-" I break off with a sharp breath as his 
nose rubs against the side of my breast as he pushes 
away the loose fabric of my robe. "We shouldn't do 
this." I try again just as his hands begin running up 
and down my sides, pulling the plush terry fabric 
over my over sensitive skin. 

"No, we probably shouldn't." He says simply as he 
begins running his tongue around my nipple. 

All the air in my lungs leaves in one long breath as 
his hot mouth closes over my puckered flesh. Pulling 
and tugging with his lips, his hands sliding under my 
robe, cupping my buttocks and pulling me hard 
against him. 

I try, but I can't stop the groan that leaves my mouth 
from the feel of him, fully erect, against my core. 

"Mulder." I say desperately. "Mulder, wait." 

His head rises, my breast falling from the heat of his 
mouth. Looking into his eyes, so full of trust and 
devotion, my previous thoughts of telling him this 
has to stop fade. Before all I could think about was 
the he has should go home. Now. We will forget this 
ever happened, or chalk it up as momentary lose of 
sanity after a stressful case are gone. 

I watch him intently for a moment, motionless except 
for the seemingly involuntary movement of my pelvis 
against his. 

"What?" He asks in a soft hopeful breath. 

"You have too many clothes on." 

A relieved smile passes over his face as he nods. "I 
do."

I feel him struggle to toe off his shoes and socks as I 
tug off his shirt. The heat coming off his bare skin is 
searing me. So I wiggle underneath him to get my 
arms out of my robe, I lay completely naked for him 
now. 

Mulder reaches down to unbutton his jeans but stops 
suddenly, looking down at me. "God you're 
beautiful." He says after a few tense moments. 

I can feel myself blush. Looking away from his eyes I 
reach out and tug at his jeans. He takes the hint and 
removes them with his boxers, after a bit of shifting 
around his lays naked against my skin. His cock is 
ready and twitching against my thigh. I move to 
reach down, to touch him, but stop with a moan as his 
fingers slide effortlessly through my swollen folds. 
I'm more then ready for him. I wish I could tell him 
so, tell him to be inside me and fill the gap I feel in 
my body with himself, but his fingers are exploring 
me slowly and softly. A frustratingly light touch. 

"You feel ready." He says next to my ear. 

I nod vigorously, reaching my hands down to grasp 
his ass. 

"Wait." He says, pushing himself up on his elbows. 

"Mulder." I groan, frustrated. 

Pressing his lips against my jaw for a moment he sits 
up and reaches down for his jeans, pulling his wallet 
out, then a condom out of that. 

Oh, good idea. For a well educated doctor I'm 
ashamed that I forget something this important. But 
as usual, Mulder pulled up my slack. 

I watch in fascination as he unwraps and pulls the 
cover over himself. He looks thick even in his own 
large hands. The sight makes my womb quiver with 
anticipation. 

In a moment he is back against me, holding himself 
in one hand. 

I raise my legs around him. Opening and offering 
myself to him 

And he takes me. With one long slow stroke he enters 
me until there is no more room for him. He whispers 
my name in my ear in awe, or gratitude, I really don't 
know. 

Wrapping my arms around his neck, I hold him to me 
as I press my hips to his, wanting him to move. 

Pressing his face into my shoulder he pulls out 
languidly, only to rush back into my body. Our 
shared moans fill the air as he continues this way, 
increasing in speed slowly. 

This is almost too much. Too much sensation. My 
body is on overload. 

I bite down on Mulder's shoulder to hold in my cries 
of pleasure. His skin is tangy with our sweat. The 
flesh is hot against my tongue. 

I can feel the tension is his shoulders and arms as he 
tried to hold back his motions. My hands roam over 
him, massaging his muscles slick with sweat. 

Mulder lets out a frustrated grunt in my ear. Quickly 
he shifts, bringing a hand down to where we are 
joined. His pace is suddenly rushed as he begins to 
rub my clitoris roughly. 

I twist restlessly beneath him. I'm so close. 

"Come on." He pants in my ear. I don't think he ever 
realizes he is saying it. His thrusts are short and deep 
now, his fingers never leave my swollen bud of 
nerves. My body is on fire, strung tightly. "Together, 
Scully." Mulder says, his voice tight with restraint. 
"Together."

I nod quickly, biting my lip to hold in the scream 
working its way from deep in my belly. 

Then it happens. With a hard press of Mulder's 
fingers against the source of my pleasure, and a deep 
stroke of his cock inside my body I shatter to pieces 
with a choked call of Mulder's name. The world is 
pulsing sweetly around me as I hear Mulder groan 
my name raggedly. 


I wake slowly, my eyes opening even slower. The 
first thing I see is what is left of the fire in my 
fireplace. Nothing more then hot embers and a few 
small stray flames. 

I'm laying on my stomach, I can feel Mulder next to 
me hoisted up on one elbow, his fingers trailing up 
and down my spine. 

"Hey." Mulder says softly, leaning over he presses 
his lips to the back on my neck. 

"I guess I fell asleep." I make no move to roll over as 
he begins to stroke his hand over my back. Shifting 
around I lay my head on my folded arms and close 
my eyes again. 

Mulder works the heel of his hand into a knot under 
my shoulder blade. "Just for a little while. I'll take it 
as a compliment."

"You were right." I say after many silent moments of 
Mulder massaging me. 

"Aren't I always?-Don't answer that." I laugh softly 
as he settles down against me, curling the arm that 
was relaxing me under my belly, his cheek against 
my shoulder blade. "So what was I right about that 
you are actually admitting to?"

"How you said we are good together." 

I can feel him smile as he kisses my shoulder lightly. 
"Yeah, we are."

I wonder why it took me this long to realize-no, I 
think I always known, I just needed to realize the 
extent of it. 


Notes: Well did I do ok? Writing first season Mulder 
and Scully after watching season 7 is not easy. And I 
know, I should be working on Possessions and the 
sequel to When The Time Comes, as I promised. But 
to be honest I haven't done a thing. sorry.  


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