From: "Mary Eve Parker" Subject: [XFNC17ff] Repost: Right in front of you (BETA) Date: Monday, June 03, 2002 9:30 AM Author: Mary Eve Parker Email: mary_eve_parker@yahoo.com Rating: NC-17 - what else am I writing? Category: Scully/other, MSR, Angst Spoiler: Somewhere after Millennium...but not too far, the 9th season will never happen/ take place in one of my FFs Summary: Scully is invited to a class reunion. Mulder finds the inviting letter. She didn't want to go to it, now she has to Disclaimer: unfortunately Scully and Mulder don't belong to me - they belong to CC. If they would be mine. THANKS TO SHARON FOR THE GREAT BETA SHE DID - BIG HUGS ***** RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU ***** Part 1/? Mulder POV She was sitting in her chair at the bureau. I could feel Scully was frustrated but I didn't know what to do about it. Should I tell her that I had found the letter? Would I intrude into to intimate area of hers? During the last few weeks she had pulled away from me not allowing me to rest my hand on the small of her back. It was a torture for me, to be forbidden to touch her. I needed her near me to stay alive. She was like a drug I was addicted to. Today she had a particularly bad day. I always told myself that it's because of the female cycle but today it was different. She wasn't in the mood to speak to me, not calling me bad names or telling me how stupid I was. Instead, she ignored me. She was such a beautiful woman! Oh yes! Her incredible eyes, those lips just made for kissing and sucking, and that little tongue she let glide out to lick her lips when she was nervous. But today, today it was different. She was wearing a black suit - a very short skirt and jacket, double buttoned and a white blouse. But the thing that was most noticeable was the black bra under her white blouse. This was the sign. Normally nothing like this happened to my Scully. Normally she was perfect. It seems that the letter has really distracted her. Totally occupied the little head I loved so much. The sound of her cell phone ringing brought me back to reality. I noticed then that I was staring at her she didn't seen to mind. She was just sitting there, hair pulled back behind her ears and glasses on the tip of her nose. Oh, this woman was incredibly beautiful. If I could only tell her that. "Hello...no there is no problem...I will be there at nine." She said to the other partner at the other end of the line. "Red or white? Okay I think I have a Chardonnay left in my wine box. Will that be all right? Okay...casual...well...see you Max." Max? What was going on here! Was she dating a man? Max? Never heard this name before. I look up and saw her face. She looked happier now. Was this the only thing she had waited for the whole day? My Scully is dating. I couldn't believe it. She never told me of anybody else. I wanted to touch her, to tell her that it wasn't okay that she was dating someone else. Was Scully going to Max's flat? She was going to bring a bottle of wine. She'll eat with him, flirt with him, and wear one of her short skirts and wonderful sleeveless blouses. She'll wear my necklace but she won't be my Scully. Someone else will be allowed to hold her. This can't be true! "Mulder?" I heard a voice next to me. "Yeah" "I called you three times. What's wrong? " "Nothing...nothing Scully, everything is fine." I was allowed to say fine. If she said it, I would know that something was wrong. Should I bring up the topic of her high school reunion? College would have been easy because I know a friend of hers she'd attended with and I could call her. But, high school was a long time ago and if I'd read it correctly, we would have to travel to Grand Rapids. She never told me anything about Grand Rapids at all. "Okay. Well. I'm calling it a day, Mulder. It's nearly 5 and I have a lot to do at home." A lot to do at home! Of course but not in the apartment. He gave himself a mental slap. Get your mind cleaned up Mulder; you can't go on like this. She's making you crazy. She turned around on her heels, went to the door and grabbed her coat and purse. "Have a good night Scully." I told her. She turned around with one of her 'shut-up-Mulder' looks and went out. How could my Scully, my partner and best friend date without telling me? She has to tell me, she's my best friend. I would tell her if I had a date. But she's not interested in me. At least that is what it looks like to me. Shit! ***** Mulder's Apartment 8.00 pm ***** I sat on my couch, one of the movies that weren't mine in the VCR. A nice looking blond was dancing around. But it didn't do anything for me. I didn't get aroused, not even a little bit. I felt nothing seeing this naked woman putting two fingers into her wet pussy. Pussy, I hadn't thought about this word for a long time. Normally I would say vagina or use the more vulgar cunt. Scully often told me during the last few years that vagina is the correct name for it, if you have to talk about it. I stood up. I was still wearing my Armani trousers, which fit me perfectly and were able to hide my erection. Hiding an erection was a normal state for me. When Dana is looking something up in one of the file cabinets and is standing next to the drawers or trying to get something from the very top drawer, she has to stand on a chair to be able to reach it. Her skirt riding up to give me a better view of her beautiful legs. I just can't help becoming aroused at the very sight of her. She is the first woman I ever fell in love with because of her intelligence. It just doesn't hurt that she is beautiful too. I stood up and went to my bedroom to pull the box of videos that aren't mine out from under my bed. Don't ask me why I but these things. Maybe because of Scully. She often teases me because of them. I opened the box and looked for a video I bought a couple of weeks ago named "Red Fire of Ischia". It was an Italian movie, the only one I could get in DC with a red head in it. Red heads were rare in pornos. I just had seen one of Frohike's red head pornos. It was a bad one, I think Czech. The red wasn't natural so I was really depressed and bored the entire time. Frohike sure got into it though. I went back to the living room, put it into the VCR, sat back on the couch, unbuttoned, and unzipped my trousers. I pushed the play button and a red head was now in front of me. The woman in the video had hair like Scully and lips like her. She was incredibly beautiful. Without me even touching it, my cock started to harden. The video was good. Surprisingly so. I decided to stop the video went to the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of Eristoff and a towel and went back to settle on my couch and get back into the video. I purred a full glass and let it glide down my throat in one throw. "Burr..." was the only thing that came out of my mouth. I put the towel over my knees so that I wouldn't have to clean up the mess afterwards and in anticipation, pressed the play button again. My hand started to glide along my shaft when the woman, I think she was named Angela, let her fingers glide along the waistband of her panties. I closed my eyes imagining Scully in her place. My hand became hers slowly fingering my cock. Slowly the stroking increased. My hand was getting faster, up and down. I felt the climax coming soon. >> Oh god Scully...so good...perfect...faster...give it to me...let me be your bad boy. << I came hard, harder than normal when I was thinking of Scully rubbing my cock, licking my cock, sucking my cock. My semen not only covered the towel but some was also on the floor and the coffee table. So much for avoiding a mess. Shit! At the same moment, my cell phone started to ring. Shit. Who would call me at 11 pm? This couldn't be right. One hand was holding my trousers and the other one grabbed the phone out of my suit jacket. "Mulder." "Hi Mulder it's me." She said. "Hello Scully." She's at home that early? "Why are you calling?" "I just wanted to tell you that I would not be in tomorrow. I'm not feeling very well." She's not at home, shit. She'll sleep with him! I just know it! She'll let him bring her over the edge. He will be fucking her hard, letting her come, let her scream his name. That's not fair. She's mine. I hadn't been allowed to touch her for weeks, not even the small of her back. Was she in love with him? No, she couldn't be. I would have recognized it. But he will be the one who will hold her, kiss her and touch her. It's not fair! "I will bring you some soup at midday so that we can talk." "Don't Mulder. I'm staying at my mom's." "Hey no problem. Do you want me to bring you something?" "No I am fine. I just wanted to let you know that I will not be in tomorrow. Okay?" "I'll miss you." I blurted out of my mouth. "Mulder?" "Yes?" "Is everything alright?" Nothing was all right but what can I do? "Yes. Go to bed Scully and enjoy yourself." "Thanks Mulder. You are a good friend." "Have fun." Did I just say that? "Night." She said in a monotone way. She had ignored my last statement, like she often does. She's a friend but I wanted her to be so much more. I wanted to be allowed to touch her neck, to message her back and feel each of her ribs. I will miss her tomorrow. ****** Federal Office 1.22 pm I was bored. It was so boring without Scully. There was nobody I could stare at, nobody I could talk to and nobody I could fantasize about. I miss her. Can I call her now? I will. "Scully? It's me." I heard a male voice on the other end. "Hello?" He said. "I'll get her." I couldn't stand it and put my finger to the red button before Scully had the chance to say something disconnecting the call. She's not with me. I just couldn't talk to her when she was lying in bed with another guy. She's not with me. I can't do this anymore. She's not with me. This is all wrong. She's really wrong. She can't do this to me. "Hello Sarah...can I speak to Skinner?" I asked the secretary. "Hey Mulder. He'll be in, in a minute. How are you doing?" "I am okay. What about you?" "Okay I would say. The baby makes a lot of work." "How old is he now?" "Jarod is nearly 30 weeks old." "The time goes so fast. I can remember the day you brought him in with you the first time and Scully's face when you asked her to hold him." I couldn't help but smile at the memory "How is she? I haven't seen her for days." "Me either." "Hey what's up Mulder?" "Nothing." "Tell me. Do you wanna have coffee later? I am finished at 3. We could call it a day and go to the new Starbucks." "That would be great. Thanks a lot Sarah." "You are welcome. Wanna talk to A.D. Skinner now?" "No. We'll meet there at 3 okay?" "Yeah. Would you mind if I take Jarod with me?" "No I would mind if you didn't. He's growing so fast." "Well see you later Mulder." I put the phone down on my desk and grabbed an old file. It was an old case in Nebraska I had investigated with Diana. It was the first case we had done together. Diana. She was so different from Scully. She was bigger and had dark hair. Scully was so intelligent and most of the time so honest. I put the file into a drawer, took my cell and my jacket and left. ***** Starbucks 3.15 pm I was a bit late. Sarah was sitting outdoors in the sun. It was a wonderful day. "Sorry Sarah. You know the traffic." "No problem Mulder." "What would you like?" "Get me a big Café Late without Sugar please." I went in and get us two coffees. She was a good-looking woman, married for as long as I'd known her to Daniel. Jarod was their first child, a risk pregnancy. "So Mulder, tell me what's up. It's about Dana isn't it?" "Can you read my mind?" "If you are sad it's always because of her." "You are right." She set Jarod on her lap. "Do you want to hold him?" she asked. She knew that I loved kids. I always wanted to have some on my own but there never had been the right woman for the job. Job? "Thanks. I'd like that." I said and set him in my lap. He was cute with long dark curls and blue eyes, big blue eyes. "She's sleeping with a new guy." I blurted out. "What are you saying?" Sarah responded in a shocked voice. "She went to somebody named Max yesterday and fucked him, that's what I am saying." "How do you know that Mulder?" Tears began to gather in my eyes. "Yesterday she called to tell me that she was sick." "Yes, Go on." Sarah nodded. "Well the day before she had a call at the office and talked to a Max. She asked him what wine she should take with her." "Oh..." "Well I called her today before I called you. A man picked up the phone. I ended it before I talked to her." Sarah was looking at me, seeing how much pain this has caused me, real pain. "Look Mulder...that's a hard thing indeed but you have to tell her what you feel. You can't judge her for dating somebody when she doesn't know how you feel about her." "But..." "Forget all those rules. Go to her apartment with a dozen roses and tell her how you feel." "But if she?" "Mulder look at me..." I was smoothing the curls out of Jarod's little face. "She'll listen to you and that's important." "But how could I work with her if she told me that she's not interested. I mean she would never ask me to go with her to the class..." "What are you talking about?" She asked me. "A few days ago I was searching for a file on her table. Well under a plied of files I found an invitation to her High school class reunion in Grand Rapids." "When is it?" "I think next weekend. But she..." "Mulder...what's her favorite color?" "Dark green and pale pink." "Well Mulder it's just an idea. Buy her something in one of these colors that will remind her of High school. From there you could bring up this topic easily." "But what shall I buy her?" I am really hopeless at gifts. "Mulder think a bit. What about a scarf, or a t-shirt that will remind her of high school or something like that." "Well I guess it's an idea." Hmmmm...what shall I buy? It's not that easy. She's such a beautiful woman, my Dana, but she could be so picky. "A scarf." I said. "Mulder?" She said suddenly. "Mhm...?" "Get up and go buy it. You shouldn't just sit here with a mother, talking about your private life. Go get yourself a private life and tell me later how it was." "A gentle..." "No details Mulder, no details." She grinned and I grinned. I handed over the sleeping baby and got on my way. On my way home I bought an expensive pale pink scarf by Joop. She will like it I told myself, I just know she will. I parked the car not far away from my apartment. My mailbox was full. A lot of bills, I am sure. But there were a couple of ordinary letters too. Who had written me? Maybe an answer to my ad in one of those magazines, which aren't mine. I went upstairs and stopped in front of my door. My key was in the bottom of my jacket pocket. After a couple of tries, I got it out and fitted it into the lock. But my door was unlocked. Had I forgotten to lock it? No impossible. I put the mail on the floor and grabbed my gun out of my shoulder holster. Slowly I opened the door and went in, without making a sound. I was searching for something unfamiliar. It wasn't cleaned up, like always but the towel was not on the coffee table where I had left it yesterday. Who moved it? As I was looking around, I noticed that there was light in my bedroom. Nobody ever went in there, not even Scully. Nobody knew that I even had a bed until a couple of weeks ago. Slowly I opened the door, just a couple of inches to have a look into it. Seeing nothing, I slowly it further. "Mulder?" I heard a familiar voice callout from my bathroom. "D...Scully?" I asked, "What are you doing here?" She came out of the bathroom in blue jeans and a very, very tight white t-shirt. She wasn't wearing a bra. I could see her hard nipples, hard because it was cold in this room. They poked out like little rocks, beautiful. "We have to talk Mulder." She said without looking into my eyes - not good sign. "What are you doing in my bed room?" I asked her, the gun still pointed at her. "Do you want to shoot me Mulder? Put the gun down." I did. "And?" "I started to clean up the mess in the living room." "But why are you here?" "Mulder, we have to talk." "You could have phoned me or talked to me tomorrow in the Office." I looked at her. She felt uncomfortable and I felt she deserved to be. I handed her the small package without a word. She took it in her small hands and I went around to the window side of the bed. I didn't look at her but I heard her as she unwrapped the box and opened it. The scarf was in it. "Why?" She asked softly. I didn't give her an answer. She was barefoot and climbed up onto the bed and crawled over to my side, the scarf in her fingers. "Mulder?" she asked again. "Why have you bought me this beautiful scarf?" I looked down in my lap. "I am handing in my resignation to Skinner tomorrow" "What? Mulder, what are you talking about?" It just came out of my mouth. My life had no meaning now She was in love. It would only be torture to work with her nothing more. It would cause pain every day when I see her. And if she would marry him, my life would end officially. My reaction would possibly hurt her a bit but I no longer cared. "I am resigning from the FBI." "But why?" Should I tell her the truth? "Because of you." I said, not looking at her. She sat next to me, her back against the pillows. "What?" She didn't get it. "Me?" She repeated. I just nodded. "Why?" From the corner of my eyes I could see tears running down her cheek like rivers and she didn't try to hide it, this time. "Because that's the way it is. Okay?" I said harshly. I wanted to hurt her. I wanted her to feel the same pain she caused me. "No it's not okay Mulder. You can't just leave me that easily." "I'm going to move too." I said. If I am going to start a new life without the X-Files, it should be absolutely new. I didn't want to see her ever again. "Mulder...what's going on here?" she said and set up, putting her hand on my shoulder. The scarf was now around her neck fitting her perfectly. The color of the scarf, this pale pink, and the red of her hair were wonderful. "Nothing is going on. I just made a decision I should have made a couple of months ago. But now is the right time and its time for me to go." I grabbed her hand and lifted it off my shoulder. "You can't Mulder. You can't go like this." "See" I said and stood up. "I can." She cried bitterly and it hurt me to see her cry. It wasn't right to want her hold tight. I needed to be strong. "But why? What finally made you reach this decision?" She asked me, trying to wipe away the tears. She was so small without shoes. Her eyes red. She came behind me and grabbed my t-shirt to make me stop. "Why?" She asked again, hitting her fists against my belly. "I told you." "But what have I done Mulder?" You really wanna know honey? Jumping into bed with other guys doesn't fit our relationship darling. It's just that I can't see you anymore. "I am sure you know why." I answered. "I don't!" I went into the kitchen just like yesterday and got a glass of Vodka and then a second one. I purred them down fast on after the other. She just watched me, stunned. "What's going on here Mulder?" She said, nervously her voice was shaking. "I told you that it's because of you. You can read the rest tomorrow on my resignation which will be on Skinner's table at 8am." "You can't leave me after all we'd been through." "Yes I can, Scully, I can." "No you can't. I trusted you for years and you trusted me. You told me that I am your best friend and you know that you are mine but why aren't you telling me what exactly is blowing up in your mind at the moment. What is the matter?" "Fuck you Scully! Just take it! Believe it! End!" I said and purred another full glass. "Stop drinking this stuff and don't speak to me like that." "I am nobody to you anymore Scully. Just go and let me close this chapter of my life." "I don't understand Mulder." She said sitting down on a kitchen chair." One minute you buy me this expensive scarf which reminds me being 12 again and in the next you scare me to death and want to leave me." "I didn't want you to find it out today and not in this way." "How then?" "The scarf would have been on your table, an explanation next to it." "Poor Mulder is the only thing I can say." "What?" I got hot and angry "Not able to tell me the truth that's poor." "It's not. I just didn't want to see you anymore." This one was hard. I heard her taking a deep short breath and a loud sobbing afterwards. She was crying again. I had seen her like this only once - at Missy's funeral. She stood up, the scarf pulled up in her fist against her heart. She went into the living room, got into her shoes and her jacket. She left me, just like I wanted her to go. I really hurt her and she didn't understand me. I didn't myself. I was closing the most important chapter of my lifetime now - the X-Files and Dana. I would leave both behind me, never seeing them again. But that's what I told her and that's what I will do. I couldn't break a word I had given her. ****** End Part 1 ***** Mulder's office 10.00am I just came in. After my visit at Mulder's yesterday I went home and couldn't believe what he told me. I wanted to sleep but I wasn't able to. His words consumed me causing great pain. Max had phoned me later that night. I told him that I didn't want to see him today. He was angry but said okay. He knew that I need some space. That something was bothering me and I wasn't myself. I had said to often that I am fine. I always thought that Mulder would end up with the X-Files. I believed that I would be the first one to leave but he did instead and because of me. I had found his letter when I came in this morning but I haven't been brave enough to open it yet. I am afraid to find out what I have done wrong. I was wearing blue jeans, a green v-neck pullover, and the scarf. The scarf was wonderful. He had never bought me anything until now. I always knew that he was a gentleman. I also realized that he was not himself yesterday. An inner voice told me that I should phone him, talk to him, to find out what exactly was the matter. I dialed his number but all I got was a "This number is no longer in service" message. Another small piece of my heart broke. 'Okay Dana, I said to myself, open this letter and see what is says.' Slowly I let my fingers glide under the flap of the envelope. On the front side was just "To Special Agent Dana K. Scully M.D." in Mulder's handwriting. It hurt that the address was so formal and impersonal. I opened it, nearly cutting my finger but at this point, I didn't care. I pulled out a single sheet of paper. Type written! 'Shit' The letter was addressed to " Dana K. Scully M.D., " 'Why do you do things like this to me, Mulder. You are my best friend and now you leave me without telling me face to face why. Oh shit Mulder, you mean so much to me and now you are gone and I still don't know why. I finally started to read it. "Dana K. Scully M.D., As you read this, you will be at your desk. You always wanted a desk and now you have the one, which had been mine for ages. I have decided to leave the X-Files and you. For to long it had been about you. A couple of days ago I realized I wasn't able to stand it anymore. I have to often been hurt by your thoughts, words and actions and I find I can no longer overlook them." 'What have I done to you, Mulder! What have I said? You could have let me know in a different way. Why didn't you just tell me what's going on in your mind? You still haven't told me what caused you to end the most important chapter of your life.' "I thought that I would never leave the X-Files but they are all yours now. I will always be interested in the paranormal but I will not work with you on them anymore. Too many things happened lately and it wouldn't work any more. By the time you find this letter, A.D. Skinner will have my resignation on his desk. I know that he will be shocked and he will not understand because I did not tell him why I resigned. The reasons should not be important for him, just that I would not be back. I will not be leaving you a forwarding address or phone number I expect that you'll soon forget me." 'Oh Mulder! I could never forget you! I love you! I would never want to see you in pain.' I could not believe the pain that drove his to write this. Tears were running down my face as I continued to read. " You'll soon forget me. You have a new life now and there is no space left for me in it. It's good the way it is now. It makes many things easier. You will be happier and healthier without me and maybe, somewhere in time, your dream to have children will become real." 'What are you talking about Mulder?' "I will miss the X-files but I'm not sure if I will miss you. If the X-files are closed, I'm sure that you will find something better to work on, maybe teach at Quantico again. A job that will not cause you a lot of pain and scare you to death twice a week. Stay alive and I wish only the best for you and your new life! Mulder" I started to re-read the letter. I couldn't believe it. What was he talking about - a new life? Maybe Skinner will know more about all this shit. I put the letter back into the envelope and put it in the back pocket of my Levis. I grabbed my keys and my cell from my, his, desk and went to the elevator. 'What could that all be about? What was he referring to?' I've never seen him like he was yesterday at his apartment. In the elevator, I let my fingers rest on the scarf. I imagined that it smelled like him. I would do anything for him to come back. I can't believe he would leave me alone with his life's work. I've always thought that I would be the first one who resigned from the X-Files. The work hadn't always been mine as it had been his. It was sometimes really strange and beyond my understanding. Many things had happened during the last years and he was always there, always given me a shoulder to cry on. Even when my health deteriorated with my bout with cancer, or when I found Emily, Seldom had I given him the chance to hold me. Until a couple of weeks ago on New Years Eve, we had kissed. It was just a lip-to- lip brush, not a real kiss - unfortunately. My hand rested above my heart, the fingers in the fabric of the scarf. I went into Skinner's the waiting room. Sarah was sitting at her desk reading the new Cosmopolitan. "Hello Sarah, is Skinner in?" "Sorry Scully, He's not here but he should be back in about 10 minutes." "Thanks. I'll wait." I sat down in a chair near Sarah. She starred at me playing with the new pale pink fabric. "Can I ask you a question Scully?" I was so preoccupied just thinking about being alone now, without Mulder that I had not noticed that she had gotten up and was now sitting next to me. My heart was breaking and tears were forming behind my eyes. I nodded in response. "Well I noticed this new scarf you are wearing. How should I say it?" "Just say it Sarah." "Well, yesterday Mulder came up here to have a chat with Skinner but Skinner had been busy. We had a short talk and agreed to go for coffee later." I nodded, wanting to hear more. "Well...I read the letter he handed Skinner today and I was shocked. It's completely different from what we'd discussed yesterday." "Which was?" "Mulder met Jared and me at the new Starbucks. Well he was real sad and obviously not himself. That's why I asked him if he wanted to meet for coffee so that we could talk; He really looked like he needed someone to talk to. Well...there he told me what was on his mind." "And?" "He resigned because of you." "That's the only thing he told me yesterday. I still don't know what I did to make him leave." "What happened yesterday Dana?" " I was waiting for him at his apartment when he came home. I arrived about an hour before him. We needed to talk. Well I needed something to do while I waited so I cleaned up the mess in the living room. He was angry when he came in and began shouting at me without telling me what he was so mad about," She nodded. "Dana, I know this is none of my business but I always thought that Mulder was an incredibly good looking guy. If I wasn't married...well...okay...I just wanted to tell you that he resigned because you seemed to have left him and started a new life." "He had told me the same thing, Sarah but I don't know what he means with these words - a new life." I was crying now like a child. "Calm down Dana. I know that this is hard for you, but he has just resigned from the FBI". I shook my head. "Not only his job. He has also moved out of his apartment. "It's the truth Sarah. He told me that he's leaving forever because of me. I don't know what he means by that. And the only thing he told me is in this letter I found today on the desk in his office." I handed her the letter and she read it. From her look, I could tell she didn't believe the words he had typed. "He loves you Dana - that's the reason why he resigned. He couldn't stand you dating another man, having..." "Dana!" She said harshly. "I only have to say one three letter word: MAX." Holy shit! How could he know about Max? Max - a chapter of it's own. Max had been a long time lover of mine when I was younger. My first man. He had decided to leave me, like Mulder did today, about 11 years ago for a big-boobs bimbo named Sharon. Sharon was a bitch if anybody had ever asked me. Max had been my first big love. I needed a long time to go over him. The first time I really felt like a woman is when I signed onto the X-Files. But now everything was over. Max came back into my life just recently. He was still a good-looking guy, quite intelligent and hard working. We had met by accident and gone out to dinner, a couple of days ago. One thing led to another and we would up in bed together, for old time sake. But I knew that I would never be able to give him a full committed relationship like he wanted. "But how did he find out "From what he told me yesterday He had called you and it had been Max who had answered your phone." << "That had been Mulder? Shit!" I remembered the call. By the time Max had handed me the phone who ever it had been had hung up. I did not know until now that it had been Mulder on the line. I never thought that Mulder could be jealous. Not my Mulder. My? "Yes it was him and he was really destroyed after it. It made him cry, Scully. This is the first time I've seen him cry since you nearly died of cancer. << She was right. Mulder was a strong man. He never cried. Not Mulder. "What should I do Sarah?" "What do you want to do now? You have a boyfriend and that's the reason why he left." "Max is not my boyfriend! He is just casual dalliance. We had been a couple ages ago, and he wants me back. I can't give Max what he wants but we decided we could still have sex..." "But that's the same Dana." "No it's not. I never loved Max." Her eyes grew wider open. "How am I supposed to understand this?" "I love Mulder. I have for ages now. But you know...I am the Ice Queen...I...was..." I began to cry bitter tears. She wrapped her arms around me and hugged me like the friend I needed. "I could never allow myself to let him near enough, never allowed him to touch me. I didn't have the strength..." "You love him. Why didn't you tell him this yesterday?" "I couldn't. There was no time and I was afraid that he wouldn't return my love. It's complicated. A long time ago, I fell in love with Max yet he left me without a backward glance. It nearly killed me. I am afraid to be hurt again like Max did ages ago. Now Mulder left me just like Max did." "But Max came back." "Mulder won't." She nodded in agreement. "You have to find him Dana. Make sure he knows how you feel." "But how can I find him?" "I don't know Dana. I don't know." I saw Skinner coming into the room. I whipped away the tears and Sarah and I stood up. "Could I have a word with you Sir?" "I wanted to come down to speak with you. What the holy hell happened?" "Not out here." Sarah said as she opened the door to his inner office. Once we were both seated, I proceeded to tell him the whole story. He was surprised and shocked at the story I told. . He also told me I needed to find Mulder. I hadn't told him that I loved him and until I did, there would never be peace for either of us. In addition, my own ego told me that I had to find Fox, tie him to the bed and fuck the brains out of him - that's how angry I was. Everybody always thought that I am such a small and conservative woman, but they only wanted to see that side of me - not the dominant one who loved hard sex and multiple orgasms. Nobody ever asked me. Mulder loved to invade my private space, and I was stupid to let him feel that this was wrong. Now he's gone and will never know much I loved to be near him. I left Skinner's office and headed toward the elevator. Where should I start to look for him? There are so many places and I don't know him as well as I should." "Dana..." I heard a voice behind me. I turned around. It was Sarah. "I am not sure if it will help you Dana but I remember that he had once told me about one of his dreams - ages ago but maybe it will help you." "Tell me!" "He said that if he ever had the time he would want to go back to Oxford. He hadn't been there for ages. But on the other hand he mentioned that he had something to work out in Grand Rapids." "Grand Rapids?" I looked at her. "What does he have to do in that little shit town? I told him more than once that I really hate it there." "Maybe that's it, I don't know Dana. I thought it might help you." "Yeah thanks. By the way Sarah," I let the elevator go without me and asked her a silly question that had been on my mind. "You said that you had coffee with him. When he came back, he gave me this scarf. Do you know something about this?" She grinned at me, conspiratorially but then nodded. "Well I am not sure if I should tell you about it "Just spill it Sarah." I said angrily. "Well, Dana, he knows about your class reunion in Grand Rapids and this scarf was to remind you of your youth. I think, it's just my opinion, but I think that he wanted you to ask him to go with you - pretend to be your boyfriend. He just wanted to make you a gift. Don't ask me now why he changed his mind. I don't know." "How did he find out about it?" "The invitation you left on your desk, he said". "Oh yes." I couldn't believe it. Mulder would pretend to be 'my' man. He would have done this for me and I was dating Max. Max was such a selfish ass but to be honest, damn good in bed. " Dana, you are mature enough to see the love behind this gift, aren't you? You should leave right now and go find him. And when you do tell him you need him, love him and want him back." The elevator was back on my floor. I got in and turned around to face Sarah. "Thanks lot Sarah. I am not sure what I would have done without you" ****** Scully's Apartment Next morning 7.30am My cell phone was ringing. Would it be Mulder to tell me that his decision had been wrong? I had a sleepless night. I was worried I wouldn't be able to find him. That I had lost him forever. I picked up. "Scully" I said nervously. "Hello darling." "Max?" I asked, not hundred percent sure. "Who else would I be?" I didn't answer his question. "Well Dana Honey I just wanted to let you know that I will be at your place in about 20 minutes to have breakfast with you." "Forget it Max." "Hey what happened to you?" He said with a hard voice. "It's none of your business anymore." "Stop that bullshit Dana. I..." "Just forget it Max. Just leave me like you did last time." "I thought we were done with this topic." "Maybe you are but I'm not. I will never forget the pain you caused Me." << "Dana you know..." "Shut up and let me live my own life on my own terms." "You are what people say about you - a glacier." "No I am not Max, you should know that. But because of you and what we've done I lost my best friend, the man I loved most in my life." "What shall..." "No say nothing. Just don't come over here and don't call me again. It's over Okay!" He said nothing. The line went dead. It had been easy to end this relationship or call it an affair. I wanted Mulder and nothing more. I wanted to feel him next to me and I wanted to know that he's okay. ***** Grand Rapids - Country Side Hotel Saturday 10 AM "I booked a room." I told the man at the registration desk of the hotel. "Your name Madam?" "Scully, Doctor Dana K. Scully." I said. "I see." He looked into the computer. Then turned around and went into a room in back of the desk and came back with a package. "Room 207 - second floor on the very left hand side. Your view is up the meadow." He said. "And this was left for you by a man a couple of days ago." I looked at him stunned "Tall man, dark short hair, big nose, and incredible eyes?" I asked him shyly. He nodded and gave me the keys. "Your luggage will be delivered to your room shortly, Ms. Scully." "Thank You." I said and went upstairs to my room the package in one hand and the key in the other. I was very curious to find out what was wrapped up in this very pretty flowered paper. It smelled like spring flowers. Oh Mulder, why didn't you just wait for me? I want you back. I need you. It would have been a real present if you had given it to me yourself. I heard a knock on my door. My suitcases were here. I thanked the bellboy, gave him a 5 Dollar tip and let him go. I wanted to be alone. I sat down on the bed, the gift next to me. Slowly I let my fingers glide over the paper, softly. It was not very big, only the size of a normal sheet of paper but pretty heavy. I laid back, the unopened box on my belly, my head against the pillows. 'Oh Mulder...You've caused me such pain. I want to know where you are. I need to find you. We have to talk. Not like we always do, I mean a true heart-to-heart talk.' I said loud to myself. My index finger slid under the paper and slowly unwrapped the box...Inside the paper was a light blue box. I told myself to be strong. Anything could be in this box and anyone could have left it for me. It didn't have to be Mulder; it could also have been an old friend wanting to surprise me, my mother, heck even Krycek. Slowly my fingers opened the box and my brain went blank for a minute. I looked into the box afraid of what it could be. But it was...I couldn't believe my eyes. There was a journal with the Rafael Angels on it, a photo of Mulder and me from a mask ball, signed with "Mr. and Mrs. Spooky", one of my old tee shirts I had in my emergency/ overnight bag at Mulder's and a videotape. I took all those things out of the box. Under all them was a sheet of paper. " Dana Scully," He had left the 'K' and the 'M.D.' off this time, I noticed. " Dana Scully, I knew that you would go to your class reunion. I wanted to go with you, to learn something about your past. To get to know you a bit better. Times have changed. I don't need these things anymore. Find your own way! Fox Mulder" My eyes shut my eyes against the pain. I began to cry and the ink on the sheet of paper started to run. Why does this man do things like this to me? Why can't he just call me or wait for me to tell me what he thinks - face to face. Times have changed, sure, but I didn't want them to change. I want him back - him and his big nose, those wonderful eyes and his incredibly suckable lip. I let the paper fall to the floor. A couple of minutes later, when I headed to the bathroom, I saw that there was an email address on the back of the paper: " Mr.Spooky@hotmail.com " I had my laptop in the car so I went down to get it and on the way back asked the man at the desk if there was an internet connection in my room. No problem. I had enough time left before going down to the class reunion dinner to check my mail. I took a hot shower, washed my hair and went out to write the email. Many things were going through my head. What should I tell him? He had made me an account a couple of years ago also with "Spooky" in it and I thought about using that one. From: Madame_spooky@yahoo.com To: Mr.Spooky@hotmail.com DD: n/c Mulder, Why did you give me back this tee shirt? I wanted this to be yours forever, you know. It's the one I was wearing when I was released from the hospital after my first abduction. I haven't watched the video yet, but what message do you want me to get from all of this? I miss you Mulder and I need to talk to you, face by face. It's not like you thought, nothing is like you thought. You misunderstood something very badly. Please answer me quickly, Dana ****** Grand Rapid High school Saturday 8 pm I was wearing a new outfit by Donna Karen. It consisted of a dark green skirt and a jacket that complemented my hair color. I wasn't in the mood for small talk. Not even with one of my best friend - Jenny. Jenny was a lawyer now. I think she told me her whole life story during a 2 hour-long monologue. She didn't ask me one question. No one really seemed to be interested in my life, or me, so I decided to leave early. I moved toward the door when I noticed Mulder standing in the left hand corner, wearing a tux. Incredible and breathless where the only two things which came into my mind. He looked like a Greek god. I headed towards him, my jacket in the one hand. I had left my gun in the room, with my FBI ID. I wanted to talk to him. But he started to leave when he saw me heading toward him. I was familiar with this building and knew that the way he was headed would lead him to the sport yard. What would he want there? "Mulder! Stop!" I shouted. I wanted him to stop, just hug him and tell him that there was nothing that would come between us. He didn't stop, instead he walked faster. I was wearing, as usual, my high heels. Running was possible but should I? I should. I started to run and nearly crashed into a bush. When I had my breath back I looked around and he was no longer in sight. I started to panic. Within a couple of minutes, I was back in my room, angry and tired. I couldn't cry and let everything out because I was so angry. Call Mom, came to my mind and it was a good idea. She was always a good listener. But this time? I couldn't phone her. I couldn't phone anybody. Check your email Dana, a little voice was telling me. From: Mr.Spooky@hotmail.com To: Madame_Spooky@yahoo.com DD: Re: n/c Dana Scully, The video carries no message you should get; it's just something I don't need anymore. You were looking good in the new outfit but unfortunately, you made a wrong step - like always. I think that I really didn't misunderstand anything. I am old enough to know what's true and what's not. Don't try to change my opinion, it's senseless. I am stronger than you are. Get the message? Mulder Shit what was he dealing with now? Was he on drugs, drunk or something like that? I put the tape into the VCR and pushed the play button. It seemed to be one of those videos that weren't his. It was about a little red haired woman giving a good-looking man a blowjob, a really hard one. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. A porno with red heads? He had watched such movies? Red haired woman? Mulder? From: Madame_Spooky@yahoo.com To: Mr.Spooky@hotmail.com DD: I need you Mulder, I need you! I want you to come back. Please Mulder, tell me what made you that upset. Why you decided to leave me forever? Tell me what I've done wrong. Love, Dana Now I was crying and everything came out. The movie had given me the missing tension. I was lying on my belly, my arms under me, slowly getting into a fetal position, crying like a baby. He was torturing me and I am sure that it wasn't fair. He had never given me a hint that he would be interested in me. I always thought that I wasn't his type - small breasts, tiny body and red hair. All the women he was staring at had big boobs, were as tall as he was and had blond or dark brown hair. They were all perfect. But me? I was a tiny little woman. ***** I saw her lying on the bed crying. I was torturing her and I liked seeing her in pain. Now she is beginning to feel all the heartache and pain she caused me during the last days coming back at her. I read her email. She really wanted me back? She was on the right track. At least she sees that she did something wrong, something very wrong. Should I write her back? Tell her that I liked seeing her cry. That she broke my heart and now it was her turn. That She was a strong woman but that this time I was stronger. She started to sob. This time nobody was near her to hold her, to give her a shoulder to cry on, or to talk to. I thought that she might bring Max with her to the class reunion, but she didn't. I was stunned that she'd booked a single room. But on the other hand, he was a new love interest, so maybe... `Don't think Mulder, just answer the damn mail and go to bed.' From: Mr.Spooky@hotmail.com To: Madame_Spooky@yahoo.com DD: You don't need me anymore Dana Scully, You are old enough to live your own life. You don't need somebody like me who causes you only pain to be part of your life anymore. Go back to Max and forget me. I know it wasn't a good idea to give you that scarf. And it was not good to give you back all your things. By the way, the rest of your things are at your mom's. She was stunned but I didn't care. She'll give you back all your clothes, files and books when you get home. I have also left you my home PC with all our reports on it. You'll need them. Mulder I went to bed. It was sad in a way that I had to hurt her to feel better but she had to let me go. She has to leave me, like I left her: cold. I got into my boxers and went to bed. I was nervous about her next step but what could she do? I pulled the sheets up to my chest. Slowly, without thinking, my hand started to glide down to my boxers. I pushed my boxers down to my knees and closed my eyes. I envisioned her in front of me that gorgeous little tongue of hers licking her lips. Her eyes were like flames standing there at the edge of my bed. Slowly she crawled up to me on her hands and knees. Her tongue licked up my chin over my lips and to my nose. Then she reversed and went back to my lips. She started to suck my bottom lip hard. I wanted to kiss her but she didn't let me. She positioned her hip above mine, letting her pelvis sink down onto mine. I groaned. I knew she was wet and aroused; I could smell her. She began to make small circles against my groin with her pelvis. If she wanted to turn me on, she was succeeding. She was diving me crazy! But I wanted to touch her too, to feel her rock hard nipples between my thumb and my index finger. I wanted to watch her come and then wanted nothing better but to scream her name as I came. Her circles got faster and she sank deeper into me. She had to feel my erection against her wet center. My erection was harder than I ever remembered it being before. It was all because of her. Without my knowledge, my boxers were gone. Her nipples were in my face now and as fast as possible I got one into my mouth and started to suck on it like a baby. She moaned passionately which only turned me on more. I began not only sucking but also biting a bit. I suddenly realized that my fingers were now pressing against her clit. I wanted to see her come and nothing else. Her hips started to rock against my hand. I bite a bit harder, and she moaned louder, not only in passion, but I think also in pain. One finger was now pushing inside her wet walls. God! She was tiny. She was so slick and tight. "You've got mail." Interrupted my dream. I was a bit angry to be pulled away from my wonderful fantasy. It seemed so real and it was just getting good! I noticed years ago seeing her tongue play with pencils, that she would be good. I wanted to see how good! Damn! I put my boxers back on again and headed to my laptop, which was sitting on the table underneath the window, next to my binoculars. From this window, I was able to watch Scully in her room and in her bed. From: Madame_Spooky@yahoo.com To: Mr.Spooky@hotmail.com DD: I really need you Mulder, I really need you. I always felt strong safe when you were with me. Now I feel small and helpless. I am feeling for the first time in a very long time. I do not know how you found out about Max but I will not be going back to him. Mulder I would never leave you, not as a partner and not as a friend. You are my best friend Mulder, the only friend I have. Stay; make me feel safe and comfortable again. I never thought that there has even a possibility that Max would come between us. It was just about sex. I needed it and he was willing to give it to me. He wanted more and I couldn't give it to him. It was impossible. I want to feel you next to me when I wake up Mulder, not Max. I want to feel your breath against my back, your arms around me - and if you can only give me your hand on the small of my back so be it. I want you making fun of my fucking high heels and that I sit to near the stirring wheel in the car. I want you to sit on my couch on Friday nights and watch a movie with me, drinking beer and chatting. I want you to sleep on my couch if you don't want to sleep with me in my bed. I want to have brunch in bed with you, to feel your lips on mine and your body pressing me into the mattress. I want to feel your tongue on me. I want you to tease me like you always do when you are around me. I want you to invade my privacy, to have your tee shirts in my underwear drawer and your boxers in my bathroom. I want to make you dinner at night, drink wine in candlelight. I want you back Mulder, not somebody else, just you! Always loving you, Dana I was shocked. I was sure that Scully just wanted to turn me on so that I would change my mind. I had to admit it had an effect on me. My cock was rock hard and it ached. I was hot and I wanted to thrust into her hard, to make her scream but it wasn't the right time. I knew now that that time would never come. I told myself this as I gave myself a hand job, rubbing my dick fast and furious until I came. From: Mr.Mulder@hotmail.com To: Madame_Mulder@yahoo.com DD: The game is over Don't try to turn me on Scully. The game is over. Before going into the bathroom to take a shower and get the mess off me, I closed the curtains so I could not see her anymore. I glanced at my watch. It was nearly 5 am. Time to go. I took a quick cold shower, got dressed and went to a shop nearby. I wanted to make her a little present before I leave, a gift she would never forget. But I hadn't a clue what it should be. I went in and out of several shops but I was not finding what I was looking for. It was now nearly 8 now and I didn't want her to see me. Will she leave today? Maybe. `Well, don't care Mulder' I told myself. `She's none of your business anymore. She's just another bitch who crossed your life, like Diana!' There was a sex shop in town. Grand Rapids wasn't as small as I had thought. I went in. It was a small shop but everything I could think of was there. I got a pair of handcuffs with pink flush around it, a big vibrator, gliding gel, a video about women with big boobs, a white lace corset and a pregnancy test. Yes, they were selling pregnancy tests here too. I asked the shopkeeper to wrap them all up as a gift. He put them in a big red box. I asked him to deliver it directly to Scully's room. I paid and hurried back to my room. I wanted to see her face when the man knocked on her door and handed her this perverted gift. I was anxious to see how she was going to react. ****** Grand Rapids Mulder's room 9.30 AM I was sitting next to my window, waiting. I saw her heading to the door. `That must be him', I told myself. And it was. She was wearing one of her silk robes, this time pale pink, like the scarf. I could see she was wearing the scarf too. I noticed it around her neck. Scully wasn't looking good. She wasn't wearing any make up, her hair was messy and it seemed like she hasn't had a lot of sleep lately. All in all, she was looking terrible. She answered the door, accepted the box and than closed and locked her door. She looked puzzled as she slowly walked to the bed and sat down placing the unopened box down next to her. She was sitting there staring out the window lost in thought. She almost seemed like she was looking at me but I knew that was impossible. She didn't know I was here. She then looked down at the big red box. What was going on in her head now? Shit! Typical! At a moment like this, I have to pee. `Don't open the box now Dana', I implored, `wait a minute.' When I came back, I noticed that I had mail. I opened the mailbox. From: Madame_Spooky@yahoo.com To: Mr.Spooky@hotmail.com DD: don't do this to me Mulder, Don't do this to me! What do you want me to do? Open this shit box only to find more of my things in there? I told you more than once that you could have all those things. The only thing I want back is and will ever want is you. I love you, Dana She said she loved me, HUH! I could see that this was affecting her but I couldn't let this game slide out of my hands, not now. `She's teasing me, like she always does. Not this time! Not this time Dana!' From: Mr.Spooky@hotmail.com To: Madame_Spooky@yahoo.com DD: I do it Open the box, Scully. Every piece stands for something you need or don't need anymore. Mulder I wanted her to think about these little gifts and what they stood for. I saw her opening the box. The first item she saw was the handcuffs. She had a look on her face that expressed nothing. She slowly pulled out all the things and laid them on the bed, one after the other. She looked at them. From: Madame_Spooky@yahoo.com To: Mr.Spooky@hotmail.com DD: Tell me What do you want to tell me with these things? Feel free to tell me. I haven't a clue at the moment. ILY - Dana Was she unnerved? Indeed she was and, in a way, angry. The pregnancy test would cause her most of the pain. It had been hard for both of us to find out that she'd not be able to have a baby naturally. And then to find Emily, that lovely little girl who died too soon was the last straw. Scully was broken. From: Mr.Spooky@hotmail.com To: Madame_Spooky@yahoo.com DD: I will It's easy Scully and you put them so nicely in a row on your bed. The handcuffs...I always wanted to see you handcuffed in my bedroom, to be the one who pushed you over the edge, to feel you body spasm around me in ecstasy. But they also stand for the cage you've been in with me. Now you are free. The keys are also in the box. You are free to do whatever you want now. I wanted to tease her and prolong the agony by just sending the description of the first item. I also wanted to let her know that I was watching her. She went to her window and looked out. She wasn't able to see me. She headed back to the bed. From: Madame_Spooky@yahoo.com To: Mr.Spooky@hotmail.com DD: n/c I never felt like in a cage when you were around me Mulder. I felt like a woman. I always wanted to be cuffed to your bed, feeling your tongue lick my body and for you to make love to me until I wasn't able to think anymore. Is it fun for you to watch me? I don't think it's fair but I won't do anything to stop you from doing it. What's the big vibrator for? Does it stand for your erect cock Mulder? It was turning me on seeing her using words like this. I looked out of the window again to watch what she would do next. She opened her rope slowly and let it glide down her shoulders and pool around her feet. Now she was only wearing silk pajamas. Now that she knew I was watching she seemed to come alive. Sensuously she slowly opened one button and then another until the jacket was open and slipped softly down to the floor to rest on top of her robe. She was standing there just in silky trousers. Shit, this turned me on, badly. My cock was alive again. This was better than any fantasy I had ever had. From: Mr.Spooky@hotmail.com To: Madame_Spooky@yahoo.com DD: Y... Yes it does. But you'll never see it in person. You missed your chance unfortunately. Live with it! It was a stupid reply and while I was writing it, she took off her pajama bottoms and grabbed the corset. It fit her perfectly. It pushed her breasts out, lifted them higher and made them look bigger. God! She looks fantastic! Better than I could have ever imagined! Her fingers were rubbing her nipples making them rock hard. I could see she was enjoying herself. My binoculars were becoming slippery as my hand started to sweat. It was becoming hard to hold them steady so that I could watch her. My cock was rock hard She was driving me crazy. I wanted to cry out her name out loud. From: Madame_Spooky@yahoo.com To: Mr.Spooky@hotmail.com DD: No I didn't miss yours. I have this big one here and together with the gel they will make me come hard like you would. I am small and tight inside so I know it would only take you two or three thrusts to make me come. The corset fits my breasts. But what does it stand for? Is it from one of your dreams? Mulder you could be honest with me but "De gustibus non est disputandem" [you can argue about tastes]. Mulder! I think I should get this big vibrating thing into my wet pussy now Mulder, and I will close my eyes and think that it is you, fucking the brains out of me. She laid down on the bed, like she said, and put some gel over the vibrator but not turning it on yet. Slowly she let it glide down to her wet center. In the beginning, just the tip was allowed to get in contact with her hot and wet flesh. But slowly she let it glide into her, inch by inch. I saw it in her face, that it was really big for her and that not only passion was written on her face. One third of it was in her, when she turned it on. I could see her lower body softly shaking. She tried to take every thrust. Her eyes were closed and she was breathing hard. I noticed that. I was a voyeur now. Bad Mulder, bad. Slowly the vibrator moved in and out, just this magical one third of it. Was she not able to take more or didn't she want to put it in all the way? She would be tight and tiny, I imagined that, but that tight? And than she came, with one magical wave. She spasmed! I could see it clearly. I really would have done anything to be the vibrator, to be inside her. I wanted to hold her tight afterwards, to kiss her and cuddle till morning. But I could not let her win this game. From: Mr.Spooky@hotmail.com To: Madame_Spooky@yahoo.com DD: n/a Did you come satisfactory? It looked like that to me. You came hard Dana. I liked it. So, you liked this present didn't you? From: Madame_Spooky@yahoo.com To: Mr.Spooky@hotmail.com DD: No NO! I didn't like it. I hate using a vibrator. Why haven't you told me that you want me? That I attract you? Using a vibrator is boring especially if it's the only climax you get for years on end. This was the reason I went out with Max. I was out with him just once, slept with him just once. I've waited for you for years and I just couldn't stand it any more. I needed release and Max was there. You weren't! But I couldn't do more to him, not even give him a blowjob. I had saved all those things for you Fox, just for you. I don't want to watch the video or know what you want to tell me with this pregnancy test. My penis was now only semi-erect and I could stand, watching her like this for ages but my heart was broken and she knew that. From: Mr.Spooky@hotmail.com To: Madame_Spooky@yahoo.com DD: n/a Just leave me alone. From: Madame_Spooky@yahoo.com To: Mr.Spooky@hotmail.com DD: Re: n/a I will leave you as soon as my things are packed. Leave you forever. I will not look back. "Nullum est iam dictum, quod non sit dictum prius" [There is no word which hasn't been said before] Dana She closed the curtains and shut down her laptop. ***** Part 4/? ***** I had closed my curtains. I couldn't stand it anymore. I was tired; no sleep the entire night, and now that? The present was more than personal and I knew I really had done what he wanted to see me do - I fucked myself with a vibrator! A vibrator he had bought for me. Stupid, yes I...am I? 'Dana what are you doing?' I asked myself loudly. "You are a woman who doesn't have to know all the secrets of his life. If he doesn't want to tell you in person, you have no business poking your nose where it doesn't belong! Get your things packed and leave him." So I did. I packed my things and checked out. I looked back only once afraid of loosing the last sense of my life - Mulder. He was all I had beside my mom and my siblings. I had no friends except Sarah and Max. Max a friend? Hell no! He wasn't a friend - an ex-lover from long ago would be a better definition. I was sitting in my Taurus and looking back, back to the motel and back to Mulder. Mulder, the only man I would have done everything for, given my life for him. He was the only one I ever really trusted and now? Now he was somewhere near me only teasing me, but it wasn't this sweet teasing he often did before, no it was a torture. What have I done? * * * * Scully's Apartment 4 pm I was sitting on my couch just in my pajamas. I missed him just after only a couple of days. I was sitting there watching my phone, hoping that he would call. But why should he? He left me alone, wanted me to be alone, forever! Why does things like this always happen to me? I love him and I have told him that several times. Yet, now he was gone. Perhaps he might still even be in Grand Rapids where I had left him. It wasn't right the parts of me I showed him hadn't been me. He was the one who asked for it, and he got it, but that wasn't me. Not the Dana he had liked. The phone was ringing. "Scully." I said in my FBI voice, not knowing who it was. "Dana honey, where have you been?" "Grand Rapids, class reunion, didn't I tell you I was going?" "No you didn't. What Dana...what's the matter? I am your mother, Dana, and I feel there is something wrong. Is there something wrong with Fox?" she asked me and I noticed that her voice was trembling. "Please...can we skip this right now? I am not in the mood to discuss it." "Dana you can't get over what ever is troubling you if you don't talk about it. You know he came over here, kissed me on the cheek and left all your things here. It looked like some the FBI stuff and some private things. I stored them in your old room. Dana why? He just told me that you would know why..." "Yes. I know why but I just don't understand..." - I sobbed. "Tell me darling, tell Mom what happened." I couldn't resist, I would have to tell somebody what had happened in the hotel, the present and the emails. But my mother? "Dana?" "Sorry I was only thinking...well the short version is, Mom, that we have had a huge fight. I didn't even know what was going on until it was too late to stop. I wasn't prepared for it and he left the FBI and me forever. And it is all my fault!" "And the long version honey?" "Mom...I am not sure if I can tell you the long one." "Dana..." she said harshly "spit it out or I will come over and make you..." "He thought that I was dating Max regularly and got jealous and stuff like that. I met him in his apartment and he gave me a wonderful pale pink scarf...but than something changed, He started calling me names and I left. I cried all night long." "Dana...oh my god...I mean I am really sorry." "That's not the end of the story Mom. I headed to Grand Rapids and checked in a small hotel, the one with the green lights - you remember? Well he left me a gift there, not as gorgeous as the scarf - just an old shirt of mine and a photo and a few other things. Mom...I couldn't..." I started to cry, everything was coming up now. The shock about the present and the realization of how much I care about him. What if something would happen to him now? "Dana...I am not sure what happened but you sound pretty bad to me...you should take some days off to clear your head." "I have tons of free days left...maybe...maybe it will help me to find a way to cope with my loss...my life without Mulder." "You miss him a lot, don't you?" "I am not only missing him...I can't live without him...Mom...it's harder than I ever thought..." "You really love him Dana, I always knew that." "Yeah I do Momma with every peace of my heart and my soul." "Tell him darling, tell him how you feel." "I can't." I said whipping the tears away with the palm of my hand. "I tried but he wouldn't listen to me. He totally ignored anything I said. "Try it again Dana...he will listen to you...take some days off, head to Saint Thomas...you always wanted to go to the Virgin Islands." "I will, I swear." "By the way what's this about Max?" "Nothing that's the matter we spent one night together, Mulder found out, and that's the reason why he left me." "Dana I don't want to say this but you are a fool." "Nice to hear it once out of your mouth, normally I only calm myself one." "Okay Dana, I have to leave you now, Charlie is at the door. If you wanna talk to me again, feel free to come over." "Thanks Mum." "You are welcome" "Bye." I said and closed the line. Vacation - why not? I have to clear my head and try to think about a solution. I phoned Skinner to tell him that I need a week off without giving a reason and he didn't ask me why. He just told me that I should call if I need something and that he would always be there for me. What the hell was going on? Why does everybody know about what is happening? Sarah! No not his secretary. It was just 7 pm. "Check your Email Dana, take a hot bath and go to bed early. Book a flight first." I phoned the airport and asked if there were any flights available to the Virgin Islands. They told me that there was a plane leaving the next morning at 8am. I booked the flight. I had a plenty of time to do what ever I want and to pack my things. I sat down at my desk, opened my laptop and opened my email. I waited till everything downloaded. 'This is slow today. Thirty-two emails! Wow!' I slowly let the curser glide over the email addresses to check the senders. There were two by the Gunmen, one each from Bill, Max and Charlie and then...there were some from Mulder. 'Should I open it? No...hell this is torture!' From: Mr.Spooky@hotmail.com To: Madame_Spooky@yahoo.com DD: You My dear Dana, I hope this finds you well. I know that my way of letting you know what I was feeling wasn't the best and I am not proud of it, but Dana it can't go on like this. When you did...you know what I mean Dana, well, it aroused me. I close my eyes and all I see is you at that moment. I told myself that I should be ashamed of how I acted and how I tortured you. Please forgive me. Yours, Mulder Hell, what was this about? I re-read it three times and it didn't change my first opinion. He has to be drunk or drugged. I couldn't believe these words. They couldn't be true! From: Madame_Spooky@yahoo.com To: Mr.Spooky@hotmail.com DD: Re: You What's on your mind Mulder? I thought you wouldn't regret what you did. You never seemed to regret anything in all those years we've been together. I just want to let you know that I am going on vacation. I need to get away from this life if only for a couple of days. DKS That was enough for him to know. He didn't need to know everything. It's my life and not his. It was his decision to leave me so that's it. Go to bed Dana and have nice dreams. I was actually looking forward to some time off. In the past, I've always missed Mulder after even just one day Friday nights without him were lousy but very rare. A weekend alone was an eternity. He was always around. Now my life felt empty. "You are old enough to make your own decisions Dana." An inner voice told me. I headed to my bookshelf and grabbed a book Mulder gave me on my last birthday. He hadn't forgotten it, like I thought he had. It was an Irish one by Frank McCourt. I had never heard about this writer before but Mulder told me that he was great. I haven't had a lot of time to read anything except reports and case files during the last few weeks. I grabbed it, got the dust from it with my hand and headed to my bed. It wasn't late enough to sleep, so reading would be fine. My eyes flowed over the picture on the cover of a poorly dressed little boy with restless eyes standing alone. The title? - "Angela's Ashes" - never heard of it. "Just start reading Dana". I sat down on the edge of the bed, pulled the covers and sheets down, crushed the pillow to the other side of the bed and lay down on my belly. I could only read this way when I was reading in bed. I put all the lights off, apart from the one on the nightstand. Slowly I opened the hard cover book and looked inside. I hadn't ever looked inside before. I had gotten it, was happy that he hadn't forgotten and put it on the bookshelf. But there was a note inside - I hadn't expected one, not from Mulder! "To Dana... 'Oh Mulder you tried to write legibly for me...cute' [...] I resign myself to you also...I guess what you mean, I behold from the beach your crooked inviting fingers, I believe you refuse to go back without feeling of me; We must have a turn together... I undress...hurry me out of sight of the land Cushion me soft...rock me in billowy drowse, Dash me with amorous wet...I can repay you. [...] I will always be at your side, Fox" "Shit" I said loud. "Why haven't I read this book before, at least had a look in it...oh god Mulder!" I was on the edge to starting crying. It couldn't have happened to me. He gave me a hint, a very erotic hint, and I didn't get it because I am a lousy partner. Dana you are lousy, you are lousier than you ever thought. And you call yourself a good friend to him. You hadn't even bothered to take a look into his birthday present. Dana you should really be ashamed. I got out of the bed and went to the bathroom to wash away my tears. Tears I should have cried before, long before this day came - before I hurt him and he hurt me back. Before pain leads us into trouble. Tell him Dana! Tell him that you read it! But how? I don't have his new cell number. He never gave me the new one and it's my fault that he had cancelled the old one. Dana hurry! Before it is too late! I went to my laptop and got into the email program, connected it to the internet and now I would have to get the right words into the right order. From: Madame_Spooky@yahoo.com To: Mr.Spooky@hotmail.com DD: ----- Fox, I can't go on like this either. I am leaving for the Virgin Islands tomorrow morning, just for a couple of days. I would be pleased if we could have a talk afterwards. We need to talk. We both know that it will never end if we don't talk. Call me in a week, you have my number. I will always love you! Dana I sent it away and went back to bed. * * * * * The sun was shining brightly and I was sitting in the sand, letting the sea play with my toes. The sea was warm and, my eyes were closed trying to relax and forget. It was the first time in ages that I was able to unwind unhindered by Mulder distracting me. Yet, I yearned to be in his arms. When he hugged me, I was always able to relax. Everything else always seamed unimportant when I was in his arms. My bikini hugged all my curves perfectly. I have had the same bikini since I was 20. I bought it ages ago and haven't had the time to wear it since I joined Mulder. I haven't taken a summer sea break since we began working together - I couldn't. I lay back in the sand, my arms under my head, eyes still closed letting my mind wander. Mulder and I never had sex, but we shared more intimate things. Mulder had never hidden anything for me. All his bank statements were lying around openly when I came over. I've cried in front of him and he had cried to me. We had even once shared a toothbrush! We had discussed whom we had voted for on every election since the beginning of our partnership. We had keys to each other's apartment. What more did we want? Sex would just be the final result. I have washed his clothes with mine more than once. He had cared more than once for me when I was ill, played my doctor part in front of my mom. I had never kicked him out of the bathroom when I did my makeup. Aren't these things intimate too? Slowly I was humming the melody of the most touchy song I had ever heard from an album Mulder had given me at Christmas a couple of years ago... I was alone at this white sand beach, nobody around... Lookin' out on the morning rain I used to feel so uninspired And when I knew I had to face Another day Oh it made me feel to tired Before the day I met you Life was so unkind But you're the key to my peace of mind 'Cause you make me feel You make me feel You make me feel Like a natural woman When my soul was in the lost and found You came along to claim it And didn't know just what was wrong with me Oh till your kiss helped me name it Now I'm no longer doubtful Of what I am livin' for 'Cause you make me feel You make me feel You make me feel Like a natural woman Oh baby what you've done to me You make me feel so good inside And I, I just wanna be close to you Because you make me feel so alive Oh what you've done to me Close to you because you make me feel so alive Mulder our life together never seemed to be easy. Very seldom did we have a week in which one of us didn't come into contact with death. I always worried a lot about you, always did from day one and 24/7. I stepped out of sand, took my towel and headed back to my small bungalow. I was thinking too much about what would happen, between him and me when I went back. * * * * * The three days since I left Washington DC have been wonderful. I got a light tan, not red this time and I felt good. The first time since...I don't know when, I was able to relax and comfort myself a bit better than I would have been able to at home. When I went to bed at night read "Angela's Ashes". It was an awfully sad story about a little boy going with his family, mother, father and 3 siblings, back to Ireland from the States. Frank, the writer, was just 5. The family was poor and nobody wanted to help them. The father was a drinker and spent all his money the day he got it in the pub. His mother was on the edge of going crazy. Some of the kids died because of the horrible hygiene and all the diseases you get because of bad water - but she kept bearing new ones. The book was so sad that I started to cry when Frank described the first day at school. No shoes or books available because they had no money. The house they had...one toilet for the whole street and from autumn till spring, water flooded the base floor. It was a sad life and as Frank got older, he had to take care of his brothers and sisters because the mother wasn't able to anymore and his father left for work in England and never sent a penny to support his family. * * * * * It was a hot night but I fell asleep quite quickly, just like the other nights I spent here. I felt a hand on my shoulder, softly making circles. Another hand was tenderly stroking my back. 'Thanks'...my dream again... I felt the hand on my back moving down to my buttocks and slowly moving up under my silky nightgown. 'Oh god yes.' I felt hot breath against my neck and cuddled against the body next to me. It felt so good and right. Spooning against each other, I drifted deeper into the world of dreams, just remembering the one hand under my pillow and the other rested softly around my hip, my palm on my lower abandon. * * * * * I cold feel something on my belly in the morning. To afraid to open my eyes, I let my hand glide down my body, from my neck to my...hell now I also felt warm thick hair tickling my chin. What was going on? 'Open your eyes girl, open them but I couldn't. But when a hand, and it was not mine, glided between my legs I was sure that I was still asleep, deep in the world of dreams. Absolutely touched and blushed by the man's touch, my arousal started to become unbearable. I let a small moan escape my mouth. I couldn't help moaning again, as a finger glided into me. I didn't want to open my eyes to see the person that tortured me in such a sweet way. 'Keep dreaming Dana...nobody has ever done this to you.' It felt so right. Torturing me was easy but this sweet and delicate way was something new, even for me. Most men were just fixed on fucking meant bringing themselves to orgasm * * * * * "Oh Dana..." I suddenly opened my eyes and finally saw the man I lay on. All I could see was a muscular male, hairy chest. I was afraid to look up. His hands rested on my back, making small circles, and my nightgown was gone. My naked body was pressed against his. I was aroused, I could feel it and he... 'Holy shit Dana, what have you done?' I gave myself an imaginary kick and decided to look into the face of the man who aroused me like hell. And I looked into the most wonderful hazel eyes I have ever seen. I could read passion in them and I couldn't resist kissing those lips, pressing mine against them. A loud moan escaped when his tongue invaded my mouth. I felt his erection pressing against my inner tights. I broke the kiss and looked at him. I had never expected anybody to be in my bed, but especially him. "How did you found me?" I asked him softly, cuddling my cheek above his heart. "I asked your mom darling." "This was a wonderful idea, but why..." I couldn't finish my sentence when I felt his erection pressing against my wet sex. "Hmm..." was the only thing which escaped. "I couldn't wait a minute longer. I am sorry for everything Dana, for everything." "I hope you are" I joked, giggling. "You have every right to be angry with me Dana, every right. I was selfish and unfair, rough and really a fool." "I noticed...but I let you play this game, so it was also my fault it got this far..." In this moment, he let his erection's head slowly glide into me. He was big, hell he was. 'Can you take him? ' This was the only thing I was thinking of, not if it was right or wrong. Within a minute and without any discussion I was full filled. It was me who grabbed onto him and helped him slide completely into me. I had waited too long to wait a minute longer. And I couldn't resist. He was a big boy and it hurt a bit. I was sure that I would be sore tomorrow. Slowly we rolled over so that he was on top. The morning sun glanced on his sweaty back and he looked down on me, his weight resting on his elbows. "Why did all this happen Dana? I don't know why I got so jealous. I mean...I could have asked you the old fashioned way if you wanted me to go with you to your class re- union..." "You could have Mulder...but I didn't know if you would want to and was afraid to ask." He stared at my naked breasts. Slowly he let his lips glide down, kissing my chest and gradually going in the direction of my erected nipples. I couldn't wait any longer and pushed my breast into his mouth. With this action, he started to move in and out of me very slowly. He had to feel how tight I was around him. The first strokes were hard for me and it was hard not to cry out loud. He was so big that I was sure he started to re- arrange my inner organs. Every thrust got him deeper into me, and my heart raced faster and faster. I wasn't able to stay still any longer. I start moaning loudly and moving with him trying to meet every thrust. My fingers tangled in the thin linen of the bedclothes and my head rested on a small pillow between his hands. He drove me absolutely crazy. "Dana...you...are...mine" he said before he climaxed, and took me with him. He was everything I could ask for in a lover, waiting for me before coming. After coming down for his high, he stayed inside me and looked down into my eyes. His were incredible, almost black, his cheeks we rosy and his lips deep red from kissing me. "I am yours Mulder" "You are so beautiful when you come Dana, I never imagined." "Mulder, you have to swear one thing to me..." "Okay..." He said and smiled at me. "Please never be jealous again. It was more than unfair just to leave me without giving me a chance to explain." "Dana I know, I really know and I am more than sorry for what a fool I have been. I would understand if you couldn't excuse it." "Mulder I understand that you've been jealous but why haven't you tried to talk to me...you know the old fashioned way - face to face." "I couldn't hon." he said and brushed some hair out of my face "You don't want to know how I would have reacted if you would have told me face to face that you sleep with this guy." "Max...Mulder I slept once with him and regretted it immediately. I was feeling lonely, unloved and unfulfilled. It had been forever since I felt like a woman and I couldn't stand it one more day. I felt like I used him because I knew I couldn't give him what he wanted from me. Every little naughty thought I had was reserved for you...and only for you. Yet I thought you didn't want me" "I'm sorry. I've wanted you and only you for years. I guess I was just afraid to act on it." "I'm glad you did now!" "You are so sweet Dana." "Thanks." Hell, he was a wonderful man. No man had ever filled me like that, never made me feel more like a woman, never made me feel more alive than him. He was the most important person in my life, more important than my belief in god and the holy church. I couldn't have lived without him a week longer. "What are you thinking Mulder?" I asked him shyly. "I am thinking about what we could do with the stuff I sent to you...you know in the red box. Do you still have it all?" "Yes, Mulder. I have the vibrator at home with the rest of that stuff. The only thing I have threw away was the video tape after I watched it." "You've watched it? Holy shit!" I really never watched it, why should I have? But making him believe I did was a good way to see how far I can trust him, and how far he trusts me. I moved my lips close to his and was able to look straight into his marvelous eyes. "Make love to me again Mulder." I said slowly, shyly and with a deep voice. He was still inside me and hard again. I thought that I could feel the blood pulsating in his hard cock. We rolled over, me on top now. It was an unexpected move for me being on top. I never enjoyed this particular position before. But Mulder grabbed my hips and helped me get the right rhythm that would bring pleasure to us both. My right hand rested on his shoulder, just giving me enough support so that I wouldn't fall. I began to ride him faster and with more passion and I felt my inner walls tighten around his enormous dick. I cried out his name loudly. Perhaps the whole island knew now that I fucking him. But this wasn't fucking; it was really making love to each other. We were passionate at work and now we were also passionate in bed. Mulder came shortly after me, his hands kneading my breasts, torturing me a bit. We rolled over and he pulled out of me as he looked at me. "Scully?" he asked me. I just nodded in response. "Marry me and I will never be jealous again!" he said softly. "You only want to marry me because you don't want me to flirt with other guys don't you?" I tried to joke till I noticed that he was serious. "You really mean...?" I asked in shock. "Yes Scully and not only because I don't like your way to get information out of men...t I don't want to wake up alone anymore...and I never want to sleep on the couch anymore. A bed is much more comfortable and my sweet pillow is better than every bought one." He said and licked the spot behind my ear. "You are really serious?" I asked again, just to be sure. "Yes Dana Katherine Scully - I asked you to marry me." "Isn't all that a bit to fast? I mean you just decided not to kick me out of your life. Some days ago you made me act like a stupid slut and now you want all of me." "You want to think about it? Take all the time you need and then say yes..." He said sarcastically. " I have waited many years to be able to love you, so I can wait..." "Shut up Mulder! Of course, I will marry you. But lets wait until we are back in our normal lives again. We have a lot of talking and planning to do. I don't think we should make it public for a while. And don't tell anyone before you talk to me first. I'd hate it if somebody knows more than I do...like Sarah did!" "Good old Sarah -she's a cutie...but not as sweet as you are darling. We will wait as you suggest. But not for too long." "I love you Dana." "I love you too Fox." ****** E N D ****** *NEW* NEW*NEW* www.eves-paradise.de.vu AIM: mary_eve_parker@yahoo.com YIM: mary_eve_parker