From: Para8Dice@aol.com
Date: Fri, 5 May 2000 17:44:26 EDT
Subject: Still Breathing:  Part 1
Source: direct

Disclaimer:  I do not own the characters Mulder, Scully, or Melissa Scully.  
They belong to Chris Carter, Fox, and 1013 Productions.  They are not mine.  
Title:  Still Breathing

Rating:  NC-17

Spoilers:  One Breath

Keywords:  Mulder/Scully Romance, Mulder/Scully/Melissa Friendship

Summary:  Read my Breathe Again (Revised) if you want to know the first part 
of this.  Shortly after One Breath, Mulder and Scully are together, and 
Melissa Scully shows up at Scully's apartment, in desperation and fear.  

Website:  
http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Omega/7071/Index.html

E-mail:  Para8Dice@AOL.Com

Author:  Paradise
_______________________________________________________

Dana Scully's Apartment
1:13 AM

There was a knock on the door.

Mulder sat up and looked at the dark room.  Was he hearing it right?  Scully 
was so tired, she was still fast asleep.  They'd had an eventful night.  
Mulder put on some boxers and headed for the door.  

"Melissa!"
    
"Fo-Mulder, oh my God," she collapsed in his arms.  

Mulder put his arms tenderly around her.  Her face was bruised and her lips 
were bleeding.  Scully came out slowly.  Mulder cupped Melissa's face.

"Melissa, you all right?"

"You spent the night here?"

"Well, yeah.  I guess you could say I took your advice. Good God Melissa, 
what's wrong?  What happened to you?"

Melissa shivered.  She fell into his arms again.  

"Missy," Dana said.

Dana came through and held Melissa.  

"Jesus, Melissa.  You're bleeding.  What happened?  Who did this to you?"

"I don't know who did this to me.  I was...I was raped." 

She started breathing heavily in and out.  Dana pushed her sister down.  Her 
legs were still standing, but Dana pushed Melissa's head down.

"Just breathe deep.  It's gonna be okay."

"Should I call 911, Scully?"

"No Mulder.  Not yet.  I'm going to take her to the hospital in a few 
minutes.  Help me."

"How?"

"Get me a warm wash cloth so I can wipe the blood off of her face.  Wait, 
never mind.  Don't do that, they may remove some evidence.  Get Melissa some 
water.  Warm tap water."

Melissa grabbed Dana.  "I tried, I tried to stop him.  He wouldn't listen, I 
had no choice and you always told me I should just walk away and I didn't 
and..." she broke down in tears.

Dana pulled Melissa's head towards her shoulder.  "Shhh.  Don't say any more."

Mulder scooped Melissa up for she was weakening to the floor, and he carried 
her to the couch, Scully right beside them.   

"Mulder," Scully said, "Would you get the trash can?"

"Sure."  

Scully sure was right, for as soon as Mulder brought over the trash can, 
Melissa threw up.  Dr. Dana Scully was doing all the right things.  

"Your clothes are torn.  Mulder, go get her some clothes that she can change 
into later."

"Dana, please, just let me take a shower and-"

"No honey.  I can't let you do that.  We need all the evidence we can get.  
The sooner we get you to the hospital, the sooner you'll be clean.  As a 
woman, I understand, but I'm telling you as a doctor what you need to do."

"You're right," Melissa breathed.

"It's all right.  Now I want you to tell me if you want to."

"I want to tell you, but I have to tell my friend who can help me see why-"

"Yeah well, right now you're going to tell me if anyone.  Now, do you mind if 
Mulder hears?"

"I don't give a good goddamn sis.  I was just out walking, you know how I 
walk at night, and these two guys came by..."
_______________________________________________________

Three Hours Earlier

Melissa walked down the street and they spotted her.  She was walking behind 
some restaurant, and they grabbed her.  

"Whaaaaa," she squealed as they backed her up against a wall.

They stuffed a sponge in her mouth to shut her up.  There were three guys.  
Melissa's eyes feared the worst, and wasn't even sure what the worst could 
be.  

"Shut up, bitch."

Melissa kneed the one closest to her in the groin, and he moaned.  The second 
guy grabbed her throat and punched her face.  She screamed and fell back 
against the trash cans.  The three guys ran and held each of her arms down, 
and stuffed the sponge back into her mouth.  She spit it out.

"You assholes.  Let me go.  Please-"

"Shut up!"

They ripped open her shirt, revealing her covered breasts.  Melissa felt her 
body shrinking, and the bile rising in her throat.  One guy straddled her as 
the others held her down, a knife at her throat.  He began exploring her 
body.  He roughly removed the bra and took a nipple into his mouth.  She felt 
absolutely nothing except revulsion, and turned her head for watching was too 
much to bare.

Suddenly, she freed an arm from the strength she had and threw the knife as 
far as she could.  Before she could attempt to move the guy on top of her, 
the other's held her down.  The guy straddling her punched her mouth so hard 
it bled.

"Son of a bitch," she said.

Melissa hated it that she was so afraid.  The guy on her left grabbed her 
hair and held her in place, as the guy above her cupped her jaw cruely and 
cursed at her. He then ripped her zipper and pulled her pants down.  

"Interesting fashion statement, whore."

"Fuuuucccck you," she replied.  

He jammed himself deep inside of her, and she didn't scream but it hurt like 
hell.  She was completely dry from fear and he liked it that way.  He 
thrusted in and out of her, making noises like a pig and sweating.  She would 
definitely throw up if she didn't concentrate on something besides the pain 
and violation.  

His face.

She couldn't see his eyes.  They were closed while he thrusted.  His hair 
wasn't blonde, but other than that, she couldn't think of what exact color it 
was.  The only thing she had was it looked like for three days he'd forgotten 
to shave.  She couldn't tell how tall he was.  Dammit.  

Finally, he finished, and he pulled himself roughly out of her, and she 
moaned in pain.  She felt a release on her arms, and tears sliding down her 
cheeks.  She massaged her bruised wrists and tried to cover her breasts.  She 
closed her eyes in fear and then another guy was on top of her, thrusting 
inside.  She screamed and he pushed his hand against her mouth.  She bit it 
as hard as she could, and he slapped her.  

Remember his face, she thought to herself.  

Wait a minute, this guy was familiar.  She knew him.  Did he know her?  Was 
it her imagination?  No, this was a guy from school.  She knew him.  The son 
of a bitch.

"Hey!"

"Shut up, you cunt."

She didn't have to remember his ugly face, she knew it by heart.  He thrusted 
in and out and she tried to move with him to ease the pain, and he took that 
as arousal.

"See, you're all the same," he said to her.

"Oh you're wrong.  You...think...this...is enjoyable you fucking bastard."

"It's not," he teased, playing with her nipples.  

He got off of her, and again she moaned, praying they'd stop, but the third 
guy straddled her.  She braced herself for his embrace, but he didn't insert 
himself.  
"Get off!"

"No, I think I'm going to try something different."

And with that, he got off of her, and turned her over.  
"Oh NO!  Please, don't!"

She knew fully what he intended...
_______________________________________________________

2:47 AM

"...and, and then, and then he hurt me.  He used me.  I can't...I can't...I 
feel..." she cried.

"Shhh, Missy.  You did all you could.  Here, listen to me.  You did 
everything right.  I know what it's like to have a piece of your life taken 
from you.  A large piece.  You lose respect for yourself and all you know, 
but the pain does...it does ease."

"You don't understand, Dana.  I watched him-I mean I was feeling it but I was 
watching it.  You at least don't remember you're abduction, and that's your 
mind's way of protecting yourself, but watching them...that was the worst 
part.  I mean, why was he making noises like a sick cow?  He was dripping 
sweat on me, and I watched him go in and out.  It hurt so bad because-"

"You weren't lubricated.  I know Missy."

"Where was God?  Was this okay with God?"

"Of course not, and we're going to find the bastards.  It's all right now.  
No one can hurt you."

Mulder finally stepped back in the room.  He'd heard it all, and couldn't 
have felt worse.  Rapists gave men such a bad name.  He came in slowly, and 
saw Scully had tears rolling down her face too as she rocked her sister back 
and forth.  

"Missy, I should call, Mom.  Then we need to go to the hospital."  

"I hate hospitals, Dana, I'm not going."

"I'm not going to argue with you dear.  You're going.  You might have a rib 
broken, or internal bleeding, or an organ might be damaged.  Not to mention 
pregnancy or disease."

"Oh God, Dana."

"Shhh, it's gonna be okay.  Whatever happens."

Melissa shook her head and cried, but Dana cupped her face and forced her to 
look at her.  

"You see that man there," she said looking at Mulder.  "He saved me.  Over 
and over.  And you helped us come together and be a team in more ways than 
one, and realize how deeply connected in every way.  He's always been there 
for me, and the two of us are gonna be there for you."

Mulder came over and sat down next to Melissa.  Neither Melissa or Mulder 
wanted to tell Dana about their past. There wasn't really a point.  Mulder 
had comforted Melissa, as she had him.  He took her into his arms helped her 
up off the couch.

"Noooo."

"Melissa, your sister's right.  We'll be right there the whole time."

"That's what I'm afraid of."

"Then we'll take a hike," Mulder attempted.

"I don't know."

"Mulder, let me bring the car around, you stay with her.  Melissa, if anyone 
so much as looks at you, tell me, and uh...I'll kill em."

Melissa chuckled a little.  Scully ran out the door, and Mulder held Melissa. 
 She sniffed.  He turned her towards him.  

"You're sister made it, and so will you.  I haven't seen you since she 
survived, and I wanted to thank you."

"Yeah," she whispered.  "I noticed you were in your boxer shorts when I came 
in.  Details later, if I'm ever interested in hearing about sex again."
_______________________________________________________

Washington Hospital Center
4:14 AM

"Mom?"

"Dana, what's wrong?"

"Missy's had some problems and uh, she's in the hospital."

"Oh my, is she gonna be okay?  What happened?"

"She's gonna be okay.  She's been attacked."

"What do you mean attacked?"

"Mom, she's...she's been brutally raped."

"Then she couldn't be okay.  Tell her I'll be right there."

Before Dana could reply, Margaret had hung up the phone.

XxX

Medical Examination Notes

Patient Name:  Melissa Scully
Patient is a 33 year old white female, (occupation: Physic) who presents to 
the Emergency Room with a chief complaint of sexual assault.

Medical History:  Patient claims to have had no significant prior medical 
history.  Patient is not currently taking any medications and denies any drug 
allergies other than Zyprexa and Codine, which she claims to have not taken 
in two years.  

Gynecological history:  Patient states that last PAP smear was performed 
seven months ago was normal.  Patient is not currently sexually active and is 
not using any contraceptives.  Patient states that menstral cycle is normal.  
Last mentral period is reported to have happened twenty days ago.  

Patient states that the assailant did not use lubricant or a condom.

Physical Exam:  
Patient was draped with a sterile sheet and entire body was examined for 
abrasions, bruises, swelling, and lacerations.  Report shows a mild 
lacerations against her throat, bruises around her eyes, and her mouth 
swollen with extreme bruising.  Bruises were also present on her arms, 
wrists, breasts, and on her inner thighs.  Patient stated that there was no 
fellatio however, there was anal intercourse.  There was extreme tearing 
around the anus, but there was no internal bleeding or permanent internal 
tearing.

Pelvic Exam:  
Gynecological examination was performed as per rape kit.  There was 
significant tearing and bruising around and in the vagina, and that there was 
definite forceful penetration.  Large amounts of semen were noticed on her 
inner thighs, and they were bagged, labeled, and sent to the forensic 
laboratory.  

Laboratory specimens were obtained according to standard procedure as follows:

For forensic laboratory:
Hair specimens (pubic) pulled from the root
No saliva obtained
Clothing was bagged and turned over to the Police Department
Fingernail scrapings

Patient received a high dose estrogen pill, (morning after pill) administered 
by physician.

The patient is recommended to procede in taking tests for STDs, and follow up 
pregnancy.  
_______________________________________________________

Washington Hospital
8:13 AM

Scully and Mulder had slept outside Melissa's room.  Dana awoke at the foot 
steps of her mother.  She stood up as her mother rushed into her arms.

"Where is she?  Where's my daughter?"

"Mom, it's all right-"

"No it's not.  My little girl.  Have you found who did it?"

"Oh...Mom," she exhaled feeling guilty.

"What?"

"There were three men."

"Three," her mother asked amazed.

"Yes.  She needs your support no matter what choices she makes."

"What do you mean, choices?"

"Just stand by her."

"Of course I will.  I love her.  She's my child.  I will fight for her until 
the day I die.  Which isn't going to be for a long time.  Is this her room?"

Dana scratched the back of her head.  

"Yeah Mom."

Margaret Scully was frightened.  Never the less, she opened the door, and saw 
her daughter sleeping.  Her face was bruised.  There was swelling and gashes. 
 She looked pale.  Margaret felt tears falling down her face as she walked 
closer to her daughter.  She touched her hand to her daughter's, and Melissa 
awoke.

"Hi Mom," she said chastely.

"Hi honey.  How do you feel?"

"Weird."

"I love you."

"I love you too.  And I'm sorry."

"Don't you EVER say that!"

Melissa's eyes widened.  "What?"

Margaret shook as she kissed her daughter's cheek.  

"Sweety, this had nothing to do with you.  This was not your fault.  Don't 
you ever think it was your fault.  Not today, not tomorrow, not ever.  I love 
you too much to let you think it was your fault."

Melissa smiled slightly.  "Thanks Mom."

"Don't thank me angel, it's the truth."

XxX

"Mulder," Scully whispered.

Mulder awoke and looked at Scully.  

"Is Melissa all right?"

"Right now she is."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean Mulder that she had her period twenty days ago. She could easily be 
pregnant."

"There are three options."

"Yeah, and they all suck.  Goddamn those bastards."

"Hey, we don't know she's pregnant."

"So that makes them better?"

"No, in fact, I'm going to go investigate."

Mulder stood up and Scully grabbed his arm.

"Where you going?"

"The police station."

"Be careful."

"I will, Scully."
_______________________________________________________

Hospital
Five Hours Later

Margaret, Dana, and Melissa all sat talking.  Talking about what had happened.

"Missy," Maggie said, "I know we've grown apart and that I'm your old 
fashioned Mom, but I'm so grateful you feel comfortable telling me the truth 
about what happened.  I love you so."

She took her daughter's hands.  "My two favorite things in the world."

Margaret looked at Melissa's wrists.  "The bruises will heal, and so will 
your heart."

Just then, there was a knock on the door.  Mulder came in carefully.  Scully 
knew there was something wrong.  She stood up and walked over to Mulder.

"Mulder," Melissa said.  "What?  What is it?"

"They found three men last night, murdered.  They were murdered in self 
defense by the friend of a woman who was being raped by them."

A tear fell down Melissa's cheek.  "How," she said weakly.

"The friend shot them in the leg, shoulder, and then shot them in the heart.  
The woman being raped was so brutalized that neither of the women are going 
to prison.  The woman who shot them says she wanted them to suffer for what 
they did to her friend."

Melissa smacked her lips together, closed her eyes, and two more huge tears 
fell out of her eyes.  

"Missy," Dana asked.  "You okay?"

"I wish I'd gotten to kill them."

"Well, they're gone now, and the best thing you can do is survive, and then 
they'll lose the fight."

"I brought some photos, Melissa," Mulder said.  "Just to make sure they were 
your rapists.  Do you want to see them?"

"Yes."

Mulder slowly brought the photos to her, and Margaret's hand was holding her 
eldest daughter's tightly.  Melissa looked curiously, happy to see them dead, 
and in the light.  She took a good look, and flash backs entered her mind.  

<"Shut up, cunt.">

<"Please, stop, just let me go.  Don't!">

"Melissa?"

Melissa opened her eyes.  "Sorry."

"Why don't you rest a little while.  I'll stay with you.  Your sister and I 
will stay."

"Actually Mom, I think...I think I'd like to be alone."

"May I see the photos," Dana asked Melissa.

"Sure."

Mulder handed Dana the photos.  Dana looked at the second one and her eyes 
widened.  

"I know him.  His name is Danny Gram.  He went to school with us, Missy, do 
you remember?"

"Of course I do," Missy cried.  "He remembered me too. Please Dana, could you 
and Mom just go out to lunch or something?  I just need to be alone."

"Sure.  I'm so sorry."

Margaret kissed her daughter's face and wiped away the tears.  Dana came over 
and hugged her sister lightly, yet firmly.  Mulder, Maggie, and Dana all left 
Melissa alone.  

XxX

Melissa dreamed.  She was lying on a flat table in a tight, white dress.  She 
couldn't open her eyes, but she could hear him.  Her father.  

"Melissa," he said soothingly.  "You are so beautiful. I thought since I've 
been here of all the things I'd say to you, and now you're here.  You're not 
going to stay, but I needed to see you.  I told your sister months ago that 
people say that kids grow up so fast and before you know it it's over.  I 
told your sister I never listened, and I never did.  My life was the length 
of one breath.  But now I know how much I love you, and I'm here to tell you. 
 My daughters couldn't have been more different, but you were never second 
choice.  I loved you like no one else.  You've survived the most horrible 
thing a person can.  Sexual violation.  But you *survived*.  I'm so proud of 
you.  Whatever choice you make, I will stand by you.  Love yourself as you 
have been.  We'll be together someday. I love you."

And with that, he was gone.
_______________________________________________________

Washington D.C. Hospital
Melissa's Scully's Room
5:02 PM

Mulder slowly opened the door, knowing that Mrs. Scully and Scully would be 
back soon.  But he had to talk to her.  She was sleeping.  The bruises were 
even worse, but she was less pale.  He sat down in the chair next to her bed, 
and touched her hand, remembering doing this with Scully.

<"Why's it so much easier for you to run around trying to get even then just 
expressing to her how you feel?  I expect more from you!  DANA expects more!">

She awoke.  "Mulder.  Hi."

"How do you feel."

"Still breathing."

"I'm so sorry it happened to you."

Melissa sighed.  He touched her face, and tenderly caressed the places 
without bruising.  

"When I met you fourteen years ago, you were so full of life.  I'd been empty 
for years and you showed me that I was worth something.  Then I lost you, and 
then I met Scully.  She's my life, and it was you who pointed that out to me."

"I knew you were wasting the love," she said sadly.

"You sound sad."

Melissa shrugged.  

"I listened to you that night, Melissa.  Even though we were drunk, I 
listened.  You told me about the crosses. That you'd both gotten one on 
Christmas.  Scully lost hers, and her mother bought her a new one.  Then she 
found her old one and once again, it was as though she had two of everything 
you had."

"Wow, you do listen."

"She loves you," he said firmly.

"And I love her.  I had a dream.  My father told me I wasn't ever second 
choice and that he loved me.  He told me he would stand by whatever choice I 
made.  Now I know what he was talking about."

"What?"

"I'm pregnant," she whispered.

"You don't know for sure," he said.

"Of course I do.  I'm physic.  I had ovulated.  I know."

Mulder couldn't think of anything to say, but then Dana and Margaret came 
through.  

"Hi, Mulder."

"Uh, hi, Scully."

"Fox, you all right, you look startled."

Melissa patted Mulder's hand.  "This is gonna be known, but I have to tell 
you the truth, and I have to tell you what I'm going to do."

Margaret sat down, a little worried and confused, but Dana pretty much knew 
what was going to happen.  

"Mom, I'm pregnant, and I'm going to have an abortion. Now I know that you-"

"Will stand by you," her mother interrupted.  "I will stand by you with 
whatever choice you make and if that's your choice, that's the right choice.  
Never let anyone make you choices.  Do what's best for you."

Melissa started to cry.  She sniffed and sobbed and her mother ran to her, 
hugging her.

"I know you're scared, and I know this is hard-"

"No, Mom, I just didn't think you'd support me."

"You doubted me," Margaret said a little angry.

"Well, I mean, we're Catholic-"

"Yes we are.  But if it feels right to you, then it's right.  I trust you.  I 
love you.  This is one of the hardest things a woman ever has to do."

Maggie sighed.  "Would you like me to go with you for the procedures?"

"No, Mom, if you don't mind, I'd like Dana to come."

Margaret looked at her baby girl.  Then back at Melissa.

"Those damn bastards-"

"MOM!" Melissa said stunned at her mother's language.

"I'm sorry Missy, but those damn bastards will not win, and you're making 
sure they don't ruin your life.  I am so proud.  And I understand you wanting 
to take Dana.  It's fine."

"Thank you," she lip sank.

Maggie stood up and went over to Dana.  "Honey, can I talk to you outside for 
a moment?"

"Sure Mom."

Margaret and Dana walked outside.  "Mom I-"

"What's wrong?"

"I think it would help Melissa if she went and talked to those two women."

"Which two?"

"The woman who shot the men, and the woman that was attacked.  I think it 
would answer a lot of questions.  And I'd like to go with her."

"So would I," Margaret replied.

"Oh, Mom.  I don't think that'd be the best for her.  I completely understand 
how much you want to but...she's told you so much already, and it's so 
mortifying for her to be in this position, I'm not sure it would make her 
feel comfortable."

"If that woman hadn't killed them, I would've," Margaret replied.

"And I would've been right behind you."

"I will never let anyone hurt my children."

"I know Mom.  And we both love you so much, this isn't about love, it's about 
comfort."

"I understand.  I'm gonna go now, give your sister some space.  You tell her 
that if she needs anything, pick up that phone."

Margaret kissed Dana on the cheek and left the hospital.
_______________________________________________________

Jennifer Stroller's Residence
Two Days Later
3:14 PM

"I don't know if I can do this," Melissa said as Dana walked her up to the 
front of the house hand in hand.

"I know you want to.  Even a physic doesn't know everything sweety."

"You don't even really believe I'm physic."

"As Mulder says, I don't believe in anything.  Do you want to?"

"I have to.  It's not even a question."

Dana rang the door bell.  In a few moments, a woman came out.  Brown hair, 
brown eyes.  She looked beautiful.  She looked kind and good, and although 
Melissa hadn't thought this could be a bad person, it surprised her at how 
homely this woman looked.

"Can I help you?"

"Hello," Dana said.  "I'm Dana Scully, and this is my sister Melissa.  May we 
have a few moments of your time?"

The women looked a little confused, but welcomed them into her house.  

"Have we met?"

"No, but uh...the woman you defending by shooting her rapists, only a few 
hours before had raped my sister."

Dana thought she'd just spit it out.  

"My God.  I am so sorry."

Melissa remained quiet.  Then without a movement on her face, two large beads 
of moisture trailed down her face.  Jennifer walked over to Melissa and 
hugged her.  It shocked Dana, but she handed Melissa a tissue.  

"I'm glad you killed them," Melissa cried.  "I'm glad those digusting pigs 
are gone.  They can't hurt anyone else.  I'm so relieved.  Thank you."

"Oh anytime.  My friend, she was raped in her own house.  They stuffed a 
sweat sock in her throat to shut her up.  They claimed they knew her.  

She paused.

"I walked in and they were forcing themselves on her."

"What did you do?"

"I shot a gun at her lamp and it broke into little pieces.  I knew they'd 
take me seriously.  I shot the one that was raping her in the leg, then the 
shoulder.  I shot the other two immediately.  She was almost dead.  From 
being beaten.  The last one I said a few words to, then eliminated him from 
the planet."

"God bless you," Melissa said.

"God bless you for surviving."

"Where is she now?"

"She's uh...she's in the hospital.  She'll be in there for quite a while.  
Fractured clavical, broken rib, severe bruising.  Thank God she wasn't 
impregnanted or given some disease."

Melissa looked down and her face crumbled.

"Melissa," Jennifer asked.  "What did I say?"

Melissa looked up into Jennifer's eyes.  "I'm pregnant. I'm having an 
abortion the day after tomorrow."

"Oh I'm sorry I brought that up."

"No, Ms. Stroller," Dana said.  "You had no idea.  We don't mean to waste any 
of your time.  My sister just wanted to come to see...you."

"She wanted to meet the person who destroyed the rapists."

"Yeah."

"You're welcome back anytime."
_______________________________________________________

Dana Scully's Apartment
Two Weeks Later
2:14 PM

"Melissa, you haven't said a word."

"I know.  It'll take me awhile to heal.  I need to express my emotions and 
tell someone, but at this point, I just, I..."

Dana had been trying to get her sister to talk forever. Practically a week 
and a half.  

"Tell me.  I'm right here."

"I know."

"That's the only phrase you've used in so long."

She looked over at Dana for the first time since it happened.  

"Why did they have to die," she whispered as if in pain.

This surprised Dana.

"You don't think they deserved to die?"

Melissa sighed.

"Melissa, what is going on inside your mind?  You've been so good about this 
whole thing.  You haven't talked to anyone, you haven't told me or anyone how 
sick those people truly were since the night it happened...you're, you're 
acting like me!"

"What should I say?"

"What you're thinking?"

"What I'm thinking," Melissa asked.  "What I'm THINKING," she asked angry.  
"All right, fine!  I'm thinking that I wish I could've stood up for my 
goddamned self.  I wish that I didn't need you, or Mulder, or Mom, or anyone 
to fucking save me.  I want them alive so I can kill them myself.  Don't you 
see, I want to pull the trigger.  I also want them alive so I can make sure 
they rot in jail.  They got the easy way out, and I wish they hadn't!  I want 
to visit them in jail and tell them what a disgusting fuck they were.  I want 
to tell them that they didn't hurt me at all, or scare me, and that their 
dicks were too damn small to even make any fucking difference!"

Melissa inhaled and placed a hand over her mouth.  Dana hugged her sister as 
silent tears rolled down Melissa's face.  

"If only you'd done that when you were abducted, Dana."

"I should've.  But so should you."

"I don't..." she swallowed her tears.  "I don't want it to be over."

"You wanna pull the fucking trigger, Missy, it's okay. I'd be right behind 
you.  I love you.  You're stronger than them, and that's why you're here and 
they aren't."

Something popped into Melissa's mind.  She sniffed and pulled back to face 
her sister.

"Dana, when you were in a coma, Dad talked to you, didn't he?"

Dana tilted her head slightly in surprise.  "Well, I heard his voice, it 
might just've been my imagination."

"Did he say to you that kids grow up so fast, before you know it it's over, 
and that he felt as though his life had been the length of one breath?"

Dana thought really hard.  It was difficult to remember.

"Yeah Missy.  He did say that.  How did you know?"

"The night before I told you all I was pregnant, he came to me in my dreams, 
and told me what he'd told you.  He told me that he'd stand by me in whatever 
decision I made, and he helped me come to the decision of having the 
abortion."

"It was for the best, Melissa."

"I know," she replied sadly.

Mulder came bursting through the door.  He had red roses and pink roses.

"Mulder!"

"Hey Scully.  Hey Melissa.  Scully, I got red roses because it means we're in 
love, and Melissa, I got pink for you."

Melissa smiled a little but it hurt her.  Didn't Dana always get everything?  
She took the flowers.  Dana climbed up over the couch and kissed him lightly 
on the lips.  

"Thank you.  It's a little obvious though."

"What are you talking about," Mulder asked.

"Well, if anyone saw you-"

"Ah, there's no one in the world besides us.  Who gives a good goddamn?"

Melissa cleared her throat.  "Well, I can tell when it's my cue to go.  Bye 
guys.  Have fun tonight."

"Melissa," Dana said.

"What?"

Dana just rolled her eyes.  Melissa exited the door.  Mulder cupped Scully's 
upper arms and turned her towards him.

"How you holding up?"

"Me?"

"You think I haven't been thinking about your pain?"

"Mulder, I'm not stupid.  I want you to tell me the truth.  When did you 
first meet Melissa?"

Mulder exhaled.  "I met her in England in 1981.  We were drunk, we talked, 
but we didn't have sex."

"Where did you meet her?"

Scully remembered having those phone conversations with Melissa when she was 
in England.  Dammit.  Mulder was at least telling her the truth.

"Did you kiss her?"

Mulder looked away.  "Yeah."

"Oh."

"But never the way I kissed you.  I was drunk, I was lost, but we never 
touched...we never slept together."

"Mulder, it's okay.  It wasn't like, it wasn't like you betrayed me in any 
way."

"You didn't walk out on me."

"She did?"

"Yeah."

"In the morning?"

"Yes."

"But?"

"We both woke up fully clothed.  We just woke up in the same apartment.  
Except she woke up before me and left. I never saw her again until she was 
holding a crystal above you.  I didn't recognize her at first.  She didn't 
remember me either.  But then I remembered being drunk and having a 
conversation with her."

"And what happened?"

"She told me the truth.  That I was in love with you.  That I should tell you 
and stop fearing that I was worthless.  I did and I told you, and it's the 
best thing in my life to have you."

He embraced her then, and she felt so comfortable in his arms.  She trusted 
him.  She believed him.  She was jealous, and now understood Melissa better.  
Melissa was jealous herself, but had told Mulder what he needed to hear.  
Dana was jealous of that too, that Melissa had reached him first.  But, she'd 
reached him about loving *her*.  That counts for something.

"Thank you, Mulder."

"For what?"

"Telling me the truth.  She is your friend as she is my friend, and I don't 
feel threatened by it."

Mulder tenderly gripped her head in his hands, and kissed her mouth slowly.  
She at first returned his incredible kiss, and even felt herself wanting him 
as his hands roamed her back.  He found the buttons to her sweater and tore 
them apart, and kneaded her breasts.  His mouth still consuming her own.

"Mulder," she breathed against his mouth.

"Yeah?"

"Go to her."

"What?"

"Go to her.  I'll be right here when you get back."

"Go to Melissa?"

"Yes," she said pulling back.  "I have faith you'll come back to me, but 
Melissa needs the friend she had in you once, and I can somehow manage to 
share you."

Mulder dropped his hands from her body and sighed.

"Damn, between the two of you!"

"Oh what does that mean?"

"Whenever I'm with one of you, you tell me to go to the other.  You both 
confuse the hell out of me."

"Just go, Mulder."

Mulder made an aggravated face at her, and she motioned him towards the door 
with her hands.  He left.
_______________________________________________________

Melissa Scully's Apartment
3:53 PM

Mulder knocked on Melissa's door.  He had just walked through the pouring 
rain up to her apartment, and he was dripping wet.  He heard footsteps.

A loud thump hit.  Melissa cursed and Mulder smiled a little.  Finally, she 
opened the door.

"Mulder."

"You okay, Melissa?"
    
"Yeah yeah, it's just my head, I fell on it, I do that all the time."

She finished rubbing her head and took a good look at him.  She noticed how 
cold he must be.

"Jesus God Mulder, come in and let me get you a blanket."

She grabbed Mulder and pulled him in.  She pulled off his jacket and hug it 
up, then began to lift his shirt, she stopped immediately though.

"I'm sorry."

"It's all right."

"Let me get you a blanket.  You're gonna die."

She grabbed him a blanket, interesting design.  She already had half her 
apartment lit with candles.  She went into the kitchen, he followed.  She 
fixed some hot chocolate.  

"Mulder, what are you doing here?"

"Just came to see how you were."

"Well, so far I've just decided to sleep with the phone right next to me, all 
the lights in my apartment on, a kitchen knife under my pillow, a tape 
recorder near by in case I need to prove anything, you know, all the normal 
stuff."

"I am so sorry."

"Yeah, me too.  But it's over, they're gone, and I'm here just like I was 
before.  But you're happy, aren't you?  I mean, everything's going great for 
you?"

"Yeah, Scully's just great like she's always been."

"Scully," she mimicked.  "Why the hell do you call her Scully?"

"That's what I started off calling her.  When her father died, I called her 
Dana."

"Well, you can call her Dana now."

"Maybe I will."

"I mean, you call me Melissa and I'm not...never mind."

"Are you okay?"

She sighed.  She turned around so she wasn't facing him, but he grabbed her 
and turned her back.  He looked into her eyes.  He saw Scully in her.  He 
didn't know what exactly to say.

"I just feel so dirty, Mulder."

He nodded.  "I'm sorry."

"That's what everyone says."

"What do you need to hear?"

"I don't know.  I don't know anything.  I just know that for all my morals, 
that was not supposed to happen."

"No it wasn't." 

She yanked free and blinked her tears away.  He wanted to reach out to her 
and hold her, but felt it wasn't appropriate.  

"All right Mulder, I'm gonna tell you something."

Mulder nodded.  "Okay, I wanna hear."

"I'm jealous.  I'm still jealous of my sister.  I wanted you to admit you 
loved her, I wanted this to happen, but I didn't know it was going to make me 
feel this way.  I'm not asking you to return the feelings, I'm not even 
asking that you accept them, because I can't.  I threw you away in 81 because 
I was such a fuck up and now I'm paying the price.  Now I feel dirty and 
abused.  And nothing can change that except time.  So you go back to her.  
I'll be fine."

"I'm here for you.  Because I care."

"I know you do.  But right now I just...I just wanna be quiet.  I want you to 
go home and be with my sister because that's where you belong.  I don't know 
anything right now, but I do know that.  I'm sorry.  I'm so sorry for 
everything."

"Hey, it's okay.  I understand.  And I care for you."

"I know, and I appreciate it but...right now I just, could you please leave?"

"I can't leave without knowing you'll be all right."

"I'll be fine.  I think I'm gonna call my mother.  She's good at just 
watching me sleep."

Mulder embraced her.  She didn't refuse as his warm arms wrapped up around 
her.  It was a large hug that was so comforting.  Although her eyes were 
closed, a tear slid down and onto his shirt.  She began to cry.  He held her 
tighter.  

"It's gonna be okay.  No one's gonna hurt you again."

She pulled back.  "Don't you understand, MULDER!  It's too late.  It's much 
too late for that.  I'm sorry but those guys took myself from ME!  Watching 
them was so horrifying.  I had to pretend I was an actress in some goddamn 
porn movie you'd watch to keep from throwing up."

Mulder didn't even care about the insult.  She inhaled in guilt and shut her 
mouth.  He opened his arms to her and she smacked them away.  He grabbed her 
swiftly in a vice lock embrace.  She just cried.  Moments passed.  The crying 
eased.  She looked up at him.

"I'm going to get drunk, although not since my teens has it been away to 
forget about men."

"Want some company?"

"No, go home to Dana.  She loves you.  I'll see you later."

"What about your mom," he asked.

"I'll call her when I get back."

"How drunk are you planning to get?"

"I hope enough to walk off a cliff."

Before Mulder could catch her, she was out the door, and he was left 
clueless.  He went straight home to Scully, and told her.  She told him that 
Melissa wouldn't hurt herself, she just needed space.
_______________________________________________________

Nathans Restaurant and Bar
4:47 PM

Melissa sat with a glass of chardonnay.  She used to as a rebelling teenager 
have the most exotic drink she could, but since her age of harmonics 
conversions transformation in her late teens and early twenties, she didn't 
feel the need to polute her body anymore.  Of course, sexual assult changes 
all of that.

"Can I buy you a second drink," an attractive young man in his early thirties 
asked her.

She smiled which he took to be flirting.  

"The next man who even flirts with me...goddamn you all.  Did you see the way 
I was looking at my drink??? What if I was an alcoholic?  You would've 
offered me a drink when I was trying to refuse.  You all just flirt with 
whatever you see and it doesn't matter who you hurt.  What if a woman says 
no?  What do you do then?  What if I died tommorrow because you offered me a 
drink-"

"Look, I'm sorry-"

"Don't say you're sorry?  What if you got me so drunk I was throwing up all 
over you and then you took advantage of me and raped me!"

She got up and left, and he was left completely confused.  She walked out the 
back door and embraced the cool air.  

"That probably wasn't a normal way to react," she said aloud to herself.  

She took a deep breath and went back inside.  The poor guy looked like hell.  
He'd lost his self confidence and she knew she was responsible.  Dammit.  How 
come Dana got all the intelligence and calmness of the family?  Melissa 
always just shot off her mouth which was sometimes good, but more often bad.  
She had to be a good person though and apologize.

She walked back over to him.  She sat down quietly.

"I'm sorry," she said full of regret.

He didn't reply right away.  So she did.

"It's not you, it's just that I'm going through the hardest time of my life, 
and my life has never been particularly enjoyable, and I flipped out.  I had 
no right to take it out on you and I'm sorry."

He still didn't reply.  She looked down at her hands.  She took a swig of the 
drink she had left and it burned down her stomach.  She swallowed her tears.

"I'm sorry," she said again.

Melissa turned to leave, but he put a hand on her arm. She pulled back 
momentarily startled, for no man had touched her since them, except Mulder.  
Not Charlie.  Not Bill.  They hadn't even come to see her yet.  Did they even 
know?

"I'm sorry," he said to her, removing his hand from her arm.

"No, no.  You don't understand.  It's not you."  She looked around thinking 
of the right words.  "I was sexually assaulted not too long ago."

"Oh my God, then of course.  I'm so sorry.  God, I'm such an idiot to offer 
you a drink-"

"No, I just, you're gorgeous and I can tell you're smart, and you're 
everything I'd want but I just can't respond right now."

"Hey, I am not asking anything.  I just saw you and couldn't resist.  But I 
understand.  You're welcome to sit back down and I will leave you alone."

Suddenly, a weight was lifted from Melissa.  She smiled at him honestly, but 
it wasn't quite a flirting smile. She sat.  

"So uh, what's your name," she asked him not quite making eye contact.

"Charles."

She looked up at him.  "Hmm," she smiled.  "That's my brother's name.  My 
favorite brother."

"I guess that's good."

"Well, it's not that's he's so incredible, but my other brother's a pig."

"Do they know that..."

"I don't know.  I didn't tell them.  My mother might've.  She likes to 
pretend we're a really close family and I wish in a way we were, but only 
parts of us are close.  Do you know what it's like?"

"Well, my family's weird also, some parts aren't together, some parts are-"

"No no, do you know what it's like to be raped?"

He stared at her for a moment.  "No," he replied.

"I'm glad.  Look, you didn't come here tonight to listen to me talk about my 
problems, I'll let you enjoy your night-"

He stood up this time and stepped in her way.

"But I am here and I'm not sorry I sat down."

She smiled.  Something told her to stay.  So she did.  They talked for hours 
and she didn't even feel the need to get completely drunk.  Maybe a little 
tipsy, but that was all.  Eventually, he took her home.
_______________________________________________________

Melissa Scully's Apartment
9:13 PM

Charles walked Melissa to her door, and just shook hands with her at the end. 
 When she thought he'd leave, he didn't.

"What," she asked him.

"I just want to wait until you're safely inside."

She smiled again.  "Thanks, I'm fine really.  I'll see you sometime soon.  
Thank you."

She turned and walked into her apartment.  The lights were and she smelled 
something wonderful.  Her favorite meal.  Who was here?

"Hello?"

"Welcome home, baby."

Maggie Scully came out smiling and in a cooking apron. She was making 
homemade beef stew.  It smelled wonderful and now Melissa was thankful she 
hadn't had too much to drink so she wasn't nauseous.  She embraced her mother 
warmly, and although her mother was much shorter, she still felt safe in her 
arms.  

They ate dinner and Melissa fell asleep in her bed with her mother lying 
right next to her, reading.  Her mother was willing to leave all the lights 
on all night.  
_______________________________________________________

State Prison

Melissa walked in feeling confident.  Feeling good about the world.  She 
could kick anyone's ass, and was prepared to kick their's.  They ruined a 
part of her life, took her faith, and now, she was going to give them a piece 
of her mind.  The gaurd sat right there.  

There they sat.  The three smug pigs.  She narrowed her eyes in hate as they 
smiled cruely at her.

"What are you looking at," one of them asked.

She just smiled.  "Ass holes," she replied cooly.  "You think you got me 
down, you think you can make me feel pain but you can't.  I won the game and 
you all are gonna spend the rest of your lives in here.  You deserve it.  
Maybe if you're lucky, you'll get to watch two lesbians in here.  Maybe 
you'll have to learn how to fuck each other since you can't rape innocent 
people anymore."

"Wanna bet," one said as he came closer to her.

Melissa moved closer to answer.  "Yeah, I bet.  You can't touch me or anyone 
else."

He smacked her so hard and so fast she didn't even see it coming.  She was 
bleeding.  She looked up at him, and hit him back, matching his blow.  He 
grabbed and began punching, and she screamed.  It was so strange, they were 
raping her again.  

The room began to change back to the place she was in before with them.  As 
she screamed, the guard stared blankly at her.  She looked so strange.  
Melissa tried to cry out but no sound came out of her mouth.  She was seeing 
everything in slow motion, them sweating all over her, thrusting in and out, 
but it was