Everyone is always searching for their perfect love. That is a given and well-known fact. Even the people that say they don't want it are searching for the other half of themselves.
I don't know about anyone else, but that search has always eluded me. I have always felt completely lost and alone. It never mattered how much I tried to pretend, or settle for something other than that perfect moment in time.
The problem with my situation (and everyone else's) is that sometimes we can be absolutely juvenile in the asking. We want a minute in time that extends to an hour, that extends to a day, that turns into a lifetime.
I've always chosen to ignore the things that I see on TV as real. Things just aren't like that. Even if I want them to be that way. I want the happiness and the sadness that comes along with it. I want the tears and the comfort. I want the food fights and simpleness that comes from knowing another person so well, that you even strive to be a better person because of them.
I have never had that. I'm not sure if I ever will.
I don't know how often I've thought that maybe within the next week, or month I'll meet that one person that just makes my mind go all wacky or makes my heart jump with each touch. I've thought I had it in the past…but things are always just another day that turns out to be the end of what I wanted.
I made a list a LONG time ago about what I wanted in another person. Problem is, nothing is really what I want. I have always had a problem figuring out what I wanted. I'm indecisive and I know it.
So often I have wondered why I stay at this in between stage. Snub me if you find fault in the fact that I like both women and men. Deny me if you find fault in the fact that I care about people's souls.
My faults lay in more important categories. I want things that just are not out there. I want another human being that sees things the way that I do.
Is anyone out there? Anyone who can understand this search and what it feels to be me?
Please let me know…